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GURTEJ   15 September 2016

Divorce from wife

Sir,

I am married since 5 years but there is no understanding between us.She always lies and does the opposite things what I say. Her parents are also same. Don't speak but do all the wrong things. At the time of our wedding, she had not disclosed about her disease. She has stones in gall bladder which we get to know after one week of marriage when she got a severe pain.She refuses that she knows about it but according to Doctor the disease was old. I tried to resolve the things and start leaving with her. Her family and she herself are very egoistic.Her mother interferes in our day to day things like sleeping time, dressing style, shopping, etc. When we object her behaviour they stopped talking to us and our family. No relations between me and her family but I never stopped her contacting them. She meets her family, gave gifts and money to their family without informing me. She met them during her office timings and shows that she was not meeting them. If I ask her to go she makes excuses that her family was not at home and so on. Whenever they have some work she starts fighting with me. In short so many small and big issues. So many fightings, arguments but we are staying together. She stole things from my house, abuse me and my family. Even now she started picking up hand on me. We have no kids as she has hormone and menstruation disorder which was also known to her before marriage but as usual, she lies that how come she knows this thing but one can know when somebody has menstruation problem and one of her family members told after marriage that we have no hope of her marriage but thank god she is married now. Things are really taking very bad shape now and it's difficult to live with her. I want to take divorce but she will not agree. I don't want to involve in all hassles of police, court, etc. She will create big drama in society and make us arrest in dowry case, etc. Please let me know how to come out of this situation.

 



Learning

 15 Replies

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     15 September 2016

There is no ground for you to go for divorce.

 

1 Like

YOGESHWAR. (ADVOCATE HIGH COURT-criminal /civil -youract@gmail.com)     15 September 2016

This is a free web site so all and sundry give advice which can stand the test of law in courts or not.is not their concern.

 

Particularly NRI husbands are advised to file for DIVORCE.

 

Please note that once you file for DIVORCE you will have to dIsclose all your paticulars which will be handy for the other side to seek heavy maintenance and various other relefs under DV act.

 

1 Like

Kapil Chandna (Lawyer at Supreme Court of India)     15 September 2016

Sir, 

 

Better is to sit with her and record whatever goes in your favor, so that you can use the same in the court of law as a peice of evidence. 

 

Warm Regards 

Kapil Chandna Advocate 

9899011450


(Guest)

What she is doing to you is "constructive eviction". That means, she is making it hard to live with her. Now these may be hard to prove in court as learned experts state. The good aspect and perhaps the best aspect is that you don't have kids. I strongly suggest to keep it that way. Never have kids with her. Use protection if you have to. If you have kids, their lives will also get ruined and you will have face much, much worse situation.

Now the solution for you moving forward -- is to simply rent another place and live separately. As for police cases etc., you must be prepared for them. They don't arrest you automatically. You have ample time now. Research and find an able lawyer who can protect you against arrest, and unnecessary PS or court appearances. She can file 498a and DV cases. Police don't arrest automatically for 498a. First they call advocates and counsel. During that time, your lawyer can get Anticipatory bail for you. DV is purely a civil case. If she files, she will also have to run around courts, and she won't be able to prove it after 5 years, in which case she won't get anything. But if she files these false cases, it will make it easy for you to get your divorce because false complaints on husband is ground for divorce -- well established fact. 

If you can't find another accommodation, stay in the same household, but show that you are totally disinterested in her. Don't talk to her or listen to her. Live your life. After a while, she will get tired and leave you herself. Don't show your desperation for divorce though or else she will use that as a leverage to squeeze more alimony from you. Pretend like you don't care for divorce, but also not interested to live with her (if you are truly not).

I do agree with others above that it is better to make the marriage work since it takes time for adjustments, but whether that can happen or not is best known to you. It is hard to comment from the outset by outsiders like us. I also agree that amicable settlement for divorce through mutual consent is best, but that is possible only if both parties agree to it. Often one party is greedy and won't agree to it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 Like

Mukesh sharma (job )     15 September 2016

Hi Gurtej  here i agree with Mr kapil chadra and Rajiv advice so better you think on it and follow this 

GURTEJ   16 September 2016

Thanks to all for giving your valuable advise.

