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HouseWife (house)     13 December 2011

Advise

Dear All,

Good Evening.

Iam a House wife and staying at hyderabad.I stay saperately with my husband but my in laws stays just 2 houses apart.Actually i had problem with my husband and i was with my parents for almost 1 year.For kids sake and as my husband said that he wants me back i returned to his house.

Yesturday we had a huge fight and my husband called his parents and his mom and dad shouted at me and his dad really used filthy language and also abused my parents and me.

I told him to behave him self or else iam not going to tolerate it any more.My husband was just watching but he did not tried to stop him.Today we again had fight and my husband said it was his wrong decision to bring me back.

Actually there was no fault of mine with what happend yesturday.I want to leave this house and i packed my things .But now i really dont know what to do as i left my job for his sake and also withdrawn my kids school admission on his advice and came to his place.I have 2 daughters who are less not even 5.

If he asks me to leave what am i supposed to do.Do i have to leave.I dont have a job nor any property in my name and i am really scared.

Please Help.

 



Learning

 15 Replies

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     13 December 2011

I think between you and your husband there is interference of your in laws.  So better go for counciling.

1 Like

shrinivasg Advocate. (N)     13 December 2011

Convince your spouse that for the sake of 2 little children, there should not be any dispute. If he is financially sound,ask him to take care of their future. Keep mum for some days. Develop your relations with your husband. Please note that the reason of dispute should be solved by taking him to any hotel or good place and discussing with him seperately, not in front of his parents. If relations are developed,well and good. Be polite in front of all and convince him about your problems and ask him to solve the same according to his capacity. It is very much important to share the love instead of going for confrontation.

2 Like

(Guest)

don't leave your husband and home.Try new job in your own place.think of kids.

You are re-united that means your husband realised waht he did with you earliar...

Try to avoid him when he fights with you.those repeat those things which created your separation.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     13 December 2011

I totally agree with Srinivasg advocate and utpala.  Law can take care of you and your children's maintenance and your residence, if you invoke appropriate legal provisions at appropriate time.  But that is not the concern.  The thing is how to patch up with your husband.  You are staying two houses away from your in-laws' house means, I presume, you put a condition to come back again to your husband he should live separately from his parents. It appears, he accepted such condition and brought you back.  As you have been put up only just 2 houses away from his parents' house means, he still loves and feels responsibility towards his parents.  It also shows that they have got moral authority on him, because when he called they came and argued in his favour and he kept mum through out the argument.

You patch up with your husband.  His affection towards his parents is natural and not condemnable.  At the same time, he shall be appreciated that he started to live separately from his parents for your sake.  So, do not just think about his negative points, but think about his positive points.  If you are in a position to do a job, go and get it as economic independence always gives you a chance live life happily.

1 Like

(Guest)

Blame game and pointing fingures is not the right thing to do specially in marital relationships ..... Be reasonable with others so that others can be reasonable with you !!

V.N.K. MENON (Chairman)     14 December 2011

Mr. sam is quite right in light of the version being one side of a the coin.

HouseWife (house)     15 December 2011

Thank you all for your inputs.

Actually even before leaving to my parents we both used to saty in the same house.Infact my husband was the one who proposed that after marriage we will stay saperately.2 months back when we have decided to stay togeather, he took me to his aunts house and as they know our problem they advised to stay togeather for kids sake and all , he confessed to that even he knows that i there is some problem with his mom and as soon as we go to delhi(actually we are staying now in delhi) he will change house to a different location from his parents.

After goiong to delhi he never bothered to change house and even i did not mention it as i dint want to creat any sort of misunderstanding after all what had happened.But after his parents issue, i asked him to change the house,for that he said he will not and when i reminded him of his commitment on changing tha house he said why did i mention it now and why not earlier.I told him that i diint want to bother him so i dint mention it but now as his parents are really very very mean to me i want to stay little far from him so that i dont have to face them daily and listen to all their crap.For taht he bluntlt said he will not change the house and if i want to stay ican otherwise i can leave.

I really dont want to leave as it would look like a joke leaving him going to parents and again coming to him and again leaving.My parents and my brother stay in same house and my brother is married .If i go to my parents i have to stay with my sis-in-law,whic would really look bad.

Please, can any of you help me understand his attitide.I understood that even he dont want me to leave as even it will be bad for him in the society and many reasons like that.

This is why iam confused.

Thank you.


