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What to do: file a divorce or keep a mistress?

Page no : 2

Cutie (self)     22 April 2012

 

"I gave given you a son, 20 years in marriage....I have sent son to hostel as Son-and Mother relationship was also not good"

 

Good explanation of how important s*x is in ur life, and how by not being involved in s*x with you, your wife is destroying ur life.

 

Reason: 1. Probably she knows of your adulterous behavior more than enough, to compromise her self-respect and be a doormat.

2. 20 years means, you have entirely used up her productive years of her life. Most probably she is not employed or employable, as she has used her skillsets towards maintaining you, your son and your home. So, on that grounds, people do sell their old cows to butcher houses, since she can milk no more. We can understand very well what is your primitive mental set-up.

3. You sent her only true relation, which makes a woman feel complete, away from her...saying mother-son relation not good. Are you human? Are you suffering from some psychological problems? Until I read your last message, I was thinking that your son is probably 18-19 and is having growing up troubles, with his mother, who may be the only correcting factor in his life, since you have morally no right after your conduct. But when you said he is 12....and then he understands so much...even has bad relation with his mother...I think you must be seriously suffering a mental handicap. Instead of joining lawyers forum, can you see some health expert, psychiatrist. This is important. I wonder what kind of child development you can ensure your son, as you are yet to attain adult maturity and are fixed up yet in child ego...where you have to have the ice-cream which the other child is having.

4. Why are you breaking your only foundation, man? Your wife is the only one, who is standing behind you, with your so many shortcomings. I don't know what your compulsions are....however, your multiple s*x partners or mistress that too fixed....suggests that you will never ever have a surity of any kind in whatever relations you pursue. You are a bad husband and a worse father. Still you have a family to come back to in bad times. Where will you go, if you are suddenly detected of a time-taking and killing disease like AIDS or cancer. As it is, BP, diabetes and other old age progressive diseases is also not far away, considering your age. Who will give you water, when you will be frail enough not to rise up from bed. Mind you, the acts you are indulging in ...are leading you faster towards this end.

5. I would strictly advise you to stay put in brothel for a year or two. Have so much of s*x...that it just eats all your so-called zeal up. May be you see a light thereafter. Don't worry. Your wife doesn't seem to be one, who will take you to court for adultery. She has given up on you, already. She knows it too well that you are simply a bad guy.

 

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

 

First I would thank you for your sincere reply. I agree to most of your points. Let us see.

 

 

 

"I gave given you a son, 20 years in marriage....I have sent son to hostel as Son-and Mother relationship was also not good"

 

Good explanation of how important s*x is in ur life, and how by not being involved in s*x with you, your wife is destroying ur life.

 

It is not just s*x, it is also self-respect, trying to control everything and most important being an introvert, we have no social life. Till son was small, it did not matter but now it was effecting his mental growth. He, like me need friends.

 

 

 

Reason: 1. probably she knows of your adulterous behaviour more than enough, to compromise her self-respect and be a doormat.

 

 

It is easy to suspect a man.  I possibly had committed mental adultery. Since she was not satisfying me in mental sense, would participate in social gatherings, I became away from her mentally and started sharing feelings jokes with others which she assumed as physical relationship.

 

 

2. 20 years means, you have entirely used up her productive years of her life. Most probably she is not employed or employable, as she has used her skillsets towards maintaining you, your son and your home. So, on that grounds, people do sell their old cows to butcher houses, since she can milk no more. We can understand very well what is your primitive mental set-up.

 

She was a beautician. Now she is a bakery specialist. She is employable, but she wants to own business. I have offered her, I am ready to leave IIT faculty job to run her business, she does not want. Now business in Delhi is not a joke. And she cannot run it herself. In fact our complain is this: She is always busy in cleaning home, gardening, cooking or making cakes which she sells in locality. Not much profitable as she does not employ people.

 

About milking her.. what do you expect from me? Do you mean Man has not been milked because milk does not come out of us. I have offered her.. see you do not want s*x, no affection, no touching even. That means now you are my sister or mother. I indeed care for you. So why not become my mother and relieve me of this s*xual bondage and frustration.

 

3. You sent her only true relation, which makes a woman feel complete, away from her...saying mother-son relation not good. Are you human? Are you suffering from some psychological problems? Until I read your last message, I was thinking that your son is probably 18-19 and is having growing up troubles, with his mother, who may be the only correcting factor in his life, since you have morally no right after your conduct. But when you said he is 12....and then he understands so much...even has bad relation with his mother...I think you must be seriously suffering a mental handicap. Instead of joining lawyers forum, can you see some health expert, psychiatrist. This is important. I wonder what kind of child development you can ensure your son, as you are yet to attain adult maturity and are fixed up yet in child ego...where you have to have the ice-cream which the other child is having.

