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Pegasus117 (sales)     02 January 2013

Incompatibility with wife, less than 1yr in marriage

Hi.

My marriage is a just few months shy of 1 year. But it has become clear that I am incompatible with the way my wife thinks. She works for a big multinational. Probably earns more than me (she never disclosed her income). After initial problems over her contribution towards the family expense, I refused her contribution due to her attitude change.

I have not charged a single paisa in dowry to her on the other hand I have given her a six figure bride money (im a muslim) after marriage. Not only that, I have not even asked her for any material favors and as such not even a single major item given by her family exists in our home.

She is from a family where women normally do not sit idly at home and such she has no knowledge of or interest in any household chores and becomes upset over petty things like my mother asking her to do the dishes or clean the house (which by the way only happens during the weekends). I being in sales have to travel frequenty and she mostly stays in her house at this time.

So it is for her and my benefit that I would want to set ourselves free from the almost daily mental torture all of us have to go through on an almost daily basis. I understand she will never take interest in household duties and nor will I want to take her money because of her attitude (although I believe she was contributing less than one fourth of her salary and even than I did not bother her with the amount). Also we are from karnataka and they are from UP and our families are culturally very different. We are working class people and my father migrated from tamil nad. They are landlords in UP.

So I think her coming has neither benefitted my parents in any way (by easing their burden of household work) nor has it made me financially better. So I wish to set ourselves free from each other.

But considering the divorce laws in India are heavily biased in favor of the lady, I am apprehensive. One of her close relatives is a practising lawyer which makes me uncomfortable. I am aware of false dowry and mental harrasment cases being filed although how much resources are wasted there to fight it or how much time is wasted I dont know. How should I approach this? (by the way as I regularly travel, didn't get time to register our marriage in court)

I am really hoping for some advice..

Yours expectant



Learning

 14 Replies

SAA_Bombay (Pro)     02 January 2013

Don't you think you should not be proud of second para?

Rest of the story, you should discuss the matter among you two very clearly what bothers you or her. After that only, take decision. 

Pegasus117 (sales)     02 January 2013

Hi.

See I am not saying that with my chest puffed up. But in a country where on one end, women are killed and burned for dowry and on the other end, can threaten respectable people with such draconian laws like the 498A, I feel that good karma is with me here as I have refused to partake in the evil of dowry. So I do feel good when saying so..and again I am not being proud.

On the other hand, I wish to know from experts here what legal discourse do I have. I want to know the risks that, despite being on the right side of the law, how much trouble can I (or God forbid my old parents) be put in.

And it has taken me quite a few months to realise that we are on very different wavelengths on many different things. And hence I just want an amicable settlement but (after reading through so many horror stories on harrasment laws being abused) I know that lo...its quite an elusive thing that don't come easy...hence the need to consult you folks here.

thanks and waiting for some insight..

Akshay Sahni (Founder/Partner)     02 January 2013

Dear Sir,

We would be able to assist you through, for more details please visit firm's website www.indialawhelp.com

 

Regards

Akshay Sahni

Advocate

Partner

India Law Help

09891982832

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     02 January 2013

Wait a minute. Is not it a muslim marriage? Then how come 1 year limit comes into picture?

 

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

Pegasus117 (sales)     02 January 2013

Hi Shonee.

Yes it is. I do not know anything about the 1yr limit that you mention. I only mentioned it so as to aid people fluent in law to advice me.

Would you please elaborate what is this limit that you talk about here? And how will it affect the whole situation?

Regards

rajesh (asdadad)     02 January 2013

wait n watch . . Let her file d case at first . . If u take d first step thn u wud b facing DV , 498A and demand of huge settlement amt frm ur wife . . Ur n mine case is exactly same wid minor diff tht mine is hindu marriage n my parents werent staying wid us n she wanted me nt to b in touch wid my parents and b a slave of her dad , shift to her pre-marriage work loc so tht she cn join her old ofc n continue her previous . . . For this she aborted our 1st kid n filed divorce case . . Bytches wil b always b bytches . .

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     02 January 2013

indian men are the world's biggest hypocrites.

 

first they want a working wife.they look down upon housewives .look at most of the matrimonial ads/marriage profiles in matrimonial sites.all are demading a professional,career minded women.

 

now when they get  a career minded wife,they fret and fume why she's not taking interest  in housework.

 

Dear,a working wife is not a robot whom you can control with a remote.she has limited energy levels.she can either use it at home,or at work.expecting her to work energetically after returning from job makes you an abuser.

 

that's why the older system of woman being a housewife and man going out to work was much better.it was a perfect division of labour.but when will indians adopt this system once again?

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     02 January 2013

1. Seems you have done well enough research on your future brush with Indian matrimonial personal Laws.  Be it so my solution is to hire a maid for household work and see if burden on old folks at home is first set to rest.

