Help to save marriage
Janhavi
(Querist) 26 May 2011
This query is : Resolved
Hi, I am writing this on behalf of my close friend who needs advise.
Her story goes as under.
Married in March 2009. Matrimonial issues with inlaws. Husband used to take side of in laws. She used to talk extensively to her family. Husband came to know this and also she used to share minute details of her family life with her family. Relations were strained between families. She wanted her husband to look after her family also. Husband denied. She had quarrels wth in laws and husband used to support them. In November 2010 she left for her paternal home by calling her parents and packing her bags.Husband took a stand that she has left home, if she wants let her come. Husband filed for divorce in Jan 2011. It was a shocker to her and her family. Being felt devasted she filed a RCR, police complain and also a DV.
Looking back at past she still wants her husband back. Her husband is a very intellectual man with social status. I told her that she was lucky to be his wife when they got married. Her in laws are also rich.
Wrong things done by her were she filed police complain and DV but this she says was for her protection and was advised by her lawyer and others in family. Also shes done things to hamper husbands career. She stupidly went on trips in india after divorce with her family to divert her mind and feel better.
Looking at future it looks dark coz if this divorce goes through then she will be losing on a well settled independend husband having high social status and intellect. Also she is good looking now but what after 3-4 yrs...it will all be lost. Now shes even thinking that the second person will also be a divorcee and how will the second marriage sustain.
I have following questions,
1. Can this marriage be saved ?
2. how to save this marriage ?
3. Both have not spoken for months now. What can be done to get husband back ??
4. There is Divorce and RCR case. Which will take precedence ? Can court ask husband for RCR and stay together and divorce would be consideration after that ?
5. Wifes demanded maintenance. She was a house wife. Its too much coz her husband is earning more than affording luxurious life style.
My personal general question is ?
To be fair to husband his hard earned money will be spent by wife even though shes not staying with him. How fair is this ? Coz a girl can go in for live-in and enjoy at hard earned money with some other guy ? Is there any way court can monitor this by way of law ?
6. My friend thinks that husband shud come and take her back. What steps should she take if this has to be materialized ?
7. Now does RCR takes precedence over Divorce case ? If yes then can the court ask husband to co habitat with wife ? If husband doesnt follow court order then what will happen ? Will the husband be ounished ? Is divorce eminent.
8. How does Indian society look at divorcee women ??
9. Mens in this forum who are seeking 2nd marriage may throw some light as to what would they do when approaching a divorcee for second marriage ?? Am sure men will think 100 times after bitter experience in 1st marriage.
10. Kindly suggest me as to how should I make them unite together so that divorce can be avoided. Wife still thinks that her husband will come back. However to be honest shes not done enuf which can bring him back. Instead shes done detrimental things may be coz of ego/revenge/family pressure etc.
11. How is life after divorce ? Only divorced females in the forum can throw some light. I can help her know that thisis what will happen in future.....
12. In todays society his there any possibility of second marriages to sustain ???
Your help in this regard will certainly help me in a way to unite them together......
Thanks
Guest
(Expert) 27 May 2011
If she wants to go back to her near normal relationship, she has to withdraw her RCR and divorce cases. Otherwise, the relationships will go bad to worse and worse to worst. No let up in that case.
Janhavi
(Querist) 27 May 2011
Respected Sir,
Thanks a lot for your advise.
Divorce filed by Husband.
Wife filed DV, RCR with NC in Police station.
1. Can DV be withdrawn ?
2. Is there any external agency to bring two parties for mediation ? Or Can Family court direct for mediation if there is point of no return
3. Kindly advise the sequence in which the cases should be withdrawn ?
4.Is there a possibility of stay on all the cases if parties decide for mediation ?
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 27 May 2011
1. Yes DV can be withdrawn.
2. Family court can direct mediation by its own counselors.
3. Talk to your lawyer as the actual procedure differs from court to court. Generally a simple petition for withdrawal is sufficient.
4. Not stay but the court does not proceed with it.
Guest
(Expert) 27 May 2011
I endorse advice of Mr. Devajyoti. However, you may also seek some mediator, which can be a commonly accepted and impartial, but a very sensible person to act as a mediator to try on behalf of the wife.
Janhavi
(Querist) 05 June 2011
Dear All,
Thanks a lot for your contribution. I tried a lot to calm things down. I have spoken to my immature friend extensively. I told her that she has first to decide if she really wants to save this marriage. She said yes. Then I told her that the only way out will be to withdraw the DV & 498A cases against her husband and his family. She was just immatured in taking these aggrasive step fuelled in by some of her family members and her lawyer. Lawyer did manipulate things here and there. Athough some of the incidents are factual.I told her that mistakes do happen but she is matured enough to realize the consequences of this that her marriage will only end once she goes for DV and 498A.
