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Prithwiraj (Manager)     31 January 2011

Divorce from my wife...

Hi,

I have been married to my wife since August 2008. We were living together in the US since Nov 2004. I

paid for her education and worked with her to get her a career, as she desired one. Our relationship

was already deteriorating since 2006 as her focus increasingly became her life, her job and not me,

and as a last chance to try and fix it we decided to get married, however it only got worse. We

couldnt communicate and our outbursts were increasingly getting more public. On top of that we were

unable to have physical relations due to some problem she had. I came back to India due to the

recession, and was looking for a job, however she wanted to stay in the US as she was working. I

never relied on her income for anything, and was also supporting her family from my income and

savings. I come from a wealthy family and my parents were always supporting us financially.

When I came back to India, in April 2009, I was already very concerned about our relationship

breaking down. I had planned a get together for us and both families when she would come back to

India for our first anniversary. I was financially strained but I was doing my best to find work,

working with my father in delhi part time and also doing small consulting assignments in delhi. Since

she was alone in US, I asked my MIL to go and stay with her for sometime. During this time, my

father's business was also not working out, and I was still struggling to get my  feet wet in India.

One day in mid june by accident I found out that she had planned a trip for her sisters to US to

watch a tennis match, and didnt even bother to tell me about it. When I confronted her she flat out

lied to me, and after a lot of arguement I have had enough. I told her it was over for me, and I

cannot live with someone who is dreaming of vacations when I and my family are struggling. I told her

I wanted out of this relationship. She kept insisting and even lied to my parents about her

intentions with her sisters, however eventually after a lot of pressure she cancelled the trip, but

it was too late for me. I was already struggling with our relationship and this was the last blow.

She came to delhi in August, and I told her that I wanted out of the marraige. She refused and kept

asking me for another chance to make this work. I was at my end, as I've known her for 10 years, and

lived with her for 8, and I was convinced that I cannot make a future with a person like her. Good or

bad, we didnt work out. I was emotionally, and phsically isolated from her and removed from the

relationship. I kept telling her it wouldnt workout and gave her enough reasons not to andrequested

her to move on and let me move on.

She didnt give me an answer, and went back to US, where she decided to wrap her job up and come back

to India. While she was doing this, I clearly mentioned to her that I cannot give her the life she

desires and it would serve no purpose for her to quit her job. She came back in december 2009 and our

problems still persisted, and our relationship, emotional and physical became non existent.

During this time I met another person, who was very compatible with me and despite both our

intentions, we got involved in a relationship (emotional not physical). I didnt know how to tell my

parents or her, so I kept it hidden. But since I was neither phyically intimate nor emotionally

intimate with my wife, it came out in the open. Since then my father has taken my wife's side, and

has been trying to convince me to come back to the marriage. Additionally, my wife has tried to

defame the other woman by manipulating my father's emotions. I still stuck to my stand that I would

like to seperate from my wife and move on with my life. The other woman is also stating that she

wants to be with me. I stopped meeting her and speaking to her for 6 months now, trying to convince

my wife for a mutual seperation as our relationship was over. However, my wife wont agree to a mutual

divorce, and is indirectly thru my father is threating legal action against me and the woman I care

for. This has been going on for a year and a half now, and I am more or less fed up. I tried my way,

to sort this out in a mutually agreeable way, and not get into prolonged conflicts. She has finally said that she will give me a divorce only if i agree that I will not be in a relationship with the other woman.

I need advise on how to go about getting a contested divorce from my wife, without agreeing to her condition, and also understand what all legal action she can take to hurt me or the woman I want to be with. Also need to understand if she can legally prevent me from being with the other woman in any way to grant the divorce.



Learning

 33 Replies

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     31 January 2011

agreed ur wife has been utterly selfish.

 

but she has also quit her job when she saw that ur realtionship is getting affected.some women dont even pay heed to married life and give more priority to job.it requires a lot of strong will to quit a job and high standard lifestyle in US and come to a city like delhi which has no match to US.dint u see her sacrifice,though it came very late?

 

she also got close to your dad,just to come close to u.some women dont even like inlaws' interference.here she is taking ur dad's help.this is another +ve thing in her

 

u also said there was some medical problem due to which u cud not have phy. relationship.what stopped u from visiting a s*xologist together.

she called her sisters for a match and also lied...i know it's very very bad.but she cancelled it also,though with difficulty.i think it was her kiddish behavior,though offensive.

u cud not tolerate it because u r struggling while she's enjoying....so,does it mean if u struggle for another 10 yrs,she shud also sit with a swollen face?how are u sure that the new partner will never invite any friend/sister,if u lose ur job after marrying her,and mourn alongwith you,if u remain jobless for the next 10 yrs?i hope u r sure that she'll never behave like this.

it's not necessary that a gud friend can be a great wife.if this was so,all love marriages wud be 100% successful.

