Live in relationship permission for an ais officer
ARKS@tiger
(Querist) 20 November 2013
This query is : Resolved
Being an AIS officer, I had been married for 20 yrs but after that due to extra marital flings of my wife, I filed a DV petition in 2004 n fought it with full intensity in my place of Cadre n den in Delhi too for almost 9yrs. But Thx to the Indian Family Courts, my DV petition couldn't even cross the 20% of the Prosecution. Completely fed up with this mess which was taking a toll of my High profile job, I absented myself which led to dismissal of my DV Petition. I had been paying regular IM to my spouse till the dismissal but since then , no IM is being paid since she didn't move any Appl. I had already proved in the Family Court, Delhi with Doc evidence that all my savings of 20 years were already on her& kids name . She is a lady worth 1 Cr n Court taking a cognizance of this did pass an observation that " she hasn't come to court with clean hands"!!!!!
Out of court settlement was also tried for almost 2 yrs but despite of me agreeing on the demanded amt , she deliberately withdrew. She neither wants to give me divorce nor wants me to settle down in life. Our two sons are adults n financially well settled.
AIS Conduct Rules , 1968 don't permit a 2nd marriage so whether under these circumstances, any Live in relationship would lead to MisConduct as per AIS Rules as well as any Family Law of the Land???
Pl advice.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 20 November 2013
u said "but after that due to extra marital flings of my wife, I filed a DV petition in 2004 ""
WONDERFUL:
A HUSBAND FILED DV AGAINST A WIFE! CONGRATULATIONS::
Anyway, no illegality for relationship...........
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate 
(Expert) 20 November 2013
Conduct rules also expect sound moral conduct in public life.
ARKS@tiger
(Querist) 20 November 2013
thx for d comments.
I didn't understand the meaning of " no illegality in the relationship " as commented by Mr Shroff??
Yes, mr Sudhir, I am fully aware of what is expected from an AIS officer!! But what does this Society expect from me? Only to Suffer n still Serve my Country?? Don't I have a Right to be Happy after suffering for the last 13 yrs?? Why I asked for Live in was only bcoz me n my parents don't have any other legal option n the other person simply wants 2 DESTROY U even after having her OWN FUN!! Just think about it mr Sudhir..
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 21 November 2013
Mr. Officer,
I still consider an officer to be a human being with all senses, feelings, sentimental attachments as other human beings, so it can be construed as a right opinion by Adv Mr. Shroff saying 'no illegality in relationship'. If women are considered to be equal to men, the men living in relationship with another woman cannot be considered as an immoral act. Service regulation do not interfere in personal affairs of an individual employee. Your case is out of necessity unlike she doing the same for her own fun and lust. But always be cautious that your relationship doesnt ends up in marriage because it is an offence to marry while your previous marriage subsists.
ARKS@tiger
(Querist) 21 November 2013
Thx a lot Mr Kalaiselwan , more for understanding my situation n the mess, I am in.
Though both U n Mr Shroff say there is no illegality in my proposal but how do I convince GoI, my employer in terms of Rules/ process that my proposed arrangement isn't a violation of AIS Conduct Rules??? Bcoz I not only apprehend but I m pretty sure that my Ex is just waiting in bushes to launch an attack by filing complaints everywhere ; whenever I start this relationship in Public Life!!!
Pl advice how do I go about it bcoz I don't want to fall into another mess & at the same time more importantly destroy life of another innocent human being ( who atleast would expect a social recognition !!) ???
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 21 November 2013
Such relations are not moral for high profile public personalities.
Anirudh
(Expert) 21 November 2013
You ask: "What does this Society expect from me? Only to Suffer n still Serve my Country?? Don't I have a Right to be Happy after suffering for the last 13 yrs?? \"
My answer: Nobody wants you to suffer. But if you are suffering then you have to obtain divorce from your wife through legal means. Without doing that, I am sorry, if you get into living in relationship then you will definitely be in trouble - as you said that you are quite aware of the Rules!
ajay sethi
(Expert) 21 November 2013
dont go in for live in relation ships . your marriage as on date is still subsisting . if your wife comes to know of your affair she can file criminal complaint of adultery against you .
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 21 November 2013
With the passage of time and the experience the life has given you, you should be able to solve the problems that you raised in your reply to reply
ARKS@tiger
(Querist) 21 November 2013
I m extremely grateful to all the Legal Experts for their valuable advices.
