How can i get my wife and son back unconditionally
N Devsharma
(Querist) 21 March 2012
This query is : Resolved
My wife left her matrimonial house as well as me on May 2010 alongwith my son of 2&1/2 years old that time. My parents were affectionate caregiver of my son since his berth because we two are working persons and were out of our residence during day time. After leaving me i had requested to return back over phone while she told that my son was not taken care properly by my parents. Then after giving legal notice I made a case of RCR in judges court. Judge gave three dates for reconcilliation in last 3 months. 1st day her advocate told it was not knowb to him. 2nd day he told my in-law is sick so my wife was absent. 3rd day was a day for ex-partie whlile my wife, father in-law and advocate attended and submitted petition for contest.Till date there is no 498a from her side but she started keeping all of my family members to put us in custody thru' 498a while she was here with us.
There was regular interference from my in-laws house about my wife's activity at her matrimonial house as well us in our conjugal life.
Meanwhile my wife made a case of 125 asking for maintence of 42500/= pm for herself and my son giving various false allegations about her matrimonial relations in March'2011 in another Calcutta court.
Now my son will reach 5 yrs of age in November 2012.
Tell me whether I am on right track to get my wife and son permanently.
Reason of sudden mental changes of my wife after 3 yrs of our marraige is also unknown. Is this due to any bad associations of her, if so, how can i make her retrieved from there permanently.
Pls advice.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 21 March 2012
Unconditionally means on your conditions.
Or as per amicable way?
Once the cases are filed in court, there is nothing unconditional left/
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
ajay sethi
(Expert) 21 March 2012
it appears your wife dosent want reconcilation . you have filed application for RCR but your wife is not interested in staying with you .
you have stated that your wife is working . she can claim the moon but court is not going to award her what ever she wants .
what is your salary ? if your wife is working and earning well she wont get mainteance but you have to provide for your child maintenance .
send her emails requesting her to rejoin you .
also ask for child vistation rights .
if your wife is suffering from mental problems convince her to consult a specialist .
N Devsharma
(Querist) 21 March 2012
Thanks Mr. Kapoor & Mr. Sethi.
1) Unconditional means if she instigate to reside separately with me but not with my parents.Like this.I am interested to get back my wife and son. Am I in the right track??
2) Mr Sethi there is no email id of my wife. I am earning 50000/ p.m. My wife is school teacher and earning 15000/- pm.
I am interestedd to bring back my wife and son both permanently. Why only visitation rights for my son? Is there is no chance of getting back them permanently thru' RCR decree?
ajay sethi
(Expert) 21 March 2012
1)if she has no email id send letters by regd post requesting her to come back .
2)by RCR court cant force your wife to stay with you .
3)if your wife is earning Rs 15,000 amonth court wont award her Rs 42,000 / a month .
4)consult a maariage counsellor .
Guest
(Expert) 21 March 2012
Dear Devsharma,
Any compromise can never be one-sided. Some of the conditions of the other side have also to be accommodated if you want some honourable reunion of your family.
Some totally impartial intermediator can only help you. Otherwise cases of 498a or 125 can create bitterness, harassments and distance amongst the family members beyond the expectations of any one.
N Devsharma
(Querist) 21 March 2012
Thanks Mr. Sethi
I have tried to contact my wife over landline in my in-laws houuse two weeks back. While she sid she does not know me, and if i further disturb she will inform police.
1)now tell me whether i ll post registered letter
2)while she was here i tried for marraige counselling as well as taking her to psychological practitioner. Then she blamed us that we are trying to make her "MAD".. How can i call her for marraige counselling?
3)I want permanently my son back without sending maintence to my wife for my son. Can i get back permantly through RCR decree, in case she does not agree to rejoin, if at all.
Pls advice.
Guest
(Expert) 21 March 2012
Dear Devsharma,
If someone takes the other to some psychological practitioner without convincing her/his partner about the purpose and the benefits, anyone can get offended and would definitely think, as if she/he is considered as mad and is being taken to some doctor for mental diseases.
Similar seems to be her reaction when you tried to take her to the psychological practitioner.
So, though the problem needs to be solved psychologically, but without making her feel as if she is being treated as a mental patient.
N Devsharma
(Querist) 21 March 2012
Thans Mr. Dhingra
I want honourable reunion as I always pay respect to my wife , which is a prestigious partner of any husband's life.
But now I am perhaps entangled with legal suites rather than social bondage.
Now who can be totally impartial intermediator that he will convince my wife that i really want her back. i dont want separation. But at the same time I dont want sepration from my parents who at their senior citizen expects our association as well as their only grandparent, which is thier heart.