First of all, I want to say Martin that I am not desperate to take divorce with her. If so then why should I spend 5 years with her, I am continuously trying to resolve the things but day by day she is making things worse. I have tried to make her understand so many times. She always lies and trying to take revenge with me and my family in each phase. She steals things from our house. Sometimes money, gift items, clothes, pen drive etc.  She argues a lot and never come down. I always try to leave the things but then also she starts fighting with different topics. Nobody wants to go in worst situations. Even I married her to make a family not to divorce her. She changes her statement in seconds. 

As of now, I had not taken any action.We are living separate for last 3 months in the same house. Actually, she slapped me and am not happy with her attitude. Instead of saying sorry or trying to resolve the things. She started locking the room. Now my parents are upset and asked her parents to resolve the things but her mother reply is very harsh that if something happened to my daughter I will see you. Due to this my parents are scared now and they have sent us to their home but there also they have shown their attitude and now came back to my home within 2-3 days.  

 

ambrish (service)     16 September 2016

Dear.....it appears that your wife need a proper professionali martrimonial  counselor's help.   I guess you both have not started living like a mature husband and wife. 

Legally, you can take a judicial separation if you don't want a divorce or do second marriage. 

Regards

ambrish 

GURTEJ   16 September 2016

Dear Ambrish,

You are right but you can't change one's behaviour and nature.

Thanks 

1 Like

Kunuthur Srinivasa Reddy   17 September 2016

Things can go wrong and unpredictable, if s*xual relationship is weak between wife and husband. Please refine and fine tune to please her to your best in this context. It is the surest way to regulate her energies in right direction to fall back on you forever. Unfortunately s*x education is not taught being considered as taboo in India. 

Kunuthur Srinivasa Reddy   17 September 2016

Things can go wrong and unpredictable, if s*xual relationship is weak between wife and husband. Please refine and fine tune to please her to your best in this context. It is the surest way to regulate her energies in right direction to fall back on you forever. Unfortunately s*x education is not taught being considered as taboo in India. 

A walk alone (-)     17 September 2016

I dnt understand what she do by stealing clothes, pen drive. Anyway first try to take help of common relative to solve problem. You can also organize a family meeting of common relative involving elder to sort out problem . In this meeting during talks just try that they will accept that you and your family never torture or ask dowry. You should also start recording her cruel behavior when she argue or fight or slap you. These recording will help you in future as evidence.

Kunuthur Srinivasa Reddy   17 September 2016

Assuming that Gurtej successfully divorces his wife either in a mediation by elders or in a Court as per his choice. He has to get married again and start leading family life. Again, he has to initiate for mutual adjustment and accommodation with a new life partner. There is no guarantee that the future life partner could be an angel and the one divorced a devil. It could be just otherway as well. Recall the romantic  role of Lord Krishna when his consort Satyabhama kicked him on his head. May be it is an epic or whatever. Let us learn a lesson from that episode. What happened virtually when he was sold by her in an open market? His devoted wife Rukmini could outweigh him with a simple thulasi leaf, thus putting Satyabhama to a maximum shame and embarassment. Dear Gurtej, do not run after lawers and courts as it is a time consuming process besides the drain of cash, time and energies. With a little tact and imagination, you can easily succeed to get your wife to your fold.

GURTEJ   17 September 2016

Thanks to all for your kind suggestions.

I am trying to do all the above for last 5 years but she never comes down and commit that she has done something wrong but directly refuses that she has not said these words and starts blaming on different things. Even her parents are pressuring us to keep her back and I want some time to resolve the issues. How can we proceed.

Kunuthur Srinivasa Reddy   17 September 2016

Hi Gurtej, I see your frustration and restlessness in resolving the issue. I suggest you opt for judicial separation followed by complete silence from yourside. If elders from both the sides come to a dialogue to come to an agreement for divorce, it is the best option. Marriage after all, is a contract between two individuals to maintain equal, mutual and reciprocal marital relationship. When it becomes one sided, it can not sustain longer. Unfortunately, Indian judiciary system has not been keeping in view the changing times and erosion of  ethical and human values, essentially due to craze for wealth,material pursuits and possessions. 


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