It clearly comes out that its a CRIME to be a High profile Public Personality. Legal systems would make you rot before u even think of getting a divorce( fought it for 9yrs even upto Apex Court n getting a direction to dispose off DV in next 6 months way back in 2005!!!!!)
. I was not talking of an AFFAIR which I am keen to get legally recognised!!! I am only talking & exploring possibility of an arrangement ( if such a proposal comes to my parents) with the consent of two families since that's what I feel is the only possible way????
I am a man of strong moral character but question is why Law of the Land views the desired necessity as something "Immoral or Adultery"???
It seems that I have to SUFFER bcoz my blind Society has no place for my Ethos, Values & ACCEPTS my exploitation in her hands as HER RIGHT!!!For How long & How much this Society/ Law Makers would USE the Gender Bias against Men of this Country and harass them beyond any stretch of imagination!!!
Kundan Kr. Singh
(Expert) 21 November 2013
But as per Indian penal code Adultery is a punishable law and as per conduct rules department may initiate departmental proceeding.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 21 November 2013
LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOB,
CARRY ON TILL IT GOES, AND LEAVE IT, BE WITH LIFE, NOT JOB.
And any illegal termination results in lifetime salary, w/o work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dar gaya vo mar gaya..
Zindji zindadili ka nam hai:::
Aur Dil ya Zindadil, nahi hai to chhodo na live in relationshipko.....
ARKS@tiger
(Querist) 22 November 2013
Very well said Mr Shroff; vud keep your advice in mind in days to come.Problem with me is that I have much more committment towards my job at this stage of my Career when my hand is full of opportunities to give a lot back to the Society ; sole reason for which I joined AIS!! I am a highly patriotic n Committed Bureaucrat. Anyway I accept my destiny n march forward.
But since every one is talking about obtaining DV through legal means as the only safe channel( have my doubts after burning my hands once!!) can my distinguished Experts throw some light on whether I have a strong Case to obtain DV in the backdrop of Physical Separation for 9 & half yrs; she not moving any Application for Restitution of Conjugal Rights till date & more specifically after the dismissal of my DV petition in Delhi 3yrs back and lastly no application on her behalf for any Maintenance again after the dismissal of my DV petition????
Pl give me a true assessment ..
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 23 November 2013
You can not file DV case against your wife.
For such atrocities in your life allegedly perpetrated by your wife, you can file suit for divorce on the ground of cruelty.
I believe you are fighting divorce suit not DV case.
Before grant of your divorce any live in relationship would be criminal act on your behalf which may eventually affect your career.
So I do not think you have any other option but to pray for early divorce.
ARKS@tiger
(Querist) 23 November 2013
I am sorry that I talked about DV !!! I thought that I had rightly learnt short form of DIVORCE as DV!!!! Yes, I am talking about Divorce Suit only which I fought earlier too Mr Barman on the grounds of cruelty alone but couldn't any result . So what I am seeking now in terms of advice is " do I have a strong Case now in the backdrop of circumstances/ facts given in my previous Query???
plz ... Eagerly waiting for advices...
Akhilesh Kumar
(Expert) 23 November 2013
After going through all the queries of queriest and experts opinion above I understand that only issues to be decided as under:
a) Whether a Govt. employee/ any individual may enter in to the other relationship with a women during pendency of the suite for divorce? Can it be socially and Legally accepted?
b)What is the Legal remedy available to the queriest if the Divorce petition had been dismissed for non appearance after long time of court process and her wife or himself not willing to continue with as husband and wife and whereas wife deliberately not willing to make him free to get another marriage solemnized.
a) Answer would be "No" the arrangement of our society and the Laws of the Land does not permit a person to get married or keep relationship with other women during life time of his wife.
b) The queriest have the only remedy to file an application to seek divorce and to expedite the same he may move a petition before the high court also. However, if he desires to have relationship then he can't make it officially because if his wife makes complaint to the department in writing about said relationship then it shall be treated as bigamy and may the department take action,or it depends on the person credibility in the department.
Guest
(Expert) 23 November 2013
Dear SIr, Better yourself Try to convince your wife either by yourself or thro someone to whom your wife has got Respect and Regards and sort out the issues amickably and legally.Once you are free decide what to be done.It is not the Right Time to discuss other matters which might cause damages to you.
ARKS@tiger
(Querist) 23 November 2013
I am thankful to all the valuable advices of the learned experts which has indeed made things crystal clear to me. Lastly one final request that pl advice me on my last query I.e whether I have a strong case for "Irretrievable breakdown of Marriage( though its still not a law) in the light of facts given a day before???
