Cheating in the name of marriage

Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 02 April 2020 This query is : Resolved
Dear Sir I am divorcee (India). During the process of divorce a guy (a PhD at IISc) came on my way filled confidence me in saying his girl friend is also divorcee dont worry you will find one more soul to love you. Since he was my Master classmates too I started sharing m tough time with him. He was also taking care of me. After few days he told he dont have good relation with his girlfriend its in the verge of breaking as she doubts him too much just uses him for he PhD work and she wants to settle in US only. Later, he told he broke up with her and proposed me. I also felt okay he told soon after your divorce will get marry and had sex with me in his room in IISc. We had good relation later he wanted to move to Germany for his higher studies and I got offer from Israel. I told him I will come with you. He told since your Divorce process didnt complete you go to Israel then I will move to Israel as you have nice position. First he moved to Germany after 6 months I moved to Israel and met him in Germany immediately. We visited Prague. Later, he was forcing me to complete my divorce process so within 4 months of moving to Israel I came to India to get my Divorce. So, after that I asked him to move to Israel and get marry he told he is not ready now as his Ex-girl friend is crying he wants her to settle in life he needs an year break. I was upset I cried but then I thought okay Yes, she may feel bad let her get marry to someone then we can get marry. We were meeting twice a year (I used to travel from Israel to Europe). We had good understanding and happy relation though we were fighting here and there. When he was going to India on vacation I used to force him to talk to his parents abut marriage. He told he spoke but his mother started crying (because of different caste) he didnt drag as he was on short vacation he didnt want to spoil that. He did this for 2 years. Then I told okay since your mother is not listening to you ask you cousin sister and brother they are educated they may understand. He told yes it may work out I will speak to them. But, told even they scolded but they will talk to my mother. He kept on telling this for almost an year. We were fighting because of long distance and I developed many stress related health issues because he was not marrying. But, we kept on meeting and travelling to different parts of the Europe. I reached a stage where I told I cant live without you. I was always getting suicidal thoughts in the fear that he may leave me. My Vitamin and harmonal imbalance was too much. He knew these he told dont worry I am leaving Germany and go India to make them agree for Marriage everything will settle in a month. Talking in person will be effective. I also felt okay. I stayed in Israel he came back to India. He was always telling his mother is crying and became busy in job search. He told let us find a job then we can get marry and stay together even if they wont agree. I stayed with you for 4 years I cant cheat you. I already gave them enough time. Later he got. I started applying for job in India mostly in Hyd and Blore. Got some offers in Hyderabad. He told me to reject those offers as we should be in blore together. But, our fight was reaching bad stage as he was telling anything about marriage he was not okay for me to leave Israel and come to India. He told one month but 6 months passed he didnt do anything. Once, I got super upset I told I will die he told if you die here I will be punished go to beach and die so that your dead body wont be available. I was upset and left to beach. But, he called and convinced all that he needs is some time. Please come back. We were fine after that. Both were worried about my situation he told you resign in Israel and come back to India will speak to parents. I came back without any job to India, a months passed he was not doing anything our fight continued. Then I got super worried I went to his home by force there the situation was little fishy it looked like he never told them about this.But, he convinced me saying only his father dont know. I was super tired as I went after the treatment, I told him that I drank handwash I dont to be alive if you cheat me (I didnt). He said dont do this will get marry and dropped me to home. Then after 2 days he even came and met my brother in law and told we can get marry without telling his parents or after his brother marriage we can go for official marriage. My bro in law told dont spoil your relation for your brother marriage you go for register marriage later we can go for grand marriage. He said okay and fixed date as March 15th. We had three weeks time for preparation. One weekend I forced him to go for house search (to stay together after marriage) . He came we saw few houses he told will finalize later. Then second week I wanted to do shopping and finalize where to get marry. But, he told they are going to search a girl for his brother it will be nice for us if it finalizes. I fought but said okay go but will go according to our plan will get marry on 15th. He said okay. Then i had asked