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(Guest)

Need advise on no relationship marriage

Hello Experts,

Please help with your advise.

I am married for 4 years now and my husband has shown no interest in consummation of our marriage.

When we were engaged, he showed lot of interest in family making and also had insisted that I develop awareness of this and health related to family making.

He had also initiated love sometimes when we  met in person and I have sensed  he had strong feelings that time.

After marriage, I was told that we will start planning family only after an year of marriage and I agreed because he wanted more understanding to develop. I supported.

My in laws are very unsupportive from day one due to possessiveness and other attitude related problems. I was engulfed in solving their problems and easily it was 1.5 years by then. Soon they left us alone and moved out.

Again, then I wanted to start planning for family and spoke to  him. My husband yet did not initiate and I dont think he intends to also. He only says give me time.

In spite of suggesting and trying so many options I don’t see any interest from himself, for sure I don’t seem he has medical issues (my observation).

Now I am frustrated and not able to make out what this really means. I have spoken to him already saying if he has no feelings we can separate making our loves better. Since we have not consummated our marriage yet and have had friendly living till now. I suspect there is something in his past which is hampering our married life.

My questions :

If we agree to separate by mutual consent how long will it take. We both stay together since  4 years but as I say, have not been in relationship at all. 

 



 31 Replies

Bhaskaran Advocate (Lawyer)     05 October 2015

File mutual divorce petition, wait for one year and get divorce.

saravanan s (legal advisor)     05 October 2015

from the time of making petition there will be a first motion after six months of cooling off period followed by another six months for second motion of mcd during which divorce would be pronounced.

 


(Guest)

Rightly advised. There can be any of 3 reasons which we see in some cases referred to us in past:

1. Extra marital affair which is going on secretly

2. Your husband not interested to continue with marriage due to any of several reasons which can be found only by a counsellor and interaction with him

3. Some psychological disorder inlcuing schizophrenia and diinterstdeveloped in s*xual intercourse (voluntary impotency) resulting in non arousal of your husband.You would be knowing better about this or a dcotor he should consult

Just eliminate all these casues one by one, You may need to do research  through someone or even engage a detective

One more caution: we came acrossoen acse where after getting married the man kept all the dowry amount and went for multiple marriages. Please be acreful about your money and valuables.

If it is willful default and your husband is alright medically than dont waste time and take divorce.

Querists in such complex case smention their prsonal profile like age of self and spouse and brief education and family backgorund.

b.goheel   05 October 2015

queriest,
sad to knw from ur post and appreciate ur frankness by eloborating ur personal thing which otherwise lady refrain to share with unknown people. moreover its repetition in same query may serve no purpose.
it is ambigious abt ur desire if each and every word r tkn seriously.

to seniors
happy to knw tht where evn judge take some time before coming to conclusion after hearing both side and their WS as well written argument, whereas u r come to conclusion w/o knwing and hearing both.
bravo !!  must say u r hidden unearth gem of our country.
by the way r u victim or b a lawyer after b a victim.

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     05 October 2015

May be impotency or lack of s*xual urge could be a factor for his behaviour.I feel he was just trying to impress U with his sweet words regarding family life.If he was having an affair it would have started well before marriage,and if that was true,he would have certainly had physical relationship with U.So it is a matter of dislike towards family life.May be his parents are also aware of it.

Hence psychiatric treatment and counselling could be attempted.If he does not respond to it,then it is to be deemed to understand that it is not a psychological problem but a physical problem.

 


(Guest)
Thanks all. I have tried all means including asking for adoption. There has been no answer except give me time. I am clueless and my life seems meaningless like this. Is there a possibility that we can divorce in six months? We are living in one roof but are just friends like till now? Sorry, but a bit frustrated, so.

(Guest)

If younave exhausted all routes to refrom him or get him terated in case of any psychologicaldisorder, you can seek judcial separation on grounds of non consumation of marriage

Before that one last pont to consider-Is he not financially secure or in good job/business? Wre youawareabout it during alliance prcess? and did you ignore that thinking things will be alright?

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     05 October 2015

Don't get frustrated and dejected with life,the Almighty has put us on this beautiful world as human beings.These problems are bestowed only on human beings and not on any other creatures.Hence we have to live our life on this wonderful planet.Ups and downs are part of life.

Seeking divorce in 6 months is too early.If both of U opt for MCD,U will have 6 months of cooling period and after that another 2 or 3 months for awarding divorce.hence have patience and act.

I walk alone (Asst Manager)     05 October 2015

with due to respect to all the respondents here, as a non-law background, I would simply request you to visit a good marriage counseller, sit together and explain whatever you wrote here to the counseller.

Sometimes, you know, we just need a netural 3rd person's opinion and some tricks to make it work. (I missed mine, forever) so, even before you think of seperation, just give it as a last try. 

All the best, I hope things get better soon in ur life.

& if it does not, work out a MCD plan.


(Guest)

Sure, thanks. I definitely will not take any steps in haste.

It has been a 4 years wherein I have pleaded a lot to take steps in this matter. No action until now, not even a discussion on this topic has been done from him which seems he is hiding something or not willing at all. 

My parents spoke to him and he says its normal and he will try in future. He has been asking me time since last 3 years.

He says he does not have such feelings for me at all, though he acts a good friend and cares me with money and takecare stuff.

I walk alone (Asst Manager)     05 October 2015

Pls tell him, ur needs and ur plans for making a family. However, 4 years is been long enough I understand & also understand the frustration and tension u might be into. But, as I said, once try out a counselling session with a certified marriage/relationship counsellor, get into his mind to understand what is exactly wrong with him. EVEN IF THERE IS 5% POSSIBILITY, pls work out.

alok (ut)     05 October 2015

Just filed a mutual consent divorce . .. Hope its work and it change the mind of your husband and he may start thinking of family planning. Otherwise court will provide you reliefs.

(Guest)

There appears to be something fishy with the guy and this case. it is not logical.

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     06 October 2015

Alok,

What do U mean by Ur reply/clarify


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