 

Why do you think it makes a women feel complete and not a man. Truly speaking. I will tell you the total story:

 

We knew each other from childhood. We married when we were both 23. I was a student with scholarship to study masters. In PhD I would not have scholarship. I actually wanted to join industry. But she made me join PhD. She was pregnant then and we agreed to abort (Biggest mistake of our life).  After some time when we stabilized, the child wold not come. I agree she underwent difficult time, even mental torture as every phone call would be asked
“Any news?”  But was I responsible? I stood by her. Finally 7 years in our marriage I changed job and City. She decided not to join Job. And she became pregnant.

 

Interesting part now:

Once in pregnancy, I started enjoying signing to my son in stomach. The mother would sleep at night and almost every mid night I would get and sign and enjoy time with each other. My wife was told that if the baby doesnot move for 24 hours, we should immediately report to hospital. It was 7th month/ I got a call that baby has not possibly moved for 24 hours. I rush home. Realized it was a busy day for her. I knew baby takes rest when mother is busy. I asked her to rest and lie down. As  she relaxed, I sand song and the baby started jumping in minutes.

 

This was possibly my second mistake that I created a bond that was not natural.

 

After birth, the child would always look for me. All women everywhere felt jealous about the time and love I gave to my child. She allowed me.

 

As he grew, she started feeling irritation because of my forgetting nature, not praying to god, talking unnecessarily to everyone, laughing loudly and see that my son was also growing these habits. My son was recently diagnosed as ADHD and I am possibly so too. He has writing difficulty and would not write in school the whole day. Only person whom he would study with was me. He always found me comforting, strict and logical. He could study with me for hours. My son was a swimmer.

 

But these over dependence was killing me. We would physically cuddle, hug and play with each other always.

 

Mother never shared these bonds. She was a strict mother always snatching away everything. There was a time when my son would joke, Papa don’t promise, I know you can’t keep as mother will Veto.

 

I could not leave son and mother alone one day.  They would fight. My son would not study and continuously play computer and watch TV. I wondered why this big difference between my presence and absence.

 

It was indeed tough for my wife when he left, but was it less difficult for me?

 

Till he was there, My life was him. Before he was born, my wife was working and being in university I had to only study and have lots of free time. She was a workaholic.

 

Now when  my son has left, I understood why my son felt bored.. He had no one to talk to/ Life was boring. Absolutely, there was no positive interaction with mother. Now I also spend all the time in computer and nothing else to do.

 

I am good in maths. I am planning to find orphanage and become a maths teacher in my free time.

 

Son is very happy in Hostel.  Was I wrong?

 

 

4. Why are you breaking your only foundation, man? Your wife is the only one, who is standing behind you, with your so many shortcomings. I don't know what your compulsions are....however, your multiple s*x partners or mistress that too fixed....suggests that you will never ever have a surity of any kind in whatever relations you pursue. You are a bad husband and a worse father. Still you have a family to come back to in bad times. Where will you go, if you are suddenly detected of a time-taking and killing disease like AIDS or cancer. As it is, BP, diabetes and other old age progressive diseases is also not far away, considering your age. Who will give you water, when you will be frail enough not to rise up from bed. Mind you, the acts you are indulging in ...are leading you faster towards this end.

 

 

Sorry, I still don’t have. I am just checking the legality.  I have indeed been faithful. Going through counselling trying to make her understand that suspect does not help.

And thanks, I will go slow and careful. Trust me, I will possibly choose one mistress. My wife do not want a divorce.  I will try finding out someone who is compatible with me and I will be faithful to her surely.

 

5. I would strictly advise you to stay put in brothel for a year or two. Have so much of s*x...that it just eats all your so-called zeal up. May be you see a light thereafter. Don't worry. Your wife doesn't seem to be one, who will take you to court for adultery. She has given up on you, already. She knows it too well that you are simply a bad guy.

 

Thanks for the complements.

Ranee....... (NA)     22 April 2012

Yes Tajobindia,:( i read your post several times..but could not get what you actually want to say..please use simple words for  weak people.:P

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     22 April 2012

If your wife claims that my "mental health" is spoiled because of distress caused by your adulterous relationship then she can have a case against you under Section 498A.  Under Explanation (a) your behavior surely amounts to "wilful conduct" and you must know that may cause grave injury to health (whether mental or physical) of the woman.  Hence it can be viewed as "cruelty".