2. If after few months after installing maid for old folks you still feel the same that now your personal matrimonial life is not going to improve then the first thing I would suggest is face to face talk with wife on incompatibility issues r/w future of couple and offer easy parting from matrimonial contract with least material r/w mental damages to both parties.

If reasoned well and she agrees well enough fine then opt for divorce returning mehar amount you claim in your query and if not then your research and whatever you heard of matrimonial Laws are the path you / your side may have to experience as there is no third option and for the same your personal law allows you to opt for a legal remedy even tomorrow and no need to wait unlike Hindu Laws for minimum 1 year of marriage period. Here I agree to Shonee’s observation on personal law limitation period. I have no comment on female replier on your query.

 

ABHISHEK KUMAR VATSA (Freelancer)     03 January 2013

hi peagasus117,

First i have a query that does ur wife also feel incompatible to carry on the matrimonial life with u ?

If yes then there is a simple way for mutual divorce if not then there are other ways out.....

 

Pegasus117 (sales)     03 January 2013

Hi.

Thanks for all the input. As for the lady who has unneccesarily taken it as a personal insult, no maam I do not expect her to put in any tangible effort towards maintaining the home during workdays. But at least during the weekends she must put in some efforts pro-actively at least to make my parents think that she is not negligent of our home. Even for this, she seems to have a huge problem.

 

Despite my added costs and inspite of not taking any money from her, I have opted for two maids and at times one of them don't turn up (usually happens twice or thrice a month). And during such circumstances, she must understand and help my old mum. If I ask, she grudgingly agrees and then her mood is bad. I mean this is something that she should understand that the maid didn't turn up and it won't hurt her or make her a lesser person if she would broom or mop or anything...

 

Thanks TAJobs. Yes I am hoping that she will realise how childish and arrogant and at times plain finicky her behavior is. If she does eventually then fine. If she doesn't than I plan to confront her. This is sort of manageable but these little things here and there are slowly taking the sweet out of this marriage and replacing it with simmering hatred. I just dont want it to explode later in the form of a sudden string of accusations on one fine looking morning.

 

She might even be ready now to call quits amicably. But that lawyer relative of her is a very diplomatic man. Sort of a wolf in a sheep's clothing sort of. It is he who I am a bit apprehensive of. Regarding the personal laws yes the process is rather simple but I have seen quite a few muslim women who take recourse to Indian civil laws and opt for a contested divorce. What is the 1yr period thing that people are talking about here? I am assuming it isn't apply to me but I know that things like DV, 498A can and does apply and any indian woman has the right to resort to these right? Also with regards to the Mehar, I have already paid the amount in Full during the marriage and as such I do not have anything to pay to her. I know she may choose to keep it post partition and that is fine with me.

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     03 January 2013

dear ,


a working wife who's wasting so much energy on weekdays at her workplace usually doesnt want to do housework on weekends as she wants to relax.this applies to men too.they too wake up late or want to laze around in bed or watch a match as they are trying to regain the lost energy.


and no i am not offended by your query since i am unrelated to ur wife in any way.my words are just a message to menfolk in general,that they need to be traditional minded while selecting a wife.western culture of both partners working has dun more harm than good in india.

Pegasus117 (sales)     04 January 2013

Hello

I understand where you come from but I would appreciate if you could empathize with me so you could see where I am coming from. I also concur with you that yes both partners working has dealt a nail in the coffin of the much touted "unbreakable indian marriage system". I am myself seeing no dearth of divorce cases amongst professional urban middle class indians.

 

Nevertheless coming to my point. I would like to know what is the 1yr limit that shonee mentioned? And how does it figure?

sajan (purchase manager)     04 January 2013

I am regularly reading this column and often found your replies are biased against man. Always try to teach and try to degrade man. Family life is not one sided approch it should be equal. But todays women whether they working or not always try to dominate man. They have given lot of tools to leagally harrass and loot man. IPC498a, d.v, maintanace, child custody, alimoney and very soon marital rape also. Only option todays man have not to get marry or not have any relationship with women. Even if live in relationship also it is very dangerous to man.... can be arrested for even rape. Man is soffocating with all these laws in the house, in the office all is one sided and treat man as born criminals. Why not no punishment for the law abusers even after man proove he is totally innocent and the case against him is fabricated.  If all the women are mother teresa how these women cutting man into 11 and 17 pcs for their paramour and money. The main reason of vioence against man increasing is there is no other option for innocent man just to take law in their own hand. If he has given justice surely most of the man will go for leagal way only.

Pegasus117 (sales)     07 January 2013

Hello

Well..she may have a bit of a bias against men but not a whole lot as she does she some things with which I agree.

Nonetheless, can any legal expert please clarify what is the one year limit that is being talked about?

Regards


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