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Harrased homemaker (homemaker)     21 May 2012

Husband torturing and asking me to leave the house

I am married for last ten years.It was an arranged marriage.My husband and I are professional qualified.

We stay in a separate city.My inlaws are in another city.My problem started around five years back when my husband started having an extra marital affair.I questioned him and for the first time he hit me.He than called his parents who arrived by flight next day.He denied having any affair and his parents also took his side.They accused me of wrongly accusing their son.They then asked me to come with them to that ladys house and have a talk with her.I refused.My inlaws then called my parents and shouted on them saying your daughter is accusing our son.I was so terrified that i convinced myself that my husband hit me because i accused him wrongly.However tHe refused to hings started getting worse from then.He started verbally and physically abusing me.I was convinced of his affair but afraid of confronting him again without any proof.So on the outside we continued living like normal happy couple.

This lady was working in the same company as my husband.We are members of a religious community and this lady also belongs to same religious community.She was having problems with her husband and living separately from her husband since 2005.We were meeting every sunday.It became a torture to see her every sunday.She would let me know in subtle ways that she is in relationship with my husband.

I Conceived one year later.When i told my husband about my it he wnted an abortion.I refused.My torture started since that day.He refused to take me for ultrasounds and tests.Became emotinally aloof,would not talk to me,refused to buy medicines for me..in my fourth month he called his parents..they showed no happiness about me conceiving..i was put on bedrest..yet i was expected to cook for them..they would not talk to me..three of them would go to market without telling me...do shopping...would not show me the things purchased(they were buying for my sister in law and her three year old son)...i kept quiet..they stayed for 20 days and left.Then my father in law went to my parents house and asked my parents to take me back.He said that during their 20 day stay once when he came to the drawing room i was lying down on a sofa and didnt get up,and thus offended him.So they can not keep me in their house.However my family intervened and he was pacified.I delivered a male child.My inlaws didnt come.My husband showed little pleasure.It was at this time i learned that my husband is indeed having affair with this lady and he is serious about this.

However i could not do anything.I lonely and hurt and had a baby to look after.He started hitting me,picking up fights,verbally abusing me and family...would not give me money to buy stuff for baby..would complain about the expenses of baby...when my son was 6 months old he called ten family members from his family..learning this i went with my son to my mothers house..he booked the tickets...i told him i will be back in ten days..from my mothers house i called him to ask if i could prolong my stay...he shouted on me and said dont come back...he refused to answer my calls...i was confused...i then approached our religious community members.Upon their intervention i came to my housbands house...however in this process i had to stay in my mothers house for 4 months..In front of the religious community members he accused me of running away from the house with all the jewellery and that i insult my inlaws..i am not mentally stable and all sort of false allegations...at that point of time i was lonely,depressed and afraid of divorce due to a small 6 month old child..i was not even working..i was angry with other women and wanted to save my marriage.

For last three years i am in my husbands house living a life which i cant even call life.My husband openly carries out his relationship with that other women.He has admitted to the affair and said i will not be able to proove it in court.He has employed the strategy to troble me so much that i leave the house on my own because he has no grounds for divorce.My friends and family were in favour of me staying with him for the sake of child.

My inlaws have acceptedf that other lady and through their phone calls i have figured out that he intends to marry her after driving me away.I was angry and decided that i will continue to stay in the house and not give in to his torture.

One and half year back after beating me he threw me out of the house.Neighbours called cops.Police arrived but i didnt register complaint .Cops went back after councelling us.He behaved normally for next few months.

However after that i have noticed that my son and i keep falling sick...we develop nausea and vomitting.I am afraid of foul play but i have no proof .Once my son developed nasal bleeding.Next day morning i overheard him talking to someone and saying"...he is still breathing"..what kind of father would say this about his own son...from that day i am very very scared...but problem is how to approach authorities with out proof..

I am scared of the lady with whom he is having affair.When we were going for religious meet on sunday she would give threatning glances to my son.One year back her friend  forcibly snatched my son from me pretending she is just trying to show affection to child...she then fed him toffee before i could realize what is happening..my son developed burns on his lips next day..doctor said they were chemical burn..however in his priscripttion he didnt write this and just gave symptomatic treatment..i told my husband indirecty that it could be because of something toxic fed to him...he shouted on me and hit me and started yelling you are mad.I have stopped going to religious meeting since then.