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

But what can you do when your wife suspects you of relationship that do not exist?

I accept doing physical violance in past, but now I am changed. I also know that women

cannot be charged of mental torture. I have learnt how to ingnore her instigation,

Yes, if I am punished for my past, i will accept it without objection.

I understand what I have done, repent and ready for it, 

 

I know women cannot be punished for their crime, often their act is not even seen as

crime. Like here she is ready siclently stay with me cook food for me and look after me

as long as I don't ask her s*x or have social relationship. This is not seen as a crime.

But for me this is unacceptable. 

 

Today I have a student's Child's Bday, and both are invited, and she

has agreed to go provided we do not have a responsibility to invite them back.

 

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

An act of asking divorce, and her denying to grant divorce and there by leaving house and taking mistres cannot be seen as a mental violance. I have informed her parents too to take care of her, consulted counsellor if she can be changed, no help.

 

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

Chandrasekhar, I have one question: 

Assume one is charges with 498A. is it not supposed to be against dowry? Can it be charged against

violance that was instigated by wife herself? Is ther a time limit till which she can file the case?

And in case you are imprisoned (I do not have any problem there), would we loose the goverment job?

 


(Guest)

 

Serious problem. Sorry for taking it lightly Super bug chacha. Hope you will not mind as you are married for 20 years. Any way all your feelings / emotions are futile in closed eyes of law. They will consider only your wife as victim like misses cutie. So here in LCI your approach is right and concentrate only on legal issues. Mr. Chandrasekhar helped you, but try to understand Tajob sir’s reply or PM him again. I am sure only he can give you practical advice.

 

@ Rani

Utpala, you are so much anti- tajob so why are you bothering about his reply to a male sufferer.

RK (adada)     22 April 2012

Mr Supabcdefgh

You seem to me a Psychopath Sexual Addict and you need psychatrist treatment, Go for it and all your problems will finish...

You are very SICK

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     22 April 2012

Time pass women @ Cinderella and her dwarfs

1. There is no Law for live in – mistress – right or wrong?


2.
But the moment you claim in black and white to keep a mistress – have live-in and give her status that of wife – The law says ‘relationship in nature of marriage hai ji so maint. and residence rights dena padega” – right or wrong ? So what shall this husband do – bramhacharya palan karey yah Yamuna mei dube ! Yah dwarfs and their queen bee ki sharan mei jaye jab legal forum mei yeh question utha hai!!!!!


3.
Integral part of successful marriage is also indulging by spouses in s*xual activities and by that it does not mean always penetrative kind – right or wrong? BTW not all couples are frigid like you two so either couple have right to vent their frustration out of a dead marriage and this husband is doing just that. He even subsequently talks of ‘touching’ means foreplay which she refuses so what kind of husband and wife relationship is he into !


4.
Suppose you want to be someone’s slave and your master is married then what you shall do? And his wife is not into divorce due to medieval soiety. Naturally you will become his live- in or mistress – is it not so!


5.
Now assume your master has a child (major - about age) then how to handle posterity situation? Naturally your master will ensure best interest read with welfare of major child kept assured and side by side lead a dual life when opportunity exists till divorce happens and for huge alimony (compensation) money bag hai na – right or wrong! I.E. wait for divorce to come through.


6.
Cinderella posted a week ago Mumbai HC Judgment where a husband was kicked out of his marriage just because his wife alleged “he cannot afford me”. All 7 dwarfs clapped and no one commented on insanity of Judges and throwing for a toss sacrament nature of Hindu marriages – right or wrong?. If marriage is all about money – honey then why shy away on word like ‘s*x in marriage! Com’n read some of the Judgments of Lordship in Common Law on s*x in marriage you will either leave the forum or hit absinthe…


7.
Suppose your master is a money bag means he can afford breaking marital bond with claim to social fame that he can afford huge alimony this is what HE also says, but Hon’ble SC says you cannot buy your divorce even with huge money. Right or wrong? In that situation in a dead marriage what you are supposed to act now say next for 20 years! Infact continuing in a dead marriage itself is ‘cruelty’ of one spouse to another – right or wrong? Forget 498a as Chandrasheker suggests it will eventually not come as she is a ‘socialite’ - baker least she will file is DV and what pops thereafter – divorce my dear time pass ladies use Law brains not think from knee or your past cribbings brought to messages replies to answer legal queries.