(Guest)

you are are a understanding person and are interested in working out your marriage . There are many provisions in law where you can get maintanence , residence etc . But this would only aggreviate the problem and spoil / break relations with your husband .The only option is to win over his heart convince him but never ever leave him .In the mean while if you look out for a job it would be good . Children require both the parents love else should the marriage go haywire it would distrub the children .

shrinivasg Advocate. (N)     16 December 2011

Please refer my advise.You should adjust with his parents and gradually ask him to take seperate accommodation if he affords for it. Otherwise you cannot force him todo so. After all life is an adjustment. Concentrate you mind on your children and go ahead. Going to the court will only spoil the marriage tie. It will also waste of money and time. You have not clearly put forth the dispute contents. IF the real cause of dispute is known we can give our advise.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     16 December 2011

I agree with Mr. Stanley.

You see, you do not want to leave your husband for the reasons you mentioned.  He does not want to leave you for his own reasons.  No more reason is required for both of you to live, err.... to stay  together.  In the meantime, follow the advice of Mr.Stanley.  Find a day time job, so that you can be econimically independent and also you will be having a change of atmosphere in day time.  your interaction with your inlaws is reduced.  In the evenings you come back and involve with your children and with domestic chores (do not complain the domestic chores are back breaking and in fact they are positive distractions for you to forget your present miseries).  There are some other tips also by which you can connect with your husband emotionally, psychologically and physically and live a happy matrimonial life forgetting the bitterness prevailing between both of you and also between you and your in-laws.  But those tips take their own time to succeed.  In the mean time save your family, become economically independent and enjoy life instead of spending time in courts and lawyers' chambers for  getting maintenance and residential rights.

Wish you best of luck.

1 Like

V.N.K. MENON (Chairman)     17 December 2011

Dear friends, I am sincerely disturbed in increasing such incidents of predicament. The basic problem is aping the West leaving our culture adopting satellite family where children are not accustomed to give-and-take policy of adjustment from their heart and if one is wrong other does does the wrong doubly. The remedy lies in all parents who should at least teach the values of our culture and system to their children in course of their growing into adulthood. Whereas now-a-days parents have become narrow-minded and take sides without looking into the happiness of their children. Hope I am able to give in a nutshell my feelings and hope for a welfare Indian society.

(Guest)

Menon Ji ,

Ofcourse , your last comment sounds genuine ... and thats what is required to maintain values in any family . Alongwith this specially in india due to biased nature of criminalized marital laws and unbalanced approach it becomes even more difficult to maintain integrity or resolve an issue amicably . I strongly beleive that by making laws gender neutral and treating everyone as human ( and not as female or male ) a balance can be striked and many families can be saved from breakage ...

anvita.... (advocate)     17 December 2011

When you posted this question itself show that you are working out to put a stop to this conflict between you and ur husband.Usually problems between couples arise because of the third party interferance,It is better either of the partner take the situation into they hands before it get worst and come up into lime light,A very small misunderstanding turns into very big fights when they come under discussion in open.

IN counselling usually we advice couples to sort out any situation among them self ,rather allowing other family members to take over the charge.As a woman with two kids ,you are in a vulnerable position.You need to question few things to urself.

Do you intend to leave your husband temporarily?or to warn him or show that you cannot handle such situations?

-IF so my answer is absolute waste of time and mental agony,going away and again coming back make you look small and cheap.

Are you ready to face this world as a single mom?or you want to go for another marriage?

What about your financial status?

children welfare?

moral and physical support?

your Age ?

Keeping all this in mind please take a step.It is always better to deal with one person than a hundreds,No human bieng is heartless,you did not mention any assault ot physical abuse frm ur husband side,which make him a prudent person,sometimes when situation is 'hot' people talk or say few things unknowingly ,simply to hurt ot stop the situation.Forget what has happened,sit and talk to ur husband ,explain him ur mental status,can explain him of starting fresh again,keeping aside all the bitterness in btw.Put the step of patching frm ur side which will definetely make you look as a good human in ur husband eye.

No way for EGO in husband and wife relations.After all this is indian society we cannot think about remarriages.Holding on to permanent relations is an ART.good luck to you:)

1 Like

HouseWife (house)     19 December 2011

Hi All,

Even i want to work but if i go to work there wont be any one home to look after my kids, they come home by 12.30 PM.Moreover, I used to work in an MNC(7 years) and i left my job cause my husband doent want me to work.He says that i dont have to work as he is earning and i should take care of him and kids.So, there is no possibilitty of me working.

Now i think there is no solution for my problem.Only time can solve it (if iam lucky enough).Once again thank you all of your for your inputs.

 

Thanks and Regards.


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