Wife asking money for kids fee, leaving seperate
ram
(Querist) 05 November 2014
This query is : Resolved
Hi Experts:
Need your help urgently, brief background below. got married 2003, have 2 daughters 10 & 4 Years, leaving with Parents, father doing private job, his age 67. From few years wife saying to send parents at village & want to stay alone, have tourchered me with all the ways & she seperated from us to leave with her parents 6 months back, kids are with her. she is workign in gud company & taken transfer from Hyd, she is earning 45k/month. Now she want me to pay kids fee & other cost, she says she will leave with me only if parents are not with me & i have to pay for kids fees & other costs. I am the only son. also she is thretening for legal action.
pls. help with your valued advise. i am woried for parents future & dont want to be blackmailed.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 05 November 2014
dO NOT SUCCUMB TO ANY PRESSURE. THE MORE SCARED YOU WOULD BECOME, THE BLACKMAILING WOULD BE MORE.
There is no guarantee that after separation from your parents, yours would be abed of roses.
Put a brave front and be ready to stay with all of you. Your wife would fall in line sooner than later.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 05 November 2014
Try to have amicable solution. Take help of family friends, relatives and well wishers.
ram
(Querist) 05 November 2014
Thanks experts. can i know what kind of legal action she can take against me if i want to protect interest of my parents. and do not get blackmailed by her.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 05 November 2014
she can file case u/s 498A IPC, 12 OF PWDV Act et all.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 06 November 2014
I agree with Mr Barman (latest post only not his earlier post).
You are likely to plan a big trouble for your and your parents.
You fail to realise the following :-
(i) she has no problem to live with you.
(ii) she has a problem to live with your parents.
(ii) since they are your parents you will never agree that they are wrong.
(iii)in our society one is generally believed to be wrong simply for being a woman.
(iv) Her motivation to live away from your parent is so strong now that she has decided to desert even you.
(v) since you have 10 yr old kid so marriage is very old and she has tried to cope up with.
(vi) now you will not pay expenses of kid's maintenance in order to use pressure on her to come back.
(vii) she is under no legal obligation to tolerate your parents against her will. All women do so as a matter of generosity.
If she is not able to derive expenses from you she will be forced to take legal action against you (parents as well) and lay so many allegation (some may be true and some not.
If you are not able to bring her back with the petty pressure tactics and someone will advise to you file RCR suit.
This RCR suit is a tested and tool for compelling wife to file case of 498a and DV act against you and parents. In such situation she has no other choice. Either she has to come back against her wishes or to show to the court why she is not safe in your house.
Choice is yours.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 06 November 2014
Mr RK Goyal has well advised you. Please see how/why the things have gone wrong and where you are to blame.
Option is still available to you. You are yet to spoil your life.
ram
(Querist) 06 November 2014
Thanks Mr. Sudhir, Mr. Balaram & Mr. Goyal.
I want to be with truth & Insaniyat, offcourse its not easy to be on this way.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 06 November 2014
U R LIABLE TO PAY 50% COST OF MAINTENANCE OF YOUR CHILDREN
IF U WILL NOT PAY, U R BUYING LOTS OF TROUBLE FOR YOU.
BETTER GO DEEP IN THE CAUSE OF YOUR MISUNDERSTANDING AND DISPUTE.
IT IS VERY SERIOUS, AND WILL HARM YOUR ENTIRE AGED LIFE
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 06 November 2014
you said
"I want to be with truth & Insaniyat, offcourse its not easy to be on this way."
TRUTH : do you have courage to admit wherever your parents are wrong. Very rarely and Indian male admits and it is wife only who is to blame whether she protests or whether she not.
Truth as appearing from your blog is that you have been blind to the problem and your wife has bearing all through the years. Had she herself been quarrelsome she may not have taken that long a time.
INSANIYAT : You are not entitled to use this word till you voluntarily (without forcing wife to go to court, start bearing expenditure of your own children.