 

if u r jobless due to recession,wot do u expect her to do?sit wilth a swollen face and not have any vacation till u have a job?i think u r controlling her too much.

 

her behavior wud have been insulting if u were jobless in USA,have no money to even invite guests but she's inviting them with ur savings.

when u were not livingwith her,how can u control her personal life from india?atleast she invited her sisters,not any BF.

 

now u have an emotional relationship with other woman.

let me tell u that relationships started with sum1 during distress and tension dont last for long.before getting into a new relationship,one shud resolve all his fears,worries,doubts,stress,anger,inferiority complexes,etc.else he attracts a similar partner and goes thru the same fate,while a self fulfilled and happy person attracts similar partner and has a more fulfilled relationship.this has been supported by many researches.

u like this woman and find her the best only because u hate ur wife.it's an escapism.

u shd now meet a marriage counsellor jointly and also involve common non-biased relatives friends who will sit jointly and solve problems.also tackle her s*xual problems with a s*xologist

the gud part is that she's not complaining against ur parents,which many wives do,rather taking their help.wot if this new GF is incompatible wid ur family?

it's natural that she'll feel jealous of this woman...why r u getting cross over it?if ur wife was involved with sum1,wud u not feel jealous and try to expose this man?

think abt wot i wrote with a cool mind.and work upon it

still if u r adamant abt divorce,either force her for a mutual one,else have a contested divorce and be ready for a lengthy litigation of many yrs,where ur affair and ur respectable GF will also be exposed.arrange lots of money to pay lawyers,as in india even jobless men dont get free legal aid

 

all the best!

2 Like

Ambika (NA)     31 January 2011

Roshani, what a beautiful post from you!
1 Like

Ambika (NA)     31 January 2011

All commercial interest! Why are you in such a hurry Mr. Harsh. Every post you write please contact me....you have your phone number in your profile...people would contact you when they feel the need for it....

Juxtaposed so strategically against Roshni's peace building post! 

Kudos to you Mr. Harsh!!

1 Like

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     31 January 2011

live with the oyther woman without worry and file divorce very fast.

Mallik Karra (Done with AIBE)     31 January 2011

file for a contested divorce..... contact a reliable lawyer in your area.....  remember you've got one life and you have every right to live happily (legally)......

Ambika (NA)     31 January 2011

One life and long life.....we live many lives in this so called one life...

1 Like

(Guest)

True!


(Guest)

The author has taken wrong decisions one after the other.

 

First he married an incompatible girl,thinking marriage will "mend" the relationship.If "marriage" was such a potent medicine that it can "heal" relationships,all psychologists & psychiatrists will recommend marriage to incompatible friends.

Second,I agree with Roshni that he did not visit any s*xologist to cure his wife's s*xual problem.He let the problem remain as it is.

Third he he got involved with another woman,and also complaining why his wife wants to humiliate this girl.No sir,the wife should welcome her in her home,as her younger sister,after doing her "aarti"

Four,he is willing to fight out in courts to get a divorce,more so when his wife is willing to return to him.It's good luck if a partner wants to reconcile.She has not filed any case,is not asking for any maintenance.Just wants reconciliation.But the author does not want to see this.

 

Have a happy litigation..

1 Like

Manoj Choudhary (Advocate)     01 February 2011

Why are you going for a mutual divorce. Live-in relationships are now valid in india. search various judgements regarding the same. Start living with the person you want to live. But do not try to get solomonised your marriage(live-in relationship) till the time you get divorce. Let her file divorce. Nobody can do anything against you and your live-in partner. Even your parents and wife if you live with your live-in relationship. Something which I can not write on the forum. For further information you can mail me at advchaudhary@in.com

2 Like

Ambika (NA)     01 February 2011

Yes, many think marriage and having children would cement the relationship even if there are strong undercurrent of discord! 

Live in relationship during marriage is inflicting mental agony  to the partner who is willing to reconcile. For this type of man marriage is a play thing ---even after knowing they are incompatible he gets married and then decides to dump his wife! 

Remember, live in relationship during marriage also has its own liability. If at all, he gets bored with the other woman, she would have legal right to slap a domestic violence case against her, because this man would be living with her in the nature of marriage!

This long life should be lived happily, but how happiness is defined is a different matter! It needs to be compatible with a sense of fairness, and justice too! Applied for all women and men!

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     01 February 2011

Manoj you are great.

Kindly post the judgement which says that "MARRIED MAN" can have live in relationship with another woman,after dumping his wife.I am really eager to read it.