8.
Renowned sociologist worldover says a marriage clicks best in post getting over almost all your mid life blues – right or wrong! This husband sailed through almost all their mid life blues as is evident from his first and subsequent posting now his testosterone WANTS and for laymen when a women WANTS it is called HER RIGHTS and when a MAN wants it is preached – go and wear brahmacharya and join RSS – what nonsense you two preach here without knowing Law and medical science of genders and or momentarily sitting on Judicial Chair that also in a Law forums?



9.
Here as ques. in forum many women (able bodied) ask for maint. advise – why you two donot tell such querriest to shut up and work as maids or being able bodied work and earn – How can you say bze you two have rainbow visions to see equity in Law.


Cometh to my advise to Him was about filing for divorce under IrBM clause going through Naveen Kohli (case law) petitions as it has some of the best drafted wordings and this Husband’s facts revolved around more or less those allegations and this is the earliest petition we read some 7 years back and got inspired to talk for / against IrBM now in recent times. Nothing wrong in such advise – right or wrong ?


Then I advised him not to commit adultery with wide open eyes as imprisionment and downgrading of his social prestige pops but may indulge within social acceptable norms – the three guidelines was just meant for cautioning him – right or wrong and see present Law and precedents and tell me how come legal English hints is hard to understand! Also what kind of IItian faculty member are you that you could not understand legal hints yet talking of Law here and there Mr. ????



Simple English is learnt by me from you two’s writings here and above is an attempt to return your time pass English writings back to you and I assume you both now understand essence of my first write up as advise give to this IITian faculty member in Legal way. If not then it is about time you both look for role play HEROS around the society you keep instead of complaining to Admin. about my English and giving birth to Cutie's aka member accoutn deleted was not enough all these days :-)

 

 

In marriage when people ask que. related to s*x every Jill - Tom – Cutie pie piles on such que. as some blasphemy has been committed by querriest which shows lack of marital obligation understanding by non legal repliers. Why people marry - is it not also for s*x among other things or just for seeing each others face for past 20 years read with goign for IVF (bze for you two probably touchign is also banned) for another 20 years – com’n time pass people move away for a second from maint. and rights to residence to bride burning to feticide to actual mismatch issues of expectations of spouses in contemporary Indian society and how to overcome those instead of being in medieval mindset as opportunist repliers here..................... 

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     22 April 2012

Respected Tajobs India Ji

 

I simply suggested you to type simple English so that this gentleman can understand what you are saying,and apply the same.

 

I did not know it will hurt your feelings so much,as is evident from your long emotional reply.

 

I believe you misunderstood my reply as giving bhaashan to this gentleman that his attitude is wrong.So respected tajobs,you may recheck this entire thread to verify whether i actually said any such thing to him?

 

I am sad and deeply hurt to know you took my friendly,SISTERLY advise in a wrong way...

 

Regards,

 

Roshni

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

I still do not understand.

Assume tomorrow the facts stand like this:

I have moved out of home  after proper warning to my wife.

I move out and start staying with a mistress give her full right as wife but

declaring her as wife. Have legal arrangement to her inheritance too.

Now what exact case under what cluase will my wife file law suit?

Sorry, I am not looking for advice. 

I wish to evaluate the punishment and commit the crime?

Like that joke:

I had to reach a place. At the end of road stands a police man.

Empty road. I speed. the police man catches me and take 100 Rs fine.

I accept the punishment and walk off happily.

Now tell me without lecturing on morality, what exact case will she file?

can she file for physical abuse that occured more then a year or two back?

Please mention the exact clause.

About me being IIT faculty, does this mean I have to be more moral?

If I file case, i pay. if she file case, I pay.

Which is better? Let her file the case.. She may not who knows?

and what do I loose if she files for divorce?

Allimony, I am not afraid. I know her and know that to some point she cares for me

as I would all my life care for her too.

Even now she cooks daily for me and takes care of me knowing very well that I will leave

home any time.

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

Some one gave me another solution once, castration. This works for excited bulls very well.

Shall i get it done, dear?

supabcdefgh (teacher)     22 April 2012

20 year was cruelity equally to me as much was to her.

I was locked out of homemany time.

Once with my son in cold winter.

Twice out of In-laws house , once with son - what ever be the reason.

I have been insulted gravely, inhumanly.

Any way, women cannot be punished

Ranee....... (NA)     22 April 2012

 

Originally posted by :supabcdefgh
"
And Kindly use simple words.
"

Tajobsindia OVER REACTED for Roshni and my replies only inspite of this first similar reply by an IIT teacher!

I just wanted to know what  the PRUDENT member adviced this querist in this legal forum....neither I wrote against or for the querist...Whenevr the forum goes on peacefull he reminds those Account deleted.

I am confused if he likes this Account deleted game!!!Strange.!!!




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