NOT EASY : It is easy only if you want it.
ram
(Querist) 06 November 2014
Mr. Sudhir:
you have narrated my words well, is women always right? is she not liable for her duties? Are parents a garbage to throw them out to die? she is earning 5ok month & have 15 lacs cash FDs which she all earned due to support of me n my parents, can it be ignored? my both kids were never sent to day care, my mon took care of them, can it be ignored?
ram
(Querist) 06 November 2014
here the Qs is where these points stay in Law my dear Sir?
Nadeem Qureshi
(Expert) 06 November 2014
contact a lawyer or marriage counselor.
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 08 November 2014
The problem with you is that you think more issues but do not implement them. Find out the root cause and try to find solution on it instead of going for a postmortem of the problem.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 11 November 2014
Very well advised by experts, no room left to add. I agree with them, especially for an amicable settlement instead of preferring legal recourse.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 11 November 2014
You case is not dead end. There appears to be a scope for reconciliation only if you agree that 2+2=4
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 11 November 2014
is women always right?
NO WOMAN IS ALWAYS WRONG RIGHT FROM THE DAY OF BIRTH. HER MOTHER, IN INDIAN SOCIETY IS NOT GIVEN EQUAL REST AND NURSING AS IN CASE OF DELIVERY OF MALE CHILD.
IT IS ONLY LAW WHICH PUTS NO DISCRIMINATION ON MATERNITY BENEFITS TO WOMAN IRRESPECTIVE OF SEX OF CHILD SHE DELIVERED.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 11 November 2014
is she not liable for her duties?
YOUR QUERY IS ABSOLUTELY VAGUE AS TO WHERE SHE FAULTED IN HER DUTIES AND DUE TO WHICH REASONS (BOUND TO BE UNJUSTIFIED IN YOUR INTERPRETATION) SHE LEFT YOU AFTER SO MANY YEARS.
HER VERSION IS NOT AVAILABLE HERE BUT YOUR VERSION SUFFICIENTLY INDICATES THAT YOU ARE FAULTING IN DUTIES ATLEAST NOW.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 11 November 2014
she is earning 5ok month & have 15 lacs cash FDs which she all earned due to support of me n my parents, can it be ignored?
HOW MUCH YOUR KIDS ARE EARNING
IT IS YOUR LIABILITY TO MAINTAIN CHILDREN EVEN IF SHE IS EARNING.
HER INCOME IS RELEVANT ONLY IF SHE DEMANDS MAINTENANCE.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 11 November 2014
Are parents a garbage to throw them out to die?
NO ONLY WIFE IS GARBAGE PARTICULARLY IF SHE DELIVERS 2 FEMALE
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 11 November 2014
my both kids were never sent to day care, my mon took care of them, can it be ignored?
NOTHING SPECIAL SHE DID.
YOU HAVE COMMENTED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AS TO WHY/HOW HER RELATIONS WERE SO SOUR AND WHERE SHE WAS WRONG (PARENTS OF MALE ARE NEVER WRONG)
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY SILENT AS TO WHAT HAPPENED AFTER SO MANY YEARS THAT SHE DECIDED TO LEAVE YOU.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 12 November 2014
Mr.Ram,
Married in 2003 and have two daughters 10 years and 4 years old. This is sufficient to strike a reconciliation if you really want your family back.
