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Page no : 3

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     18 November 2010

why are father inlaws not called monsters?


Simple :

wife is a new one on the otherhand his son is not new one so father inlaw is not monster.Mother inlaw feels insecurity.

suppose if husband becomes gharjamae then father inlaw becomes monster as he feels insecurity.

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     19 November 2010


if parents are insecure,dont your their children married.simple!




OK,Now look what Chanakya said;

A good wife is one who serves her husband in the morning like a mother does, loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases him like a prostitute in the night.
Chanakya :P


1 Like


(now some members will come and attack dare i say this ")

someone save me pleeaassee:/

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     19 November 2010



kindly read the above post as :


if parents are so insecure,dont get your children married...simple!


So, we have to make a machine like computer from which we can know that this parent are insecure. or not?


Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     19 November 2010

wow...wot a matured advice by 498A victim:that if parents of the groom are insecure,get the 498A and other pro women laws modified so that they remain safe(irrespective of wot they do to the newcomer)

marriage is a gr8 institution in which u believe(yes so that dear parents get enuf dowry,but feel insecure of dowry giver )

Jagjeet (peon)     19 November 2010

Thanks for your answers and making it a healthy discussion. Important question is here, why i am seeking the divorce? Please find the other points : 1) Ours is a inter-caste marriage thru matrimonial site, no mediator is there. 2) Problems arose due to customs and religion even before marriage. 3) The only thing we want to have a nice gal in just one cloth who can handle the home as no one else beside me is there (mother is sick and old aged). Therefore no question of dowry. Though they have asked to give but my mother have said that if you really want to give anything, give it to your daughter by way of Fixed Deposit to which they denied (no issue). My mother said that we have everything at home and I am the only son. 4) In-laws have done what they want, when to have the marriage, where to have the marriage and how the arrangements will be. From the very beginning they were doing what they want. I only want them to respect my mother and get respected from their daughter as my mother is a patient of epilepsy and is disable woman 5) During marriage they have provided us the list of articles where even spoons were written (this shows their intention). The list was not in their handwriting and was not signed by anybody and also no signatures were taken from our side. The weight of gold written on the list was different when actually weighed. Please tell the reason of giving the list or I can say a false list. 6) Dispute arises due to non-respect of relatives (even myself) during marriage coz FIL & MIL don't have the sense of talking. 7) Wife came with a revenging mood due to earlier disputes with in-laws and always threat me for divorce or she will create drama if I don't settle to her terms. She disrespected my mother from the day 1. FIL pressurized me by giving threat to take my family members behind bars and allegated that we are torturing her daughter and tried to kill her which was absolutely false. My wife used to do such things which provoke my mother like putting extra chillies/salt in vegetables, by doing the opposite what my mother used to say, non-cooking of food for my mother. To which my mother reacts, of course anybody will shout if ill-treated. And then taking the things to her parental home that my mother used to say bad things to her. Obviously there are reasons behind everything. My in-laws used to fight by making the little things as big issues and not luking what their daughter is doing. Due to threat, I have consulted the SIFF member. One day my FIL said that the real owner of home is my wife and started bla bla bla for my mother. Though the things hurted me but I haven't reacted and taken the gal to a separate home (rented property), just to settle the things. Also I have taken the decision of having a baby just to stablize the relationship. But nothing is helping. Nobody is there to make my FIL & MIL understand the things and they fully support their daughter whether she is wrong or not. I have always tried to have a nice relationship with wife but again "Usko kuchh accha hi nahi lagta'. Every now and then. Neither she is concentrating at her matrimonial home nor her parents are allowing her to concentrate. My MIL even say to my wife to give birth to child and then give it to them, they will take care. I don't know why are they(in-laws) not leaving us alone, so that we can have a peaceful life. I am also living on the fear of 498a etc for the past many months, not able to concentrate on my job, my social life etc. Finally I have decided to live and want to depart.