him to take leave in the mid of the week to finalize temples. We saw few temples on 11th. They were not ready to to marriage without parents. He told thursday (12th) he cant take leave he has to go to office. So I went alone to inquire in few temples. Finally, one temple agreed to do marriage. I was happy and told him since we dont have time take leave tomorrow will submit the application. He told he is busy in office he will talk to me in the night. As I cant talk in home I went to Pg to talk to him he started talking from office (thats what he told me) and told he wants to get marry in some other place. I said no lets not delay 15th is a good day will get marry here only its only 30 mins works anyway later will go for grand marriage. He kept on arguing about place date everything he said okay to place but on 18th. I said no 15th. I was crying I was not even confident that he will come for marriage he told he will definitely come. He did Video call (he told he came to room by cab left his bike in office) as I was hitting my head with phone and scolding him with bad words (I was not in a position of controlling my self because of this). Finally, he called my brother in law he told you both are stressed just meet tomo things will be fine. So he told he will meet me on 13th mng at 8 pm. I was still ngry on him mng 6. am i texted. No reply. At 7 he replied saying he is leaving now. I also left my room but all of sudden at 7.20 am he sent a message saying he is going away from me as he is not sure we will be happy after marriage. I got super worried called his friend he started asking me what you did, you guys fought or what? He even told he was in office yesterday one of his friend told me like that. Then I told his friend I will meet him he asked me to come to K. R. Puram to meet one of his other friend and discuss. I went there meanwhile I had told my other friends to check in his office and Pg. They checked in PG his things and bikes were there only (so my boy friend lied). Then I called his boss he told he didnt turn to office since 5 days (he lied there too). Then, I called to his cousin brother (my boyfriend gave this number saying you can talk with my brther you will understand how difficult to make my parents agree and he will help us. I had spoke to him couple of time from Israel thinking its his brother). But, now when I called his friend picked that call. I was surprised and asked how he has this number he told after I went there home there was big fight at home his brother wife told him to not to do this mediation thats why his brother gave this number to him. I thought okay leave. I met him I could see that he is lying then he told his family also worried he just told them he is going on training his mobile will be switched off (my boy friend elder brother was continuously calling this friend but he was neglecting as I was with him). He didnt take me to any friend house saying that friend dont know anything. I was just crying crying withut understanding anything without food from yesterday. His friend told he has to go office. I hold his leg and asked please take me also I will die if he leave me. I will be with you until my boyfriend calls you. He didnt take me left me on road and left. I thought okay his parents know let me go his village. I went alone there they locked their home and his father told he dont even know me (though I went their home recently). His younger brother called and scolded me badly. Then I understood everyone playing a drama. Immediately his friend called and told you come back his parents are innocent. I listened to him. I was about to leave but his village people took me somewhere and asked me to explain everything and they recorded it. After, all these also, I kept on mailing him and his friend saying he didnt cheat me. He is just upset he will get back to me. Someone is forcing him to do so. Then after two days I got mail saying its me only. Its my decision since we are fighting always I would like to break up. Please respect my decision If you ever lied. Even after this I did loose trust on him I kept on requesting his friend many times asking him to come and meet me in presence. I took his cousin brother new phone number from friend and called I could see totally different voice I never spoke and he also told he never spoke to me (So my boy friend gave his friend number as his brother number). His brother ran away because I was forcing him for marriage he was in relation for 4 years because I always blackmailed him saying I will die. He even told this marriage wont happen this birth. He may roam with hundred girls in college days we cant get marry to each and everyone. I was going through lots of emotional stress with these kind of talks. Still send around 200 mails to my boy friend and n number of messages to his friend, younger brother and cousin brother saying I badly want to see him. I am under mental trauma I just want to see him once. I actually wanted him to come in person and give a proper closure. They didnt listen. They didnt feel any guilty for spoiling my life for 5 years. They didnt even think how one can stay in relation by force for 4 long years. I sent them all happy