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Lalya pradhan (SERVICE)     18 April 2008


Very close friend of mine has asked me to get the help/advise  from the people about the behaviour of his only son

I am narreting the agony in his own words . Please help him

"I have been facing various problems in my marrigae life , the very reason moved me towards spiritualism. i have been working with TATA Organisation for nearly 23 years  . By grace of god i do not have any financial problems as my wife too works for  a bank. My father expired in 1982 on my 25th birth day He was working College . My mother who is now 75 years stays with me . I have high regards & love for my mother as she  supported us in life & sloughed for our welfare. I regard my mother as my first guru & try to do everything possible.

As far as my marriage life is concerned , i regret that it has never been smooth as we  literally fight every day as we both us are short tempered.I have bad habit of abusing However i have blessing in disguise as i have very poor memory which helps me patch up immediately.

I have a son who is now 17 years  upto 7 th std he studied in a school where  nearly all the students are from middle class family .He took admission in 8 th std. in a  convent school where most of the boys are from afflunt families  Last year he passed out SSC . His behaviour has literally ruined our life . When he was in SSC last year he didn't study for last three months .He used to threatned  us that he will not appear for exams if he doesn't get guitar or cricket kit etc. I had spent nearly Rs.10000/- FOR MEETING HIS DEMANDS DURING VERY EXAM DAYS.  I had to arrange for the special coaching as he used to bunk his tution classes I still remember those days when i used to wake him up on exam days by literally lying down to his feet .He appeared for exam & passed ssc in March 07 with 75% marks. After results he had shown interest for Diploma in Engineering & according to his wish he took admission for engineering. He has hardly attended the college for 4to 5 months he has suddenly stopped attending the college on the pretext that he wants to appear for Hsc in science for joining Merchant navy. We never forced him to select any particular career He has been given complete freedom

After leaving the college for last two months ,after his breakfast he goes out to nukkad near the college  or other places & mix with the students engaged in students union he smokes heavily &  heard /ovrheard started drinking

There are many instances where he bits us & scolds us . He does not have any respect towards us

i am really worried about his future

We consulted psychiatrist. He has been diagnosed as anti social personality disorder. But his relation with members of the society is very cordial
Now a days after such happenings many times i have started doubting very existence of god. many times he thratens us to committ suicide after leaving a suicide name mentiong my name or my wife's name as responsible for the suicide.We are worried in case he committs suicide what shall be criminal law implications on us Also reuest the readres to advise right type treatment to bring him to the main stream

Kindly advise  my friend how to bring his son to the main steam .Please share your expriences or such cases observed by you


 4 Replies

Kiran Kumar (Lawyer)     18 April 2008

its quite a sorry state of affairs for u....i think here the role of a psychatrist is more important than a lawyer. have u ever tried to find out why ur son is behaving contrary to what u expect? try to make a peace with him......if possible but dont press him too much and dont use abusive words qua him.....if he is not responding to ur advice then try to stay cool and just listen to him. as far as his suecide attempt is concerned u must not worry i think he is just blackmailing u......if he dares to do so then i shall advice to keep his medical history espacially psychologist opinion and advice with u.....if he commits suecide then all the medical record will come to ur rescue. have faith in Go, he will certainly help u.

Guest (n/a)     20 April 2008

Hi, I was moved my your life experience. Please do not say there is no god. Have faith in him and try being a friend to your son, maybe in that manner he will try to open up. Or if nothing works take him to a psychologist. Just an advise if you are in Chennai, Tamilnadu there is a good Doctor his name is Dr. Peter Fernandas. He will definately help your son to get better. Have faith in GOD. God bless your family

Guest (n/a)     20 April 2008

I hav gone through yr mail.i suppose marriage is a sacramental function there was a statics it disclosed only 20% marital not is satisfied emotionally with each other so u have to think maturely on improving your relations.join sume common programmes like go for morning or evening walk daily & mind one thing dont talk while walking fell the enviornment & other couples besides or join some yoga classes.u know woman are eogist by nature after she is emotioally hurted it will take very long time to melt his anger,so males should have to bow and take the initiative for solving the problems.AS FAR AS problem of yr son is concerned it will be solved automatically when your relations with your wife will improve as your son has two platforms in shape of his father and i advise you to walk with your on the same platform for your son.

Jithendra.H.J (Lawyer)     22 April 2008

why dont you change your palce of residence to the far place, so that your son may not get chance to meet his bad friends, why dont u put him to som strict hostel or draw his atention towrds Dhyana etc., dont give him too much money to spend. tell him about the imporance of education/degree for the surviuval in this world of struggle. tell him how education will help to earn money, and the imporance of money. childern will take the wrong path when there is frequnet fighting or excang of hot words between the father and mother. your son is not your enemy, he is your own son, who is innocent who is not knowing the sonsequences of faults, guide him properly. as you are hailed from a good family, you son must be respecting his mother, the mother can sentimentally black mail him and can draw him to good path.

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