Do matrimonial laws REALLY FAVOR WOMEN?

Aishwariya, you're right in everything you have said.  You look as if you speak from experience.  All women get from law is frustration and further depression.  Even the so called pro-women lawyers who are part of all kinds of women committees to show they are for women and their welfare, when they get a man's case where they know the man is in the wrong will take up his case against the woman just for the money.  Out goes all rightness.  And if it is the woman's lawyer, even fully knowing how harrassed the woman has been she will be further harrassed by the legal system and the lawyers.  The favourism is not  only in paper but is now being spread by the men folks like fire on the internet.  I think all women should unite and show the real picture otherwise the times to come are going to be even worse for women.  By giving a woman another label as 'educated and working', the man exploits the woman even further and she is even in a worse state than the house wife.  why do you think therefore the first advice a lawyer gives a woman is to give up her job while she is fighting the legal battle.  The law just sees that she is working and is educated to support herself even if it is just a bare minimum as compared to her husband.  The law refuses to see how for no fault of hers she has lost everything and is made to run pillar to post, frustrated, depressed whereas the husband flaunts his wealth to every single woman and enjoys his bachelorhood.   

I appreciate mr. Prabhakar's views. While fully agreeing with him, I would like to bring in equity aspect in delivery of justice. There is a difference between equity and equality. Equity is a process of being fair towards the goal of equality, in this case gender equality. Now if someone says same rights and responsibilites exist for women ans men, I do not agree. A woman is twice or thrice burdened than man. She goes for work, looks after the household chores, take care of the children..that's why many women's CV do not register linear growth but remain patchy. How many men shares equally with their working wives household chores and child care. Even if there is a maid to help, the house management remain the primary task of women. Now take a case of woman who has spent the prime years of her life in managing the household and have sacrificed her job prospects for bringing up children--a full time work in itself. Now this woman remain most of the time in her matrimonial home and there is no interference from her parents. So the child grows, menwhile the husband climbs up the corporate ladder, hardly coming home because that would take away his time from job and he has loads of work which has to finish in time. Once he is strong in his position, and knows wife has grown old and may be susceptible to health problems, he sends the divorce notice. The wife sometimes works, no one give her work in an MNC in the country where age biases would rule the roost and anyways she has restricted mobility as still the child requires her full attention. This is just a case to show that men and women are not at a level playing field. A poor well qualified man can look forward to a great career, because he can focus on his work, and only his work..a mother cant do it. Now do'nt quote some stry cases where women have abandoned their  child/ren. On the whole this is the reality of our male dominated society that now they want a working wife but her roles at home have not changed,as she still have to rish from her work and do the household chores. No this non cash activity which is a full time work....what is the compensation or valuation for it. Internationally now these questions are being asked. Have you read the International  treaty CEDAW to which India is a signatory? When a woman asks for compensation or alimony these opportunity costs have to be factored in...we call it meeting the equity concern. Equality is not uniformity in treatment but to meet justice in the context of differential life situations, differential gender roles and responsibilities( where women are assigned double work), double work burden in the case of a working woman who is denied maintenance or compensation. Demanding justice is not exploitation. There is so much of rage against women because they have started asking for their space and started questioning the systemic discrimination. They are historically disadvantaged and for that reason if there are some women sensitive laws they are meeting the requirement of gender equity to finally pave the way for equality between women and men. 

The way women is addressed in this forum reflects what anger and hatred she has to face to assert her existence and dignity. This is bound to happen in a world where women are juggling with double roles but men have not taken up sharing the household responsibilities. Exceptions are always there, so I am not taking some particular case or cases. Hence I am not expecting any angry reply in a personal manner, because my reply is not personal but in the spirit of discussing a topic which is very interesting as well as of vital importance.

RG

Renuka,

I agree that the points mentined by you has weightage and every husband should value the house hold work carried out by wifes.

However, please also consider below points

1) Belive it or not but every husband takes his heart out to earn more and more for his family so that Wife and children can sleep in A.C Bedroom, Roam in A.C Car, go on shopping, wear ornaments and the list is very large. MEN have very limited expenses which they actually do for themselves.

