Bridegroom refusing to marry, after public engagement.
Aseason
(Querist) 09 April 2015
This query is : Resolved
Hi,
The bridegroom got engaged to the bride on Sunday at a Public ceremony, kept talking sweetly and planning the future with the girl till Tuesday evening. Then on Wednesday, the Bridegroom family starts a tantrum about things which were not right at the Engagement function. Now they say, that they are calling off the marriage as they did not receive proper respect and attention at the engagement ceremony, also citing silly and senseless reasons.
We attempted to sort things out talking to them today (Thursday), however they are taking a smart stand that the Guy is not interested in marrying the girl and is in depression since sunday evening, not even talking to anyone, WHILE the TRUTH is he was a work even on tuesday, while he was still conversing with the girl, then he suddenly stopped answering her calls and messages.
The guys family says, we cant force him to get married and even if we did, it will spoil the girls life too.
We said, if you were so Unhappy about the treatment you received on Sunday at the engagement ceremony, you should have called it off THEN and there itself, instead of going ahead and also finalizing the dates after the ring exchange. Even at that point of time, they did not mention anything about being unhappy with the treatments or preparation.
THEY were CLEARLY told about the financial background and status of the girl and girls family. They did the best in their abilities.
Now, Please advise on what is the recourse we have. They have spoiled the girls life, as the engagement happened in the village and you know how things work in the village.
Please advise.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 09 April 2015
you are still to disclose the facts why are they refusing marriage now.
AS far myself I know why such refusals take place in our society. I would like the reason to be spelt by you.
Aseason
(Querist) 09 April 2015
Thank you for responding. Apologize, if my query was not very clear. We are still in a state of shock.
If you are pointing at dowry for being the reason... NO, they are not saying that. They keep harping that Money is not important to us, its respect, etc etc.
They are citing lame reasons.... The food was not nice, the reception was not nice, they were not made to feel valued, etc.
Whilst, the girls parents did the best in their financial capacity with regards to the arrangements. However we argued that just the food not being nice or people being a little reserved is not the reason for SPOILING a GIRLS life. Also, that if you were so taken aback by the arrangements and unfriendly, you should have immediately called it off, the community people (from village) would have known there itself that the engagement did not happen, due to they not being happy with the Background of the girls parents ( THIS INSPITE OF BEING REPEATEDLY TOLD TO THEM AND THEY BEING MADE AWARE OF IT)
Another IMPORTANT POINT IS the Girls parents live in a village and are farmers, the girls has grown up in the city with us and works in a corporate office. The Bridegroom and family are from the city.
Like i mentioned, The only reason they are citing is that they(including relatives) were not happy with the arrangements at the engagement ceremony, for which we said, in that case you should have called it off there and at that moment itself.
They are saying that, they did not expect the girls parents to have made such sub standard arrangements and also, the girls parents were not friendly and outgoing, to have come and hugged and received each one of their guests.
they keep saying that the guy is not interested in getting married now.
Please advise.
Kappil Cchandna
(Expert) 09 April 2015
Sir,
They were like showing of they are not interested in money, but I think money is the only reason .... They are taking different different stands ....
Warm Regards
Kapil Chandna Adv 9899011450
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 10 April 2015
I do wish to agree with Mr Kapil Chnadra.
I see a stereotype pattern.
Please confirm yes or no. Whether it is a dowry demand (direct/indirect) case?
The problem with dowry demand is that many victims do not know that what is demanded (or expected) is dowry [a consideration for marriage]
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 10 April 2015
Is there any law involved in the entire story? Unfit query.
Aseason
(Querist) 10 April 2015
Dr. Vashista with due respects to you, Just for my understanding, so does the law give a free hand to boy/girl to make a mockery of the other persons life by making a public commitment to marriage and two days later calling it citing silly reasons.
Especially the reasons which existed and was in their Cognizance before the ring exchange and also an hour later of ring exchange when the marriage date was being finalized. Reasons they are giving now is The food was not nice, the decoration was pathetic, they were not warmly welcome and sent off, etc.
In this case, the engagement happened in the Village and I am sure we all know how things in Our village work.
We would have been more than happy if they had called it off immediately or raised an alarm about these things at that very moment and called off the engagement. The girl,girls parents and relatives wont have had to go through the mental agony, as the invitees would have known there itself about the misbehavior of Bridegrooms party and the Girls reputation wont be at stake.
I am sure, you understand when you are engaged and you have announced it to the world and then its called off what trauma the girls family has to go through.
We have also attempted to reason things out with the bridegrooms family, it appears as though that they have some other reason/motive for calling off the marriage and just citing the reasons mentioned above as excuses.
Do we have any recourse in this case or the law does not interfere here ?
Please advise.
