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gimmeabreak (self)     29 August 2014

Advice on divorce

Want to divorce my wife after 17+ years of marriage.  Let me elaborate - 

Flirtatious in nature.  Though has not slept with another man (to the best of my knowledge), caught her on several occasions flirting with other men – over facebook, whatsapp, and SMS.  

When I caught her flirting with a man (friend from before marriage) on the facebook/phone/sms – it was literally a phone s*x – she begged for mercy and wrote an apology letter not to repeat.  I destroyed the letter because I kept going back to the letter which did not help me forget. 


 Another instance worth mentioning is in last 3 months, she messaged 500 times average per month, to a friend from before marriage.  Have evidence of this, but do not have copy of the message.  First she refused to divulge and when insisted, she lied to me that it is a girl, but I have the proof now that is a guy whom she knows.


 Married her out of caste.  Gave her everything the best I could – abroad life, love/romance, care, holidays, material, everything, because she is the only girl I fell in love with.  Never ever she had any complaints about anything about me.


 Her 2 sisters completely agree with my point of view.  They had warned me before marriage in fact; supportive of me divorcing.  They know I have given her the best in life, given her chances to correct, but all in vain.


 Though hale and healthy now, underwent severe post-natal depression, still takes anxiety tablets; regularly meets psychiatrist and is on medication.  With numerous other health problems, surgeries, I supported her in every aspect – gave her best of medical treatment, moral support, etc.  Several times driven me nuts and at least twice I thought about ending my life. 


 Though minor, still worth mentioning – doesn’t take care of her health, is unhygienic, doesn’t take care of house chorus, very badly groomed.  Worst, spends tons of time on socializing on facebook, phone, and other media.


 I am sick of giving her the best in life, but receiving nothing in return.  Despite her adventures, I have given her chances. 


 We have 2 kids – aged 14 and 10.  Don’t want to wreck their life because I love them very much.  This is the reason I kept pushing the matter, but now it has reached a point of hopeless for me. 


 I am employed with decent salary (~2 lacs/month), house (worth 1.5 Cr, with 40 lacs loan pending), some investment towards retirement, car, etc.  I don’t mind paying her 1/5 or 1/3.  But want to lead peaceful life.  I want to start the life afresh (40 is the new 25). 


 What is the legal opinion?  Hope I stand a good chance to conclude this relationship in separation. 



 15 Replies

Laxmi Kant Joshi (Advocate )     29 August 2014

If she is not trying to change herself and repeating the same untolrateable activities and you have all the proofs against her in the form of sms then file the divorce on the ground of mental cruelty u/s 13(1)(i-a) of hindu marriage act in the family court .
1 Like

Rangee (Lawyer)     29 August 2014

I agree with Laxmi kant joshi sir please go ahead consult a lawyer file divorce case


Rangee (Lawyer)     29 August 2014

I agree with Sri Laxmi kant joshi sir please go ahead consult a lawyer file divorce case


1 Like

gimmeabreak (self)     29 August 2014

Thank you.  Whilst I wait for further response/advice, some additional information - 

My wife doesn't have parents (both demised).  No brothers.  Only 2 sisters who are staying in different cities.  Which means she has no where to go whilst the process takes its time.  She is a home maker and has no income.  What are the complications here?

Let me emphasize that a) unfaithfulness b) she taking me and everything in life for granted c) not changing despite repeated mistakes/chances - is what is leading me to take this major step.  

Marriage is mutual - give and take.  I keep giving everything, be it emotions, love, money (I give her ~15K rupees monthly for her own expenditure) and don't receive love and care in return (not money), the least, then i think it is time to wind up.

I am sure she would ask me to give her another chance!


living with her more than 17 years of life and produced two lovely child , but all of a sudden thinking for divorce that is too on facebook message and chat.

No this kind of proof will not serve your purpose for allegation of adultery.

Adultery involves when your partner is physically involved with a man other than you.

If you have proof of her indulgence in such relationship then you can proceed ahead.

For the ground of mental cruelty you have to create the phases of such cruelty which has made your life hell and that also need documentary evidences.

It's better to talk to her regarding her wish, if she is in love with anybody then let her free and ask for MCD.

A/t to your statement you don't have any financial problem and you are still paying her handsomely then it's better to let her free via paying alimony to her and get rid off her through MCD.

Your children are going to become majors in few years then it will waste of money on GWA cases.

Think for out of court settlement through civil mediations.


1 Like

gimmeabreak (self)     02 September 2014

an update - 

unlike earlier instances, this time i had to involve the family considering the gravity of the situation.  I discussed this with her sisters, and my mother (for the first time).  Everyone want to give her a chance, considering a) kids and their future  b) she is not the smartest of the lot to survive using alimony.

I am still not convinced, afraid that she may repeat it.

is there any legal means where i can warn her of the consequences, if she repeats this in future?  a letter which stands in the court of law?

Rangee (Lawyer)     02 September 2014

Sign an MOU with your wife with conditions stipulated for future good behaviour and conduct MOU prepared by senior advocate signed before two responsible persons it is valid before courts


1 Like

gimmeabreak (self)     04 September 2014

Thanx Mr. R.S.K. Singh.  I shall definitely seek advocate help and signup an MOU with my wife.  Intend to make family members the witness, so everyone has some moral obligation.

Any other advice, anyone?

gimmeabreak (self)     16 November 2014

After consulting the core family of both of us, I have decided to give my wife one last chance.  Not to be heart broken and taken for granted again, I want to sign a MOU.  Failure to abide by the MOU, in principal and in spirit, I shall initiate divorce.

Can anyone suggest a good lawyer in Bangalore?  By good I dont mean someone who is good at divorce but rather do the needful (MOU).  Preferably a female lawyer because I want to give a fair chance to my wife (some compassion / counselling from the lawyer might help).

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     16 November 2014

I think you should have discussed the problem with a good psychiatrist for solution.

gimmeabreak (self)     20 November 2014

Well, she is under medication for depression related issues (triggered during 2nd child birth).  Psychiatrist is an option I shall consider, but as it stands today, I dont see that to be the cause for the issue between us.  

I would prefer a recommendation from the experts in this forum than looking up for a lawyer in the directory.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     20 November 2014

Flirtation is undoubtedly a thing that can be brought under the ground of cruelty in the strict sense to get divorce.  But, again, at the cost of repetition, I say that flirtation is a psychological disorder, which can be cured by properly psycho-analysing the subject.  So, if the good psychologist expresses his inability to cure this problem within a reasonable time, then you can file divorce petition under Section 13(1)(ia) of Hindu Marrige Act.

confused (na)     20 November 2014

SuperHero (Manager)     21 November 2014

Hope all will be well.


Idle man's brain is devil's workshop. So if she starts working her mind is occupied.


May be some meditation techniques will help to over come the pyschological problems..

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