times we spend together. They said that he did by force not by love. They he even called my brother in law and told the same they dont know where he is and they dont want this marriage to happen. Also, they told he never told in home and never searched a girl for his younger brother (Seriously dont know whom to believe as the person I trusted for 5 years lied to me). Then my brother in law will go for legal action. May be his friend got bit worried and asked my boy friend to call me. He called me through internet call (to hide his new number and place from me). I started telling about how much I was missing him he didnt give damn about it. He started telling about the fight which happened 4 years ago about all fights and told this relation is not going to work out. He told he tried to convince me that this relation is not going to work out but I didnt listen since he was worried that I may die he was in relation. He also, agreed that if he would given his brother number he would cut and thrown me long back thats why he didnt give. He had cut his call in between. He can come and meet me after lock down as he is outside karnataka. He is okay to sit in jail if I want him to sit in jail and if that makes me happy. 15 days passed. I am still upset. seeing all the good times spent together. Messaged to his friend and brother saying see we were happy only. Its only because his parents didnt agree for marriage we were fighting. Also, it was long distance relationship so more fights will be there all the fights we did is just because of we were not staying together if we get marry and stay together everything will be fine. I will promise you that will take care of your family as my family. Lets all have a happy life. Caste is nothing please dont separate us for caste. No one replied. Then called his friend he was still talking and lying saying he dont know. Then I scolded now its proved my boyfriend only told he gave your number as his brother number still he didnt agree. I told he might have shared his tough time as he has to manage his parents and me, you guys have brainwashed him. He asked me back saying So if he is married by now, you will blame me only for that? I was fully shocked that he got married suddenly still didnt loose my trust on my boy friend. Later, his cousin brother also, replied his parents have done register marriage for him he has no role in this. If I want I can take legal actions, they are ready to face it. He even told they also, have proof to show that I block mailed him saying committing suicide though my boy friend tried to convince me that this relation is not going to work. He also told marriage happens only once in life that has already happened so I cant do anything. I told No Anna it can happen second time also he said thats not our family culture we are from respectable family. He told, if I have confidence of winning the case I can go ahead. Its lengthy but explained as it is. I am getting mixed opinion on taking legal action so want your suggestion. Few main points. 1. Since it looks like he didnt tell his parents very recently about marriage he never had intention to marry me. 2. I went through abortion once but he maid me tear all documents I dont have any proof to show that. 3. He lied that he is going to office he lied about his brother all shows he was trying to cheat me from long time. 4. We didnt have sexual contact in last 8 months (He usually forces but this time he told it will be after marriage only). May be he has planned. 5. He absconded but informed parents. This alone wont say he dont have guts to come and face me so he is doing hiding businee. 6. How if he says his mother will commit suicide its a love if I do its block mail. 7. See, I was a divorcee I just built my life around him, he was everything for me for all these 5 years. I prioritized him more than my parents shared everything with him. I used to pack food from Israel to cook his favourite food to Germany. I even met him on this Valentines day and bought him gifts. Does these things are not love? How he elt to cheat me. 8. If I take legal actions, is my case will be strong? Or they will also say I forced him thats why he stayed and having sex is mutual consent so we cant punish him? (I am clear on this we had small fights like other couples fight reached worst stage only when he said his parents are not agreeing for marriage and started delaying things). 9. He spoiled my career personal life everything. Wont he get punishment for this? 10. How can they go for registering marriage when all these things are happening isnt it a crime? Then why he told he is outside karnataka? 11. Earlier also he had a relation ship with divorcee and left her. I feel he had broke my heart made me go through so much tough time spoiled my career personal life. Dont know what to do next. Everything I had to start from zero. I am in the same stage where I have started my life 5 years back. I had to lead my life alone for the rest of the days. Who will accepet me after all these. He should get punishment for cheating me. Please answer what legal actions I can take. Or you feel its not going to be strong case I should not waste my time on this. Thanks

