Gender Researcher


We learn by errors. Especially older children do process what is happening in their homes, independent of the influence of either parents. Contrary to the expectation that they would be programmed or brainwashed, they may develop an aversion to such parenting which attempts to deny their independent thinking through brainwashing. Children do not exist in a solitary cell where they may be brainwashed. They interact with a world outside their homes. They keep processing what should have happened which would have prevented collapse of relationship between parents. If it had been true that children of divorced parents are more likely to run into divorce, today in this forum many of us would not have been fighting painful divorce battles in the courts, because I am sure most of us come from intact homes as against broken homes. Just to point out that damaging generalization would ultimately harm children and create a negative environ for our children. 

Children are not just victim, they are active thinkers, and actors. They are capable of asking parents to shut up. They have other influences than their parents..they have friends, they read books, they have schools and form bonding with their teachers, they have immediate surroundings and some of which have very healthy influence on them. Children do need a stable and peaceful environment. Would threatening,  punishing, subjecting the child to psychotherapies, branding the custodial parent and children from "broken homes" as criminal, depressed, etc. etc. bring any relief and peace to the child?

My different postings should be read in context of my past posting as to why  without preparing warring parent/s for a peaceful existence centered d on child's flowering, joint custody would create more confusion in the minds of the children than solve problems. Let visitation rights be used proactively and constructively meanwhile. In so many "intact" homes, it is not unusual to see, that children perhaps have seen their  fathers less often than a child from a " broken" home would see his/her father, if father uses the visitation hours sincerely and without making it an occasion to fill the child with hatred for his/her custodial parent--which it cannot be denied, also happens in many cases and the child also process and sees through this intensive progamming in a short duration, if it happens as much as it discerns such doing by the custodial parent. 



Attaching a report by American Juornal of Fornsic Psychology 2001-Should court order VISIT/RESIDE With alienated parents of 99 cases.Answer was Yes it should separate the child from alienating custodial guardian or order visits to alienated parent.

Attached File : 5 5 should court order pas children to non custodial parent.pdf downloaded 48 times


Attaching a brochure of helping those parents who are dealing with parental alienation.

A GUIDELINE ISSUED for awareness.



Attached File : 19 19 brochure childhelp us.pdf downloaded 54 times

My cousel refused to file for child custody in my case, saying that it is useless. She said that I can get the custody only if I am able to prove that the mother is characterless, otherwise it is impossbile and waste of time to file for child custody.


Senior Partner

Originally posted by :Want Kid Back
My cousel refused to file for child custody in my case, saying that it is useless. She said that I can get the custody only if I am able to prove that the mother is characterless, otherwise it is impossbile and waste of time to file for child custody.


1. Absolutely.


2. A rapist confesses in the chamber of a lawyer to his guilt but the lawyer picks up the case giving lame (as recorded in LCI to a post thread I asked great ld. minds here some months back) reasoning given is that "if I don't pick up then somebody else will pick up the case and even if somebody else does not pick up then STATE will pick the tab on tax payers money!"

2a. SO WKB be atleast happy that Judiciary and ld. pleaders before Judiciary have atleast acknowledged you as mere "sperm donor" of your own flesh and blood and BTW are you not happy now, what more you wanted as answer when you approached THAT Lawyer
! This is the biggest pre-judging outcome as achievement Indian father should expect when approaching a pleader of the ld. Court which comes to them is by default that also by meeting the consultation fees as nothign is free during ld. minds consultation with thier clients is it not so? Fantastic economics mindset father faces unknowingly (read as innocently).

2b. Exactly!


No you dont have to provve your wife as charectorless to get the custody of child.I am hundred % sure that judges will not like it if your allegestions are such.

  1. Prove that she has deviant parneting skills( tempera
  2. Prove that childs health and grades have suffered in your absence
  3. Prove that you were agood father and child had incident free childhood when he was with you.
  4. prove that you were involved in his birth/vaccination /care /upbringing and excerricular activities.
  5. prove that her family enviornment is not conducive alcoholism/DV/absence of proper role model

Usually judges maintain status quo and dont disturb the child..

Be thick skinned stand up and fight for your child.