Around 8 months back i noticed that my son is passing something black in his stools.I told my husband.He shouted on me.I noticed that the maid who was working was trying to be around my son unnecessarily when i was not watching. I Also noticed that when she was in the house she would give information about the house and me to some lady on phone,and when i questioned her she would give vague answers...once she opened the fridge and i walked in...she was sheepish..said she was looking for some vessel...she was not allowed to open fridge as she coming only to sweep,mop and clean utensils....next day she asked if my son drank the milk? i was becoming very suspicious...three days later i saw her open her purse and take out a small packet made of newspaper..i walked in the kitchen and she immediately closed it..it was a regular practice that she would leave her purse on a table kept in lobby near the entrance gate...that day she carried her purse in kitchen(i suspected that the lady with whom my husband is having affair has gotten friendly with her).Next day my son developed nasal bleeding.The very next day  i overheard him talking to someone and saying"...he is still breathing"..what kind of father would say this about his own son...from that day i am very very scared...but problem is how to approach authorities with out proof. I have removed that maid.

When i went out with my son few days later two men on bike tried to snacth the bag from me.After that when ever i would go out someone would accidently knock me or push me.Once i went with my son in auto.As i was paying the auto guy he tried to snatch my son from me.I ran inside the mall.I told my husband.He said i am going crazy and started shouting that i am mad.

Six months back his mother came.They asked me to come to market with them.Hopwever they took me to a psychiatrist.There they said i am mad,i imagine that my son and Myself are being attacked and poisoned.However i denied and the counceller asked us to come back.we didnt go to the councellar again.

My mother in law then asked our neighbours to say to police that i am mentally unstable.The neighbours refused and informed me to be careful.

I am still in my husbands house...living in terror...i have restricted going out alone...i am always on guard..if i approach authorities with all these incidents will they believe me without proof or my husband will say i am insane

 

Few more facts abut him and his family

1-they are very well connected and one of his family member is a very high ranking official in police

2-financially very well off

3-lady with whom he is having affair is also in top MNC in good position.her husband is very happy that she got involved with my husband as he was staying separately from her and wants divorce.So he has become  friendly with my husband.If i will register complaint against that lady her husband will back her up saying there is nothing of that sort.That lady and her husband have recently started living together and i am sure this is just an arrangement to eyewash and proove in court that there is nothing between her and my husband and is back with her husband.

4-Religious community members are in favour of my husband

5-over the past few years my husband has been scheming and plotting.After beating me he would tear his cloths and take his pictures.He then posted them on flicker and told his family that i beat him.

6-if the house is dirty he would take pictures and post them on flicker for his family members to proove i am not good enough for him and dont take proper care of house.

7-over the last one year my husband has threatened to kill me 8 times during his verbal insults

My family is not like his,we are law abiding citizens..there has never been a police compliant or divorce in my family...everyone is shocked at the incidents..they are scared and worried..i was hoping he would ask for divorce and i will agree and escape alive with my son from this torming life and inlaws and his mistress..however they have started saying they dont want divorce,they just want that i should live with my son in my mothers house.

My family feels as long as i am in his house he will not hurt me...once i am out of the house my son and I would be more vulnerable. What should i do?shall i continue living with my husband or go to my mothers house...my only concern is safety and survival of my son and myself.



 16 Replies


(Guest)

Madam , You have given a lenghty post which require too much time to read.

1)Is your husband greedy for money because he is having affair with a working lady and you are a home maker?

and/or

2)You are not taking proper care of your house/husband even though you are a house wife.

1 Like

Harrased homemaker (homemaker)     21 May 2012

He has admitted that he is in love with her.I am taking proper care of house.He has no grounds for divorce so i think he is falsely blaming me to make himself appear innocent in front of society .

Harrased homemaker (homemaker)     21 May 2012

I am also professionaly qualified,i had to quit job because of pregnancy and small baby.But i earn less than the other lady.

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     21 May 2012

dear sister,

 

i read ur story patiently and am very sorry to know about your plight.

 

to save urself and ur son from any mishappening or crime,better u leave ur husband's house.

 

and better to divorce that mad man.if he can kill his son,u can imagine what kind of father/husband he is.do u want to live with a murderer who's a threat to the life of the 2 of u?

 

btw,u shud start recording all the threats of ur husband,and all the conversations occurring b/w ur maid,that lady,ur husband etc by installing a CCTV camera.they can be used as evidence in court.

 

for more advice,write in experts section>family law

 

PS-This is the result of treating mistresses as abala naari.To protect their so-called "rights"(which were never theirs,the righteous persons like wives are being left in the lurch and living miserably.Are law framers listening?

1 Like

(Guest)

 

Originally posted by :Harrased homemaker
"
I am also professionaly qualified,i had to quit job because of pregnancy and small baby.But i earn less than the other lady.
"

 You can put him in jail if you can proof his physical affair.

