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The Marriage Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2010

Page no : 4

(Guest)

Dear All,

Has been silent observer and a husband who has been tourtured  upto extent  that I may start giving advice not to marry.

Since I have read a few "sob - sob,  please sympathise" postings  from some of the ladies on this forum. I am going to share my story. I don't expect sympathy but any advise on how to get out of this mess in a rational way will  be much appreciated.

1. I am educated( B tech and MBA) and belong on lower middle  class family. We were approached with "Rista" from a Bank Manager for his daughter.

2.  We were given information about the girl --there were lies  and conceit  which we discovered latter Based on information gived we got married in late 2003.

3. Our marraige was dowryless - we forcibly, if I can use the word, Stopped them from exchaging  any money/appliances. This is well known fact in our society.

4. The girl, I discovered, is bad tempered, talks too much, spread s lie, have bad manners,  respects  nobody,  have little motivation for doing things in life, and can never accept her fault.

5. I, almost  with sheer perseverance made her do MBA.

6. We were in US for about 4 years  She would call Police whenever things will not happen her way. I told he this is not acceptable and tin marraige, things are better settled withing  four walls of house.

7. In summary . we were incompatible with each other.  we have a child in 2005  - a US citizen.

8. In one of her suchr tantrum days, she called Police again,  We have had enough --- We  started living seperately since late 2008.

9. After seperation we have little communication. She does not allow my family members to meet my son. Last December there was a family gathering where me and my parents were in same town as she lives- we sent our representative to bring my son - they did not allow my son to come and meet us.

  10. I send some money through check every month, without any demand, for maintenance for my son and wife. They don't encash.

11.  It  have been reasoning, requesting & pleading  my wife and in laws to send my son so that I can start his education - but of no avail - my  son is going to be Five in next few months.

 I want to do two things - First  and foremost put my son  in a good school. Second come out of marraige.

Any Advise?

Yours,

Avinash

sivani (engineer)     08 August 2010

@Avinash,she is bad tempered, talks too much, spreads lie, have bad manners,  respects  nobody,  have little motivation for doing things in life, and can never accept her fault.  This is the grouse of every man who has a independent wife with her own mind.  You guys need a bakri not a wife.   Tell me what is wrong with talking too much?  Did you specify in your marriage proposal that the woman should not talk. LOL. 

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     08 August 2010

Please do not judge anyone's story as sob sob stories. It may be possible that writing styles differ and realities of lives are presented in different ways. Sob Sob stories can be seen from multiple perspectives. I do not think the what you call  sob sob writers are out to get sympathies...what would they do with the sympathies and from whom? It's a contextual sharing. Is it necessary that bullet points and numbering the matter would make it more objective? Instead of passing on judgement on others' stories, better to stick to our own sharing. Sharing your story does not require that you have to refer to others and how they have presented their matters.

RG

sivani (engineer)     08 August 2010

@Arun, let's get real once again

What a woman is told when she is battered in her marital home.  Many a times even if she has a supporting family trying to get her out of the mess, it is she who tell herself the same and this is even in the educated working women of today.  It's a medeival mindset but that is what it is even today of Indian educated working women who is going through a lot of transition.

Sab theek ho jayega beti

ye sab hota rehta hain, woh tujhe itna pya bhi toh karta hai

Usne tujhe sabhi aish-o-aram diye hain

Ladki ki kismat mein yehi likha hai

Hamare ghar mein kabhi koi shaadi nahi tooti

Ab teri chhoti behen se kaun shaadi karega

apni nahi toh apne bachon ki soch

AND this is what a man is told

Koi baat nahi, kuch nahi bigda, teri pher se shadi ho jayegi

Tere ko ees se be achi ladki mil jayegi

Woh to Tumare laayak he nahi thi

 

 

 

 

 


(Guest)

@ Shivani

1. I am not interested in your reality check games anymore. I am here for understanding Family Law and its effects on both genders based on equity.


2. If you have any core Law points to dscuss in any of your present / future messages I will come on board.


3. Till then carry on.


Rgds


(Guest)

Sivani,

You don't have guts to do objective analysis.  Otherwise you would reply to all points.

