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Kumar (Project Lead)     01 May 2014

Mental trauma,agony due to wife's torture

Dear Sir,

I am facing a difficult situation in my personal life. We might have seen several instances of woman abuse. Even in these types of forums I am seeing mostly only laws, suggestions supporting women.

I am telling this honestly with no bad feelings..I swear to god what I am saying is true. I need justice on what needs to be done. Suggestions..etc.

My wife doesn’t listen to me so easily. There were minor issues between us during my beginning stages of married life and still continue to have. Those issues are fine which are ok and is common in every married life. We have been married for 4 years and with 6 months old kid.

After my son was born, my wife’s attitude changed. She gets arrogant,angry so easily and I am unable to convince or soothen her. She says she wants to go to her parent’s home by evening and shall return 1 or 2 days later. I will say,why not tomorrow morning because I can spend time with my child in evening.

I try telling her in an ordinary way. She never listens. If I shout since she doesn’t listen after repeated sayings..she acts like eccentric patient. She uses abusive words.throws things to the floor.What if it hits my child? If I say these things are wrong.. lets talk to a counselor she never listens…she never respects me … my parents are so good… most of the kitchen work at home are completed by my mother.

But she insists, my mother is not helping to feed the child,bathe the child ..etc. but that’s not the case since my mother is busy with kitchen and my medically ill father(acute backpain &unknown nervous problem..still trying to figure out.. think of the mental trauma of my mother worried about her husband as well)…, she says can do it once she is free or if my wife calls, she will be available to help.

But my wife is finding faults continuously with her saying my mom and dad doesn’t come voluntarily and help. But who is doing the kitchen work? It is my mother…

There are so many other things which I can say….

The bottom line is , I am trying and my parents are trying their level best to take care of her and she is taking undue advantage of me. Basically I am soft spoken and also my parents. But when things go worse, it really hurts us. The kind of words my wife uses.

My in-laws, father in law and mother in law and brother in law are also supporting my wife only without listening. I explained she has a medical condition of losing her temper for simple advices… there is no freedom of speech.

I expect maturity from her. That is all I need. In future, we need to raise the child in an effective manner mature enough to handle him, she has to take care of her school work, teaching along with other household work. From my side, I can lend my support to some extent outside of the office hours…my parents as usual, will help… the point is to make all these happen, my wife has to change her silly behavior,control her anger,stop talking non-sense like woman equal to man..etc.. (these things can be told only if exploitation is happening). She is a home maker and she should happily do her job with pride. I respect every genuine home maker.

Bottomline : I am seriously worried about my wife’s immaturity to cope up with the new life style (post baby born).She is always dependent and never acts independenly. No good advice, effective advice to her daughter from in-laws. Instead they teach her wrong things since they are not that educated enough. My parents, graduates and post graduates, worried about my wife’s immaturity and her constant arguments with me,father and mother over simple matters & advices. When I say advice, a sample like .. don’t over feed the baby if the baby refuses to eat since the child might become obese. My wife overfeeds him sometimes.. this is just a sample.

We all feel we are losing authority.

Impacts: unable to concentrate on job, mental trauma,agony…worried about future. Do I need to file for divorce to get rid of this trauma? I need my son with me. Reason- an eccentric person cannot handle a child in this world.  Take him to school and from school… teach him with patience …

her parents are very stingy. No car, no two wheeler for my father in law ..dependent on his son…

whereas I own a car,..etc. I can keep my child with luxury whereas they can’t …like these so many concerns I have…

what should I do… is this justice to leave the kid with mother just for the sake of law knowingly she is eccentric and incapable of handling family life…. I don’t know what to say … L

Is divorce an option? Am I thinking correct?

 



Learning

 8 Replies

laxmi kant joshi (instructor)     01 May 2014

Brother there is no legal advise required in your case , both of you visit the psychiatrist and take his advice and solve your problem.

sagar jadhav (employee)     01 May 2014

I am exactly same situtation

but when I stand firm got lots of help

 

if u r in pune,pm me ,can meet and guide u

R.KANNAN (MIS)     01 May 2014

dont worry Mr kumar, i am also a victim like you and i am fighting the legal battle only wit ha hope that TRUTH and JUSTICE still exists.....

