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poppu (none)     18 December 2011

Need help please .. expertise answers needed

 

I am here for the last time.. I have posted my question many times and got atleast 10 diff answers. Can anyone very experienced and in a genuine interest to help me please reply ASAP?

 

I (south indian) married my first cousin (dad's brother's son) on Aug 2008 as per Hindu Marriage Act. Our parents didnt know about that, the registrar had ultimately no idea,he even said since cross-cousin marriage (mom's brother or dad's sister's kids) is legal in South India parallel cousin(my case) is very well legal and just got money and registered our marriage. No one to be blamed,its just us who should have checked out,we just thot as the same as the registrar told me until after some couple of days we discovered about it. PAST HAS PASSED..now in future/present I have many problems cropping up. 

I took a dependant visa for him to USA (i am the primary visa holder) and he came over to live with me for sometime,their parents got ill so he had to make frequent trips to India. MEanwhile my parents knew that we were in love so want us to split us apart they played all types of games to make me come out of it.We both have never been together for 1 month as a stretch,we are always in a confused state. 

 

My father is the primary villain for my life and he swears to challenge me in court if he finds out that we are together.He keeps threatening for honour kill,emotionally blackmails for dying,put him in jail for coming in my visa etc etc., hell a lot u will never imagine.I don't blame him but its high time he understand that I am a grown up and can take decisions on my own.

My mom just wants me happy,she says if you can legalize this marriage then just go somewhere and live happily.I am 30 yrs now (loving since my 22 yr) and all these years I am still talking with my parents trying to work things out and convince them just because I love my parents too and I wish they atleast let us live in peace without any legal problems now i am damn tired of what my dad is trying. 

 

Our love is 8 yrs strong, and we know by custom hindus oppose it and there should be a reason.We hardly care for that reason, we have even thot of just adopting a child instead of making the child suffer to eradicate the birth defects risk. So as you see we love each other crazy to go till the world's end to stand together.

So PLEASE PLEASE DON'T ADVICE US TO BE APART. 

 

Please answer each question below since its very important to me.

 

1. I read a blog recently with a Delhi court judgement to a person (who is himself a judge) married to his first cousin after converting to Christian. Here is the link.. 

https://www.cathnewsindia.com/2011/08/02/cousins-can-marry-after-converting-to-christianity-court/

Now can we convert to Christian and marry each other again(note we are already married under hindu marriage act) so as to be on a stronger side if my father challenges my marriage. If he challenges can the advocate quote this judgement as an example and make us legal? If not WHY?

 

2. I am tired of living in a secret, I didn't murder anyone,or caused harm to anyone except may be emotional harm to my dad & mum so why do i have to live like this? Please tell me one good way of legalizing my marriage. May be a divorce and then marry him again in some other country who accepts this kind of relationship(even 14 states in USA legalizes this marriage), what do u think? 

MY LIFE IS A LIVING HELL , I CANT LEAVE HIM,I CANT BETRAY MY PARENTS BUT I AM DOING BOTH :( ..ITS SO PAINFUL I JUST WANT TO LIVE WITH HIM AND IF POSSIBLE CONVINCE MY PARENTS ATLEAST BEFORE THEY OR ME DIE SO I HAVE TO HURRY I DONT HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT. 

I WANT TO TAKE A DECISION BEFORE EVERYTHING IS OUT OF CONTROL.

PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME TO ANSWER RIGHT.

 

 



Learning

 8 Replies

mahendrakumar (marketing)     18 December 2011

since you got many answers and you are not happy and convinced,there is no point in continuing with the exercise.

 

there are limitations in providing solutions like yours by a virtual forum.

 

1 Like

poppu (none)     18 December 2011

Cool sir, It was well replied.. I don't know how I offended you , you have been so harsh.

Anyway thanks for reading.

mahendrakumar (marketing)     18 December 2011

I was not at al offended dear.

I am sorry,if my words were harsh.

 

I was only trying to point out the limitations of sorums like this.


(Guest)

i want to know wht she would do now.

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     18 December 2011

@ Author


1.
If in your community marriage with cousins is customary marriage practice then  the marriage that you described in yout this query is a legal valid one. It is not necessary to have gone through a lavish scale marriage that would have been made a Hindu marriage valid! The point here is that both of you being first cousins got married under HMA as it is customary in your part of the India and now read next,  


2. If the marriage is a Registered Marriage under HMA and you have a Registration Certificate issued by a competent Public Authority then it is legal marriage under HMA (PERIOD)



3.
Now, if both of you are adult (18 years for you and 21 years for him) and as you say you are living in
USA on work Visa and as you also say that you sponsored dependent visa for him to come to USA and further on and off both spouse lived together in USA then it is high time you start behaving like a ADULT MATURE MARRIED person instead of over researching on internet first cousins marriage subject.........


4. Protection option available for you as per Law is that both of you can write on a piece of paper as Information to Police stating both of your date/month/year/place of birth read with respective local residence addresses, stating on such and such date both of you got married under Hindu marriage customs and practicies and have got Registered your Marriage under HMA and have a Marriage Certificate (annex with your application a copy of such certificate) your father is against your marriage and both of your apprehend life and limb threat / fear from him hence protection may be granted and or if anything happens to both / either of you, your father be held responsible for the same and submit this Application as a General Diary Report in your Jurisdiction Police Station (in India) and take a receiving stamp / signed receipt of the same and now lead a married life with him where ever you both want.  If anything happens to you now then police will catch your father. If both of you can’t do this simple police report filing then next 12th. answer from this forum will also not help you!.


