Harassment for money and gold by in laws
Ananymous.
(Querist) 06 June 2012
This query is : Resolved
Hi,
I am 26 years old working as a software engineer in Bangalore. I got married 3 months back and I am being harassed by my husband and his family for gold and money.
We had setup a separate family in Bangalore after a month of our marriage and my mother-in-law had arrived just after a week and staying with us since then. Earlier she used to stay with my husband’s elder brother in their native. Till now it has been 2 months she is staying with us and now she got to go to her native due to some responsibilities over there. Now she is demanding to give my gold given by my parents during my marriage to take along with her since her elder son has some debts they want to clear them by selling my gold. I opposed her saying I am not ready to give my gold for selling and that too for clearing her elder son’s debts, and also I said if my husband is in troubles I am ready to sell it but not for others. For this she said ours is a combined family you have to share the responsibilities but we are staying separately and they are staying separately how can she say that ours is a combined family? The statement what she is saying is valid? As I said no to give my gold she trained my husband against me and told him to grab my ATM card from me so that she can have a control over my salary. I am ready to give to my husband when he actually needs it but he is trying to fulfill others needs with my money I explained the same to him but he is not in a position to listen to me as his mother trained him completely to oppose me. My mother-in-law trained my husband to such an extent that he is saying directly on my face if you give gold and money as my mother said, you stay here else go back to your parents. My husband’s brother and his wife both are working in a government sector and my mother-in-law also gets pension but still they are expecting my husband to financially support them saying they have taken loan for his education. so I said ok let my husband clear the loan what you have taken for his education and also said take money from him as long as he gives you but I’ll save my money for our future they are not ready for this even they are strongly insisting to have my ATM card with them. My mother-in-law and her elder son said it may take 5-10 years to clear all our debts till then you should not ask for anything after that we will think of your family development. I was not at all convinced with this so I informed my parents regarding this; my parents came to my house to discuss the same with my mother-in-law. For that discussion my mother-in-law invited everyone from her family (her daughters and son-in-laws and her elder son) and they made a very big mess out of it. They dint even give minimum respect to my parents; the way they talked on that day was very abusive and very hurting. So we were helpless and agreed for everything for whatever they said to calm down the situation and we planned to escape somehow from there and the next day I got ready as if I am going to office and my parents too started as if they are going back to my native and me and my parents met outside and they have taken me along with them to my native and I am stayed with them now. After a week I came back to Bangalore and staying with my aunt and continuing my job. After one week I called my husband hoping that I can see some change in him but still he is stand on the same leg asking for money and gold.
Kindly let me know how could we proceed in this situation, my father was planning to go to my husband’s native along with some of our relatives and have a discussion with them, but as far as I know it is useless. My husband was behaving good prior to this situation he was kind to me but don’t know what did his mother say about me after that he became very stubborn and behaving very rudely he is not even picking my call now if I call him to explain something. I don’t want to lose my husband I have a hope that I can change him if he stays with me alone. Kindly provide some suggestions.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 06 June 2012
dont bow down to pressure tactics . if you give gold now tomorrow they will demand your full salary . the harrasment will continue .
if husband does not listen then better to stay separate .
the gold constitutes your streedhan dont part with it .
if husband is adamnat try going to marriage counsellr . if things dont improve go in for divorce by mutual conset after 1 year of staying separte
Deepak Nair
(Expert) 06 June 2012
If you take any legal action at this stage, that will adversely affect your married life. It is better to involve elders in your family and his family to solve the issue amcably.
adv. rajeev ( rajoo )
(Expert) 06 June 2012
The reason for the harassament is your in law. So better to take the help of your community leaders.
M/s. Y-not legal services
(Expert) 06 June 2012
just now you started your marital life.. while being so just try to settle this issue amicably.
family mean all of you should be responsible for your each and every one's peaceful life.,
"For this she said ours is a combined family you have to share the responsibilities but we are staying
separately and they are staying separately how can she say that ours is a combined family?"[your statement]..
its clear shows that your family mean you and your husband only., right?.. now only you are part in your husband family.. but think about your in-laws.. now you are married., its mean you no longer in relationship with your parents?
family mean thats like a tree., roots only basement of a tree., but fruits and flowers only visible. roots never..
same time i am not justified your in-laws acts., they may be polite regard this issue.,
money and jewels you can earn at any time., but relationship?
think your self., act wisely..
-tom-
SAINATH DEVALLA
(Expert) 06 June 2012
Dear Mrs.Nair,
At the outset,the behaviour of your inlaws is disgusting for their attitude.What way are you concerned about the debts of their elder son.Let him beg borrow or steal to clear them.Your priority is your husband and his well being.Don't do anything in a haste,which may affect your martal life.What is the response from your maternal home?They could mediate and setle the matter amicably.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 06 June 2012
I endorse the views that sort the matters amicably. But don't give into illegal demands at any stage.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
Ananymous.
