DIVORCE, 498A.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 18 December 2010
This query is : Resolved
I, AM (age-29, staying in Mumbai) & my wife, (age-25, lone daughter of her parents, staying in Utaranchal) met through Bharatmatrimony website & were in touch, mostly over the phone for 9 months before marriage. She & her mom came to Mumbai to meet us but we did not visit Dehradun before confirming the marriage. We were married with the consent of all relatives on both sides on Nov 27th ’09 in Kolkata & since then she is staying with me & my parents in Thane W.
At the time when our baraat reached the marriage hall, all (except 3-4) guests from their side left as my MIL (who is dominant, vengeful & has a controlling nature) insulted them. After the marriage ceremony, she took away all the gifts they received along with some of the gold jewellery my wife wore during marriage. She gave me 35,000/- INR (bearer cheque) to me after marriage on her own in front of all my relatives. During ‘bidaai’, both, my wife & her mom didn’t shed a tear. Before our marriage, a few other previous proposals couldn’t work out with her because of her mom’s combative & argumentative behavior.
My MIL couldn’t adjust to any of the members of the joint family that she had married into & is the reason why most of their relatives have since boycotted them. She has perfected her art of intimidation, using the worst abuses regularly with (specially) her neighbors & family. She is habituated to dealing with the police & courts and constantly consults lawyers even though her family income is around 7,000/- INR. Her dad was arrested once because of her mom’s old personal enmity with her neighbors. None of our family members have any police record until now. My wife also told me that her dad didn’t consider her as his daughter since childhood & had also sexually abused her. She told me that when she had typhoid in childhood, her parents only provided her medical help fearing bad publicity in society... they would have been happy to see her dead. Before marriage she was harassed by her own mom with taunts like– “why don’t u die?”, “manhus”, “why aren’t u a boy?”, which drove her to twice attempt suicide then by slitting her wrists. By revealing these things before marriage, she gained massive sympathy from us all, which led us to support her then, after which her mom vowed to her that she will destroy us all after marriage for revenge for warning her (a fact my wife informed us only recently). Till 5 months after marriage, she didn’t speak to her mom because of this threat. But when finally she started talking to her on our insistence, her mom instigated her against us, urging her that she must- never trust us, be fearless as pro wife laws are on her side, fight tooth & nail against any perceived insult, divide me from my parents, etc.
Soon after my parents left for a tour of 3.5 months, she then started to openly mock & insult me that I can’t retaliate, threatened (even over minor issues) to usurp our home (which is on my dad’s name), putting us in jail & taking all our belongings, after leveling false accusations against us (like dowry, violence, taking her streedhan, etc.), so that we become her slaves for life out of fear. My MIL even called our neighbors & relatives spreading lies & scorn about us & also asked my wife to do so, who then obliged by visiting them personally. My MIL on different occasions even tried to incite me against my wife & also advised me to kill my wife & dispose off her body secretly, assuring total inaction from her, when she was 1st informed about my wife’s problems (she even asked me to record that telephonic conversation, to prove that she was serious about it- which I unfortunately didn’t). Her mom then faxed a complaint letter to the Child & Women’s cell in Commisionerate office near Crawford market in Mumbai in May’10.
After finding out that the complaint was a false one (my wife then revealed the truth to all & since then has stopped talking to her mom), no action was taken against me. My wife then repented her actions & visited my neighbors (with me) and then called relatives (from both sides) as well as her acquaintances in Dehradun to apologize, requesting them to ignore her mom. When her mom came to know this she made hundreds of angry call attempts on our numbers & to irritate her, we used to keep the phone touching speakers blaring loud English rock music...but even then she used to continuously shout for over 30 min... (she needs urgent psychiatric help). Then my wife (1st person), me & our neighbors filed an NC against her mom at our local police station for harassment, as advised by the mahila aayog madam. My MIL may be trying to extort money from us, using pro-wife laws, using her daughter to get relief from her life in poverty. She asked us repeatedly to visit Dehradun after marriage but we didn’t, for obvious reasons.
After marriage, we discovered that we were fooled– she failed in T.Y.BA (I have verified her educational documents as none of us can believe that she has even reached till T.Y.BA as she is incapable of doing simple 1st standard addn-subtraction eg. 100-25), didn’t know the basics of cooking, etc., wasn’t a virgin (I was), purposely ignores our advice when we try to teach; after lying before marriage. She has refused to work on a part/full time job of her choice. She just wants to rest for most of the day & prefers to make her idle mind a devil’s workshop & argues if taunted. She says, she doesn’t trust ‘any’ person & doesn’t consider this her home. She would have been better off marrying a crook/don/policeman, as she & her mom only respect persons with destructive power. She has been calling my mom “randi”, etc. & threatens to beat up & even kill my mom & if I interfere, then she’ll turn against me too. What hurts me most is that before marriage, she gave me/us all kinds of assurances which she didn’t/couldn’t fulfill. If she would have truthfully revealed her real nature and limitations, I would have surely married a more compatible girl.