And start working as you are qulified lady.

1 Like

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     21 May 2012

I have not gone through your entire querry as it is very lengthy.  My opinion is to file DV case and get protection orders and if he violates protection orders, put him in jail.

1 Like

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     21 May 2012

Dear querier,

 

The best option for you is go back to your mother's home.  Nothing will happen to you, and you will feel secured there.  After a few months you will get summons for contested divorce or he will propose you for mutual consent divorce.  If he proposes for divorce tell him to convert it into mutual consent divorce.  If you receive summons for contested divorce put forward a proposal for mutual consent divorce.  Just send some information through your religious community members (after coming back to your mother's home) that you are interested for divorce.

 

1 Like

rajiv_lodha (zz)     21 May 2012

Its better to get out of this fead matrimonial relationship!

1 Like

Ranee....... (NA)     21 May 2012

come out of that house and punish them legally...

1 Like

Vishwa (translator)     22 May 2012

Get out immediately from this life-threatening situation. Do not be too scared, bullies are basically cowards and they back down immediately when one stands up against them

1 Like

vaishnavipriya (Clerck)     25 May 2012

I feel extremely bad for you. But the best thing that you can do now is get out of that house and save your life and your sons live. Most of the men are like this only they don’t care about their child or wife when they get in affair. They will try to kill you so think well and take your decision fast.

Look as a victim of the same sufferings I am giving you this advice. It is a clear warning he will kill your child get out of there.

Men don’t care about anything other than their happiness they will go to the extreme of killing someone for their happiness.

1 Like

Ashish (AM)     26 May 2012

Gather evidence of verbal / physical torture (mobile recording/ call recording,  Try to to take some neighbours / relatives (of husband ) in confidence.  Try to prove his affair and gather evidence.  Consult and appoint good lawyer. Then file a Police Case of 498a against all family members in local police station, and also file Domestic Violence case against all family members in court.  Contact Ladies Organisations they will guide you.  Also ask your lawyer you can also file a case against that lady for disturbing your married life.

Put all the fact in fir and court.

Teach them a lesson.  They have committed a crime and they must get the punishment for it.  Your case is strong go ahead fight for your right.

1 Like

Sam (IT)     27 May 2012

I have partially read your post and your views. Your concerns are quite genuine but your steps to resolve and advice given by most of the members are not necessarily right.

1) If you are not in need of money, then don't go deep in to legal way. Legal way is a legal way followed by bride's to extract money. I'm not saying all are doing it. but many

2) Get in to a job which will give you some finance and buffer time to concentrate on your son's education. Who knows, your son will excel at education and will take care of you further. Don't have these issues spoil your son's mind.

3) Come out of the house and change your cell no (if applicable) & email. concentrate on your son's growth & education. Don't drag your family members and their family members. Dragging too many people will create an acid effect. This is a testing time for you, go in to spiritual mode to condition your mind.

4) Your husband won't get any respect in society by continuing his so called other affair. His profession may even get affected since your's is a 10+ year relationship. So he is digging his own grave by continuing his affair. Silence and perseverance are the powerful weapon one can use.


Note: By giving your version(legthy post) all we have is a one sided story but doesn't know your husband's version. So without knowing other side of the story once can't conclude.


If you are serious in getting your husband back, do a self analysis of why your husband's behavior changed. If possible read  book titled 'Men are from mars and women are from venus' which will give a good insight about relationship.

None of the problem in this world is unsolvable.

ALL THE BEST. I pray to god for your son's welfare and good education.

1 Like

Ruchika Anand (HR)     01 June 2012

I would say that your story is very very painfull.And i strongly empathise with you and your son...

But in light of your story i ponder that how a man who has 10 years of relationship with a women be so insensitive towards her.Did he ever loved you?????

I feel you should go back to your parents home yours and your son's life is unsafe and the growth of your child will be hampered.He might grown with an unstable mind. And make yourself independent women your child is still small and you can concentrate on your better future.And get settle with a nice guy who understands you and respects you.

They want to make you and your child mentally unstable and ill and proove in court that you are mad.

File an FIR for yours and your son's safety and security and mention in that if anythings happens to you and your child it will be their responsibility.

Ask them for permanent alimony and get rid of them and let him marry to whom so ever he wants too.

These people are not going to change at all you suffered for 10 years and your child will suffer for 20 years.Dont let that happen...Also make your parents understand the facts i think they are not playing a good role here..safety of life is must.

Good Luck !!!

1 Like

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