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supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012

What to do: file a divorce or keep a mistress?

There is no s*x in life. She is an introvert. I like friends. So all fun in life was already gone, now with s*x gone, I do not find interest in life?

She doesnot want divorce. She says, I gave given you a son, 20 years in marriage, I have right to you for rest of life, s*x is not important.

I have sent son to hostel as Son-and Mother relationship was also not good.

Now as all of you said: Court case is difficult and takes long time, what if I just go ahead

take a house in rent and keep a mistress, openly declare her as my wife (though not in legal terms),

what can my wife do?

Ask for divorce?    That is what I want.

Ask for allimony :   and I have read in such case they get higher allimony, I have no problem with that, I need my own life and fun. 

Is there any other punishment possible?

The other question is what happens when child comes back home.

I am thinking of option of A Paid Host family with children age 8-15.

Problem, diffucult to find in India.

And child will always prefer to stay with me though I can make him spend some time with his mother.

Last question: what if I bring  the mistress home and start staying boldly in the same roof, what can she do?

Note:  I still do not have any one, we are undergoing counselling. My wife is suspecting type that

has take a toll on her life. Our problem was lack of social life as she was a loner. Now when she doesnot share a smile, obviously because I am a talkative person, I make friends and she starts suspecting.


 103 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     21 April 2012

@ Author

My antenna caught only these words from your brief ‘
20 yrs. in a marriage’ . Well if that is the fact in hand and having shown above average intellect (possibly reading past several remedial message by now here in LCI) solutions do exists to all matrimonial problems is my dharma;



1. First start with filing divorce under “irretriviable breakdown of marriage’ taking cues from Navin Kohli citation ensuring sitting with a good draftsmen and a damn jolly Advocate on your side. Remember it may be a long inning milk shake.

Well by the time some meaningful ‘activity’ happens in Court the present Hindu Law ‘Amendment’ will be effected upon is consensus much awaited societal view hence suggested para 1.

A Keep / A mistress / A live-in partner are all the same for a person in his second decade old marriage so far as ‘partnership spent’ and ‘partnership’s worth returned as in quality from bored life’ are concerned. Atleast this much I can make out case studying current social trends. You have synopsesed various ways to seek happiness while being married and while not being accepting same marriage but actually it is not a marriage now no more.
In such ‘dead marriages’ donot ask legal forums to spell out A to Z but take cues and may embark on the needful but never do three things; ‘a civil marriage’ OR produce another kid from such ‘economics of arrangements’  OR spend “social times” which shows ‘relationships to the nature of marriage’. Till the time these three things are balanced probably the next few decades are well spent by an ‘extrovert’ spouse seeking ‘middle dharma’ for HIS quality of life.


is socially damn expensive passing time during marital life of a two decade old bored marriage, so never give chance to same society to point the direction of The Famous ‘Adultery House’ in town and pop a case goes on floor of concerned Court with imprisonment and or fine and or both as deterrent (well the adultery law is designed to penelise male spouse only as of now).

I feel you are ‘intelligent’ and ‘capable’ spouse so read between legal remedial lines and may take the plunge and never question above as in black and white till ‘IrBM’ cometh your way.

You are lured by passiflora edulis smell around and no matter how many chapters of Law is placed before you, you will follow what an ‘extrovert’ spouse wants to do now since there is a in-compatible bored marital life in place day in – day out with kid in hostel and four walls to give blanket welcome!. Hence, take above appropriate remedial steps with precautions and ……………

supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012

My question is simple. What will happen in I donot file for divorce and start a seperate life?

If I start the divorce procedure, I pay. If she does, I pay. I care for her, so I any way pay allimony.

But in a s*xless meaningless no social no fum life, why suffer? Let her file the case.

What is the exact case that she will file?

a) Adultry :  She know where I life and how I live (future).

b) Child : adult enough to choose where he wants

What exact case will she file? She has insulted me many times, locked me out of house many times,

thrown me out of In0laws house twice, i have physically violated her many times. We have proved ourself incompatible. But she wants to say: I cook for you, maintain your house why can't we stay together?

I say, i need life, I need s*x.  The logic are round and round. 

In life she was in control. In past I had ATM card at least. later she started controlling everything.