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     19 November 2010


I do understand and agree with the point Avnish is making. Avnish, a gender research would never support false cases whether made by men or women. But because there are false cases, does it mean we should throw the bath tub while throwing the dirty water? This reality too can't be denied that many women suffer silently because they  know they  would not have support even from her natal family if they decide  to come out of the relationship. So is awareness about how and when to use this act, and when not to, more important than just scrapping it? Legal literacy is just absent in both rural and urban areas, and half bakedideas about prevailing laws push a couple into confrontation rather than going for reconciliation. There is this taboo still existing for  going to a marriage councelor before things go drastically wrong in a couple's life. Kushan Ji, A stitch in time is not taking the legal route but that of reconciliation by a neutral and experienced person. 

 In this context,  Roshni made some great contribution by asking those 13 questions and those questions are not just relevant for that particular threads but cross cut discussions going on in most threads. Roshni, your questions would be respected by any researcher, whether gender or those  in other social sciences including law departments. 


Jagjeet (peon)     19 November 2010

Also wife has stolen my appointment letter and other bank documents which were in the almirah.. these things drag me for trusting her and her family. This was our first diwali but no-one came from in-laws. The thing is not about getting something but only the regards.


Ghajini (SSE)     19 November 2010

Good Jagjeet, Your story is kind of similar as mine, major difference that I felt my wife's intentions and didn't even opt  for having a child so early, also she was in so much hurry in making me bow down in front of her (within just 25 days she wanted everything on her terms), she used to show off that she knows women laws even some of her elder relatives tried to make her understand tat she should not talk such rubbish but in vain, Here again culprit was her mother...The point I completely turned off was when I went to take her back and took her relatives too for my help, her mother started inquiring about my investment( as if I am a poor chap :D), at that point I decided to lets use some part of my investment in litigations, gather proofs and start learning kanoon a bit (inspired by my wife) and make her taste the kanoon thing, But once I did, that kanoon champion didnt even dare to see the court. 

Remember living peacefully is the most important thing, no one can survive in fear for long.

Jagjeet (peon)     19 November 2010

Yes brother, my in-laws too enquire about my salary, other income , savings, properties and also my expenditures.  What they have to do with that? What else I will do, I will do for my wife and mother, who else is there. The only thing I understood "Jiski laathi uski bhains'. All the fight is about getting the hold of everything whether it is money, properties, husband or other relatives. On her part she wants everything by hook or crook and when my turn comes she is not ready to take care of my mother. She (my mother) is sick and all alone. For this day has she given birth to me or for this day has she brought me up, given the education, emotional support etc. How can I tolerate a broken family just for the fear of 498a? Now I want her to file the cases and put me in jail, I am not afraid but don't want my mother to suffer anymore thatswhy I came to this forum.

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     19 November 2010


Jagjeet ji, do not you think before going to SIFF, you should have met a good, and experienced family/marriage councelor? Who knows that would have made your wife( Assuming,  what you have written is truth) look at things from a different perspective and she should have build healthy boundaries in her interactions with her parents. 

Also you should know that adjusting with an epilepsy patient ( your mom) takes some time and lot of patience and sometimes the interaction with your mom may have hurt your wife too. Perhaps these things a good family/marriage  councelor would have explained in a better way than a SIFF volunteer. Your wife came in a revengeful mood you have written, but I guess from your write up , that your mood also was not so good, if not revengeful, due to several reasons you have mentioned. We sometimes think "this is not a big issue" or something is no issue as you have written ,  but these no issues keep eating us away and reflect in our behaviour. So even a small and very human lapses  by three  of you would have been magnified by three of you--it's a possibility, isn't it? Even while you were in rental house, you would have seen her as a culprit, a cause for separation between you and your mom.

As well, do you think making her pregnant just to stabilise your relationship,  was a wise decision for you two as well as for the baby , yet to come? The important thing is understanding and trust between you two. Perhaps you should have waited till things stabilise between you two one way or the other. The way you have put it , looks like the decision to have a baby was a one sided decision???

If there is  still a chance, I would ask you to go to a good, experienced, compassionate marriage councelor, at least try it before you get into the legal solution....

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     19 November 2010

dear renuka jee,



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