But let me give you reply of the point you choose to respond

- Being ill( short) tempered - you can not live together with a person who looses tempers in a jiffy for long.

- spreads lie - you may be comfortable with person who spreads lies, I am not.  I believer you also spread lies. Don't you

- Have bad manners - yes  you expect a person  to behave like human being.

- Talk too much - have you ever felt the need of peace  at home or do you I need to tell you  difference between talking and talking too much?

- No motivation - there is difference between the motivation I get from the person who want to acheive something i life vis a vis free riders. What about you.

 

you are using the wrong word - 'independent' - it should be 'witch'. And yes we  men don't like witch.

 

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     08 August 2010

witch? There was a big politics behind labeling women as witch. Those who had exceptional talents, those who dared question the system became excluded  women to meet cruelest of treatment through witch hunting. even now  independence and questioning injustice meet strong resistance--I am not referring to the story above, but the author has made a point by countering the term independence and replacing it as witch, ofcourse in his own context. But does any context give right to someone to call a woman witch? 

RG


(Guest)

Renuka,

Please read. ......Nobody has been called witch. 'Witch' has just been defined.

Do you care to answer  how can I  ensure best education for my soon to be 5 year son.? Or it does not bother you?

 


(Guest)

@ Avinash

On maintainig a wife with son.

1. In future before 7th. of each month send hand written Money Order with few lines from a ahusband to a wife and from a father to his son that is all.


On education of a child; the fundamental right to education

1. Your location (India / Abroad) is not clear from your first mail.  

2,
  If living in India then you need to file an Sut under Guardianships and Ward Act. One Suit by you as natural guardian vs. your wife using S. 10, S. 17, S. 25 along with Interim Application under S. 12 GWA. Another Suit by grandparents under S. 12 GWA for visitation only.

3.
If you living aborad then on POA (Power of Attorny) same above advised sections contained Suits need to be filed. As well as similar section Suit by grandparents. A natural guardian rights to visitation and custody is totally different than grand parents where rights to passing inheritence to grandson is an added advantage hence keep your and your folks interaction rights seperate.  

4.
Since your child "ordinary residnece" is your wife's present dwelling place the above suits needs to be filed at child's current (jurisdiction) place Guardianship Court and not at your place bze. the child already removed from custody and "ordinary residence" of your home / your place / your city way back in 2008.

5.
In S. 12 GWA interlocutory application you need to suggest names of few good schools in child's "ordinary residence" and offer meeting education expenses directly to the school. Mother of child can't object education of such Interlocutory Application least she will give list of other schools than yours that is all.

6.
Forget getting "physical custody" of child simple fact being you both seperated in 2008 and it is 2 years and today you are raising "cause of action" to set jurisdiction and Guardianship Court fucntions on simple inference on which parent cried first and fastest. Fastest here is HCP (Habeaus Corpes petition) which is not applicable in your case since both parents seperated in 2008.

7.
Based on "welfare of child" the "rights of child" to be with which parent will come out after a long court battle. See all these hints if practical then march forward and also be prepared for supplimentary bouquet of counter cases your wife may file upon you and your family.

8. Custody of child / children is purely based on "rights of a child" and not your and or her rights. A Court takes over role of becoming "wise parent" in such circumstances which also translates into a saying as  assumption that one 'wise parent' need to "reason out' with grand dad of all wise parents which is here a Court. Now see where you stand out on strengths of child welfare tilting towards you vs. 2008 seperation period till date interaction with child in days to come minus parents "emotions and sentiments".

Rgds.

Unbiased Advice (Advocate)     08 August 2010

It`s been 3days since this Forum has been initiated except for initial thanks messages from two legal Fraternity for providing the Details of the Act, Did you see any other Advocate has participated in this marathon Discussion Thread on Amendments to Hindu marriage act,

The answer is no, Just think it over why and initiate a fresh Leg of Post ask all those who claim to be Experts on this Forum why they are not responding which includes me?