This became untolerable.  In revolted. She didnot understand my pain. I snatched away the control.

She though I took the control for extramarital affair. And when she took it too far, i indeed had a brief


Later we underwent councelling. No effect.

So what do I do?

She doesnot want divorce. 

Can I just keep a misterss and maintain both side. If i find a girl who agrees to be my mistress 

and even have my children? Why not? 

My question to this fourum:  If I do this , can she file a violation? I know  a man be charged by the

husband of a women if she is married, so i need to avoid married women. In case of a divorcee

I need to check the divorce certificates. 

Great reverse.. I need to check, and she doesnot.. for a simple reason, a woman cannot be punished.

Other then divorce and allimony.

supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012

And Kindly use simple words.

supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012

I have taken counselling. i have learnt not to use physical violation.

I have learnt not to answer verbal excitations.

but she is frozen. i am unable to change her.

One question: At later date can she file the case against physical violance?

Things that has happened atleast 1 or more years back and that too because i

have started living seperately and maintaining a mistress?

supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012

well the adultery law is designed to penelise male spouse only as of now

-  what exactly is the punishment for opening leanving home and staying seperately with a mistress?

Can I loose my goverment job?  If so what law would they use to throw me out? I remember signing

not to marry twice as long as I am married. So, I have not married, I have mistress and and have children

(Just imagining and trying to know law before doing them)

She may say she wants divorce: In such case no case need to be filed as I will not contest.

Alimony: I will again not contest. I will allow court to decide.

Child: He is already in hostel and will only come home in vacation. I will want him to spend part of his 

time with mother. No problem. He will always choose me. And even if he doesnot how does it matter?

I will still care for him.

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     21 April 2012

Originally posted by :supabcdefgh
And Kindly use simple words.



Tajobs,please  use simple words.Even I cant make out what you are saying,even after reading 2-3 times the same thing

supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012

My posts or the answer?

supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012


Section 497. Adultery

The law of adultery as it stands in India punishes only man, and assumes that in all cases ‘man is the seducer’ and the women, who is an equal participant is viewed as a victim. There have been numerous debates about the discriminatory stance of the provision, The insistence of the National commission for women and the report of the Madhav Menon committee & the 42nd Report of the Law Commission of India, have breathed a new lease of life in the dying controversy. The law relating to adultery as existing in the Indian penal code under section 497 has been criticized ever since it’s commencement. Its validity both on the constitutional grounds as well as philosophical grounds has been challenged time and again. But the law still stands as it is.


This law is unapplicable if I take in a unmarried woman or a divorsee (Have to be careful) and man's

own wife has no role in it.

supabcdefgh (teacher)     21 April 2012

New Delhi, April 8: In a judgement that expands the ambit of the Domestic Violence Act, the Delhi High Court has held that the law protects not only a man's wife but also a 'mistress' or a live-in partner.


The Bench also held that diversion of funds, meant for legally married wife, towards the live-in relationship partner for her protection was not unconstitutional and invalid.

Good thing, the mistress gets all protection against physical violance as a wife does.


Tackle your existing problems first than inviting more problems in the form of mistress !!

1 Like


super bug chacha, 20 saal bita diye ho aur 20 saal bita do . pata nahi kaun tapak jaye iss beech.

1 Like

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

Some one wrote to m : "super bug chacha, 20 saal bita diye ho aur 20 saal bita do . pata nahi kaun tapak jaye iss beech."


---  This is exactly what my wife is also telling me is forget s*x, don't talk to any woman, act  like a loyal dog and enjoy the rape.

1 Like

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

"Tackle your existing problems first than inviting more problems in the form of mistress !!"

Any suggestion how?  Why is keeping mistress a problem. There are many single women out there single

who would even invite you to there home for a stable relationship. I just logged in Indiadating and many many requests already started coming. All I have to do is be careful.

My son(12 years) is already expecting this would happen. 

Why is mistress a problem and we don't see marraige a problem when we marry first time?

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

last but not the least, i have not asked for suggestion. i have asked the net, 

Am i correct in my interpretation:

 If I officially move out and keep mistress (fixed) or start dating multiple women,

as long as they are not married

There is no Indian law that  punishes me

My wife can only file for divorce/ ask for  higher alimony.

Am I correct?