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india (SE)     05 June 2010

Cheated by boyfriend

 

Hi 

I am 26 yr old female. I have been in a 6+ yrs relationship with a guy . Currently now he is in the USA. We have been wanting to get married to each other from the say one. This was NEVER a time pass or any other intension. He even spoke to my parents on Nov 2009 and promised them verbally to get married to me. We have been in a distance relationship for close to 3+ yrs now. He completed his MS and got a job in june 2009. We have been physically active. He did not tell his family members that he had a girl friend for all these 6 yrs. He wanted to get settled n then tell them. I found it fair and did not demand him to inform at home. But from july 2009 i started asking him to tell at home. We decided to get engaged in April 2010 and married in Dec 2010. I informed my parents and they were happy.. His parents went to the us to visit him n his sister in nov 2009 for a few months. He told his parents on Dec 31st. He is a tamil bhramin Iyer. I am not an Iyer. His parents did not agree . He called off the relationship on Jan 4th. I felt helpless and I informed our common best friend in the US to go talk to him. I'll call my friend 'S' regarding our s*xual relationship too. S was wild and went and blasted my boyfriend. My boyfriend again claimed to try at home. His elder sister called my family members and made a big mess. My boyfriend called my parents and told them he himself is not interested. He emailed me to leave him alone and said he is changing his phone number. Him being in the USA is very convenient for him. He has blocked my email ids. and does not pick up any of my friend's call.

I have been devastated and I even tried to commit suicide. My parents took me to the Psych. I am undergoing counselling. BUT i am not able to tell my parents or my councellor that I have been betrayed.. I am ineligible to marry and I am ineligible to live. 

I have not only been a moral support through out my boyfriend's hard times but also financially supportive. He was jobless in india for more than 1.5 yrs. I used to pay his bills . I used to buy him clothings and send it to the USA. He does not even seem to be grateful about it! 

Since we have been in a long distance rel, I have EVERY thing as a mail conversation or a chat.. our discussions about marriage. His promise to walk out of his house if his parents did not agree. His acknowledgement that he has slept with me. ETC.

I have been begging to him to talk to me for months now...

His last email to me :

what can i talk to someone who is not mature enough to realize what is happening? what do you possibly have to say now? you still think there is hope? this is not happening... i dont want it to happen. there is a reason why i did not push my family and stand up for this relationship. I did not believe in it. When I tell you you are immature, i did not mean the cartoons you are watching. I meant you do not know how to handle people or handle any situation. I have told you this a million times. you never understood what it. Within a day of me telling you that my parents didn't agree, you had already told simon EVERYTHING. no sane person would do this. even he told me he was disgusted to hear it. you made me write a mail to you so that you can black mail me with it. what kind of a person does these things? Fine, I could have put up with you, but think about my parents and my family. if there is a problem in the future, i am convinced you are going to bring a third persons in to the issue, make my family members involved stand in front of them and tear them apart. the bottom line is, you don't know how to handle a situation maturely. If I believed in what we had, I would have definitely stood up for it. I had my doubts and I realized my mistake and I agreed to my parents. in fact, my parents and my sister judged you more quickly than i did. I had to agree with them. 


Honestly, I have moved on. I do not want this any more. please realize that. I am not calling/chatting/mailing you any more. I had already blocked your email ids. I am changing my phone number as well. Stop wasting your time. there is nothing you say that will change my mind. all the damage is already done and it is beyond repair. please leave me alone.

 

 

I have lost everything in life. In chennai every one.. from my colleagues to my friends and family .. relatives.. my friends family.. all know abt me and my boy friend.. 

My boyfriend is safe in US. His family does not know ANYTHING. 

He is a a very good job now. He does not even remember that it was I who even prepared his resume. It was I who drew the diagrams for his thesis .. I edited his presentations and thesis.. Now he has money .. He emailed me that his parents are looking for a girl for him.. He has been talking to some one after the horoscope matched..

I want to file a case. I dont mind telling my parents what he has done to me. 

pls. advice.



