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Loveless Marriage (None)     07 December 2011

Divorce advice needed

 

Hi Experts,

I am a 30 year old guy and as my name suggests, I am stuck in a loveless and bitter marriage and am contemplating divorce on grounds of emotial abuse. But I am being held back by social obligations and an incident of me hitting my wife, which I am afraid will go against my case.

To brief you, ours is an arranged marriage of 1 year before which we had a long and rough courtship period of 1 year. Before marriage, my wife and I had an argument regarding her job which almost broke off the relationship but it was saved by her verbal commitment to me to comply with my wishes.

Not to go into much details, I just wish to know how will my case stand given the facts that

1) she made a verbal commitment to me which she later backed out off and denied completely and I have no proof for that.

2) she had falsely accused my family of demanding and her mother had verbally insulted my family before marriage but we decided to ignore that.

3) 3 months into marriage my wife and I had a major fight that ended up in me hitting her.

4) although the matter didn't escalate outside our home (we live with my parents and brother and his family) at that time, but later when i brought up the matter of her job and her earlier commitment she used emotional twisting and the hitting incident to involve her parents who then verbally abused me and my family and denied and went back on her earlier commitment.

I am stuck in this situation because I know at some time in the past I had committed a legal error of physical abuse but just want to know how much weightage will that take in an already feeble case. I know it is feeble because I have no proofs and all commitments/insults were verbal. The only strong point I see in my case is that my wife's father's verbal abuse was very acute and included physical threats to me and my family.

Also, if she continues to use that single incident to emotionally abuse me, is there any legal help that I can seek?



Learning

 12 Replies

ajay sethi (lawyer)     07 December 2011

1)first move out of your parents house

 

2) take a flat on leave and licence and stay separtely with your wife

 

3) in the event your wife subsequently tries to drag your parents and other family members in varous cses like DV , 498 A better take some precautions .

4)do you have any evidence of   physical threats of your father in law

5)dont ever indulge in physical violence against your wife . you have slapped her once dont do it again

B.N.Rajamohamed (advocate / commissioner of oaths)     07 December 2011

Sir,

Being a matrimonial dispute it requires a painstaking and a patient approach. If you are haste it may be injurious to both of you in future. Kindly arrange for a negotiation in the presnce of yur family elders and your well wishers. Let the legal process be a last resort.  

raj malhotra (M.D)     07 December 2011

DEAR LOVE LESS MARRIAGE...

                                                             BUDDY FIRST THINK WHT U WANT OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE NOW...TALK TO UR WIFE,INLAWS AND COME TO A MUTUAL ACCEPTABLE TERMS FOR EITHER WAY U WANNA GO...I THINK U AND UR WIFE BOTH HAVE DONE MISTAKES IN PAST...TRY TO TALK ,ACCEPT UR MISTAKES...TRY TO SAVE MARRIAGE FIRST BUDDY....BCS IT WILL SAVE RESPECT AND DIGNITY OF BOTH FAMILIES...GO FOR COUNSELLING....LIVE LIFE,BE HAPPY..

Loveless Marriage (None)     07 December 2011

Thanks for replying.

I understand the concerns and am sure it will not come to a legal resort but if it does (because it has been threatened once by my wife and secondly by my FIL) come to that, I want to be mentally prepared.

Ajay, could you please let me know how to take precautions against DV, 498 A since I am guilty of physical abuse although the said matter was a stray incident and was resolved by mutual discussion.

I have no evidence of my FIL's threats or any other statements.

The thing that troubles me most is the constant fear of being charged of DV even after it is almost a year and the misuse of this fact by my wife to emotionally twist the relationship.

Loveless Marriage (None)     07 December 2011

And just to add, my FIL had told us that he would not give MCD and keep the case dragging in courts for years and extract every rupee he spent out of us.

Is this legally possible?

In the worst case, if I am charged with DV what is the course of law then? Can divorce be one of the outcomes?

Aishwarya (Teacher)     07 December 2011

If ur admitting ur mistake here then its likely that u may admit having done that almost everywhere..

Its along battle ahead of u if she doesnt agree to solve things amicably..

Anyhow ..Isnt there any scope for reconciliations btn u and ur wife..?

Loveless Marriage (None)     07 December 2011

Aishwarya ji,

Thanks for replying.

I am all for reconcilations but the bitterness is there because of the "threats". I admitted my mistake gracefully and the matter was resolved but as I said, the emotional arm twisting under the threat of a DV case is ruining my peace of mind.

Hence, I wanted to know as much as possible about DV law proceedings so as to be mentally prepared. Knowing myself, I wouldn't attempt to falsely protect myself.

Nadeem Qureshi (Advocate/ nadeemqureshi1@gmail.com)     07 December 2011

Dear Loveless

if it is not possible to live togather then ready to fight the cases, as you informd that you are guilty for phisicaly abused, so only way is for your defence talk to your wife and in-Laws & solve the problams, otherwise fight the cases

feel free to call

Aishwarya (Teacher)     07 December 2011

Sure you can implement all the legal stuff to save urself but its like u never know how much time all this might take and how rough it would be for you..One can say am prepared n stuff but actually no one can get hold upon legal matters and court proceedings..it completely jerks ur life.

You have a chance to do away with all this by making efforts to save ur marriage , the life of ur parents and ur wellbeing..go for maariage counselling and ask ur wife the same..somewhere down the line she would agree to this as no one actually wants to break off thr marriage..

 

 

YVerma2007 (Registered Patent Agent)     07 December 2011

I guess you can save your marriage...there is no major reason for the fight. Both of you can go for marraige counslling. Maybe those people can make her understand to not to bring past incidences to the present. If you have not done it again and you promise not to do it again and if you have lived up to your promise, then she  should have no reason to make it an issue in the present . Or first try to talk to her and promise each other that both of you will fight for the present and in no case dig the past. Though difficult but efforts are needed from both of you .

and by the way when someone theatens again and again for no good...sometimes it works to back off and say that  "Ok go and do it" of course if you are just to her only then.

Another way....when she threatens you..ask her to sit down with you..do not involve anyone...start by

"this is our life we have to be together till the end and no oneelse will be...solve the issue of job...why can't you let her follow her carrier..and ask her to imagine what will happen after she file a DV case or a dowry case and where will life go...it will not be good for either of us...so we both can adjust a little...

 

( this applies  only if there is no other issue then you mentioned in your post) 

ajay sethi (lawyer)     07 December 2011

you need to consult a local lawyer . in DV case your wife is entitled to claim right to stay in shared household , proteection order , maintenance etc .

 

the house where you are staying who si the owner of said flat?

 

for 498A allegations made be made against your parents . soa dvised you to stay separate and try tos ave your marriage .

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     07 December 2011

In the nutshell, I would like to re-iterate. ITS EITHER COMPLETE SURRENDER OR COMPLETE FIGHTBACK.

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com


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