5. There is no need to convert into any other religion and re-marry again and or re-register a marriage again and again under different religious customary practices as “over researching on subject matter / topic of cousins marriage in India” you are leading a confused state of mind is my observation made reading your query. Other reason as per my observation could be that this is just a fishing enquiry and matter of fact could be that, you are in love with your first cousin and trying to find researcing in W3 how to marry your first couisn then in that case refer to some of my recent posts here especially of this month and previous month where complete vetted legal step by step gyan on asked topic is already available in public domain.


Now, whatever the reason for you to ask 11th. time same enquiry / question and side by side say as in above at
08:10 reply by you that all previous 10 replies that you got were right and yet this number 11th. enquiry makes your enquiry a fishing enquiry and nothing else to prudent readers.


However I repeat if you both have a Registered Marriage Certificate issued by a competent Public Authority then your marriage is Legal and for threat to life and limb police protection / info. as briefly hinted above is the only legal option you may opt in for and now lead a mature married adults life. 

2 Like

poppu (none)     19 December 2011

 

Tajobsindia:

sir/mam,

Thanks for the reply. I think may be I put my words incorrect in my first post about 10 diff answers everyone is bit agitated and if so I am sorry. 

I am amazed by the way you answerd it ,thanks again it was just precise, but I have to make some clarifications on my statement since it was misunderstood.

The first bullet in your answer:

1. .... The point here is that both of you being first cousins got married under HMA as it is customary in your part of the India and now read next...

Ans: Sir, In south India only cross cousins marriage is customary but we are parallel cousins so it doesn't fall into any Hindu customs to legalize our marriage.This is the foremost reason I opened this problem here. When we got married under HMA we didn't know there is any restrictions for registering first cousin marriage since ours is not a custom one.. If we were cross cousin, I would have easily convinced my parents,so sad its not :(

2. Protection option available for you as per Law is that both of you can write on a piece of paper as Information to Police stating both of your date/month/year/place of birth read with respective local residence addresses, stating on such and such date both of you got married under Hindu marriage customs and practicies and have got Registered your Marriage under HMA and have a Marriage Certificate

Ans: As I answered to the first question, do you still think we qualify for support from police, Won't they support my parents since its anyway a void/null marriage under HMA? Do you still think we don't have to convert to Christianity since its already proved in a court that "If a hindu converts to a Christian and marries first cousin the marriiage is legal". Again here is the link

https://www.cathnewsindia.com/2011/08/02/cousins-can-marry-after-converting-to-christianity-court/

3. Believe me sir , I would really love to live with my husband more than anything in this world but these legal issues are haunting me and we feel we are in a weaker side if my dad challenges us and does something to put us thru the court/police etc., 

Thanks again. I hope you reply again. I will be ever grateful if my problem is resolved.

Thanks to this forum.

Deepti Deshmukh (Sr. Officer Legal)     19 December 2011

dear Poppu, y dont u continue staying in US with ur spouse if possible take his parents with you. if your father is threatning you which seems to be your main problem tell him one more threat and you will go to police staion and lodge a complaint against for asault and battery. tell him u dont care of anybody and he can do whatever he wants even u wont leave him if he harms u or ur spouse. if u love ur spouse be strong. also ur marraige is not totally void it may br voidable. as both of you are not real blood realative and married with due course of law your marriage is not punishable. plz revert .... best of luck.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     19 December 2011

If you go on asking the same question, you will get different versions at every time.  The need of the hour is to ask expert advice from an advocate, who is really expert in Christian Marriage Act, 1872.

I have gone to that law, after you put such question.  There is "no sapinda" and "no prohibited relationship" provision is there in that Act. That means, there is no prohibition of marriage in christian cousins (both are christians) and their marriage is valid. 

 In that Act, the marriage between a christian and non-christian is a valid marriage.  It means that both the spouses need not to be christians.  But here is a click.  If, the personal law of the non-christian does not permit such marriage on the ground of "Sapinda", then the Marriage under Christian Marriage Act is void.  

In your case, you both are converting to Christianity.  You both are converted to christians and left all the attachments of hinduism.  As both the spouses are christians, there is no prohibition of marriage between sapindas and hence, you both can marry and get a valid marriage registration certificate from the competent church and you both will not face any disability from the law except the genral attitude of the society towards those marriages.

In O.P. Gogne case (Delhi High Court case) both the spouses (cross cousins - boy married his mother's sister's daughter) are sapindas but they both converted into chrisitanity and got married.  You see, in this case, the court has not decided about the validity or non-validity of the marriage, but held that there is no offence has been committed by the spouses by marrying after conversion into christinanity. 

In Sarala Mudgal case, the SC depricated the attitude of the people to convert into another religion for the purpose of marriage.  But the logic there is not applicable in your case.  In that case, the person converted himself into Muslim religion to go for bigamy, leaving a hindu wife behind.  In those facts, the SC held like this.  So, my suggestion is convert yourself into christianity and get your marriage under that Act and live happily taking proper precaution about your future generation, which  is required in such marriages.   


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