 13 Replies

Ashok. B.V. (Executive-Legal)     05 June 2010

Dear Madam,

there are two options left for you

1. start new life with new energey forget about old hell experience

2. file criminal complaint in Police station against your boy friend under section 420 IPC cheating , 376 rape. once after getting the Non Bailable Warrant from the Court, inform US consulate and Indian Embessy in US regarding the same. i will tell  in detail in my next mail

don'nt lose your hopes start new life with new energy

Anmol Sharma (advocate)     05 June 2010

Dear India,

I have empathy for you. you can drag him into litigation then after sometime he will take bail etc then what????

Sadly you acted foolishly or trusted him too much. you cannot force him to marry you. these things are characteristic of our present age. there is nothing more to it...

flush him also from your life... If you need legal help.. lawyers are there in your area to help..

raj kumar ji (LAW STUDENT )     07 June 2010

HI MISS INDIA ,IAM FULL SYMPATHY OF YOU BUT

MY SUGGESTION IS THAT U SHOULD FORGET THE OLD EXPERIENCE AND STARTED THE NEW LIFE ????????

Basavaraj (Asst, Manager-Legal)     20 August 2010

Hi India,

Ur not a child If m wrong correct me,

canot u know y r in 26, bcz of ur mistake why r u blaming at him.

u know no end for wishes in our life, should be limt for somthing, prevention is always better than cure, u should have taken proper decsion at the begning ,

prima facie there is a mistake on the part of your sdie.

Do't not go beyhond our wishes,

 

I m not blaming you just i m advsing u to prvent other to do like this.

 

 

1 Like

Lifeisgreat (Manager)     06 September 2010

Hi,

I think i can advice you better bcoz i have gone through the same almost the difference being that i was never physically involved with him. I can completely understand ur situation but I am sad with you. Your boyfriend is a bad guy no doubt but there are crores of people like that. By destroying yourself  u r just helping him. He may have a good job, earn great bucks and marry a beautiful girl but y r u bothered. U want to spend life with a guy who never loved you? Thank God first for saving u from him and utilize this gift that God gave in a better way. Make this anger and resentment a passion to achieve ur dreams.

Remove that guy from ur head. A guy not able to fight for a girl is not worth wasting ur time. Love and marriage is not life. Life is much above that. Make urself so big that when ur boyfriend comes to know by means about u he should feel the pain (and he will bcoz selfish people always think about being with more successful people). By reading ur mail i understood that u r a sensible emotional girl with  innocent heart. That is great gift from God. This life is not worth wasting by crying.

This may sound theoritical but think about it. Please come out. Give him a nice kick in ur thoughts and leave. One more thing i want to advice all the girls - Dont have physical relationship with any guy before marriage (Atleast Indian girls).

Thats all i can say. Sorry to write a long reply as i really want to help u. Please be happy and think that doing so u r making someone else happy :-)

Vishwa (translator)     07 September 2010

As one sows, so one reaps!

1 Like

ADV Pawanpreet Singh (advocate)     07 September 2010

rape complaint will b of least help as d relationship was formed with consent. there will b various ques fired on u upon evrythn by defnce n d cicum wl also nt prove that u have been raped.

sangram (service)     07 September 2010

START NEW LIFE INDIRA

aatma   08 September 2010

Points for your legal proceedings.

 

People having live-in relation can't complain of infidelity: HC
Deccan Herald New Delhi, Aug 9 2010

A partner in a live-in relationship can walk out of it without any legal consequence and people cannot complain of infidelity of partners if one of them ditches the other, the Delhi high Court said today.

"Live-in relationship is a walk-in and walk-out relationship. There are no strings attached to this relationship nor does this relationship creates any legal bond between the parties," Justice S N Dhingra said while quashing criminal proceedings initiated by a woman against her live-in partner after he refused to marry her.


"People who chose to have live-in relationship cannot complain of infidelity or immorality as live-in relationships are also known to have been between a married man and unmarried woman or between married woman and unmarried man," the court said.