Her family is now presuuring that why did husband filed for divorce in first place.Also his version has some manipulations. If these cases are withdrawn and if he still wants divorce then their daughter cant get justice to her true version of facts. I tried to convey one message to their family that marriage can sustainn on love, trust and faith.
Since these bonds were broken in husbands view probably and he filed for divorce. Her foolish family instead of calming the situation by re concilation approached police and court with counterclaims and their side of allegations. they should have said that ok husband has sent divorce petition but does it mean divorce is granted ? The answer is NO coz it takes time for judiciary to act may be 2 years and in that if i am correct the court gives a chance for parties to re-concile. I explained to them that DV & 498A has ruined this marriage.
Now I tried to speak to husband but he says that once shes filed for DV & 498A everything is finished. There is no looking back. I can understand what he and his family has been through. I know one thing that we are just human beings and law is for justice designed by humans. I guess the family law is just worsening matrimonial cords and provisions of DV & 498A has broken marriages instead of saving marriages. I do not know the statistics of how many marriages with DV or 498A are successful ? Maybe TajobIndia can throw some light on this. I do understand that there would be genuine cases where DV & 498A shud be implemented. Probably there should be a statutory layer before anyone has right to file DV /498A.
Now guys please help me how to convince the husband and his family that the trust in marriage can be re-built by withdrawl of RCR, DV & 498A ? Also in return how to convince husband to stay DIVORCE case ? Girl does'nt want divorce so what is expected from her family to save this marriage ??
Dear Women Activists in the group please explain me how DV & 498 A help save marriages ? Whatever I have read in this forum and interacted wth lawyers all point to END OF MARRRIAGE when DV / 498A are filed. Also RCR does'nt help because it is another version of DV & 498A just a name change and contents are exactly the same.
Thanks & Regards
Janhavi
Janhavi
(Querist) 27 June 2011
DEAR DHINGRA SIR, BURMAN SIR, TAJOBINDIA SIR AND PALNITKAR SIR I AM REALLY GRATEFUL TO ALL YPOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN AN ATTEMP TO SAVE MY FRIENDS FAMILY.
UPDATES ARE.
DEAR ALL,
THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HELP IN THIS REGARDS.
LATEST UPDATES ARE THAT WIFE HAS PULLED BACK SOME CASES AND DECIDED TO MAKE 1ST MOVE.
TO MY DISBELIEF HUSBAND WHO SUFFERED HAS ALSO TAKEN A FOOT DOWN.
BOTH ARE NOW ON TALKING TERMS. I HAVE INITIATED DIALOGUE BETWEEN THEM AND ALSO MANAGED TO CONVINCE HER PARENTS ABOUT THEIR WRONGDOINGS IN MISGUIDING THEIR OWN DAUGHTER.
ONCE THINGS ARE SORTED BETWEEN MIYA - BIWI MY NEXT TARGET IS HOW TO TACKLE FAMILIES.
MY FRIEND IS ALSO THINKING OF QUASHING THE 498A WEAPON IN HC.
THINGS HAVE TAKEN A DRAMATIC TURN IN FEW MONTHS. ITS REALLY AMAZING
LCI IS AMAZING WITH AMAZING EXPERTS IN TAJOBSINDIA, PALNITKAR SIR AND OTHER EXPERTS WHOSE GUIDANCE IN EXPERTS FORUM HAS REALLY HELPED ME BACK IN PULLING THINGS BACK FOR MY FRIEND. I WISH THAT ITS INDEED SOME GOOD DEEDS BY SOME REALLY ANGELS AROUND HERE WHO HAVE MANAGED TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE ON EFAMILY.
I AM VERY MUCH GRATEFUL TO LCI AND OTHER EXPERTS IN THE FORUM FOR THEIR GUIDANCE IN HANDLING A VERY COMPLICATED CASE WHICH WS ON THE VERGE OF A COMPLETE BREAK-UP.
NOW I NEED FURTHER ADVISE AS TO HOW CAN I FURTHER IMPROVE ON MY EFFORTS. TAJOBINDIA IS GR8 AS HE INSTIGATED MY ROLE OF A WOMEN IN STARTING A DIALOGUE WITH THE BOY.
ITS LATE NIGHT BUT I CUD NOT RESIST MYSELF BY DISCLOSING THE HAPPENINGS AND EXPRESSING MY SINCERE REGARDS TO LCI FORUMS AND EXPERTS.
LONG LIVE ALL TGH EXPERTS AND LCI FORUM.
THANKS & REGARDS
JANHAVI