All the best all and hope some constructive discussion will kick in from here on with participation of Legal Consultants called Experts!

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     08 August 2010

TOO MUCH PERSONAL MATTERS DISCUSSED, INSTEAD OF THE BILL.

HOWEVER IT IS WILL OF THE MEMBERS.

NO PROBLEM.

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     08 August 2010

PL PUT  PROBABLE DATE OF URGUEMENT AT RS. IF ALREADY FIXED.


(Guest)

@ Unbiased Advice


Kindly review my two core analysis of the Bill in message dated;

- 05 August 2010, 19:47


- 06 August 2010, 19:36


I can even throw my detailed comments on the sub-sections of IMB only if you are interested to discuss and not encourage "relaity checks" being the initiater of another good thread on family law so to speak.


Anyhow I have lost interest now.


All the best to rest of participants.


(Guest)

So, ld. readers my early prophecy of 5th. / 6th. Aug. messages become true


1. Money to wife before IBM
2. Property rights to wife before IBM
3. Brinda spoke up
4. Now I am waiting for takes from Ranjana Kumar / Girija Vyas and Ms. Chowdhary

 
https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/article552009.ece


The All-India Democratic Women's Association (AIDWA) has presented to Law Minister M. Veerappa Moily a comprehensive draft law that seeks to make private parties culpable for violation of fundamental rights in crimes and killings committed in the name of “honour.”  All kinds of harassment, and curbing of choice, association, and movement would come within the ambit of this law.  Apart from defining crimes in the name of “honour,” the draft makes eulogising or glorification of these offences and killings punishable. The onus of proof is on the accused. The law seeks to protect young couples who declare their intention to marry before a government officer, and also suggests measures to stop self-proclaimed panchayats and other community bodies from issuing diktats. Led by Brinda Karat, MP, a delegation, which met the Minister on Tuesday, pointed out that the amendments proposed to the existing laws did not sufficiently address all crimes of violence perpetrated in the name of “honour,” and highlighted the need for a separate, stand-alone law. The proposed amendments made an entire community punishable for a crime committed by some, the delegation pointed out and suggested that the law penalise only those community members present at the spot where illegal action was taken.


Mr. Moily assured the AIDWA that he would take up the important issues it raised with the Group of Ministers
formed to look at legislative changes to address “honour” killings, said general secretary Sudha Sundararaman.

A memorandum was handed over to the Minister, pointing out the extremely limited rights available to women who had separated or were divorced, and their misery and sufferings due to financial constraints.

The delegation emphasised that the Bill to make irretrievable breakdown of marriage a ground for divorce would act against the majority of women in the existing economic and social reality of unequal status.
Adequate financial safeguards must be mandated for women before this Bill was passed, said the delegation, which included AIDWA legal convener Kirti Singh, national assistant secretary Ashalata and member Asha Sharma .

It appealed for supportive legislation to provide financial security to women by bringing in a law on matrimonial property rights immediately.


(Guest)

A aam janta's notes for Ms. Brinda Karat and is not for "relaity checking ladies"


Looking at 2.3 million registered respected ladies profiles in following three major matrimonial websites it shows on an average a single Indian lady is not only educated but as well as earning nothing less than in five figures at the time of marriage - well that is how match is matched so to claim and then all Husbands force their five figure earning ladies to sire children and do chula chakki from day one of marriage !


- www.shaadi.com - claims to be worlds largest matrimonial website.
- www.jeevansathi.com - claims to do better matchmaking than others
- www.simplymarry.com - claims to be India's only matri-monial site.


But for passing IMB Ms. Brinda says she is in "extreme hardship" and same hardship continues as reasoning for granting"financial safeguards" post IBM Decree till "change of circumstances gounds appears" becuase from day one husbands have incapaciated them with MIL / SIL / Children chains and by staying 1 month in marriage they have further developed mental / emotional incapacitation which continues for their rest of life hence can't even work and draw four figure salaries now is what Ms. Brinda reasoned before Mr. Moily.


That is the reason I propose that IBM should be gender neutral and look towards gender equity a societal safeguard to both genders.


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