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realitylive2266 (NONE)     03 June 2013

Wife filed for divorce - puzzled by what is going on?

I am really puzzled by what is going on. Please advise me what to do and how to approach this case. Thank you so much in advance, for helping me.

Case: Wife left home and left our two year old son at my home. My son is staying with me since then. After two months I received a notice for child custody. Me and elders from my family tried talking to her and her family but she was admant for divorce. Then things went like this:

Custody
-------
1. 1st date - Wife came with two lawyers. My lawyer did not file a reply. I spoke to my wife in court premesis but she was adamant and wanted divorce. Her family threatened to file police case.
2. 2nd date - We filed a reply to child custody petition. We countered all her false allegations with proofs. Judge tried to mediate in his chamber but my wife remained stubborn.
3. 3rd date - Wife did not come to court. A 3rd new lawyer filed wakalatnama. Judge was angry as he probably wanted another session of mediation. Her lawyer did not file a counter reply.
4. 4th date - A 4th new lawyer filed wakalatnama. Her lawyer did not file a counter reply. They got one months time to file counter reply.
5. 5th date - Wife did not come to court. Her lawyer did not file a counter reply. Judge gave three months to file counter reply. I wonder that they need four months to make a counter reply to our reply!!!!!!

Divorce
--------
1. 1st  date - My lawyer asked more time to file our reply to wife's divorce petition. Got 3 weeks to file reply.
2. 2nd  date - Wife did not come. We went with our written reply preperaed. We came to know that wife had withdrawn her divorce petition two weeks back (one week after first hearing) on technical grounds with liberty to file fresh petition. Court decided the case ex parte and gave her the liberty. The case was not scheduled for hearing on that day. Judge mentioned in his order that me or my lawyer was not present. However, I did not get any notice from court to appear for any hearing. My wife or her lawyer did not inform us before filing their application that they wanted to withdraw the divorce case or, after the decision that divorce case has been withdrawn.

Her articles
-------------
1. Received a legal notice for returning her istridhan. I had already communicated to her in my sms, email and on phone that she can come and collect her articles any time she wants to but she did not come. Instead she sent a legal notice. Included her entire 5 years salary, her loans, gifts given to my son, to me etc. as her istridhan (total amounting to about 45 lacs).
2. Her lawyer spoke to my lawyer and she wants that we should deliver all her articles to her house on our expense. Sent a reply to her legal notice to come and collect her articles.

I feel that she is playing a game because if she wanted to come back and live with me (she is very welcome if she wants to reconcile and live together as it is best for everyone, especially for our son) she would have spoken to me after withdrawing the divorce application. I prayed for refreering our case to mediation in my reply. My son has been staying with me. I love my son very much and I can not bear the thought to seeing him only on few weekends for the rest of my life. If my wife wants to come and live as family, she is welcome but if she is adamant for divorce, I want my son to stay with me.

I feel following can happen:

1. She files a new divorce petition afer a few weeks/months with still more allegations as we could have easily defended her allegations in the current withdrawn petition.
2. She files case in women's cell to harass us then files for divorce.
3. She actually wants to come back.

I am at a loss to understand what is going on. Please guide me how to proceed and how I can know what she wants without her making more false allegations.

Thank you.



Learning

 16 Replies

Vijaysekhar (Software)     03 June 2013

I cant guide you legally, but I am please to see that you are making so much efforts to reconcile and live together for the sake of the child. I took the same path also, but she keeps leaving [6-7 times already since child was born] and it is quite difficult for me to keep changing houses and answering neighbors questions about her whereabouts... Hope it works out good for you.

1 Like

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     03 June 2013

It will not be easy for her to make more new allegations now. Keep all the certified copies of the previous proceedings ready with you for future use. As of now Wait and watch till her next move. If you want her to come back then, you can file a RCR in the  court.

