Interference from inlaws
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 03 August 2011
This query is : Resolved
Couple is staying in wife's flat. Wife forced the husband to leave his parents house in the same city and come and stay with her in her flat. She claims that she was not happy staying with her inlaws and since she is pregnant, for her happiness, husband agreed to move to her flat with her. His parents are old and he is only son. Wife does not like him to visit his parent's house and gets furious even if he visits them for a few hours. As a result, he is not able to tend to their medical requirements and other domestic help.
Now, wife has called her own parents to come and stay with them.This is causing marital discord between husband and wife.Her father is insisting to take the wife away to their hometown for her delivery, against husband's wishes. What recourse does the husband have? Can wife claim DV and 498a against husband and his parents (who are staying separately) even though wife's parents are always with her in her own home?
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 03 August 2011
What recourse do the husband's parents have?
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 03 August 2011
Until and unless the husband removes the fear of those cases no body could help him.
Ask him to be a man first after which he would on his own find his way outs.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 03 August 2011
everybody he speaks to says since she is expecting, you just have to accept whatever she demands. What is your suggestion?
Advocate Rajkumarlaxman
(Expert) 03 August 2011
If she wants to be with her father and mother let her go and till that time you can deviate and devote yourself to your own [parents itleast time being lets see afterwards what happens and as our expert states remove your fear from mind about dv and all. go with the flow presentl time demands thta now.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 03 August 2011
Thank you Mr. Laxman.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 03 August 2011
1)does wife has any evidence of any cruelty indulged by husband ?
2) whether demands of dowry were made by husband and in laws?
3) whether you have presurised your wife in any manner to have an abortion or physically hurt her ?
4) it is natural for wife when she is expecting to be with her parents . you should agree to her suggestion that she cna go to her parents place for delivery
5) no case is made out under section 498 A of IPc if you have not indulged ina cts of cruelty nor demanded dowry
ajay sethi
(Expert) 03 August 2011
she only wants to go for delivery . allow her to go . if husband parents have not made any dowry demands nor illtreated her they have nothing to fear
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 03 August 2011
Mr Sethi - No demand has ever been made from girl or her parents. There has been no cruelty and hence, there should be no evidence(unless she fakes something). First six months of pregnancy, she was in in laws place and as per medical reports and doctor checkups, both she and baby were in perfect health. Isnt that proof that she was well looked after? Husband has NEVER asked to abort child. In fact, the wife has threatened 2-3 times in past tp abort the child, but that is only verbal, no written proof.
K.S.Srinivas
(Expert) 03 August 2011
Mr. Anonymous,
If your answer to Questions (1) to (3) of Mr.Ajay Sethi is 'NO', you need not worry.
I agree with the points (4) and (5) of MR.Ajay Sethi.
Wife does not like him to visit his parent's house and gets furious even if he visits them for a few hours is not proper on her part.
I feel it is the bounden duty the son to attend the medical requirements of parents and other domestic help.
Everybody should think that if we do not take care of our old aged parents, then one day we may have receive the same treatment from our children. I believe that service to the parents is service to the God.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 04 August 2011
If wife goes off to parents house for delivery on her own wish, is it mandatory for the husband to also go there?
R.Ramachandran
(Expert) 04 August 2011
Dear Anonymous,
I find a lot of confusion in you. You seem to be unduly worked out emotionally rather than seeing things in their proper perspective.
1. First and foremost understand (even your parents would confirm it) that it is normal for a pregnant lady to be in her maternal home from 7-8th month till the delivery. It is a common understanding (right or wrong nobody can comment) and belief that the lady would feel more comfortable and forth coming with her problems if any, with her mother rather than with anybody else. The comfort and confidence of the pregnant lady matters more than any other considerations.
2. You say your parents are old and they need to be looked after. In such a condition, (apart from what I said in the first para) one cannot expect them to attend to the needs of the pregnant lady also. Even if they are willing and doing, still the lady may not be comfortable. It is a given thing.
3. You say that they are taking your wife to their place, against the wishes of the husband. Please tell me honestly, are you employed or a house-husband? Are you experienced enough to attend to the needs of a pregnant lady? Are you in a position to give comfort and confidence to her - in case she expresses some fears / pains etc. - which her mother can give due to her own experience. If you are an employed person, then who will take care of her when you are in your office? So, please try to understand. Do not put things in BLACK OR WHITE. There are lot of grey areas in life. Which one has to understand, adjust and go.
(I AM NOT FOR A MOMENT GETTING INTO THE ASPECT WHETHER YOUR WIFE IS ALWAYS DEMANDING, WHETHER SHE DOES NOT LIKE TO BE WITH YOUR PARENTS, WHETHER SHE HATES YOUR VISITING YOUR OLD PARENTS EVEN FOR HOURS, HER GENERAL ATTITUDE etc. etc. THEY HAVE TO BE DEALT WITH SEPARATELY AND LEISURELY. IT IS NOT THE CORRECT TIME TO BRING IN THOSE ASPECTS. IN SPITE OF THOSE IRRITANTS, YOU HAVE TO BE MAGNANIMOUS IN THESE SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES. I hear your murmur "if you are in my place you will not be advising like this". Yes.)
4. There is absolutely no compulsion that husband should also shift to in-laws house when the wife has gone for her maternity. Ofcourse, you should without fail, show your genuineness, love and affection towards your wife and make enquiries about her well being, comfort etc. as any normal husband would do - completely disregarding whatever tantrums that she might have thrown in the past. This is because, such finer moments do not come in life quite often.
Have a clear mind. A man is always torn between the parents and his wife. Luckiest ones are those who have persons of great understanding from all sides, including the self.
I would only urge you, not to give room for any bad feeling against your wife in mind. Once you get that feeling, you will have self-sympathy, then there will be umpteen number of persons to nurture that hatred and ultimately it will ruin YOUR LIFE and not of others.
I am sorry, I am advising - which I loathe to do. But, my sincere wish is to see that you young couple should be happy and should not allow small small things to come into your way. LET GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU.
Ajay Bansal
(Expert) 04 August 2011
See A.I.R. Manuals.
