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Lets talk about statistics- the white elephant in the room!

I have gone through so many queries and their replies. Some replies are just straight up sane legal advice (and Thankyou for that) However, some replies are just means of being spiteful.

I have read so many replies which mention statistics about suicides committed by 'married men'. Well if you had actually really read and understood the article and data, you would know that the headline does not do justice to the whole article. 

I have worked in PR and Headlines are mostly put together to grab attention of the buyer. The article may not be as attention grabbing as the header.  So here are the links for those articles. Please read the WHOLE article. It mentions that while marital discord may be 'ONE OF THE REASONS' but there are other reasons which accupy a larger space on the pie chart. Also please note that suicide attempts by women are larger in number than men. I am not a feminist- I am just following the published facts in order to counter those who've used these 'statistics' as an argumentative weapon' in this forum.

Now it also mentions in the following article that unlike women men do not have the option of venting their feelings- NO ONE took their right of venting or expressing away. We women WANT their men to be expressive. But it's the men who think that showing emotion is a weakness. This is a more psychological problem than a legal one. Culturally, men aren';t wired to emote . Women are, therefore once we've had a good cry or talk, we regain our strength- and get on with the task at hand. This is also maybe biology. So do not blame women for the men committing suicide. COMMUNICATE instead. And please don't just throw in a line here and there saying that men have a higher rate of suicide- its just 'twisted' and it's manipulating the truth to win an argument. C'mmon .. it's just a cheap shot!-*x


And this should not be used as often as it is, in such forums, That is why I am posting this. So that, we stop playing the blame game and get on with the legal counselling. Just stop arguing about feminism or masculinism or suicides or what not. And just please get down to business and talk about laws without letting your egos butt in. 


IF YOU CANNOT COPE WITH IT- TALK IT OUT!!!  stop taking out your frustrations on the marriage. we get married to earn a partner for life. If you alianate him/her, It doesn't make any sense.


On one hand our culture is ridden with 'wife- jokes' which make fun of us " you don't talk to me much anymore" " you don't spend too much time with me" " what are you thinking"? you laugh at us about this. On the other hand you complain that we don't connect with you or are not emotionally supportive... DECIDE!!!! Behaving like children!! seriously!!


 9 Replies


I came here to learn and get legal advice, but most posts are an ego match!! therefore my frustration.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     12 April 2012

Great political economist once said that you cannot perpetuate the exploitation of people by just coercision, you have to get consent from the exploited sections also to do that.  For that they use culture etc. as tools. Women beaten and abused feel guilty to file DV case S. 498-A case and they are forced to believe there is some thing wrong with them and that is why they are treated like that by in laws.  They are forced to accept in village panchayats, court mediation centres and in courts, that it is their sole responsibility to maintain matrimonial harmony.  Even in the rape cases, the entire society creates such vitious atmosphere that there is some fault in rape victim herself for provoking the accused to assault her and intelligent question comes that why other women are not being attackhed and why only she is targeted.     The day is not far away that we are going to hear that as only 36% is the conviction rate in rape cases, and women are misusing the rape laws,  so the rape laws have to be taken away from IPC. Twisting the statistics is the norm of the day.

randomethic (Professional)     12 April 2012

The reason I came to this site, was to get some sane advice for my situation...and that was more than 2 years ago. What I did find however, that the continuous bashing of women and petty issues, badmouthing each other is more predominant than actually helping people. So much so that it put me off from even coming here.

I am glad that you have brought this up, Manisha because at the end of the day, I have found over and over again that men post perfect images of themselves here. No one is perfect and if a marriage fails, no matter who has the bigger responsibility of the blame (barring cases of abuse) both people are responsible. Who is more responsible and who is less, is immaterial. A marriage means both people give 100% of themselves in whichever way they can and when it is founded on the belief of 'what do I get out of this as a man/woman,' it is not a marriage, but rather a means of exploitation. 

Men consider vulnerability a weakness, talking of emotions a weakness...everything that is to do with sharing is a waste of their time. And I have experienced this to a point where I KNOW things are going wrong but my voice is not important and not heard because I am the woman in the relationship.

Being nice to each other and  treating each other with courtesy, love and kindness is NOT an unfair expectation. Rather, it is the founding stone of a marriage. But too often, I have seen that over and over again, instead of building a marriage on these lines, men try and build marriages on the lines of "this is my family, these are the rules, I don't want to hear anything, just do as I say". A woman is not a robot or a piece of furniture that is picked up from another household and brought into yours. 

It is tiring to hear men here constantly lament about wives and go on and on and on about how they're lives are miserable because of the women they've married. The reality is, that if you're miserable, it is quite likely that your wife is miserable too. For every man who comes here and talks about being exploited by his wife, there are as many women as well, who are every day, even as I write this, exploited by their husbands in ways that take them years to even understand and even when they do, finding support to end such a marriage is not so simple.

This entire debate about which laws favor one gender over the other would actually die when men begin to realize that marriage in the Indian context is an imbalanced equation from the get-go. The poor-men stories about when a man gets married, his parents are old are your wives parents? Thrity? They're old too. Maybe older than your parents. How many men actually think of treating the wife's parents as more than people who have given them their daughter and should now leave the man's family alone? Why not, that you too will behave with the same respect and kindness to her parents as you would expect from her for your family? 

We are expected to leave everything, forget everything, become someone else but the men we marry, they're allowed to go on with their lives as usual and god forbid if we call that an unfair expectation. And when/god forbid if we look for equality and ask that they too forget their parents just as they expect us to, we are bad wives and want to break up their family.

Why expect something from a woman when men can never do it themselves? And why is it fair to keep piling on the expectations? Not just the husband's but also those of his family? Is it not too much to ask of one human being?

Before you look at the laws...look at the discrepancies in your own thought process and how imbalanced our society is...before you lament about what your wife did to you, take a deep look within and ask yourself if you were really and ideal husband for her. How many of you even think of what kind of a husband did your wife want, and did you actually get there? I am not talking here of what husband's think that a wife needs from him but rather actually knowing because you bothered enough to stop thinking for her and asked her instead?? 

Ever since a girl is young, she is taught by her parents how she should behave and think so she is a good daughter, wife and daughter-in-law tomorrow. Why are men not taught these things? And as a gender which is provided ZERO guidance on what makes an ideal husband, how do they end up still crying wolf?

1 Like


Don't read it then!!... Its not meant for tiny minds!

manno (owner)     12 April 2012

@ randomethic... could you please send me a friend request. we know each other but I am unable to send you a friend request. or a PM.  WE MARRIED SIMILAR MEN :)- I hope this gives you a clue

randomethic (Professional)     12 April 2012

done. check your inbox...

manno (owner)     12 April 2012

hmmm... not working it says that you've blocked any friend requests.. :( I cannot send you a PM or reply to your PM till you send me a friend request

manno (owner)     12 April 2012

Randomethics send me a friend request- only then i can reply to your PM. I cannot untill you unblock the friend request feature

randomethic (Professional)     12 April 2012

@ Roshni: What's with the juvenile act? 

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