The court passed the order on a petition filed by a London-based lawyer, against whom a criminal complaint was filed by a lady with whom he had live-in relationship, seeking to quash proceeding against him.


The petitioner, Alok Kumar, submitted that he refused to marry the woman as his parents were against the relationship.


Granting relief to Kumar, the court said the FIR should be quashed to prevent misuse of criminal justice system for personal vengeance of a partner of live-in relationship.
"It is a contract of living together which is renewed everyday by the parties and can be terminated by either of the parties without consent of the other party and one party can walk out at will at any time," the court said

"Those who do not want to enter into this kind of relationship of walk-in and walk-out, they enter into a relationship of marriage where the bond between the parties has legal implications and obligations and cannot be broken by either party at will," the court said.

===============

இன்னா செய்தாரை ஒறுத்தல் அவர்நாண
நன்னயம் செய்து விடல்.
Inna seidhaarai oruththal avarnaana
nannayam seidhu vidal.

நமக்கு தீங்கு செய்தவர்க்கு கொடுக்கும் தண்டனை, அவர் தலைகுனியும்படியாக அவர்க்கு நன்மை செய்தலே.
To punish a evil-doer, is to do good to him in return for his evil action, which will make him ashamed of himself.

 

கறுத்தின்னா செய்தவக் கண்ணும் மறுத்தின்னா
செய்யாமை மாசற்றார் கோள்.
Karuthinna seidhava kannum maruthinnaa
seiyaamai maasattraar kol.

ஒருவன் கறுவுகொண்டு துன்பம் செய்தபோதிலும், திரும்ப அவனுக்குத் தீங்கு செய்யாமல் இருப்பது மாசற்றவரின் கொள்கையாகும்.
It is the determination of the wise, not to do evil in return for those who had cherished enimity and done them evil.

 

Still if you think you want do something for that person approach very good Women Rights Advocate in your City. They can help you in all the possible way to ruin that guy's life. But don't forget your life will also go along with that process.

Think wisely. Move on with better life.

PKS (HR Manager)     03 October 2010

Dear Friend,

No Doubt, I can understand your agony as I have suffered the same but in my case the girl had the courage to move out. I have gone through the different postings put here in your case. See, live in is of course a decision which partners take as option with complete faith on other and here I am with you that you did no wrong if your intention were true with his promises as your strength. So, first stop the guilt that you are wrong & do not listen to any one demoralizing you on the issue.

I want to repost your anxiety to all of them who believe in "LET GO". If one person will not protest the evil deed, All laws will sleep in bags.

Dear, alternatively have courage. Handle a two way approach. Flair in your life with new thoughts. This will help you come out of your own shell. There must be someone to take you to your dream lands & family will not go so far that they cannot recall you.

Secondly....do take a close look on all possibilities to bring the guilt behind the BARS. Rather this will stop crimes that are evolving around the new trends (Not live in but freedom of choice) but where people like me and you are cheated and made emotional fools. This will raise back your self-respect within you. I will certainly suggest to take all possible advices before you take any legal course. You can also see all the IPC in google where your case can be applicable in your favor and take it forward with a lwayer.

Wish you better future ahead.

Dear All,

Please suggest that whether there is no alternative way out on such emotional ditches. Lawyers are requested to take a new chapter needing the justice.

Regards.

 

sunilkumar (law student)     05 October 2010

Dear India,

I can understand ur sufferings, but trust me.... no court can bring ur age n time back. Pls try to move on n start a new life since itz never too late. Ur BF is settled in US n there's nothing much you can do abt it. Legally if u try to punish him, u & ur  family wud suffer more in the process. Its lengthy, tiring n embarassing. Take up a job, try n start a new life may be in some new place. Just thank god, u didn't get married to him since reversal is not possible. Time is a big healer. Pray to god n find peace with yourself. God Bless n move on dear. there's so much more in this life then marriage n Love. may be dis happened for d best..

