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sumi   02 July 2017

My wife left the house and does not want to come back

Hi, I am actually going through a bad phase of life now. My wife is showing too much of EGO AND ATTITUDE of not staying with me. This is the third time she has done this kind of drama. She behaves OK if i behave extra romatic  and the moment i behave little weird she immediately plays this game of being goody also she usually doesnt like family compromises which we have to accept in family and suddenly when any such moment ariseswhere i am not good when she has to go to her home she behaves goody to me and my mother and father ..and says that she will come back after few days .we believe her words and..she stays there and suddenly decides not to come back...Now its been 1 month she has not returned even after i had met with an accident. I spoke to her father and told him to visit my city and talk to me and my family together to stop this drama by his daughter. He said he will come but still he has not come. I am completely blank now as my wife is just playing around. She has come to my city which i came to now from her office and strange her parents have still not called me or my father to inform that they have sent her back. Extremely weird Family. I dont understand is it the only way to maintain relationships by ladies???Its shocking that they keep leaving the house and take advantage of genuine husbands...A man cannot be romantic everyday. Todays generation girls r 90% who keep saying we left out housefor you and all. we r also understanding that a girl leaves her house but that doesnt mean she does this kind of drama to get importance in life. I really wonder when will girls realize that you also have to accept the husband and family and it should be very mutual than doing dramatic situations by going away from home every now and then. And after late realization would say sorry after situations turn bad for both families. I was also shocked when my wife contacted my uncle saying she is not sure of her decision whether it is right or wrong not to go to my house. also says that she is not happy without me...It also indicates that its all about TOO MUCH OF EGO... I would request ladies to pls understand husbands...Every husband is not a bad person or every family is not bad unless they really trouble you. I am totally upset now as her family is not at all taking any initiative to contact me or my father and this lady has again re joined her job and staying in same city and dont know where she is staying... i dont call her as she is extremely blunt in her speech and makes me more upset which will obviously be my insult that i keep forgiving her attitude every time. I would say marriages either once or twice we have to learn to adjust compromise sacrifice Love care understand each other in every situation and marriages are not a joke...its not only for romantic fun everyday ..it includes good and bad days too...except if it is too bad then which could be understood by anybody...But todays girls leave house any time for silly reasons mostly for husband not being romatic and make an issue of it..... And yes i read in this thread someone said thate parents wont be forever etc...But sorry to say there are really parents who do take care and support their children if they are right at their end.... If a wife keeps leaving the house...how will she remain in life forever? so pls dont judge anyone easily.. Your parents can be your best support ever if your wife /husband doesnt support you.... Guys pls suggest what to do?:-(

 


 80 Replies

Kapil Chandna (Lawyer at Supreme Court of India)     02 July 2017

Sir, 

 

Give her some time and things will become good... 

 

Warm Regards

Kapil Chandna Advocate 

9899011450,9911218741

https://kapilchandnaadvocate.wordpress.com/

Kumar Doab (FIN)     02 July 2017

Build evidence of all that you have posted.

If elders are unwilling to act beyond a limit try counselling by marriage councillor.

Your post does not suggest that anyone is sick to such limits that needs sessions with Psychiatrist.

Also try with other elders,well wishers, friends to help.

They may find what is repelling to her and help to creade and eradicate the differences.

 

 

A walk alone (-)     02 July 2017

Your wife is immature. You should first take help of marriage counselor. If it fails involve elders to sort out problem. Family problems should be solve in four walls of house. Give her sometime to understand and adjust. Meanwhile start keeping all call recording or other recording in which you ask her come back. This is only for your safer side if situation become out of control. Stay away from lawyers . once your family matter enter in court it will end only by divorce. So be away from lawyer.Every person has different nature . marriage is all about adjustment from both side.
3 Like