Ranee....... (NA)     01 May 2014

Many woman after delivery undergoes depression and mood swing due to change in hormones. It is every husband.'duty to take care of wife so that she gets recovered from such crucial phase of life. Do you have a maid to help your wife in baby care? Give time to wife. . Share responsibilities of the baby. Everything will be okay.
1 Like

Kumar (Project Lead)     03 May 2014

Appreciate your replies and suggestions..I do agree we need to consult a psychiatrist. But as i mentioned in my earlier post, i am unable to convince her. She doesn't come along with me to consult a psychiatrist.

She doesn't listen nor her parents give proper advice to her to meet cousellor or psychiatrist...I did say once it is not just you ..we both will be getting advices from the psychiatrist. that is the fact.

this is my situation...no respect, no understanding, no maturity....

i did see one statement saying " i need to offer some help to my wife in taking care of baby'.. ofcourse i am helping.despite this, she keeps finding faults saying you are helping,but my mom is not helping(but thats not as i said earlier..she is held up totally and she helps in taking care baby whenever she can... my mother is also a woman..old age woman..now it is becoming a case of daughter in law illtreating old age mom and dad...is this correct....shouldn't there be respect for elders..?)....

Kumar (Project Lead)     04 May 2014

Hello Heera,,

Thanks for your reply and your biased version of reply and preconceived notions clearly indicate you are not on the side of justice. anyways here are my responses to you.

1.  there is a typo error in my earlier message. i know it might mislead. thought since i had mentioned her as a home maker that would clarify..... my wife is a home maker and doesn't work for any school. i have highlighted (caps) the error. What is actually meant was, with a sense of foresight, in future when my child goes to school our responsibilities as care takers increases and we need to show maturity in handling the child. Today school education is not that easy....

all the imaginable statements made by you are false and I strongly object to your wordings with all due respect.

I expect maturity from her. That is all I need.In future, we need to raise the child in an effective manner mature enough to handle him, she has to take care of HIS school work, teaching along with other household work. From my side, I can lend my support to some extent outside of the office hours…my parents as usual,

2. A man if he has decided not to live with his wife, would definetely not ask for suggestions or ask if the thinking is right or something like that. He will talk to the point,ask the procedures for divorce.

So your attitude clearly shows up here as to project a man as somebody bad. Pathetic...

Is divorce an option? Am I thinking correct? - this is the statement made which is a doubt.. an unsure doubt...

3. As a person,an husband to a wife, i have considered and acknowledged the response of consulting a psychiatrist. But I was just trying to convey my futile attempt in taking her to a counsellor or psychiatric doctor. but I can still try to find a way to do that.

This was again misinterpreted and overlooked by you. Really hurts. nothing should be written in the public forums with some predetermined thoughts. thats not right.

4. Maid- We have already engaged a maid to take care of the basic work...

for taking care of baby , it is not advisable to engage a maid. you must be knowing the reason. hygiene,security ..etc. she has enough time to take care of baby as it is the only main work she does. Other family members do help that includes me outside of office hours.

5. Coming to luxury... owning an alto car doesn't mean, we are well off .. I was talking about the typical middle class luxury...just to show that i can take care of child in better way..and also i have provided my wife with the middle class luxury which her parental home doesn't provide..not due to inability.. anyways I wish not to talk about it. so I take back my word wrt to saying stingy ..etc .. let it be their personal way of leading life ... point is I am keeping my wife financially comfortable and she has acknowledged that several times ... only issue is comparison,attitude...with mother in law...why they are not helping...etc... it is tough to explain ...becos due to old age , they are not able to take my child for walk ...etc..

6. difference in age - 4 years difference between me and my wife...not 10 years .. what an exaggeration??? so unkind of you..

anyways, few take aways from this forum... counselling...i will try to get it done.

being patient, no fear, no anger , stay calm... be cool.. will try to adopt.

finally before i take leave.. with all due respect I strongly condemn few wordings of Heera.

thanks anyways

 

 

 

4.

Gautam Kapoor (IT professional Studying Law)     05 May 2014

@Kumar - this is a sad story which is enacted in many housholds.To start with when a woman delivers a baby pre/post they tend to look at their parents more so her mother for any sort of guidance.She tends to overlook that you as a father also need to stay with your newborn.Your parents can even clean her stools but still she will not take note of it.This is a sad but true plight.To start with send her to her parents place let her recuperate and then watch her actions.Thinking of divorce is premature.

Gautam Kapoor (IT professional Studying Law)     05 May 2014

also i suggest to give some more time, wait and watch.all the best


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