Advice on divorce
Nishant
(Querist) 28 June 2013
This query is : Resolved
I am married for more than 1 year.Immediately after marriage i.e. 4 days , my wife had a psychological fit in which she was not in her senses for almost 3 days.Her father took her away for treatment.Since I work out of my home town it was decided that for few months she will stay with my family and then I will take her with me outstation.After getting well she started living with my family.But her behavior towards my sisters and mother was not kind and normal.She used to stay alone in her room.She does not speak to anyone in family.Everyone including me is so frustrated with her behavior that I do not want to live with her.Her parents have also tried to make her understand but to no avail.She is not well educated hence I feel she cannot support me as a life partner.and now she does not want to study anymore.Pl advice can I get a divorce on the grounds of behavioral problems and difference in mind-sets or thinking level.
adv. rajeev ( rajoo )
(Expert) 28 June 2013
Good counsellling is required for her.
Try for that, inspite of it there is no change then discuss with your parents and her parents and go for consent divorce.
Adv Archana Deshmukh
(Expert) 28 June 2013
Behavioral problems and difference in mind-sets or thinking level is no ground for divorce. You can obtain MCD only if your wife consents.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 28 June 2013
Before you are required analyse yourself.
1) You have lived with her till now. How can you attribute everything without your own experience?
2) You are saying that she is not well educated, not fit to be your partner, not willing to get education. These things are to be seen before you accept the girl in the marriage. It appears you are searching for alibis to divorce her.
No doubt it is a serious matter that immediately after marriage she had psychological problem. You should have a separate discussion with her, find out her problem, and try to instill confidence in her. This will give a good result. As far as her loneliness in your parental home, any girl who came into a new house after marriage that too when the husband is not in the same home, will behave in such a manner. You spend some time with her separately and think of solution. If required you can take her for counselling after knowing the reasons for her odd behaviour.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 28 June 2013
Marriages should not be broken at the drop of a hat.
Do introspect whether you have any role in her alleged beahvioural problem.
Have free and frank talk with her. The problem should be resolved.
Nishant
(Querist) 28 June 2013
Thanks to all experts for their valuable response and suggestions.
Here I would like to clarify few things:
1)- I could not live with her due to my job.Additionally a senior psychiatrist in Medical college has suggested that she is not be left alone at home that is also a reason she has to stay at my parental home till I feel that her behavior is reasonable.He said that she has lot of anger and arrogance.After marriage, for two months she was on medicines to control her anger.Due to this stress in married life I could not focus in my job for whole year and ultimately I had to leave my job so that I can stay with her and observe her living pattern.After 20-25 days I am writing this since I started taking notes on her behavior.
2)-Few facts were hided by her father when he came with the marriage proposal.At that time he said his daughter is graduate and I PROMISE she will do MBA after marriage.Post marriage girl says I do not know what my father said and I cannot do MBA as I am not that much capable although I am graduate.Further I will not do any further studies as I do not feel like that.
Here I would like to clear one thing to experts that the only thing we expected from girl that she should be educated enough so that she can understand me and be presentable to the society and circle, I am living in/with.In this span of whole year I realized that her father just wanted to marry-off her daughter in a well-to-do family and hence he played this MBA card since this was the only demand we put forward and he readily agreed upon this.
Now I am jobless and keep thinking what went wrong and what to do next.In this worst phase also she is happy that finally I am with her.It does not matter to her that I had to leave my job just because of her irrational behavior at my home.
Due to these incidents her father had massive paralysis attack, still she is not trying to improve her life.
I feel helpless since I know these things cannot be a ground for divorce and LAW is very lenient when its a case of married woman.Sometimes I think , do I deserve such life for trusting an aged man and believing him without any validation checks.
Anirudh
(Expert) 28 June 2013
Before any further views can be expressed on the issue, by the way can you tell about your academic achievements and what are you.
Nishant
(Querist) 28 June 2013
B.Tech/MBA
The time I left job I was Manager in ICICI Bank corporate office,Mumbai.
Khaleel Ahmed Mohammed
(Expert) 28 June 2013
Really if you want to leave her, you can file divorce petition before family court through your local advocate. It will take few years , but definately you will succeed.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 28 June 2013
you cna easily get another job . you are highlty qualified . keep a full time maid in the house for your wife . if she is not interested in further studies dont force her . encourage her to meet other s in society wherein you are staying .
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 28 June 2013
1 For a wife living alone just after marriage was not easy specifically when she is suffering psyclogical problems which increases in such conditions. About not being with her, your point may be reasonable for you but may not be for her. You have left your job, try to find out another, instead of blaming her in words or in action by keeping mum.
2 The father did not hided anything and told that she is only Graduate. She is not ready to do MBA, try to convinced her, if not agree your pay can maintain standard of living and more time would be available for family.
3 Have you tried to analyze the circumstances, your job was lost, was that totally due to her. An honest thinking will give the true position.
In case you proceed for divorce:
a) With the case of divorce, cases of dowry, DV, maintenance, may start and other cases may be at home town of your wife in which you and your family may be accused / respondent. With your new job (may be at distance place) you have to move to court (Say for 2-3 times in a month) for some of the hearings for 2-3 years or even more.
b) The divorce case may not be finalized in 3-4 years and during which you would be waiting, can not marry and paying her maintenance..
c) In DV and dowry cases arrest can happen not only of yours but your family members also.
Law is pro ladies. Your father in law has suffered a paralysis attack. In such circumstances you should extend supporting hand instead of increasing their troubles by taking divorce steps.
Now in case you try to continue your marriage:
a) For some time you have to try that your wife accepts to proceed for MBA and/ or further education.
b) She may agree to work.
c) She may live happy after your faith, cooperation, trust and a bit after treatment.
Your life would be better than you think.
Position may be bit differ if you are lucky enough and your wife agree for MCD for your good.
Nishant
(Querist) 28 June 2013
Thanks to all....I am a bit focused now.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 28 June 2013
you give facts on installment basis. You are now jobless and so is unable to acquire a job ? Is this right
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 29 June 2013
Mr.Nishant
Say thanks to expert Rajendra Goel who has guided from both sides.
Please note that:
1) Marriages are made in heaven. This is true.
2) More than 70/80% couple lead life with compromise.
3) MBA is not an issue. I have seen many ladies who are not even matriculates, lead their family with all help and happiness.
4) Presenting her to your circle if she is well educated is your assumption. Even a graduate can mingle with your circles, if she is counselled and treated properly.
5) The fact that she wants your presence is a positive sign. Utilize this, soothen her feelings, seek the help of your parents and other members of the family, tell them that you have to compromise and lead a peaceful life.
6) Find out a job for you immediately and take your entire family to the new place if required. If your parents can not move,take your wife.
7) Nothing is worst phase. Learn lessons from Amitab Bachan.
8) You were negligent before accepting the girl for marriage. Do not repent for it. Once you got married, you should understand that you are destined to live in that marriage. Going for divorce is not so easy. It will create additional problems. Further with a tag "divorced" will you get a better match to live in?
Love, compassion, concern will change your wife to some extent and you can lead a peaceful life if you are prepared to compromise yourself.
