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Arisedfromslumber (doctor)     13 April 2015

My wife has sexual aversion

Respected sir,

I am 30 years old . I am a General Surgeon by occupation working in a Medical college. I happened to marry a woman whos also a General surgeon now. The marriage happened almost 4 years back. It was an arranged marriage with no dowry taken. Marriage took place in their native and when we were pursuing our post graduation.

Since the beginning of the marriage she showed no interest in physical relationship. In the beginning i thought she will adjust soon but in vain. I used to visit her once or twice a month. As we both were busy in studies and also due to sheer stress that we undergo during our post graduation and also because of the excuses she used to give i thought she will be normal after her studies.

But to my surprise things got worsened after her studies. she failed in her exam and she went into depression. As she expressed suicidal thoughts we had to consult a famous psychiatrist in HYD. While undergoing sessions, I put forth before him the problem of the s*xual aversion by her. He began to treat her in that direction also. Mean while i had been telling her parents about the problem i have with her. The same i conveyed to my parents. My parents inturn spoke to her parents. After all this she stopped going to the psychiatrist showing the reason that the psychiatrist is my mothers batchmate and hes showing partiality.

Nowthat she claims she is normal. Her parents also think shes normal. I am helpless. I have all the conversations i had with the psychiatrist and also some of the conversations in the whatsapp showing my love towards her. Are they enough proof to show that she has s*xual aversion ? please guide me through this. we are living apart since 3 months. we dint consummate since an year. hardly i stayed 4 moths with her in these 4 years. please guide me further

with regards,

Dr. 



 21 Replies

saravanan s (legal advisor)     13 April 2015

refusing to have s*x is also considered to be a form of cruelty by the wife towards you.citing non consumation of marriage as a ground apply for divorce but you have to prove these grounds in the court which is a little difficult.convince her for mcd if she is not ready go for contested divorce

reunion2   13 April 2015

What are the proofs i should have to make the court convinced that wife is not interested in s*xual relation ship. In my case its 3 yrs marriage. She always oppose to do relationship directly. Some time the relation ship built but with protection.

 

We are staying in different city last 2 months because there are hot discussion happend among us and family

bhrvi   13 April 2015

@ karthik,
frm ur post it appears tht u gv more weightage to observation of psychiatrist bt do not mention wht their observation.
unless and until knwng the fct of observation u rely the most, hw sr. of the forum can advice u.

@ reunion2
nice word " A Divorce
                      That Will
                       IMPROVE
                       Your Marriage"
u r one of few exception to hv this belief.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     13 April 2015

If your wife is not cooperating in physical relationship as normal human beings are supposed to expect, then denial of physical relationship in normal frequencies amounts to "cruelty" and on that ground, you can get divorce.  But, the problem lies to prove this fact before the court in convincing manner.

Arisedfromslumber (doctor)     13 April 2015

thanks sir for your prompt replies.

@Saravanan sir..she puts silly blames for not consummation with me which doesnt really stand in the court. but the thing i only fear is she might use 498A to escape from this thing. kindly suggest the precautionary measures to get out of her.

@bhrv

sir..the psychiatrist came to a conclusion that she has s*xual aversion. but aversion as such a symptom.

it is not a diagnosis. it cant be proved unless and until she only confesses infront of the court. And she refuses for counselling even  

Born Fighter (xxx)     13 April 2015

Karthik, you got to take a tough stand and ask your wife what is the future of the relationship if she does not consummate as you do wish to have a child as any normal person would expect.  

 

Only counselling can work, if she is not fine with the Psychiatrist suggested by you then give her an open offer to choose one as per her choice and show your willingness/ intention to resolve the problem than blaming each other.

 

In my opinion she knows her problem and is afraid to testify due to social pressure/fate of marriage. You need to take her in confidence and tell her you will stand by her , only this way you can get her consent for any counselling/diagnosis. Since this matter is already discussed in families its becoming difficult now, such issues should be kept very personal/ confidential.

 

If she does not change then be ready to face 498a, as she will try and cover her weakness by taking undue advantage of biased women laws. Best soultion is plead for Mutual Consent Divorce , pay alimony and buy peace. Dont take matter to court it will be waste of time as such cases are very difficult to conclude without proper evidences.

Arisedfromslumber (doctor)     13 April 2015

@born fighter

thanks sir

please inform the evidences to gather to prove her aversion. As shes very adamant and believes in revenge rather than in love. 

Born Fighter (xxx)     13 April 2015

Play Smart ...........swallow your ego and anger , shower her with gifts, show your willingness to save the marriage and ultimately take her to a psychiatrist.

 

Only the psychiatrist can give you evidence, this way you either save your marriage  ( in case your wife does not have any problem or has a problem that can be treated ) OR  gather evidence which can be used later if required

 

But i will still suggest don't be impatient. Try and see if you can save your marriage OR last resort go for MCD. You both are qualified/ young docs, the society needs you more than the courts !!

Arisedfromslumber (doctor)     13 April 2015

@born fighter

definitely agree with you sir. but i too want to have my kith and kin. No marital bliss till now. After 4 years of my patience, i had to burst out now. after she lost faith in the treating psychiatrist she again went to a self acclaimed psychiatrist and got herself physically examined by her. I too went to this psychiatrist but i wanted to know her qualification for which i dint get a satisfied answer. so its been 2 months now that we are not in contact. please guide further


(Guest)

The people sitting in courts are not fools.  Dont waste time behind getting medical report from a psychiatrist.  Even if you get one, that stands to be the opinion of one psyhciatrist and that can be challenged in high court with a report of another psychiatrist.  Court only sees compatibility between husband and wife, that being absent, court will grant divorce.  The court will give enough time before deciding on the facts of the case to grant you divorce.


The case may run up to 7 years before you get divorce.  Patience is the only solution.

Arisedfromslumber (doctor)     14 April 2015

@helping hand

theres nothing here to fool anyone sir. Its just an attempt to stop myself continue being a fool anymore.

sir even if i am staying aloof and theres no communication between us can they use 498A against me?

and if i start living together and collect audio and video recordings of her..then atleast do i stand any chance? 

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     18 April 2015

This query has already deviated from the original post.  It has started with non co operation of wife for a conjugal life, now it has gone to the extent of 498 A,divorce,mcd etc. Psychiatric treatment will be helpful only for a certain extent, but it is the husband and wife to get proper mediatiion and counselling to understand what marital life is actually. Dear querist both of U are highly qualified and working as civil surgeons. In UR case I am not focusing the matter in a legal angle,but on human relations.The separation could haunt  all through UR life.Hence my sincere request is to get the matter settled amicably and life happily. 

Arisedfromslumber (doctor)     18 April 2015

ok sir..

i shall go tomorrow and try for compromise as my last resort

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     18 April 2015

Thats a good decision dear querist. Hope for a reunion without much hassles.


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