The mahila aayog madam (& probably our neighbors) sympathizes with me (& have lost faith in her) & she has submitted along with her assessment, my wife’s handwritten, notarized & signed document on 100/- stamp paper that she doesn’t have any problems with me or any of my relatives & that her mom is creating problems where there are none. My wife personally told to the Collector of Thane about her mom’s harassment before & after marriage. On their advice, we are visiting KEM hospital (reputed Govt. Hospital), wherein the HOD, Dept. of Psychiatry (Dr Parkar, with 26 yrs experience), officially diagnosed her to have– 1).Borderline personality disorder & 2).Paranoid schizophrenia. Her traumatic life before marriage seems to be the main reason for such problems. Dr Parkar assured me that her case papers can be used as solid proof even in the Supreme (or any International) court if needed. She is being administered the prescribed medicines since Aug’10 (I’ve kept the bills). I have been told by the psychiatrist in Thane mental hospital that with this diagnosis, she can be admitted there. Should I?
I have & continue to gather good quality voice & video recordings (direct as well as telephonic) before & after marriage (in private as well as in the presence of other persons) in which she - a) herself admits that I & my parents are innocent on all counts, b) threatens to put false allegations on us all. These also prove all the above. Her answers recorded with my spy cam & mobile acquits us from IPC 498a, 406(stridhan), DV act 2005, DP act 1961 & implicates her side in IPC 504, 506, 500, 420, DP 3 &4 act 1961, etc.
Currently, she says she repents her actions & gives abuses to her mom for trying to screw up our relationship– she only wanted her mom to intimidate me. She may be a smooth operator who wishes to get what she wants only by giving threats. i.e. she wants a golden egg everyday without killing the hen. She tells me that she prays for my parent’s death, as then nobody would point out her mistakes. Now, she is regularly abusing & threatening my father too, when he tries to correct her. She has also tried to create misunderstandings between us & our relatives, friends & neighbors with lies. She habitually lies to cover her mistakes & get out of awkward situations. She does some household work but improperly, even under supervision. In my parent’s absence (for 3.5 months), she used to clean the house only once in a week. My MIL has posted 4 threatening letters full of lies to me saying that she has got contacts everywhere.
My parents (aged 65 & 60) curse me for having married into such a low income (we are middle class) & third grade family. They say- if she can’t do simple totaling of currency notes, what use will she be in future when my parents won’t be there, in case of any emergency? My mom wants me to divorce her. My dad has asked me to at least stay separately with her as he is now fed up with the daily conflicts. My wife doesn’t want to divorce me. It is possible that she may be acting sweet with me for now as she can’t adjust with my parents. If there occurs any problem with me, she apologizes to me later on.
I am looking out for suggestions/corrections immediately for any/all foll. Questions-
1). After this horrifying experience, I don’t intend to marry again in this lifetime. I am in the process of giving her a last chance to to see if she is really able to stay happily with me separately for a few months. If yes, then maybe I can buy a house in my mom’s name & stay with her as long as possible. If no, then, as advised by a lawyer, I will either directly send her to her parents or rent a small room in a chawl for a few months & then send her to show low standard of living during the inevitable maintenance case later. Does she deserve a last chance or am I being foolish in still hoping that things work out? Can I file for annulment or divorce together? Does schizophrenia still exist as a valid cause for divorce?
2). The mahila aayog madam will submit in court my wife’s handwritten, notarized & signed affidavit on 100/- stamp paper under spy video recording that - she didn’t face any cruelty or dowry harassment from me, my family or relatives till the time we lived together; she wants her streedhan to be in my parent’s bank locker for safekeeping, which can be returned to her after completion of legal formalities; as she wants to leave this house to live with me separately, she will never be allowed to reside here again. Pls advise on it’s legal validity and suggest any/ all changes in this draft of document especially in order to protect my parents from false cases later on.
3). We haven’t yet registered our marriage. Should we now? Is it compulsory to file for divorce?
4). Pls suggest the best strategy to follow so that I don’t have to repent later on. Pls tell me if I am missing to safeguard against any possible law/loopholes/line of thought.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 18 December 2010
1.Schizophrenia is an acceptable form of ground for divorce. However your staying n chawl is not a good ideas as the court would look into your salary0ncome and not your sudden degradation in living standard .
. Draft is more or less ok.
3.Not required, marriage is already valid.
4.no