Arundhathi (At home)     21 January 2017

Now it's been like 10 days he's not talking to me , he's keralate  and I'm from hyderabad we met in Gulf bahrain , we were in love relationship for 2 years after that he went dubai and I have to come for vaccation,  because I also wanted to go with him to dubai , I had mo plans in going to bahrain and like 6 months I was in home , he spoke to me daily for 2 min on phone , I use to help him in money wise and also sending his mails and responding them , even my family knows him he spoke to them except my father , but none of his family knows me , when they're times we fought about it because I told him about him in my house and he didn't even tell about me after having physical relation,  he use to tell me that I want u to get nice job then I can intro u , then even I gave a thought about it , later on from 5 days he's not talking properly and not msging me so I have to request him and beg him what's the problem he don't open up himself because my bf is introverted so one days he told me let's stop , I asked him y he said I don't want to cheat u , then he told I want u and my parents , then after 2 days he told me they won't accept , this is good for ur life &my life , u will get good person in ur life and then marry , then I tried to die 2 times but I didn't succeed , I wanted to talk to his mom that I want to marry him , but he don't want me to talk with anyone he don't want to spoil his name his said me .

I have all kind of proofs I really want to screw him and I want him to know what mistake he's been doing , I don't know anyone in kerala , even to communicate it's very problematic for me , I want to try to make an attempt in talking to his parents through any lawyer or councillor then I would like to wait for their decision and I will decide what to do .

 

I know my life will get spoiled but I don't want to marry other person than him , I want him only that's y I'm trying my best to keep our relation , but he don't even try to keep me and he don't want me to say this to anyone , I'm having hard time I'm not eating and crying alot , my parents r crying also because of me ..

 

I want that god to give me strength and courage to fight against this 

Pawan S (06292021602) (Advocate)     22 January 2017

Querist,

I am surprised to ascertain, you were having a physical relationship before marriage.

Worst decision you ever made.

 

WHY WHY WHY you did this?

 

It solely depends on how you want to proceed.

 

1. Fight to get the justice.

You can lodge FIR & file cases u/s 375 (Rape), 417 (Punishment of cheating) against him. I don’t guess about the verdict of these cases, at least you can harass him.

 

Court proceeding may be time consuming and you have to wait for years to get the verdict. These suits are enough to make his life hell. In general, after these suits accuse approach the petitioner for the withdrawal of the cases. And petitioner becomes hostile as a part of out of court settlement. So, you can either claim money or ask him to marry you, as a part of the settlement. Claiming money is the best selection. Marriage will not ferment, but after the marriage, again, you will get the opportunity of filing matrimonial suits.

 

OR

 

2. Forget everything and move forward.

 

Coming to the legality:

In this case, why the boy had taken 6 years to introduce the girl to his parents?

Because from the very beginning he doesn't hold an intention to marry the young lady and he was well aware of the fact that his parents will not permit him to marry her.    

 

 

A s*xual relationship with a woman after making her a FALSE promise of marriage amounts to rape. The so-called consent under a FALSE promise of marriage is no consent. A man receiving consent to s*xual relations under false pretext does not amount to legal or valid consent and saving him from being accused and punished for rape.    

 

 

Even if the woman is assumed to be a willing participant in their physical union, the fact that the man had no intention of marrying her would make it an instance where consent was given under a misconception, nullifying the efficacy of approval.    

 

 

If the accused had made a false promise only to gratify his lust, it will fall within the ambit of cheating or deception and there is a distinction between the mere breach of a promise, and not fulfilling a false promise.    

 

 

In some situations the prosecutrix agrees to have s*xual intercourse on account of her love and passion for the accused, and not solely on account of misrepresentation made to her by the accused, the situation does not necessarily lead to rape.    

 

 

Consensual s*x under the promise of marriage is basically cheating, right?    

 

 

Most other forms of cheating are punishable under Indian law, they have provisions. Like cheated on advertising claims, cheating on financial products, cheating among family members, they all have an outlet to address it and get legal support.    

 

 

Doesn't this come under the same pretext?
 


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