2) I am not talking about all but most wifes tries to control Husband's finances and wishes that husband should not support his parents, brothers, sisters when their hour of need financially - But at the same time wants husband to purchase lavish gifts for her parents, relatives.

3) Finally, If wife has any issues or has been really harrased then she has every right to ask for justice but on the factual allegations......Why in every 498a, DV, CrPC 125 etc cases....they accuse all (most) of the husband's family members for mentally, physically harrasing her for dowry etc since so many years.....and has all kind of defaming words against husband and in-laws that they are drunkers (most common).

4) No Men gets afraid of any harm to himself (physical/financial/social etc.) but it can't tolerate exteme and false allegation against his old parents and other blood relatives who might even not have stayed with the wife for a day.

5) Even after that when Men says that come back for the sake of children (Belive me no MEN would continue loving her wife once such cases have been filed but because of his love for the children he would still like to continue with such marraige)....but when he tries for compromise wife/in-laws asks for huge some of money either for divorce or for reconciliation....This is fact and you can take whatever figure you want to from various lawyers and they would tell you how settlements takes place. Now here Wife asks for money and doesn't care about child's welfare.
 

Thanks Ms. RG for your invigorating response.

Now, I get a doubt, if a woman's life is so rosy in our country as projected by some of our learned friends, why unobstructive "female foeticide" is happening?  Why it became necessary for the parliament to make an Act?  Why this act is not being implemented by the past and present governments and people who kill the girl child in womb are not being prosecuted?  Why?  The reason is that the life of woman in our Independent India is miserable with every day pain.

Another Act is "maternity benefit Act", which is exclusively for the benefit of working women.  30% of the garment workers and about 20% construction workers are women in Delhi.  A large number of workforce in soft ware industry are also women.  But this Act is not being implemented in these cases.  No benefit is being given.  Even the most progressive MNCs are not implementing these laws.

So much favourable laws for women.

PC, ask any lawyer, women who have suffered harrassment at the hands of their husband rarely reach the point in court where she can prove the factual allegations because before that she is either made to settle for meagre sums or forced to give up the fight because as is she has suffered so much and thereafter when she goes to get justice not only the system harrasses her further but  lawyers act like vultures.  Even if the lawyers are convinced that she has suffered they advise her to settle as she will get even more meagre amount than what the husband is offering because as Renuka mentioned the courts will not look into the equity, lost opportunities, the effects of harrassments etc.  She is left with a choice to either settle for bear minimum so that she and her children can exist (not live) in the world or choose to fight for justice whereby she will not only have to sacrifice herself and the children existance but will have the extra burden to bear the legal expenses of the vultures and at the end even if with financial help from friends and family, she is able to prove the harrassment and fault of the husband, she will again get much less than what the husband was offering earlier without the legal harrassment as the court does not believe that she and the children have the right to live a good life as they could have, had the husband carried out his duty.  If she is working, even if it's a fraction of what the husband is earning, then things are even worse for her as she is told by everyone including the courts that since you are earning you are independent and should leave such a husband.  Again the equity does not come in picture.  She is again asked just to exist and not live a life she and her children deserved had the husband been responsible.  Whereas the husband not only during the process but also thereafter lives a big life due to male dominance.

But Sivani Madam,

You did not answer my points.....Its true that even Murderers gets away in absence of proof...but my point is if

1)       Women is really harassed, she should directly file for divorce along with other cases which she has filed…but Most wifes don’t do it…Why they don’t want divorce with such so called careless, cruel etc. etc. husband?

2)       Moreover, as she lived with husband she must have enjoyed the income of husband and lifestyle as well. Now while demanding rights/justice/maintenance where are the duties. If you talk about missed opportunities etc….then no one begged her to get married. She very well knew at the time of marriage whether she would be working or not, No one forced (Raped) her to bear a child – she should have said no to child and continue working. Who forced her to quit work/bear child responsibilities?

