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Page no : 4

Jagjeet (peon)     19 November 2010

What if no solution comes? Still my problem is as it is.I am living in depression and fear. Don't know what the future will be but everything seems dark. Not able to concentrate on job. I am the only male person in my family and only earning person. What if earning stops? Though tried to make understand my wife but no support. My question to all female members here, how much it affect when married life comes to an end. My wife is totally unafraid of this thing. Don't she think that this will spoil her life, my life and most importantantly the coming kid's life. Why my MIL & FIL not thinking all such things and keep on interfaring when I dislike? They keep on arguing 'Hamare main aisa hota hai aur hamare main waisa hota hai'. The girl has come to my family and she should adopt the customs of my family rather than listening to her parents. She would have understood that mother is sick and somehow we have to take the responsibility to take care of her. Obviously by her good deeds, she can win the hearts not of my family but of the society too. Even I would have felt proud. Jo kuchh karna hai uske aur bache ke liye hi to karna hai but mann hi marr gaya hai.

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     19 November 2010

Jagjeet ji, I do not want to intrude into your personal life. Yes, I know the pain of a breaking/broken  relationship. And that,s why I suggest you should seek family counceling. As a mature woman, your wife can always firmly refuse her parents' unwanted advice, at the same time you too can give them respect due to them as your in laws.

Do you think supporting a sick person, especially an epilepsy patient is mentally stressing your wife? Sometimes, continuously taking care of a sick person, be it anyone, becomes too much of a pressure, especially now that your wife is pregnant and herself needs some care and attention. Do you think you can engage a good helper for your wife, I mean, if you can afford it? Also, the burden of expectation drives one nuts, I am not talking about man or woman here. Anyone from whom too much is expected is likely to feel mental stress and this stress may reveal itself in so many ways. Look at the entire thing afresh with the support of some well wishers of yours and a good , professional , experienced family councelor. You have nothing to lose, at least you would have satisfaction that you tried all means to save your marriage. 

Again, please do not think I am judging you in any way or intruding into your personal life with unsought for advice. It is painful to see a relationship break,  whoever is responsible for it: husband or wife or both. 

1 Like

Ghajini (SSE)     19 November 2010

Wat I believe is if any one comes on such portals, starts thinking of litigation etc, that means all other means (Family/Relatives/Friends/Mediators etc) have already been been tried and exhausted and didn't have any positive result :)

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     19 November 2010

has jagjeet said anywhere that he tried mediation by frenz,relatives etc?

did he say that he has tried marriage counselling?

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     19 November 2010

i guess when he goes to court also,judges will refer him to counselling.but that will be just few sessions,inadequate to solve problems.

so why not try counselling now which will go on till problems get solved?



 As some of the members has suggested, you may see whether mediation will work but look for long term.. don't go in emotion.. given that  the lady has shown utmost cruelty to you , think strategically. .Decision is yours.


Keep gathering proof,  be it SMS, letters, conversations, meetings between relatives. If possible record  all meeeting .. even the voices.It will help you immensly  in proving that she does not want to live with you and she is cruel to you. They will also act as  proofs to the court that you put effort to mediation.


And for maintenanace - it is a delicate sublject.. but you have couple of things in your favor.. you have a strong argument that you  have to take care of your old and ailing mother and you can also show you other fixed expenses - like EMI, deductions etc to lower maintenance outflow.


All the best!

Ghajini (SSE)     19 November 2010

>>My MIL even say to my wife to give birth to child and then give it to them, they will take care. <<


Don't know how ppl here think with such things (frnds/relatives/marriage counsels) can help. I believe the person asking for help knows what needs to be done and after getting helpless comes for a decision and seeks help in that direction, rather than confusing/advising etc etc, we should aim to help people, and not send in different direction. Here people start there own fightings in a thread which shows kind of immaturity they possess, anyways I hope Jagjeet might have got wat he needs to do.

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