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yaalini (e)     20 February 2012

Pls help me

Dear Friends

I got married with my cousin 6 months later.Before marriage itself I have good relationship with my cousin.Really I don’t know what kind of feeling I have with my cousin.I like her very much and affection with her.She also affection with me.After some time I feel I was in love with her.But I don’t have dare to convey my love to her.But I wish to marry her.She got job in abroad.After that her parents searching alliance for her.Basically their family middle class and my family also.In this time I came to know she has a one side love with her childhood friend who is relative also.When I came to know this I was very much upset and painful heart.After that I compromise my self and relieve from that feel.As per her expectation that guys family ask alliance to her family.Evrybody happy for that alliance.I am also happy for her expected life.But unfortunately that guy’s horoscope not match with her.Whole family totally upset this issue.And she also very much upset.After that all the family members decide arrange marriage with me.I never expect this situation.But I am happy for that decision if it happens.After that I want to know her thoughts about this marriage.When I spoke to her she told me she is not interested in this marriage.Then I told to her “ok no problem tell to your mother and father and stop the marriage”.She said ok for that.But she can’t compromise her family after that she told me to stop the marriage as I don’t like her like that reason.I told her OK I will try to stop but I can’t tell the reason like that(I don’t like You) I can tell” you are not intrest in this marriage”.she not accept this.Becoz she don’t want to get the bad name from the families and relatives.Then I decided to stop the marriage.When I try to speak about this to my mother she told me that’s not possible due to their poverty they can’t give her outside groom.They are interested to give you only like that.But behind a big reason is there for this decision later only my mother explained me.Becos of her family’s poverty her parents depends her uncle for her marriage expense and future expenses.Recently My father built a new house.That house construction time her uncle only take the full response and spend the excess amount(near by 9 lakhs).Any how that amount is given by credit only but he expect the faith for help.He told my mother to arrange the marriage .According to this reason I accept this marriage.But before accept I explained my situation to her and I told her I have no problem to marry with you .But if you are not comfortable told your parents and stop the marriage like that.She told me Ok .After that her grandma asking her wish about the marriage she accept to marry me.After that her grandma asking me about the opinion I said if she is intrest with this marriage I can accept.Her grandma told me she is intrest with this marriage.After the formal Engagement we have six months period for marriage.That six months we talked normal things only.We both feel uncomfortable about to speak the intimacy things.But hope all the things will be alright after the marriage.Thats the think only change both of our life.After the marriage proposal I was dream with her about my intimacy life.But she cant come out her old feelings.After marriage only we found how horrible the life it’s!!I was very much disappointment with her activities.she never agreed to had s*x.She asked me some time to relief from her old feelings.I accept her request.But after a week she told me she can’t accept me as her husband and she never gone with me normal s*x life.So divorce is the only solution to save our life like that.I was very much upset and told her pls don’t tell like this we will go for counseling it will cure all the things normal like that.But she did’nt accept that she is not willing to go to counseling and she don’t want to change her mind like that.After her statement I was totally frustrated and depressed.I never told this issue to her parents and my parents.But after a few weeks I told this issue to my brother.He explode that issue my family.After that all of the family members scold and warning her.All of them compelled to continue a formal married life with me.Now she is completely avoid me even speaking with me also she don’t see my face.Lying his face down and looking some where.I understand she was totally affected with emotional feelings.She told me she have brother feeling with me and she can’t go with intimacy life with me at any cost.But his adamant argument with me only not with others.If their parents and relatives ask about this she told no problem with us.But her mother knows her status and she request me “don’t tell this to anybody.”.Now she accept to go for counseling for their completion.But she don’t have confident to change her feelings”.
She told me girls mind fixed with one thing that mind nobody can’t change at any cost until the death..She can’t accept me as husband never.She is thinking me as brother only. beforeI don’t understand that kind of feeling now only I have doubt about her old love.How she think me as bro until death like that she think her old lover only husband status.Is it right?
Now I need some suggestion from you IL s.Shall I wait some more time(another 6 months) for this girl’s mind change?I decide if her mind will not change another 6 months time I will proceed to quit the marriage.Pls give me your feedback.


 3 Replies

Raja (XYZ)     20 February 2012

if  you love really this girl wait and wait, allow her all affection and love and don't let her feel that you are disappointed, i am sure, one day will come when she will bound to accept you and will feel for what she had done. dont be upset. time changes everything. i am really feeling sad, if you need any help, you can call me. all the best and dont ever go for divorce. seperation is not the solution.

sharma (ADVOCATE)     20 February 2012

Emotions are different from laws.  Think and decide wisely.  It is a problem linked with psychology.  Better contact a psycho doctor for her treatment and else, contact us, we will definately help you.







I saw your other thread seeking advice for Divorce But your story is the same like many others, your wife has a heart here for her childhood friend (I’m sorry to say this), she had married you due to family pressure. And she may stay with you forever, because of Family Pressure But only way I think Only you can do it, try to change her mind, you said six months you want to wait.

As fellow advocate said, Emotions are different from Laws. So try to work on your marriage Here are the few things you can try to work on your marriage.

1) Try to be emotional with her, Girls are very Emotional per say.

2) Buy some gifts sometime, try to gain her attention.

3) Seduce her; I know it would be awkward but no harm when it comes to save your marriage.

4) Try to dig it, what is in her mind, heart. Communication is the first key

5) Rest is the Art, which you can yourself only help. And you ONLY know what to do…

6)  She is your legally wedded wife, so even if you flirt Nothing wrong in that :)

Above all How old she is? Today’s generation of Girls are not that matured enough regarding Post married Life, you have to gradually get her on the track.


Most Important thing !, take elders from both side into confidence, and let them show, you are trying & working on this marriage. besided counselling is perfect and Assuuming this girl which you liked and have affection. How can you let her go like this?

Divorce is hectic and time consuming process. She may be doing this to get ridd of you but Only you can make this marriage work.


God bless you, and All the best!









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