3)       When you say, she settles as she can’t prove the allegation. Obviously how can she prove false allegations like her husband and inlaws are cruel since years and she is bearing all this cruelty since years and in process she also got one or more child, husband were demanding dowry etc. etc. If these would have been true then why she tolerated these for years and now have woken up?

4)       What is the fault of poor parents and relatives of husband? Is false allegation on those poor souls justifiable when you say Poor wife had to bear all these?

Tell us one thing…..How much fact you have put in your FIR (if you already have filed)? And then discuss about how can poor wife can prove?

@ sivani

yes u r right.......i am saying this from personal experience......

i wanted my marriage to work....even though i was tortured like hell by my hubby(only child of my in laws) and my mother inlaw......

when i filed DV Case against them after mental cruelty and desertion from NRI husband i was forced to settle for an alimony that was not at all at par with his financial staus. and also forced to settle for incomplete streedhan.

when my lawyer was drafting my DV case to get me my matrimonial rights,including restoration to my husband's home,my hubby was posting his matrimonial advertisements in a well known matrimony website(ISKCON)and when i wrote to the owner that he's already married,the owner though a woman "lectured" me that in hindu dharma a man can remarry even without a divorce and that i must have really done something coz of which he's deserted me.so i should bow down and be at his mercy coz this is wot hinduism demands of we women.to be v.submissive.............

 if he still refusesto accept me,i shud happily allow him to remarry even thogh we aren't divorced,and i shud rather live in some ancient city like haridwar by the side of The Gangat to lead my life "in dignity"......she was shocked to know that i was living with my parents.........

meanwhile my hubby and inlaws are leading lavish lifestyle after getting rid of me.........

u can read my other thread at "my contribution" to know wot happened...

and i am sure after reading my story,many of the participants of this thread will call me greedy,home breaker etc.but dats okay...i know what i am..........

It's not the question of no one begged her to get married. It's the entire socio-cultural context which make a woman vulnerable. Now coming to no body raped her to bear a child. one has to look through the literature on status of women in India or rather south Asia and have a look at the international report too. Also have a look at the ongoing research on HIV/AIDS where  the fact of women's lack of decision making power on whether to have or not ,when to have children, whether to have or not, when and where and how many times to have s*x  with the spouse have been foregrounded in the context of rising rate of HIV/AIDS among women. Take the case of rural women now. Most women , according to umpteen of focus group discussions with rural women have no freedom to decide when, where and how many times to have s*x with the spouse. Urban scenario is no different. The only difference is that educated women have now started knowing their rights and know that intimate relations cannot be monopolised by male spouse alone, and women have a say in it. Again, number of such women are very few and many women though educated and working do not exercise  such decision making power. Marital rape is not a new word anymore, and women undergo such rapes more than possibly men.

@ sivani

if u r interested,u can read my story/threads titles of which are :

question regarding lawyer's fee..

Pls advice(this thread is started by a man named mohit but i participated here and posted my story briefly)

The title of this Post itself shows how much "equal" minded the women are. They shout for equality saying that they are ill-treated but the actual fact is they want "the LAWS TO FAVOR WOMEN".  I have seen many cases where in even if the Judges know that false 498-A cases are been imposed on husband and his family members, still they convict the husbands.

In my own case, my wife filed false 498-A case against me and my old and sicky parents ( thugh they hardly stayed with us for 2-3 days in total) and still she is very much willing to re-join with me. As righly asked by PC why women dont file "DIVORCE" cases along with 498-A, DV, 125 CrPC etc case?

EXCEPTIONAL RESPONSE.

BURNING ISSUE.

COMING OUT THE CAT FROM THE BAG.

I NEED MORE AND MORE URGUEMENT AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF THE MEMBERS,

ONLY REQUEST THAT THEY SHOULD POST THE TRUE FACTS AND LOGICAL URGUEMENTS.

RESPONSE MORE THAN EXCEPTION.

RESPONSE MORE THAN EXPECTATION.

@arup kumar gupta jee

sir the facts though in brief are true..if u feel somewhere they cud be twisted,it's okay............