How can i stop my in-laws interference, which has created this situation.
Is it legally permissible my in-laws interference in our family activities??
pls advice so that ASAP i can bring back my wife and son both.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 21 March 2012
"Question"" Tell me whether I am on right track to get my wife and son permanently. "
Ans: NO.
RCR is useless.
cannot get custody, very difficult, if not impossible.
will u go and stay with her for few days??
ur doubt of extra affairs can be cleared out.
complaint of not keeping your child well, is against you, but against your parents.
You can confirm it.
Difficult, but can patch-up
Otherwise relations will break beyond repairs, one more fatherless child. one more broken home and harassed husband !!!
N Devsharma
(Querist) 21 March 2012
Nr Shroff
Do you mean to say RCR decree is really useless while my wife was keeping all of us under pressure for 498a. While i want really my wife and my son and not separation or divorce , then RCR will not be a correct step from my side?
How my son will get his father back?
How my son will get his grandparents back?
Is it just my wife's chioce that whtever she want she can do as per her wish?
After leaving matrimonial house now she will claim for maintence cost, even being a school teacher?
I being firstnatural guardian ad legal guardian i have no roght to get back my son and wife too??
Pls advice wht step is the right one?
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 21 March 2012
My Dear Devsharma,
I gave you the best possible advise.
Anything less will certainly harm you.
will spread bitterness & break your house/ break your relationship.
One have to scarify something to get something, nothing available unconditional or free.
I understand your difficulty, but Laws are woman oriented.
Ladies psychology is totally different and opposite of man.
WIN THEM BY TRICKS.
That will solve your problem permanently.
Complains and " Who is right, who is wrong" Who should bow down, will create more and more hatred and problem
SO TRY WHAT I SAID , I KNOW VERY DIFFICULT.
I know you cannot digest.
But by trying you don't loose anything,you will get a lot for a small price, that you will realize after 3 years, not today.
Guest
(Expert) 21 March 2012
Dear Devsharma,
As I have already stated, problem needs to be solved psychologically, BUT without making her feel as if she is being treated as a mental patient, it is only you who has to start dealing with her psychologically to gradually win her confidence.
In case you feel some difficulty, some one of common but impartial common relative of both of you or some totally unrelated impartial professional (not any psycho practitioner), can make possible the reunion of your family. Law cannot enforce reunion against the sishes of both of you. Break position is much more possible in law than a make position in 498a/125 case.
About intervention of your in-laws, even court of law cannot enforce any restriction on them as the welfare of their own daughter is involved. However, everything can be expected to be soved amicably when you get peaceful reunion with your wife and son.
N Devsharma
(Querist) 21 March 2012
Dear Mr Shroff
1)Do u think my wife has made complaint against me that i m not keeping my son well, it is not clear from ur writing.
2)R u suggesting to send a letter to my wife giving proposal tht i want to stay with my wife and son separately, not with my parents. Whether this will be acceptable and digestive to her?
3)is it right way while court proceedings are on...and also she told me over phone when i contacted 2 wks back that she will inform police if i disturb her.
4)or, do u suggest me to wait till i get final decree of RCR
pls advice
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 23 March 2012
My dear you have creted problem so deep that solution can lie in your submission. You started your dialogue onphone and just then you started notice path. By filign RCR you have compelled her to come to court and tell why she cannot lieve with you. You have not disclosed what reasons she has sted in the afidavit, for her inability to live with you.
Mr Shroff has advised you to stay with your wife and you are still interested to first correspond (and provoke things further)
Mr Dhingra has given you some psychological solutions which are practical one but it appears do not appeal to you.
You need to know that custody of child can be denied to any parent on the question of welfare of child.
Your desire for unconditional return is well understood by Mr Shonee Kapoor. He suggested amicable alternative.
I will advise you to read post of Mr Dhingra again and yet again till you understand and do not deprive yourself of the benefit of his sugestions based on his experience in life.
Your wife allege that child is not kept well by your parents and you have not contradicted the same. You perhaps never offered her a seperate residence before the things could go worse.
N Devsharma
(Querist) 23 March 2012
Dear Sirs,
Thanks for your various replies.