SAINATH DEVALLA
(Expert) 10 April 2015
Dear querist, it a matter between two families and at this stage law has nothing to do or interfere. Try to settle the matter amicably.
Aseason
(Querist) 10 April 2015
Thank you for your response Sainath.
We attempted doing that, however they are not even willing to listen.
Just sharing my thought.
Is it not funny, in our country, even for eve teasing there is a case and punishment, however when a boy/girl makes a mockery of the other persons life publicaly, the law decides to keep away :-).
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 10 April 2015
Try to have amicable settlement which I think would not be possible. In the background either there is dowry demand or some other proposal has been received by them which they think is better.
If the marriage happens, it may not continue due to this event.
Try to have a settlement and search for another good relation.
Aseason
(Querist) 10 April 2015
Thank you Mr. Rajendra K Goyal.
Appreciate your response. Even we are no longer interested in giving our Girl in such a family which has NO Character.
Also, thanks to all the experts, Mr. Sudhir, Mr. Kapil, Mr. Vashista and Mr. Sainath, who responded to the query.
SAINATH DEVALLA
(Expert) 10 April 2015
Thanks for UR compliments and act as advised
ajay sethi
(Expert) 10 April 2015
you cant force the boy to marry the girl . claim the expenses incurred for engagement ceremony and ask them to return the gifts given at time of engagement
Guest
(Expert) 10 April 2015
Marriage cannot be thrust forcibly on any adult person.
However, from your description, it can be assumed that they have the desire to settle dowry, but they seem to avoid talking directly about dowry from their own side. This can be a sort of indirect psychological pressure to make you ready for offering dowry. If they have adopted such an attitude even before marriage, just think, what they should not be expected to do when marriage is held. Think about what can happen to the life of the girl after marriage, when you won't be able to break away the relation.
So, how things work in the village now is not so relevant, how things are likely to work after marriage are of much relevance to think over right now. There seems to be a need to take a wise but firm stand on your side to tackle the issue to nip the evil in the bud.
In my views, break in relation once for all is called for to avoid making hell the whole life of the girl after marriage.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 10 April 2015
I do agree with marraige cannot be thrust forcibly.
I do not agree that amicable solution may be possible.
When boy side cancels marriage due to dowry or some irrelevant factor, they also have to face society and their only shelter in social eyes is to cast aspersion on the chastity of the girl and cite this as a reason for breaking of marriage and to allege that it is girls side which has backed out.
They will do so if left unscratched.
Aseason
(Querist) 10 April 2015
Mr. Dhingra, appreciate your reply. We have already thought about it and decided that our girl will not go to that family.
However, we cannot let that family go scott free for what they have done to the girl and her family.
Such people do such things, cos they feel they will not be touched and are at liberty to do anything they want.
Guest
(Expert) 10 April 2015
Fix date of marriage, correspond with them for confirmation. Let them refuse or avoid confirmation.
Aseason
(Querist) 10 April 2015
Mr. Dhingra, the marriage date has already been fixed in their presence, post the engagement ceremony, they sat and finalized the marriage date. All this drama is being done post that, which is two days after the engagement.
Guest
(Expert) 10 April 2015
Instead of giving complete information in one instance, you are providing information piece by piece, as if making ready according to the suggestions or the questions of the experts.
As you have now stated, "the marriage date has already been fixed in their presence, post the engagement ceremony, they sat and finalized the marriage date," the question arises, has the date of marriage date already passed? You are still silent on that part of the story. If date not passed, can't you wait for marraige party on the fixed date to know their intentions?
SAINATH DEVALLA
(Expert) 11 April 2015
Don't keep on extending as per your convenience.U have already been advised enough by all the experts, now it is for U decide the future course of action.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 11 April 2015
Mr./Ms, Aseason,
1. You have adequately been advised by experts in the given circumstances, no room left to be added, hence no point in dragging this thread, close it.
2. It involves no legal preposition to be advised by the experts.
3. Contact, engage and consult a local lawyer for further professional guidance, advise and/or proceedings, if required.
4. You are an anonymous author hence deserve no reply should have been given to you.
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 12 April 2015
Dear Author, it is unfortunate and undesirable that a marriage to be called off after having done an engagement. The girl''s side despite pecuniary loss, may have to face the loss of reputation in the society and may be forced to face lot of aspersions as well.
Though it has been decided to call off the marriage subsequent to the developments, if at all you still feel that they have to be taught lesson, you may either issue them a legal notice demanding apology as well as compensation for the monetary loss due to the engagement expenses or think of approaching police with criminal complaint. You are the better judge of the situation, think and act wisely on all the issues that may involve due to your such acts.
Aseason
(Querist) 13 April 2015
Thank you for your advice Mr.Kalaiselvan.