As expert Mr.Sudhir Kumar rightly pointed out, you have not revealed till now the reasons for soured relations - only one reason you are quoting is -she does not wish to live along with your parents. She lived in your home for at least about 6/7 years. Did she not? I appreciate your concern for your old parents. You are the only son and you have every responsibility to take care of them especially when they are aged. It is beyond dispute. At the same time, having married, you have equal responsibility towards your wife and more responsibility towards your children. This is also beyond dispute. It appears you are obsessed with the attachment with parents. This is also fine. But at the same time, have you ever analysed the reasons for her decision to live separately? If she is averse towards your parents, she would not have lived with you for such a long period and begot two children. You say that you people have afforded her opportunity to earn money by taking care of children. In the home, the grant parents are supposed to take care of every body, when they are living together. How do you think that it is a favour? -She has FDRs of sizable amount=. Okay, but why you have allowed her to keep earnings aside. In the initial period only you should have counselled that it is a family, all earnings need to be pooled up for the welfare of the family. In the initial period, if the husband could not maintain proper balance, it is very difficult to rectify afterwards. Even the FDRs are either in her name or in your name, ultimate beneficiaries are your children only. You feel attached to your parents and you have a right to live with them for that you are even prepared to leave your wife and children. But think of the other side. She is also equally attached to her parents, but she has to leave them, severe the attachment and start living with an unknown person. Have you imagined this situation at any time. For that how much care you need to take? Love cannot be one way traffic. It should be from both sides. It is part of our Hindu dharma. The dharma dictates us to show such love that she will forget her parents and even refuse to leave the husband's family even for temporary period. Have you given such love to her? You say that is bad. It does not mean that you should be also bad or worse.
Come back to your query. Whatever be the reasons, she left you only six months back and living with her parents along with your kids. Now she is asking to meet the expenses of your kids. What is wrong in that? Why do you look into her salary, income etc. Generally an employed woman will never give such an opportunity to the husband without adapting legal recourse in the situation of strained relationship. Don't you have any responsibility at least towards your own children? You have responsibility only towards your parents? Such a message asking to meet the expenses for your kid's maintenance from her side is an indication that she wants patch up the things if carefully dealt by you. I advise you to agree for her proposal. Ask her how much is required to meet such expenses per month. Go to your in-laws house hand-over the money to your wife and you can share love with your kids. They lived with you for some time. You do not have right to deprive them of their father. You are the father of the kinds. Develop attachment. Slowly after some more visits, you can tell your wife that it is your responsibility to take care of everybody in the family including your own parents especially when are aged. Invite her to join your family. Assure her no altercations from your side or your parents side on this issue. They all love her and need her and the kids. Have a dialogue with your in-laws, tell them that you love your wife, your children and also your parents. You are not willing to forego any of them. At your home also counsel your parents to adjust with your wife and love her like their daughter. You are only the son. They have another daughter, that is your wife.
You may discount my advice stating that for preaching it is okay, but practically it is not possible. No, it is possible, if out of the two parties, at least one party shed the ego and share love. You are a person of responsibility. That responsibility should be equal to all relations. Try from your side. Behave as if nothing happened and start going to your in-laws place with a pretext to handover the maintenance and with pretext to see your children. This will open the doors.
Finally, according to me her demand is genuine and you should meet the same either you wish to improve the relations or not. The other way is only filing RCR against your wife and as learned experts already cautioned you, you and your parents will have to face lot of legal problems and ultimately that will jeopardize the interest of your parents as they will not be in a position to face such a situation at this age. You should thank your wife for not resorting such hasty steps. Once she adopts legal recourse, it is beyond doubt that you all will loose peace of mind. It is no good for anybody.
Think carefully. She is not a novice to you to refuse drawing conciliation. She lived with you. I could not understand how you are able to think negative when she demands maintenance to your own children. Don't you love them? Are you gender biased? Is it a fact that she faced humiliation simply because she gave birth to female children? I do not know, but if that is your thinking, you are wrong. Whether you know or not, woman's egg does not have capacity to decide the gender. Man's chromosomes only have the ability to decide the gender. Though it is not in your hands, if at all any responsibility is to be fixed on this count, you are the person responsible for deciding the gender of the child in your wife's womb. She needs a son, to take care of her at the old age, as you are taking care of your parents, but you failed to give her son. I hope you understand. My advice is not to hurt anybody's feelings. It is part of counselling to keep the wife and husband relation in tact more so when they have children. All the best to you.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 12 November 2014
Mr Jaggarao has explained those every things in social language which I said in legal language
It is upto you now how you move further
It is your life you have unfettered right to spoil it.
