Mental harassment by parents and attempts to evict
Kapdawala
(Querist) 12 May 2012
This query is : Resolved
I have been going through a rough patch in my life. After marriage 2 years ago, my wife and I had lots of arguments within the first 6 months. I had just left my job and was jobless but doing freelance work. My wife was not working. At a point the arguments became so bad that we threatened to divorce each other. Unknown to us, my parents under the guise of family research got my and my wife psychologically tested. At the time my mother was behaving very badly with my wife. We were forced to go to a counsellor. I was given medication. I got a job, was working but my parents kept pressurizing me through the counsellor to leave the house. In frustration I finally moved out with my wife. We stayed together for a year, but things were difficult. We continued to have our arguments. My wife finally got a job and is working. She is also enrolled in an MBA program. I left my job in an NGO 7 months back. Was very emotionally disturbed in life. Not understanding the direction and what job to do. Financial insecurity and anxiety troubles. My wife earns 12000 and I would now get a job of 40000. We moved back to our parents home 3 months back. I moved in 7 months back. My parents have been forcing me to go to a psychologist, take medicine and counselling. My dad has Parkinson's disease and according to me is emotionally empty. He watches 3 - 4 times a day. My mother is filled with hatred towards my grandmother. They are supportive, but my father is a little crazy. He keeps insisting that unless I leave the house I will not learn anything. I am an engineer and have studied rural management. I left a well paying IT job to pursue my interests and passions. I taught in a school and worked in NGO, but have realized on my own that this will not run my family. I am now looking to switch back to IT. However I feel threatened and emotionally anxious about two situations - The moment I get a stable job, my parents will again start pressurizing me to leave the house. We are well to do with a 2000+ sqft house in Juhu. My sister got married 3 months ago. In my marriage I insisted on a simple marriage in the house itself. By nature I am a simple person. I am intelligent and hard working. I enjoy peoples company and care for others. Essentially my personality and thoughts differ from those of my parents. Neither my wife or I trouble my parents in any way like threatening them, abusing or torture. We are both busy in our own lives. I do not want to take medication all my life or keep going to a counsellor because my father will feel I am becoming okay. But if I resist then they will keep pressurizing. I am in a very difficult situation. I want to know if my parents can legally evict my wife and myself from the house. I want to focus on my career and make my marriage work. My wife and I both are loving people and want to live as a family in our house looking after my parents in their old age. I feel my parents have gotten it in their head that I am after their money or will become dependant on them. In their anxiety they are going totally crazy and pushy. The household atmosphere has stopped being normal. My father writes weird letters and tries to prove to me that there is something wrong in my thinking. I have no response to these. If I keep silent then I am labelled dominant, if I protest I am creating a bad environment. Unfortunately I am not sure this situation will improve. I have to deal with it. But at the moment I do know that there is actually nothing wrong with me. The only problem is that I had not anticipated such turn of events in life. I had often wanted to go abroad to study, but my parents kept telling me that family means to stay together. The problem with me is that at all times I really trusted and believed in my parents. I am very obedient in that ways and help out my parents in all ways. But my father is quite pushy and often inconvineinces the entire house with his projects. He is unable to move and walk properly. He is perverted and cannot be left alone. My mom has to be following him 24 hours.
Realizing the future trouble I just want to focus on my work and get some sort of financial independence from my parents and stability in career. But I am afraid my parents will untimely try to accelerate that process thereby causing more harm. If I know that legally they cannot evict me then for the next 3 years my wife and I can focus on stabilizing ourselves and then by choice move out. The anxiety caused by their threats would cease to cause mental anxiety.
I honestly do not want any part of their money. But am unable to get them to sanity. The house atmosphere is unloving and uncaring. No one talks, laughs or anything. My father is in his own world and my mom is left frustrated which she takes out on me and my wife. I just want to know if I should get too mentally anxious about being evicted. I know that at the moment I cannot be independent and there is nothing wrong with me just because I think this way.
There are millions of families in which children live with their parents. There is nothing mentally wrong with such children. It is just a clash of my parents expectations from me with my own personality.
I often feel frustrated and drained by it. I know my parents will not change. If I can focus on my work, then after 3 years my wife and I can move to her parents home. I am trying to figure out how to prepare the ground for the future, but my parents keep hurrying me along. It is then my mind stops working and I feel incompetent.
I sometimes think if I declare my self depressed then my wifes responsibility will fall upon my parents and they will be unable to evict us. I do not want it that way it helps no one. So what are the possible way out for me.
My parents are constantly a step ahead of me. Instead of worrying about them if I focus on my work then I will be successful. What should I actually worry about.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 12 May 2012
Why are you running away from your responsibilities.
Attend marriage counselling and sort things out.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 13 May 2012
From your description you do not appear to be a psychiatric case. Even if you are you are curable. If you continue living in such house you may one day be incurable psychiatric patient.
It appears that now you and your wife have good relations and will not remain so if you continue in such a house even if it is palacial .
Pece is always a good option regardless the cost. Move out if you can.
ashutosh mishra
(Expert) 13 May 2012
Not so much experienced i may be called to guide you but i do not see what allurement you have got to live in that house which only makes you mad.Afford their maintenance but live some where else to achieve the goals you have.