Meanwhile please go through this wonderful news below::)

 

 

'This is not America', court tells married man in live-in relationship


NEW DELHI: " This is not America", is what the Delhi High Court Friday told a 22-year-old woman in a live-in relationship with her brother-in-law, who had deserted her sister and two children and sought the court protection on the ground that they faced a threat to their lives from her family members.

Justice Hema Kohli pulled up the woman and the 25-year-old married man, saying, "This is not America. You have no right under the Hindu Marriage Act to marry twice. Anyway, the boy has his wife and she is alive and with two kids to look after..."

The court asked Delhi Police to submit a status report by July 26.

The court was hearing a petition of Puja (name changed) and Raj Kumar (name changed), who asked the court for protection as they feared a threat to their lives from her family members.

"We are citizens of India by birth, and therefore we have legal and constitutional rights to pray to this court to safeguard their lives," stated their petition to the Delhi High Court.

The two told the court that the woman's sister had no problems with her being in a live-in relationship with Kumar. However, the court frowned upon their argument: "I will not allow you for this."

Puja claimed to have been "friends" with her brother-in-law for the last six years.

On Jan 1 this year, she decided that she wanted to go and live with Raj Kumar. However, her parents objected.

Raj Kumar left his wife and two kids and both started living together in an unknown place in Delhi.

Meanwhile, the couple on Jan 4 entered into a "friendship agreement" for life, so that no legal action can be taken against them, stating that they are good friends for the last six years.

Puja's parents, who lodged a missing person report at a police station, one day came across the information that Puja was living with Kumar.

On the parents" complaint, the police on Jan 6 in civil uniform came to sector-3 of South Rohini and picked up Kumar's father as he refused to divulge information regarding the couple.

Kumar then contacted the police to rescue his father. Subsequently, Puja and Raj Kumar approached the court, seeking its protection.

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/This-is-not-America-court-tells-married-man-in-live-in-relationship/articleshow/7381271.cms
2 Like

Manoj Choudhary (Advocate)     01 February 2011

DELHI HC upheld right to livin of a married man with his unmarried lover and ordered protection to them

https://www.hindustantimes.com/tabloid-news/newdelhi/HC-allows-18-year-old-girl-to-live-with-married-man/Article1-652067.aspx

 
HC allows 18-year-old girl to live with married man
Press Trust Of India

New Delhi, January 19, 2011
First Published: 00:43 IST(19/1/2011)

Last Updated: 00:45 IST(19/1/2011)

 

Share more...
1 Comment         
 
The Delhi High Court (HC) has allowed the plea of a married man to live with a woman other than his wife, while also granting him police protection in view of a threat to his life as well as to that of his live-in partner from her family members. Justice SN Dhingra also directed the SHOs of Jyoti
 
Nagar and Roop Nagar police stations to take action against his live-in partner's family members if they harass them.

The court passed the order on a petition by north Delhi residents Arvind Yadav and Renu Sharma. "She is above 18 years... It is her own life and this court cannot tell her not to choose a path of her own choice," the court said.

 

https://www.asianage.com/india/court-defends-runaway-girl-905

 

New Delhi: The Delhi High Court on Tuesday allowed an 18-year-old girl to live with a married man with whom she eloped.

Justice S.N. Dhingra said: "She is above 18 years of age. She has chosen a path for herself of living with a married man. It is her own life and this court cannot tell her."

"May be the path in the eyes of her parents is not correct but still she can not be harassed because she ran away from her parents house and started living with a married man," Justice Dhingra said.

The court told the parents of the girl: "You cannot choose her path".

The court was hearing a petition filed by Jyoti Sharma (name changed) and Aroop Yadav, with whom she was living. She had sought protection from her parents as she had started living with a married man in east Delhi, contrary to the wishes of her parents.

The court disposed of the petition and directed police to take immediate action on specific incident of harassment reported in future.


 

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     01 February 2011

HC may have said so on 19th Jan(as per your news article).

but it changed the stand again as per the news i posted,for it's the latest one(28th jan)

 

ultimately,latest news will be more relevant,legally and morally

else courts should decide what a wife's rights are in India.

if it does not want wives to live peacefully it may better ban marriage system totally so that no controversy is created by wives and husbands when their spouses leave them for someone else.

it's foolish of courts for keeping their legs in 2 boats.either they punish unfaithful partners or ban marriages altogether.

naa baas rahega naa hee basuri

since india lags behind development wise compared to the west,it tries to compensate for its inadequacies by copying every sh*t from the west,to feel  "hum kisi se kam nahi

2 Like

Ambika (NA)     01 February 2011

Great post by Roshni. The problem is this that this forum openly advises people to go in for live in relationship including the advocates! Even in Experts' section they have said live in relationship are not illegal during a marriage. A clear controversy....

1 Like

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