But I am really confused wht is to be done by me to get back my wife and son permanently and stay in united family with my parents too.
a) MR. Kumar , as i hv written earlier 1st I tried to contact my wife and my father in-law over phone for return of my son and wife together. It was regular practice for 3-4 months befoe May, 2010 wife tok away my son to her parents giving excuse that my son will not be able to recognise her parents. Then I tried to convince her it is not fair to be in parental house regularly my any married daughter.Her parents also liked to have their married daughter with them.
b) My wife was reluctant to do household work on regular basis even my parnts r doing the same at their old age now. Her parents gave excuse that their daughter is not a maid in our house.
c) Before leaving house it was a regular practice of my wife to use slang, misbeviour even a physical torture to my family members including my mother. As a result we had to make a GD in nearby PS in March, 2010 who had sent my sister and mother to Govt hospital to recover which was held due to physical torture by my wife. When i discussed with my wife why she had done this type of physical torture to family members for which they had to report to police, then she told me anything can be informed to police against money.I was astonished by her reply.
d) Meanwhile she had taken away all ornaments received as gift during marraige, which she is now claiming she has kept in our house.
e) Any way after teletalk, then issuing law-year's letter, then my advocte made a case of RCR. Because i told my lawyear we have a son , i dont want to leave my wife and son. also my son should get affection of all my family members alongwith my parents.
In my RCR all these wht has happened at our residence is written with a request to return back to her matrimonial house alongwith my son, ornaments etc.
f)My wife made a case of 125 after a year of filing RCR by me.
g) Mr Shroff suggested to be separted with my wife and to correspond her. An u said I am willing to do so.But I never agreed it. I said after almost 2 yrs once again i hv tried to contact my wife over phone, while she informed me tht i should not disturb her, if so, she will inform police. I dont know whether it is a crime to talk 2 my wife or not? whether she can inform police.
Even when she was with me she used to threaten us about 498a and calling police. We all family members were dared to talk to her.
h) From my wife side all allegations are given same in 125 as well as in reply to RCR.
i) My wife has also a thyroid problem for which her parents always denied tht saying it is normal. But after a medical test i found there is thyroid problem.But i was unable to take her to any medical practioner , nor even psychologist. As i am the gurdian now of my wife and my son i tried to make her cure assuming all these may b due mental or physical problem. but I fell to do so. Now she has blamed in her petion that I have not taken care of my son and wife.
My wife as well as her parents still says her father is guardian of my wife and not me.
j) Now can any body suggest wht is the right way to make all of us united....not mere giving maintenance cost for my son.I want to regain my family of this stalemate situation. RCR was only accepted by me when my lawyear suggested that i dont want to leave my son and wife separated from me. I dont want separation or divorce.Who will look after my son and wife??? Are my in-laws are guardian of my son and wife?
How can my in-laws keep them for long time.. time and agasin??
Can my parents get permanent custody of my son as their only heir as well as the were the caregiver for more than 2 yers after my son's berth?? Also cosdering welfare of my son.Of course still i prefer my wife returns back with my son for which i made RCR case.
Please send positive advice.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 23 March 2012
Dear Dev,
Read my reply very carefully.
It seems you misunderstood, and confused yourself. So read once again.
N Devsharma
(Querist) 23 March 2012
Mr Shroff
May be i have misunderstood ur suggestins.
Please say clearly wht am i to do to regain an united happy familly...my wife..my son ..my parents and all.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 23 March 2012
YOU STATED"""Mr Shroff suggested to be separted with my wife and to correspond her."
WHERE DID I WROTE IT?? never.
Just go through my reply once again. You are not reading our advise also!! and saying anything you like??
I did not suggest you so. READ ONCE MORE..
I suggested exactly for your purpose ..
N Devsharma
(Querist) 23 March 2012
Dear Mr. Shroff
As you hv said:
"Question"" Tell me whether I am on right track to get my wife and son permanently. "
Ans: NO.
RCR is useless.
cannot get custody, very difficult, if not impossible.
will u go and stay with her for few days??
ur doubt of extra affairs can be cleared out.
complaint of not keeping your child well, is against you, but against your parents.
You can confirm it.
Difficult, but can patch-up
Otherwise relations will break beyond repairs, one more fatherless child. one more broken home and harassed husband !!!
Then you hv said:
I gave you the best possible advise.
Anything less will certainly harm you.
will spread bitterness & break your house/ break your relationship.
One have to scarify something to get something, nothing available unconditional or free.
I understand your difficulty, but Laws are woman oriented.
Ladies psychology is totally different and opposite of man.
WIN THEM BY TRICKS.
That will solve your problem permanently.
Complains and " Who is right, who is wrong" Who should bow down, will create more and more hatred and problem
SO TRY WHAT I SAID , I KNOW VERY DIFFICULT.
I know you cannot digest.
But by trying you don't loose anything,you will get a lot for a small price, that you will realize after 3 years, not today.
SO ,,,,U SAID RCR IS USELESS.CUSTODY ALSO CANT BE OBTAINED.