(Querist) 06 June 2012
@ajay sethi: Thanks for your valuable advice. I am also doing the same as you said i am staying away from my husband.
As you suggested its good to attend for the counselling but my husband should agree for that right. His mother will not send him for such things because if he attends it, he may change his mind. is there any way where we can do it legally so that they have to attend the counselling with out saying no? will it be possible if i send a legal notice to them to attend the counselling?
@Deepak Nair:As you said even we thought to solve the issue amicably but they are behaving like an animals they are not even giving minimum respect to my parents when they came to discuss, they all were sitting and they didn't even offer chair to my parents while discussing.How can we explain to such kind of cruel people. Even i dont want to involve in troubles so i am trying to call my husband he is not responding so i have no other chance i have to go for a legal action. You have mentioned taking a legal action will have adverse effects can you please elucidate them?
@rajeev: yes that is the next step we are planning to do. Thanks for the advice.
@tom:Yes i just started my life, I cant earn relation i know even they should have a concern about the relationship. I told them when ever i feel its my family then i'll only give my entire money and gold but they are not listening to me. Its just 2 months right, in these two months how will i get that feeling this is my family i still dont have that much intimacy with my husband.
Ananymous.
(Querist) 06 June 2012
@Sainath: My parents are giving full support to me, they were also trying to solve this amicably but dont know how will they respond they dont have manners, even if my parents go to their house they may wont even allow to go inside their house.
@Shonee Kapoor: if they are not responding if we try to solve amiably what should be our next step please advice.
Anirudh
(Expert) 06 June 2012
Dear Vrinda,
Put your foot down and do not budge an inch. Let them think what they would have done if your marriage had not taken place in the family, and if you had not come with so much gold and money? How they would have met the debt of the elder son? They are simply trying to emotionally black mail you. As a young girl, better try to be firm and not fall prey to such old emotional blackmail tricks.
By refusing to give gold or your money, you are certainly not in any way behaving irrationally or without any family feelings. If your husband can see reason it is ok. Otherwise, try to be bold and try to stay alone. Nothing will happen. Better keep your gold in locker etc. Do not keep in your home. Also do not part with your Credit Card / Debit Card etc.
If you start to be very strict right from the beginning, then every one will realise that their tricks will not work on you and they will try to fall in line.
Tell your parents also not to succumb to their pressure. Short of parting with gold and credit card, agree for other things.
You are asking as to what should be our next step in case they do not agree for amicable solution. My suggestion would be - better tell your husband - that you will live separately and that you will tell the reason for your separate living to all your friends and his friends also.
If something happens, please visit this LCI forum, we will further guide you.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 06 June 2012
Either you do not have a telephone for it cannot dial 100.
Simply there is no problem they may just have to spend a few hours in police station adn will agree to your terms with four hours after sunset and will ever be docile.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 06 June 2012
dont issue legal notice . just stay separate . if after one year of separation your husband wants divorce by mutual consent give him divorce .
Ananymous.
(Querist) 12 June 2012
Hi All,
I need a suggestion from you regarding the above issue which I asked you earlier, as many of you suggested my parents are planning to go to my in-laws house to discuss about the issue and try to convince them for not giving gold and money and to solve the issue amicably. But recently I tried calling my husband but he didn’t attend my call I called him more than 10 times and also mailed him asking to pick my call but no response from him, I think their attitude didn’t change yet, they are showing off too much ego, I don’t think even if my parents go there to discuss it will be useful, I feel that it won’t give any positive results. Kindly suggest, is it fine if my parents go there now to discuss or shall we wait for them to come? It has been one month now staying away from my husband. Shall we wait for one more month or let my parents go and discuss and decide something? Kindly suggest.
Anirudh
(Expert) 12 June 2012
Dear Ms. Vrinda,
When all of you know their attitude that they only want gold and money from you, and your husband is also siding with their parents and not seeing reason, why you should rush and try to do things which are not necessary - UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO PART WITH ALL THE GOLD AND MONEY!
One month is not a big thing. Why show your anxiety and eagerness to establish contact with them. Allow things to lie down for some time. Do not concentrate on your self or your marital status or the silence or absence of it from their side. Better try to behave as though nothing has happened. So long as your marriage subsists, they cannot do any harm to you. Once they come to know that you and your family are not that easily pliable, they will themselves try to wind a way out and come back.
In the worst scenario, if they do not come back, I do not think that you people also should unnecessarily worry. It is better not to succumb to their demand rather than to succumb and feel bad for the entire life.