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Quick Summary

This is a deeply distressing account of a five-year relationship that began with promises of marriage but ended in deceit. The author, a divorcee, invested heavily in the relationship, relocating and enduring significant emotional and physical stress, only to discover her partner had no intention of marrying her. Despite repeated assurances and even a planned wedding date, he ultimately abandoned her, leaving her to navigate the devastating consequences of his lies and manipulation.

Raj Kumar Makkad (Expert) 02 April 2020
You are well educated like that guy who allegedly defrauded with you and established sexual relationship under the false promise of the marriage. You were well aware that your divorce petition was pending at time when such relationship had been got established which also shows that still you were legally wedded wife of your earlier husband. Establishing such type of relationship with a stranger during the subsistence of previous marriage is though a crime in the eyes of law but at least it can very well be treated as a consensual relationship and thus no offence of rape as alleged is established against that guy

So far as fraud and misrepresentation is concerned, the same is duly established and you may make a complaint to the local police and in turn an FIR can be got registered against that guy.

P. Venu (Expert) 03 April 2020
The query suggests no legal elements. You had acted on your free will which has later turned out to be a disaster.

All that could be suggested is not to be the prisoner of past, but to turn a new leaf.

KISHAN DUTT KALASKAR (Expert) 03 April 2020
Dear Madam,
My answers are as follows:

1. Since it looks like he didnt tell his parents very recently about marriage he never had intention to marry me.
Ans: No further delay, ldoge complaint under various sections of IPC and you must fight on full time basis.
2. I went through abortion once but he maid me tear all documents I dont have any proof to show that.
Ans: Such documents can be procured from the concerned hospital or polce may help you.

3. He lied that he is going to office he lied about his brother all shows he was trying to cheat me from long time.
Ans;Yes, you must say so before police and Court to win your case.

4. We didnt have sexual contact in last 8 months (He usually forces but this time he told it will be after marriage only). May be he has planned.
Ans: You must have anticipated his future plans.
5. He absconded but informed parents. This alone wont say he dont have guts to come and face me so he is doing hiding businee.
Ans; Lodge complaint and police have big hands.

6. How if he says his mother will commit suicide its a love if I do its block mail.
Ans: Let it be on record and police will deal with such blackmailing tactics
7. See, I was a divorcee I just built my life around him, he was everything for me for all these 5 years. I prioritized him more than my parents shared everything with him. I used to pack food from Israel to cook his favourite food to Germany. I even met him on this Valentines day and bought him gifts. Does these things are not love? How he elt to cheat me.
Ans: He has no hurt and feelings.
8. If I take legal actions, is my case will be strong? Or they will also say I forced him thats why he stayed and having sex is mutual consent so we cant punish him? (I am clear on this we had small fights like other couples fight reached worst stage only when he said his parents are not agreeing for marriage and started delaying things).
Ans: The strength of you’re your case will be known firstly on filing charge sheet and when evidence is lead by prosecution.
9. He spoiled my career personal life everything. Wont he get punishment for this?
Ans: You can get not only punishment but he has to pay compensation
10. How can they go for registering marriage when all these things are happening isnt it a crime? Then why he told he is outside karnataka?
Ans: You should have taken a restraint order against him and would have prevented him from marrying
11. Earlier also he had a relation ship with divorcee and left her. I feel he had broke my heart made me go through so much tough time spoiled my career personal life. Dont know what to do next. Everything I had to start from zero. I am in the same stage where I have started my life 5 years back. I had to lead my life alone for the rest of the days. Who will accepet me after all these. He should get punishment for cheating me. Please answer what legal actions I can take. Or you feel its not going to be strong case I should not waste my time on this.
Ans: World is a big platform but no body knocks at your doors unless you extend your hands not in the above way. But you can turn your life style as you wish.

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Expert) 03 April 2020
Under the given situation, in my opinion, it is crystal clear that he had utilised you and he never intended to marry you.
He was also scared about his future or career if you commit suicide hence he always pretended to pacify or console you with false assurances.
In my opinion, it will not be possible to live with him in a marital relationship with him even he is forced to marry you.
Hence better ignore him for ever, however you still an lodge a criminal complaint against him for the offences of cheating, breach of trust and even criminal intimidation.
You may get him punished legally for the fraudulent activities he had done to you and look out your way to start a fresh life instead of waiting or depending on him anymore.
He will pay for his deeds very badly very shortly becasue he can never be contended even with his newly wedded wife, he may have a miserable life when the new wife comes to know about his past history.

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