U HV SAID"complaint of not keeping your child well, is against you, but against your parents.
You can confirm it".....NOT CLR WHT U MEAN TO SAY.
HOW CAN I WIN THE SITUATION BY TRICKS..NO WHERE IT IS MENTIONED.
I HV READ ALL ADVICES BETWEEN THE LINES.
CAN U PLEASE REPEAT OF UR ADVICE CLRLY.
THANKS
ndevsharma08@gmail.com
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 23 March 2012
My dear Dev,
There is nothing in between the lines.
It is very simple:
Go and live with your wife and child:
It is as simple as that.
OK, to save your home, I will instruct you in detail on your E mail. , if you so desire. It will take some time, when I am free.
God Bless your family & u.
N Devsharma
(Querist) 26 March 2012
Dear Mr.Shroff
You hv suggested to stay with my wife and son. Ok.
But now u say there is court proceedings going on now about RCR(made by me) and 125(made by my wife after 1 yr of RCR filed).
At this juncture how can i stay with them? Is it possible? if so how?
There is no mobile no of my wife available with me. Earlier nos changed. Si I tried to contact my wife 3 weeks back at their landline in my in-laws housw. While she thratened me saying if i disturb her she will inform police. I dont know whether she can inform police abt it??
tell me who will bell the cat?
Please mail me ASAP.
ndevsharma08@gmail.com
Guest
(Expert) 26 March 2012
It seems you are not convinced with the advice of any expert. I hope, advice of your own lawyer would suit you the most, if you have narrated all the facts in detail to him.
Don't you feel, you are creating more and more confusion for yourself only on account of extending discussion with part facts each time you get any reply from any expert?
N Devsharma
(Querist) 26 March 2012
Dear Mr Dhingra
I have never given part facts any time.
I have just given reply to everyone as and when they have asked about thier query.
If you go through all the advices all are contradictory..and confusing..... not so convergent..rather divergent.
I have come here to know the right solution to get my wife and son back permanently but at the same time not to loose my old aged parents.
In the process whatever had happend I hv said all to analyze by you all and i wanted to know whwther I am on right track or not.
Give some win-win solution which may help me.
regards
ndevsharma08@gmail.com
N Devsharma
(Querist) 28 March 2012
Dear Mr Shroff I hv not yet recived your detailed reply in my mail id. What are the tricks to be taken by me?
Dear Mr Kapoor you hav not said abour amicable way out.
Dear Mr. Dhingra you have not mailed me the way out by psychological solutions.
Now will u please detailed out in my mail id to save my family..get them back....my wife, my son and also my parents to live peacefully at one place so tht there should not be any further case to filed from either side.
I shall be grateful to this world.
Regards
ndevsharma08@gmail.com
Guest
(Expert) 28 March 2012
Dear Devsharma,
To be frank, the two of your last posts cannot be relished at all. Particularly, your last post tries to show as if you have hired me for my paid services and I was bound by some agreement and compelled to mail you complete details of psychological solutions.
I have also noticed that you desire from Mr. Shroff to provide you the tricks and from Shri Kapoor to provide you amicable wayout to solve your problem, while all of us don't have even a bit of the facts and background about the cause of problem between you and your wife and also the reason for the 498a/125 case against you.
Please remember, the time of each of the experts is quite valuable and the experts here provide FREE guidelines in brief to the querists so that from such guidlines, they may find solution to their problems. They are also expected to consult their own hired lawyers to discuss with them about the opinions of the experts, if that suit them and their own lawyers. If they expect the experts to act as their free consultant till the life of their case they are definitely mistaken.
So, I have provided you the clue how to get your problem solved based merely on your one-sided story. You cannot expect me to provide each bit of the solution through email without caring for my other day-to-day routines. You must be thankful to the experts, who have spared their time, irrespective of your long stretched discussion.
If you feel that "all the advices are contradictory..and confusing..... not so convergent..rather divergent," you must be knowing that different opinions do arise from different experts. Opinions of everyone cannot be unanimous. Everyone has to suggest the wayout what he feels proper. It is up to the querist to think, which opinion he considers the best to adopt as a future course of action.
I MUST ADVISE you to sit with your relatives, friends and your own advocate and discuss about the opinions you could gather from here and adopt the right course of action, as deemed fit by all of you people. MIND IT, you will notice the instance of diverse opinions even amongst all of your relatives, friends and lawyer on the issue of which course of action to be treated as appropriate.
Now, if still you are unable to take any hint from my above reply, I am sure you would be doing nothing, except wasting precious time of experts along with your own time and efforts.
