Dealing with arrogant and adamant wife
TroubledSoul
(Querist) 13 January 2014
This query is : Resolved
Hi Experts,
I got married 4 years ago to a girl from relatively rich family. We have 3 year old son. initial 7-8 months her behavior was good but later on her parents changed her completely as they are control freak people. My wife is BDS, running a clinic and I am software professional. Our marriage was arranged. Her nature is very adamant and arrogant & whenever my mother comes to stay with us, she starts fighting and then my mother goes back to our village even I insist to stay with us. As my father passed away 3 years back, I dont want to keep my mother away from me. even sometimes, it became too difficult to deal with my wife, I have slapped her 4 times. Two times she went to police station but did not register a complaint just asked police to threaten me. And police did the same as She goes there and cries and describes myself as a villain. since last one month, I am staying away from her, now She is saying that she is ready to change and can accept my mother and try to live happily for the sake of son. But it has become very difficult for me to trust her now, as if I go back then she may file complaints against me and my mother. so even if I compromise and start staying with her along with my mother, can i take something in written which can safeguard me in case she changes her mind and tries to harass me? and not allowing my mother to stay with me - can this account to mental cruelty against me and can I file for divorce on this basis? The problem is I have lost faith in this relationship and fear that leaving with her can turn risky for me. Please suggest.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 14 January 2014
Yes, you can have some kind of written undertaking from her to give a one last try.
If it fails again then file a case of divorce.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 14 January 2014
You should never expect or even ask for any written undertaking. This can trigger or the worst while the laws are (per-force) pro-woman.
The facts given by you do indicate that you are yet to finally spoil your life. It appears you have so far created very less evidence against you.
Keep trying for amicable solution.
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 14 January 2014
agree with experts.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 14 January 2014
better visit a marriage consellor . dont be in a hurry to file for divorce . you must try to save your marriage for sake of your young son . since you are only son and your father is no longer alive you are duty bound to care for your mother . if your wife again throws tantrums when your mother comes and stays with you then file for divorce
TroubledSoul
(Querist) 14 January 2014
Thanks all! We have done counselling, she is adamant to listen to counsellors too. I will seek legal opinion and file for divorce.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 14 January 2014
thanks for your appreciation . if your wife is not agreebale to divorce it would be a long drawn affair . file for divorce by mutual consent .
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 14 January 2014
You have slapped her 4 times, she has not registered any police complaint against you.
She want to join you, you want undertaking from her and want to disgrace her for ever.
You have a son whose life is at stake and she want to come to you for betterment of her son, you are not concerned.
She is well qualified doctor, running her clinic and is from a richer family.
You want to file divorce case.
Everybody has got full right to spoil and destroy his future and life. You have tried your best but pity on that lady she did not gave you full chance till date.
File divorce case, you would be inviting few criminal and other cases slapped on you and your relatives. You will have to be non concentrate / serious on your job to manage all these cases and also loosing few years for hoping to have two birds in the bush. Life of your son would not be better.
Sir, you have rights to be arrogant for a so called arrogant wife. Good luck.
TroubledSoul
(Querist) 14 January 2014
I understand I should not have slapped her at any case.I am ready to work on my negatives and try to change my self. And I understand, future of my kid would be spoiled and I will have to bear the financial loss, all the trouble & may affect seriously my career. But what can I do? then only option left for me is to let her do and behave the way she is doing. keep my mother away from me and my kid. Just be a deaf and dumb guy. I am in awkaward situation and dont see any easy way to get out of this. And I was taking of undertaking just to be on safer side as her parents have already threatened me do file fake complaints. either way I'm loosing! I dont see a way out of this.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 14 January 2014
I fully agree and endorse the views of learned Mr Rajender K Goyal.
It is your version which is against you.
No son will ever say that his mother is quarrelsome. It is wife who is dubbed quarrelsome and domestic violence is committed against her.
You admit ted you slapped her and she was merciful for not lodging a complaint.
You are yourself admitting that "She is saying that she is ready to change and can accept my mother and try to live happily for the sake of son"
but your response is
"can i take something in written which can safeguard me in case she changes her mind and tries to harass me? "
You just do not know that it is you who may have to give in writing that you will not beat her anymore and not compel her to live with your mother.
SO far you have not shown any strong ground for you to file divorce. Inability of wife to bear beating is no ground for divorce.
So I reiterate
"The facts given by you do indicate that you are yet to finally spoil your life."
TroubledSoul
(Querist) 14 January 2014
Thanks for the inputs! May be I am the bad guy here! May be behaving in orthodox way and not able to cope up with expectations of the wife! Let me spend some time widout her and son and may be I will realize and change! Sincere thanks to all!
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 14 January 2014
@trouble soul, thanks that after reading a wonderful session of opinions and suggestions of very excellent experts above, you started to realize your position as well as the meaning of life and future. Thus it is better that you allow more time in loneliness which will make you more conducive to the atmosphere and will make an impact on your hurried decisions. Try to save the wonderful institution of marriage at least for the sake of your son's future life.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 15 January 2014
If married life comes on smooth way, we would be happy.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 15 January 2014
COOL DOWN , WAIT FOR HEALING PERIOD..
hASTE WILL MAKE WASTE..
No violence, no action that hurt.
don't utter a word for a month, even to relatives or frd.
Wait and watch with peaceful mind..
It will help you decide next correct action.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 15 January 2014
Why people forget, basically WIFE is for what????
She is not a cook
She is not there to pamper your blood relations.
If she commit matrimonial offence, then yes, act.
Otherwise not.
If she dislike particular person e.g MIL, it is her personal choice, and u can't compel her to respect as if her mother.
If she does, it is wonderful. if she can't, MIL must prepare a soft slot in her heart.
decontrol & liberty is necessary.
If forced upon, it is useless, and love- affection never grow.
If by two sided behaviour, it can grow, and propsper your married life, with joyful family relationship.
don't get anything without loosing something. Prepare to sacrify first, before demanding.. & do not compare or complain..
TroubledSoul
(Querist) 15 January 2014
Yes I agree. I do not expect her to cook for me, pamper my relatives or don't expect even a single penny from her income.The only thing which bothers me a lot is the way she fights when my mother comes to stay with us. I agree, its her personal choice whether to like my mother or not. But on other hand, I can't leave mother to die alone at my hometown. But anyways, Its my problem and compelling can change her mind for sure. Let me leave alone for sometime, may be I will find a solution when mind is at peace. Right now I m disturbed, and I agree, any action or word uttered with this mindset will create mor problems for me. Thank you!
TroubledSoul
(Querist) 15 January 2014
*compelling can not change her mind
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 15 January 2014
I reiterate
No son will ever say that his mother is quarrelsome. It is wife who is dubbed quarrelsome and domestic violence is committed against her.
TroubledSoul
(Querist) 15 January 2014
Yes sir. You are right. But when I tried to understand, the reasons from her for disliking my mother. She said, she believes that my mother does some kind of black magic on me. I told her being a doctor, how can she believe such nonsense? Even her brother tried to convince her but she was not in mood to listen anyone and I was helpless. For the same reason she does not allow me to take my kid along with me when I am going visit my sister. I just can't deal with this 'whatever I say is right' attitude. In such situations, I find myself helpless and sometimes angry. May be I can find separate accommodation for mother near where I am staying so that I can visit her frequently and keep an eyebl on her health conditions. But you ar true there could be few bad things from my side for which I am biased and need some time to introspect. Thanks.