It is sad that "researchers" and "practising advocates" in our country have developed such a biased and parochial outlook ... gender wars will decimate our own children. When will we understand that ?

non professional

I suppose your own outlook is very biased Mr. Kunal. 

Gender Wars--this is your vocabulary...

The peace vocabulary is gender equity and gender justice which depends on gender equity. 

Gender cuts across ethnicity, and caste and class as many of us know. 

When I read Renukaji 's thread I found in her posting a refreshing where she has opposed shared parenting but she has given her own reasoning which is eqally convincing to me--yes I being a man. For my child I would restore healthy communication with my wife to have the benefits of shared parenting, and the same should apply to the other party. 

I wonder how come you are picking on only gender researcher and some specific advocates. Not long ago some people had raised doubt about the thread started by neverabuseme, and this person never criticised anyone in particular....

Dosto ab inki sudden appearance ka raj kya hai....

Keep it up friend. People here are not fools....and people have as much right to voice their opinion as you are exercising your right now....


After over 5 years of spending more time with the Indian legal system than ordinary citizens should have to, I must respond to your opinion asking "Who is this Renukaji you are referring to ?"

I am also tempted to ask -

1. Was your 5 year old son surreptitiously removed from your house by his mother when you were away on a business tour ?

2. Did the Court pass an ex-parte injunction, while you were still on the business tour, restraining you from coming anywhere near your own son till further orders ?

3. Did you have to petition the Court (and contest hearings that dragged on and on and on) repeatedly to allow your 5 year old son to come and meet his dying grandfather who was terminal when his only grandson was taken away by his mother ?

4. Did you have to go into hiding - leaving your recently widowed septugenarian mother to fend for herself - when police from various police stations started visiting your house / office etc. to take you in for "questioning" ?

5. Did you find out (too late) that your lawyer had actually joined hands with the extremely powerful 'other side' to frame an interim visitation agreement that benefitted none but the dear wife ?

6. Did you have to run from pillar to post to identify witnesses and find evidence that could support your claim that you actually had been a loving father ?

7. Did you, over the following years, have to learn to decode the sign-language that passed from mother to son at every visitation and watch your intelligent, clever child slowly turn into a puppet ?

8. Did you ever face situations where your son, called to Judge's chambers, went in shivering with fright and delivered lines that translated to hybrids of different complaints his mother had recorded in her petitiones - evidently his tutoring was not so perfect ?

9. Did you ever discover that your wife of 7 years was actually a distant relative of an Apex Court Judge and was able to continue manipulating the entire system which you have approached for JUST-ICE ?

10. Did you realise that you silently pray for the well-being of your son's custodian mother despite all this because the Indian legal system finds the blindfold more compelling than the balance ?

These have taught me to read between lines, feel the vibes from authors .... more a curse than a gift. You choose to believe that gender-wars is fiction ? Believe me, not just I but the entire human race will be delighted IF you are right and I am wrong.

non professional


Mr. Kunal I am so sorry to read what has happened with you. It in fact brought tears to my eyes. But I think your experience should not malign someone who is on the forum just because she is a woman and she research in the field of gender. We all have our profession. I like her postings because her postings never said that men are bad. In fact none of the women in this forum has said so, this from the threads I have read so far. 

The same experience which you have gone through a woman also may go through, and in all probability must be going through. I cannot answer who  Renuka Gupta is, I know her as much as I know you and other members of this forum.  But I did find some of her postings very sensible and here anyone can write in support of the views one agrees. Like your postings also would have some responses from others. 

I wish you get to see your child and your wife starts understanding sooner than later that revengeful attitude from either parent can affect the growth of the child. I do not know what you mean to say when you say  you read between the lines. That may do injustice to someone who you do not even know and by ignoring his/her reality.  We do not know each other personally on this forum, it is just that we feel affinity to some postings and we reply positively to those postings. As I was going through the threads I have realised this woman called Renuka Gupta has been maligned and ridiculed  by many. But she has continued, but I find some of the women who had participated never appeared anymore. I also realised there has been lot of abusive terms used for women and lot of propaganda against women who  talked assertively and clearly.. It is not gender war. It is just that we are generalising our individual experiences. 

I bow before your anguish and anger both. I have nothing more to say excepting that I pray for the speedy reunion of yours with your little child. God bless your child. 




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