Divorce from a manipulative wife and inlaws
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 30 January 2012
This query is : Resolved
Dear Experts,
i seek your guidance for a tactful approach to persuade my wife for a mutual divorce. We are married for past 4 years in church. My wife and my inlaws were not financially sound from the beginning. In fact my wife was pregnant with our child before our marrige and I voluntered to get married inspite of all resistence from my side of the family. We got married and from that time onwards I have been supporting my inlaws in all their financial needs from time to time. In the last 4 years I have never felt important in this relationship and I feel like an ATM. her family is regularly in our house and stays there. I have never been loved and given the due importance that i was entitled to as the husband of the house. In the last 4 years I have spent almost 4 lacs on her family for various reasons and currently have a loan of 4 lacs under my name taken for their use. Now I am fed of being used and want to get out of this. I tried speaking to her but she is adamant that she will never divorce me. She has however agreed for a physical seperation. She says that we may live seperate all my life but she will never give me a divorce. I feel this is another of her tactics to get the house and other property of my father and for a secure life in the future. She is working and earns around 28 K per month.
Please advice what can i do to put up a effective and valid case for a divorce.
Can i move out of the house and stay alone for sometime and then send a notice for divorce?
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 30 January 2012
You can file a suit for divorce even staying in the same premise.
You need not move to a new location.
The grounds mentioned above are good grounds for divorce which needs some spicing up though.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 30 January 2012
She has said even if I give these reasons and file for a divorce she will counter this with a case of adultery. I have a good female friend with whom i shared all my issues and she has been my emotional support to go thru all this. My wife thinks that my wish for a divorce is to marry this lady and my reasons are all fimsy. How can i counter this argument.
DEFENSE ADVOCATE.-firmaction@g
(Expert) 30 January 2012
1) You are a manipulative husband yourself since you made your wife pregnant prior to marriage, still rape case can be foiled on you.
2) On your own details no body forced you to part with your money , you gave it and now you want to impose your troubles on inlaws.
3) Law is gender biased and unless you settle matter amicably among your selves , your money, time and peace will be at stage for long long time
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 30 January 2012
dear JSDN,
how can I be the culprit here. I could have walked away 4 years ago. i owned it up and took responsibility of the situation. besides she got pregnant through a mutual intercourse and not a forced attempt. I agree that no one forced me to part with my money, but i helped and agreed to this due to the fact that this will end one day and I will get the family that i always wanted. but this never ended. I never realised that I am used until I was made to think that there is more to life than being an ATM. So now I want my freedom. I know that gender is biased and thats the reason why I seek your expert guidance in this. If seeking a mutual divorce is going to be a headache for me I might as well move out and stay seperate all my life. But without a legal seperation I cant even think about a new partner in my life. So how do I settle this out.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 30 January 2012
you cna stop being an ATM .
mention to your in laws that you are in position to make any further payments to them as you are having loan of rs 4 lakhs on your head .
since yur wife is earning rs 28,000 you may not be liable to pay maintenace to her .
as fr as divorce is concerned if your wife is not wlling to diovrceyou it will be difficult for you to get diovrce easily .
DEFENSE ADVOCATE.-firmaction@g
(Expert) 30 January 2012
Law is against you even for consent physical relations since she was pregnant prior to marriage.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 30 January 2012
I guess it will be messy for me to drag this divorce to court since she has declared in open that she will never give me a divorce. She will put all false allegations on me not caus she hates me but caus she knows that with my name attached to hers she'll always have a security and image in front of society and family. I might as well take a place on rent and live the rest of my life in peace. Thanks for all your help gentlemen.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 30 January 2012
I fully agree with the views of Mr. JSDN.
I support what JSDN said in this particular case.
You have no ground for Divorce.
You are also bound to pay 50% of your child's maintenance and provide them residence.
You are in illusion of marriage with another lady.
Mr. ANO, a poor girl scarified everything for your love, prior to your marriage, cannot be treated this way.
YOU MAY REPENT IF YOU DO, WHAT U R PLANNING TO.
Is your wife pregnant now??
When both of you working, living in ur father's house, where did you used 4L Loan??
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 31 January 2012
On the face of it, I agree with JSDN and Shroff.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 31 January 2012
On the face of it, I agree with JSDN and Shroff.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
prabhakar singh
(Expert) 31 January 2012
To defend oneself is of course an inbuilt mechanism in all JIVAS (life),it is so because of survival instinct gifted by GOD to those who have no realization of their soul.
Among all JIVAS(LIFE) only humans have capacity to realize the existence of soul with in and very few among us are able to carry it with a sense of purpose.The mass is just like animal always dominated by survival instinct.
I wrote so because i saw you defending your self to counter charges brought to you by Mr.JSDN.It was but natural.Mr.JSDN is aware
of your defence power as he himself tells people it to be "immense and perpetual".
In my realization the relation between you two did not start with 'love'but it was 'lusty appeal of sex' in either of you and exploiting the situation was intention on either end,so you succeeded in making her pregnant even before marriage.Values differ
from culture to culture is known to me.But that kind of activity is still not encouraged by any civil institution of marriage.
Now in consideration of this all you started with your in-laws-family with predominant intentions to holdover them as slave without knowing that slavery has been said 'good by'long ago and human generations have feel of liberation.Hence here you 'failed' and that is what 'teasing you'that despite advancing too much monetary help you could not make them your slave.It is simply failure of your own decision,of your instinct,between two 'rivals' one has to 'win' and they have 'won'.In all expectation as law has a protection biased,the more you shall be aggressive,the more would be your chances to suffer.
I may consider you true you have a girl friend who is your emotional support but visualize yourself alone and you shall find
something really cooking silently in your mind.
I find you wrong in holding that you have any nature to do charity as you do things with inbuilt instincts otherwise saying goes 'NEKI KAR DARIYA ME DAAL'.
DEFENSE ADVOCATE.-firmaction@g
(Expert) 31 January 2012
Power of defense is immense that is why most of 498 and DV cases fail, it never means that accused were or right.
Dear sir if you use defense techniques properly you will win , no doubt about it.
My input is for your blaming game. You purchased a cloth cut and stiched, now you want to return showing bragging about the quality of cloth. The original shape and quality is lost forever.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 01 February 2012
Let me put it this way. I want to do the right thing at the same time I want my happiness as well. I dont have any feelings for her and do not wish to live with her. i seek a divorce with mutual understanding and am willing for a legitimate settlment.
DEFENSE ADVOCATE.-firmaction@g
(Expert) 01 February 2012
Your opponent is on offensive so , will accept your terms for MCD is your dream. Instead their terms will be beyond your imagination.
Once initial shock of various actions against you is diminished , you must prepare your defense to exhaust the opponent.
Time is biggest leveler.Memory of witnesses will fade, interest of opponent will also fizzle so it will be sure, simple to come out of your present turmoil. That is what happens in many cases.
If you feel after divorce you can get any other to bat with you, it will be nightmare or you will have to make many many compromises.
You opponent is aware of your dilemma and also can not resettle so terms of MCD or otherwise will be most demanding. If you can come in terms with these hard facts staring at you than only there will be light at the end of tunnel.