sumi   02 July 2017

Thanks friends. We were already consulting a doctor. She always gabe excuses that i m not romantic. I tried behaving romantic and did my best. Still she did as she wanted. Yes i already have recordings with me. I m shocked she is just showing too much of attitude now which is not bearable by me my family and her family. Its disgusting to see such egoistic lady. I really wonder how things will improve ever as this is the third time she has done this. Whenever we go to doctor she just talks abt any silly issues which even doctor told her to write down n tell us..because they clarify straight in front of each other. She is adding stupid messages on whatsapp status that it is hard but not impossible..so it indicates either she is just playing around or want too much importance which cant be possible always. Srsly i m going mad and feeling why i selected her. Typical college immature girls behaviour. Its not only abt having s.x and bed needs But it should be abt equal importance to family life which she usually tries to ignore. She said to doctor that we dont ask her if she wants to come with us or not if we r going any where. Whenever we have any functions we would obviously ask her to get ready She said at her home they were allowed npt to join if they didmt want too. I have explained her how is it possible that we leave her alone at home and not allow to come with us??? Obvsly as part of family we have to take her along... She thinks that her decision should be asked whether she wants to come or not..how silly is that.... Me my family did compromise twice when she behaved this way... Now we r actually waiting for her parents to come to our home n straight away discuss and sought this out.... But god knows when...:-(

A walk alone (-)     02 July 2017

If situation is out of control and you have tried best at your level and her parents are also not coming in front then, you can send her a legal notice through lawyer to come back. This way you can come to a result otherwise you will waste years for waiting her or her family

sumi   02 July 2017

True thats the option to break down her ego. As she had planned this smartly. When her sister got married in first week of june she behaved very genuine with me my family just because she had to go for the wedding..infact even i had been for the wedding..i didnt get a doubt that she will give a sudden shock to us. And after the wedding she called n said she wont come back. And even when i explained her politely to come back n lets sought this out...she replied she was just waiting for her sisters wedding to get over without any problems. I told her r u crazy its been 5 days to ur sisters marriage..what example r u setting in front of her...my wife ignored my words n sticked to her decision. She seriously needs a doctor or a lesson in life how to compromise and understand what is married life about. She just feels marriage is abt husband loving wife...rest all r sh*t.

Born Fighter (xxx)     03 July 2017

Ur wife appears to me as a bipolar personality. She seems to be control freak and has adjustment issues. She wants to be treated as a Girlfriend forever and is leaving a life far from reality. This behaviour is kiddish and gets easily covered and protected when women start blaming the husband and his family by playing victim card / using emotional blackmail tactics. Her parents are helpless and would not come forward to accept their mistakes.

 

Be cautious and do not talk sternly or give any ultimatums. If ur inlaws are not pushed too hard they may agree for MCD and if u start talking legally it may backfire. As suggested the approach should be Marriage Counsellor (check personality issues of wife while you discuss issues with counsellor) - involvement of elders - Reconciliation  OR MCD

If you both get back do not go for a child atleast for 2yrs is my advice.

sumi   03 July 2017

U r right born fighter. Its just a wait n watch game for us as of now. Exactly as u said she doesnt understand the reality of life at the age of 28 Hopeless attitude.we had visited a marriage couseller where she pretended to be doing good n all..she cried in front of her to gain sympathy. She herself told that psych that my husband is a caring person...but only because few things i dont listen to her ...her more focus is on s.x and wants a rosy day everyday....which is not possible.. Ups n down r a part of life which i have explained her multiple times in polite way... She feels she is behaving strong by doing these games...

Ms.Usha Kapoor (CEO)     03 July 2017

You find her out and  bring her back by assuring her to give her  equal importance on par with your immediate family members-Your Parents/Siblings and afterwards be Romantic towards her.inline  with her expectations. Once she attains maturity  she starts loving you truly  and you both should  live in giving some thing  and taking something in exchange manner in  this matrimonial relationship in order to have a happy  matrimonial life.

Kunuthur Srinivasa Reddy   03 July 2017

Please make a last trial. Start living with your wife separately away from joint family set up. I hope this will work as of late, nucleus families have become imperative whether good or bad. I do not know what you mean by being romantic. If it is physical it is just momentary and does not last long. It should be mental and seemingly emotional for which you need to attempt to understand psychology of your wife. No woman likes except in rarest, to accept mentally and live in a joint family system. Further, keep on praising and flattering her frequently. This would please her and as you shared, her ego keeps on raising to a point of anticlimax and ultimately takes a u turn. This problem persists till you are blessed with 

a child and later vanishes as the attention goes towards upbringing of the newly born family member. Had she been dependent financially on you, she would not have left you nor her parents supported her actions in leaving you frequently. Life is a drama devoid of ideology currently. Please do not aim for absolute values with others including your wife. 

