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Seeking for advice

Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 12 February 2010 This query is : Resolved 
I am seeking for advice please will be heighly greatfull to you in case if the same can happen at the earliest since i have to appear for the firt date on the 15th of Feb.

After the death of My first wife in 2002 I got re married in May 2005 was having 4 years old son as well from the first marriage the second marriage was an arrange marriage.

Every thing was ok for some time but then i came to know about lot of things forom the people around first that she use to tell every one that
how unlucky she is that she has to marry a person who was married earlier.
Just to have the attentation of others she use to end up cracking any news to the people let it be right or wrong.

People were even aware that on which night i was sleeping on top of her on her left or her right.

She use to go to my navers and use to ask them to lend 500 or 1000 rupees that she has to buy some thing and she is not having and will return later.

she use to tell people that i do not give her any money. ( though in from of them only she use to spend around 1800 rupees per month on the parlour and fixed the laser treatment to get the marks removed from fer face for Rs 10000 with out consulting me)

I am into sales and the problem is that 90% of my clients are having female secretries so end of the day if i have to fix a meeting i have to go through their secretries so she started doubting me on the same in the process she started checking my cell whenever i use to go to the bathroom.

I did every thing to clam her down and to make here feel that its only she that i love and like there is no one in my life and neither will be i sweared on god god even on my son but still nothing got improved.

Every fifth day she use to come out with one statment that people are right that since i am not beautiful thats why you do not take intrest in me.
When ever i use to force here to tell me the name of the person who have said so after irretating me for 20 to thirty minutes she use to say no one I feel so.

I tried to explaing to her that it was an arrange marriage and neither you were forced nor i was was forced to marry so if we have done with our chocie then how good or bad looking you are does not and should not make any difference.
But i thing she was made of different stuff i was not able to put any thing in her head because she use to take every thing on the negative note.
She told one of my navour to cross check whether any female work in my office or not.

whatever i have mentioned above was happening in my absense i was not aware
Though in between people use to ask me that how is your married life going on i use to reply back fantastic seems like perfect picture.

In the gap of just three days one after another people started comeing in and telling me that what your wife is doing.

I was shocked to hear all this third day my 5 years old son came to me when i came from the office and said dad i want to say some thing to you i asked what he said mummy made me to rub her shame shame wala area. she also quickly walked in before he could finish and told hime to go to the bed i was like stunned for a while but wanted to understand befor making my mind think any thing else.

Next day in the morning I took my son to another room and asked him to repeat what he way saying last night he answered no dad not all if i will say any thing and mom will come to know she will beat me. i said do not worry i locked the door to show hime that no one is listning to him and saaured him that no one will come to konw about it then he shared it she was liying im the maxi on the bed and forced me to have her breast and then told me to rub around her shame shame when i asked how many times she asked you to do the same he said twice.

I was heading the team of 5 people and on special ocasions they use to visit my house I Instrictuted my wife that this particular person is very slimy and dangours please be away from him never every mix or allow him to be pally with you.

to the surprise of my knowlidge very next night around 12 in the night the same guy called me in a drunken stage and kept on shouting and repeating that SIR MERE BHABHI SEETA HAI USKO TANG MAT KARO NAHI TO MAIN AAP KO JAAN SE MAAR DOONGA AAP JAYADA SE JAYADA KYA KER LOGE MUJ KO NAUKRI SE HE NIKALOGE NA.
I put the phone on the speaker phone and went in to another room where she was sleeping so she could alos hear the same and will help me to ask what the hell this is.

She got up and sait pack my bags i want to go.

When i said about all the incidents that i am aware that what all you have done and said and i need the answer why all this has been done by you she just said please excuse me i said cant trust you why you did all this to me

then she came out with new version of the story stating that YEH MAINE NAHIN KIYA HAI MUJSE BHOOT KERA RAHA HAI. the moment i heared this answer i knew that something new and unexpected will come so it came
she said that she want to go to her moms place to get it rectified i allowed her to go and said that you want to go for 5 days i am telling you be there for 10 days but get your self treated well. and when you will be back i do not want to herar any bhoot again back in you.

