Husband wife dispute
Amar
(Querist) 09 May 2012
This query is : Resolved
Dear experts,
My age is 32 and i got married couple of years back. I have a kid who is 8 months old. Ever since my wife came after pregnancy, she was not able to adjust to my mother. She gets upset in small small things and used to complaint. Infact, my inlaws, who i believe are not good people, used to add fuel to it. Hence there were lot of disturbance between us.
When my child was born, my inlaws wanted to keep name of child as per their wish, which i and my family didnt like. Hence there were some misunderstanding and quarrels between us. They even went to the extent that her brother called my brother and told he will kill me and her mother gave bad words to my sister and my family. Then also i thought things will be sorted out once my wife is back home as i believed she is good. But ever since she came home, my inlaws, decided to take revenge of it and started puting poison on my wife. She started quarelling in small small things.
Around 3 months back, we had some fight. I did not utter a single badword nor did i touch her. My mother openly told that your family is not good and want to separate you both. She left the house crying and went to her parents place.
After that for couple of months, she was calling me, messaging me, "I love you" and all that. She told me that i cant bear your mother and want to stay separate. I told i am practical and ok with it, but you need to understand if there is 50% problem from my side than there is 50% from your side and you need to balance our family and your parents. We even went for a holiday for couple of days after she went here.
But she does not like anything said about her family and told me that she can do anything for her family.
After one month i told that ok lets stay separate. She is now telling, that my parents dont trust you and then they will not send me. If you want to keep the relationship you need to stay near her parents place and they will evaluate you for 6-8 months. They are even telling my relatives, that she is under depression and need emotional support and hence they cant send her. According to me, she is going to job since 3 months, she is calling her friends, some of my relatives and complaining about my family. How can such girl be under depression.
I dont want to break the relationship, but i am afraid, even if i go to stay near her parents, things will worsen further, as i cannot bear them. they are not good people and are indirectly threating me that we have lot of legal contacts, and have destroyed many people.
I am just confused what to do. Should i go near her parents place (which i dont want at all) or
should i stay separate with her and give a second chance?
What precautions should i take if i stay separate?
Can they file a false court case of mental torture and all after 3 months of separation and she is doing job and everything?
I still have lot of things to tell but could not write it down. Your help and advice is highly appreciated.
Regards
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 09 May 2012
Is it a course that you are appearing in?
If what you have told is correct and is not exaggerated, then I think they want you to be henpecked husband.
Try for some genuine marriage counselling.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
ajay sethi
(Expert) 09 May 2012
it is better to stay separate . it is unfortunate but 2 ladies hardly get along in any household .
take premises on rent . it hsould be equidistant from her parents place and yours
dont buy any premises . reason why i am advising you to stay separate is if tomorrow situation dosent improve she will drag your parents in legal case .
contact a local lawyer .
Amar
(Querist) 09 May 2012
Thanks a lot for the response. i think the only solution is to stay separate from both the families for some time.
But her parents are not agreeing. They are telling that she is in depression, which i dont think, because if she is in depression how can she work.
Now there is a stail mate. I want to stay far from both parents so that we can start a fresh life and she wants to be near to parents and their parents wants to evaluate me.
Can they file a legal case after 3 months of separation about mental trauma etc etc if this stale mate continues?
If we decide to stay separate away and again if she goes to the parents, will i be in more problem than what i am currently in ?
If i decide to stay near her parents, i think the situation would worsen as there would be lot of inteference.
In all cases i would have to take rented flat. What if she goes back or brings her parents there. what precautions should i take.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 09 May 2012
it is your call . you have to tak e decision . we have advised you
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 09 May 2012
I agree with experts.
Amar
(Querist) 09 May 2012
Can she file a case of mental tourture and depression against me and my family if i decide not to go her parents place? Since 3 months she is staying there and going to office as well.
If Yes, what should i do for my defence?
ajay sethi
(Expert) 09 May 2012
she can file under dv act claiming maintenance , compensation , right to stay in shared household .
defence would depend upon nature of complaint filed by wife . let her file complaint . we have to see allegations made in complaint toa dvise further .
query is hereby resolved . period
SAINATH DEVALLA
(Expert) 09 May 2012
Mr.Amar,
Your entire query contains nothing but only petty household ego's or misunderstandings.The motherinlaw naturally feels that she is the queen of the house.The advent of the daughterinlaw makes her position insecure,which makes her behave in an authoritative manner.The daughterinlaw comming from a new house cannot digest this authority.These are common in every house.
A little bit of adjustment from either side will not escalate the problem.Your entire household along with your inlaws needs proper councelling,which I presume will settle the issue.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 09 May 2012
You have not understood your priorities.
You say that you do not want break up and on the same time you allowed your mother to throw her out.