KK   03 July 2017

The actual problem is wife not willing to stay together. But son has an obligation towards other members of the house as well, even though it is less as compared to obligation towards wife. In case of single son, parents are totally dependent on him, and wife asks to stay away create huge moral stress on him. What to do in such cases, when wife threatens to file cases in case demand not met.

sumi   03 July 2017

Absolutely right .. in January 2017 after the first anniversay  i had come to a conclusion of staying away from family for the same reason ...infact even my family supported me alot that yes it is needed for both of you to live by yourself so that she will understand how to handle LIFE and other factors.But she only said NO to stay away as if she pretended that people will blame her that because of her we had to leave the house n all...she just gave excuses of not quiting the lavish life style at home.

 

She had smartly asked me lets go and buy a vehicle for her...where she would finance as per her decision and she wanted it on her name only...when the bike seller said mam how does it matter if bike is on ur name or ur husbands name  as he wanted the marriage proof certificate to book bike on her name for passing in my city..she immediately over reacted and said because of u i cant get bike on my name as u have not made the marriage certificate..That was seriously silly to listen at:-(..

As you said physical needs does end at some moment but she doesnt understand it.....she just knows how to get things done by how she wants it else she is always ready to make a scene of it..

She intentionally stopped wearing a mangalsutra..when i asked she just replied " CHID CHID HOTI HAI"... i really wonder what should i conclude from this...

as i havea habbit of sleeping very early after dinner even that she doesnt like...she wants me to be awake till she remains awake....she keeps playing on her mobile and keeps watching movies....

 

Its not just about being ROMANTIC every now and then... She behaves like a typical immature girl who would feel GOOD if you keep pampering her and show her too much of importance which is not possible always.

 

I have done enough of respect to her and her family.. i also suggested her to get into a JOB so that she gets busy in life and learns to communciate with people as she usually is very stubborn of not talking to people so easily as compared to me..

 

Also about baby...the moment we r into physical she speaks somethings rubbish which pises me off which shows she doesnt wanna have a baby soon...thats y i really wonder if she harasses me so much what will she do to the baby...:-(

she is aggressive most of the time if thinsg dont work as she wants...thats too much of expectations in life...

 

i have explained her so many times that we have to LEARN TO COMPROMISE IN LIFE.....Its not gona be a goody life forever..

have to see number of phases..even after so much explaination... she is doing what she wants.. and srsly she just wants me or my parents to call her so that if she comes she keeps screaming at us and make more issues at home by crocodile tears....

Kunuthur Srinivasa Reddy   03 July 2017

Then, only option left for you is to seek consented divorce. If this does not work, let there be social boycott by all the members of the family by maintaining total silence and communication blockage with her including yourself, till she mends herself. Avoid sharing bed with her. This strategy speaks of satyagraha by nonviolent means. Try this as a last resort. I hope this would bring her back to senses and ultimately to repentance. However, do not run to lawyers. They are sure to make things worse for you with rare exceptions. 

sumi   03 July 2017

Yes Yaar.I am honestly Blanked out of what will happen? As its not easy to bend down someones ATTITUDE AND SO MUCH OF EGO.

Its so ridiculous if a women only thinks that she is being meant for fun and gives a name of LOVE to it:-(

I was surprised that whenever we use to freak out anywhere out of city she use to behave happy and moment she has to compromise anywhere at my home she use to immediately get pissed off and always with an answer of NO..\

Worst when she use to expect i should obviously behave normal at her home whenever i visit and do not tell anything to her mother of how she behaves...i really wonder how many womens really behave this way after marriage...i can understand if its extreme case where husband is bad... but in my case even after being polite enough she is just wants things to happen as per her wish...

 

I was shocked to her from her father that he was also fed up of his own wife since 26 yrs...I told him the same that your daughter behaves the same as your wife....He did agree that she is also arrogant like her and doesnt think before speaking out...

Typical SERIAL TYPES WOMEN WHO PLAYS GAMES AS PER HER REQUIREMENTS....:-(  God knows why i m stuck in this married life....


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