My son was studing in upper KG by that point of time there was no phone call no news from her end for the next almost 2and half months and by that time my entire life was changed because i was forced to call my parents from my native place to look after my son and was not having any clear idea that by whenshe is going to come back.

when almost afte 70 days i got call from her her only statment was should i come i said no need.

and then after this call only i decided that she can never be a good wife or mom and i should not be spending my rest of life with her she can ditch me any time.

after that we had some 6 to 7 meetings and jointly was agreed that it should be divorce but they were not agreeing on the almony money i was saying and do not wanted to quate any figure.

Whatever the amount i use to say here mother use to say IS THIS THE VALUE OF MY DAUGHTER ( YAHI KEEMAT HAI MERE BEETI KE)

finally its been over three years now we are staying seprate but noww she have filed for the mentaince

My take home is 29500 PM ( after tds and epf) out of which i pay Rs 14000 as monthly fee for my son ( since i was forced to put him in a hostel) and i am having emi of around 6500 of Home loan to be paid on monthly basis.

She is still in touch with the same guy i said not to be from my team ( normally not to be taken other way) and some how i was able to have a recording of the conversaction both of them have where she is stating to the person that evnd of the day i will divorce my husband but i am confuse on what should be the amount i should shettel for.( this conversation took place after one year of our sepration)

Please help me to know what will be the best way to get the divorce and to teach her a leasson.

So far i kept quite because her brother in law threatned me stating tha they will file a dawry case against me and you know when that is done it becomes horriable.

Please help me out at the earliest thanks

Seekings for your blessings and openion on the same.

Please note that I do note want to bring my child issue inbetween because repeatting the statment will never ever allow him to forget the same.
R.R. KRISHNAA (Expert) 12 February 2010
Arrange a meeting and discuss all the issues openly with your wife and her family in a calm and soft manner and convince her/them for mutual consent divorce.

Without delaying the matter further take your wife to a advocate and get prepared the mutual consent divorce papers and file before the court.

Since your brother in law and mother in law have powerful courses like lodging dowry harassment case or any other criminal case on you, you approach them softly and convince them that it is better to end the relationship decently by filing mutual consent.

It all depends on how you convince your inlaws for mutual consent.

best of luck.
kanhaiyalalojha (Expert) 12 February 2010
You go for the restituiton of conjugal rights failing which move for the divorce or may proceed for the divorce after consulting a lawyer. You may also make an informatory petition in respect of the apprehesion of filing of any dowery /criminal cases for the best.- K L Ojha,advocate,-M-09431902920.
Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 12 February 2010
Mr Krishna
I highly appricate your quick response and concern but i have tried my level best to do the same speeking in the same language after three years now she have filed under sec 125 for the mentaince
Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 12 February 2010
another thing to be noticed that i am having the recording where she is talking to one of my subordinate that end of the day i will divorce him but i am confuse on what should be the amount i should shettel for can that recording can help me or not evn the same recording is having this statement that my husband never ever wanted me to have any sort of relationship with you in cases if he will come to know that i am still in touch with you he will kill me. can this help
Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 12 February 2010
Mr krishna another thin in between last three years i had around 7 meetings where every thing was decided but whatever the amount i used to say they use to never agree on the same and they never use to say any amount.
Raj Kumar Makkad (Expert) 12 February 2010
Nothing to add in the detailed opinion of krishnaa
R.R. KRISHNAA (Expert) 12 February 2010
Dear Anonymous,

If your inlaws and your wife is not agreeable to anything (either good matrimonial life or money in lieu of divorce or mutual consent) you have no option other than going for a divorce. Immediately contact a lawyer and file the divorce petition.

Best of luck.
Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 12 February 2010
Mr. Krishana my take home is 28500 out of which i spend 14000 on my kid she is working in a school where she gets around 3000 Rs a month what should be the mentaince will be instructed by the court the marriage in totality lasted for 15 months only
R.R. KRISHNAA (Expert) 12 February 2010
The amount of maintenance will be fixed by the court taking into consideration all the factors. A specific amount cannot be quoted by me/us. Only the court fixes it.
A.P.Manoranjan (Expert) 13 February 2010
Follow Mr R.R.Krishna's suggestion and arrange for a deed of Mutual Divorce with the help of your family advocate.Next step is to apply for mutual divorce.

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