Simply because she is able to do her profession (not thrown out of job) and meeting friends and relatives you find it a sufficient reason to say that she is not under depression. What will convince you when she starts pelting stones on the street.
You say that : I did not utter a single badword nor did i touch her.” My dear friend for attracting DV Act you need not be physically violent. Mental torture is sufficient. When your mother is throwing her out and you kept silent that is enough to add to her mental torture. You may have perhaps forgotten 7 sentences what panditjee might have uttered after 7 circles of fire and made you to say yes on each sentence and only allowed her to sit on your left side and then congratulated your parents and only then pronounced completion of marriage. You mother has not made any promise to her. But she does not acquire license to separate you.
For the benefit of you and your mother definition of Domestic Violence as per section 3 of DV Act is reproduced :-
For the purposes of this Act, any act, omission or commission or conduct of the respondent shall constitute domestic violence in case it—
(a) harms or injures or endangers the health, safety, life, limb or well being, whether mental or physical, of the aggrieved person or tends to do so and includes causing physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal and emotional abuse and economic abuse; or
(b) harasses, harms, injures or endangers the aggrieved person with a view to coerce her or any other person related to her to meet any unlawful demand for any dowry or other property or valuable security; or
(c) has the effect of threatening the aggrieved person or any person related to her by any conduct mentioned in clause (a) or clause (b); or
(d) otherwise injures or causes harm, whether physical or mental, to the aggrieved person.
Explanation I.—For the purposes of this section,—
(i) “physical abuse” means any act or conduct which is of such a nature as to cause bodily pain, harm, or danger to life, limb, or health or impair the health or development of the aggrieved person and includes assault, criminal intimidation and criminal force;
(ii) “sexual abuse” includes any conduct of a sexual nature that abuses, humiliates, degrades or otherwise violates the dignity of woman;
(iii) “verbal and emotional abuse” includes—
(a) insults, ridicule, humiliation, name calling and insults or ridicule specially with regard to not having a child or a male child; and
(b) repeated threats to cause physical pain to any person in whom the aggrieved person is interested.
(iv) “economic abuse” includes¬—
(a) deprivation of all or any economic or financial resources to which the aggrieved person is entitled under any law or custom whether payable under an order of a court or otherwise or which the aggrieved person requires out of necessity including, but not limited to, household necessities for the aggrieved person and her children, if any, stridhan, property, jointly or separately owned by the aggrieved person, payment of rental related to the shared household and maintenance;
(b) disposal of household effects, any alienation of assets whether movable or immovable, valuables, shares, securities, bonds and the like or other property in which the aggrieved person has an interest or is entitled to use by virtue of the domestic relationship or which may be reasonably required by the aggrieved person or her children or her stridhan or any other property jointly or separately held by the aggrieved person; and
(c) prohibition or restriction to continued access to resources or facilities which the aggrieved person is entitled to use or enjoy by virtue of the domestic relationship including access to the shared household.
Explanation II.—For the purpose of determining whether any act, omission, commission or conduct of the respondent constitutes “domestic violence” under this section, the overall facts and circumstances of the case shall be taken into consideration.
Please examine how many provisions your mother and you have already violated.
Further stand informed that it is not essential that she (or her parents) alone may be complainant. Read section 4
(1) Any person who has reason to believe that an act of domestic violence has been, or is being, or is likely to be committed, may give information about it to the concerned Protection Officer.
(2) No liability, civil or criminal, shall be incurred by any person for giving in good faith of information for the purpose of sub-section (1).
You believe that you mother had a right to ask her to leave please read section 17
(1) Notwithstanding anything contained in any other law for the time being in force, every woman in a domestic relationship shall have the right to reside in the shared household, whether or not she has any right, title or beneficial interest in the same.
(2) The aggrieved person shall not be evicted or excluded from the shared household or any part of it by the respondent save in accordance with the procedure established by law.
You questions are attempted as under :-
should i stay separate with her and give a second chance?
Ans : DO you have a choice?
What precautions should i take if i stay separate?
Ans : Make introspection as to where you and your family is wrong.
Can they file a false court case of mental torture and all after 3 months of separation and she is doing job and everything?
Ans : I do not think that they need to file false case. Your description indicates that the case against you and your mother will be true and her state of depression (even if you do not believe her to be depression patient) is a sufficient evidence. Longer is the period of separation deeper will be depression and deeper will be the impact of your guilt.
You said that “I still have lot of things to tell but could not write it down. Your help and advice is highly appreciated”
The more you speak (or write) more material you give against yourself and your mother. The best advice to you can be that do not volunteer to be in Jail with mother life there is not as good as shown in movies.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 09 May 2012
WIFE WILL APPLY DV ACT claiming maintenance , RESIDENCE ETC in shared household