1 Like

realitylive2266 (NONE)     03 June 2013

Vijaysekhar, Adv Archana - Thank you for your replies.
Yes, I want us to live together as family, me, my wife and our son. But till now she has been very adamant and refusing to have any conciliation/conversation. I will keep trying till I am convinced that she has absolutely made up her mind not to stay with me. Because of my professional qualifications, I can take care of my son, but I also realize how important it is for my son to have his mother's love and care. If my wife does not want to came back, I am very determined to fight for custody of my son even if the case takes years. No...not because of my ego, but because I know that he will get a much better upbringing with me in my family than her's. If I had felt even for one second that she can bring him up better than me, I would have signed the custody to her, but she can't. I will wait and watch and keep this thread updated. I would love to know what other people think about what is happenig in my case....With regards

realitylive2266 (NONE)     04 June 2013

I agree...and would have done exactly that...this side or that side...rather than hang in a vacuum constantly thinking what is going to happen next...but sometimes...doing what one wants is not the same as doing the right thing

realitylive2266 (NONE)     04 June 2013

In the child custody case, is it possibel for me to request the court to have a psychological examination of me and my family versus my wife and her family with whom the  the child will spend his growing up years; before decision on child custody is given?

Harsh (Manager)     04 June 2013

@author

Every child needs a GOOD Mother. but dont feel bad that your son lost his mother's love. It doesnt seem like your wife can be a good and loving mother. It is better not to have a parent than have an abusive parent.  You being so mature can ensure that your son gets all the L & A.

In olden days, a wife would toil and bear all sufferings for the sake of her children first and then her husband. These days ...

CUSTODY -> she may be applying for custody only to satisy her/her family's EGO and not really to care for the child. Worse, she may want to emotionally kill you or blackmail you by taking away your child.  Her intentions dont seem good or balanced to me, If she was so concerned, she would try to keep her marriage intact.

1 Like

dr g balakrishnan (advocate/counsel supreme court)     04 June 2013

sir, you need to make good psychological appeal to her senses on the child issue, after all no mother likes her so or daughter suffer and that is the way you need to tackle your matter, no point working on sevreral sections, as most sections are indeed half baked, as indian divorse laws were not made very properly after all every law works basicaly on social perceptions that perception is built over severaal years of experience of society in which one is born,; today marriages are contracted without reference to society from which one has come from. really what happens is social perception rules the roost especially in love and marriage relationships. Marriage is not like a company is created under companies Act but it is family and proge3ny building. that way you are also attached to child so too she is attached to child equally. so you need to tackle the isue from social percpional analysis sir that will definitely get you sensible final solution of reconciliation which you also need so too that lady too, so patiently work both together will have win win solution sir. regards. 

1 Like

realitylive2266 (NONE)     04 June 2013

Thank you all for replying.

For me it is important that I talk to her and make her see things in right perspective..,..if it is at all possible. I feel that people at her home might be negatively influencing her a lot. I dont want to go to her home as they can say or do anything there and it might escalate. She does not reply to my emails or sms. I knew one of her friends but that friend insteed of helping made some wild excuse. My lawyer had said that we will get a change to talk when we are referred to mediation for divorce but now there is no divorce case. Can you please suggest how I can talk to her without her or her family making more false allegations?  

dr g balakrishnan (advocate/counsel supreme court)     04 June 2013

troubles will be there sir, yet you have to peacefully and calmly work. first pls tell me whether your spose is from same place where you hail from or she is from different area, different community, environment. what is her background, who influence her for what reasons you have to identify how you are influenced by your own people and these will ve preliminary analysis that you have to prepare concise dossier on you and her. what are compatibilities and incompatibilities between you both also to be noted. what are her lngings and yours and like that you have to prepare SWOT nalysis of this situation, that will help you when you make brief on such findings. this is not any simple litigation like cheque bounces. so calmly work and what way your lawyer influences you whether he he is proactive for reconciliation process ? that will have impact on you too. like this you will have to reassess things. then formulate a program of action as you do with any complicated project. that is vital. then once you have some clarity please chat with me. do not rush to talk to her fast without thoughtful preparation of home work, as married life is highly complicated matrix structure sir, however you are clever you never make her feel that you are manipulating her for your benefits aline and she should feel that you are genuinely interested in her, after all modern woman's heart is legions of depth sir and  you should dispel fear  in her that you treat her as a thing a normal indian mentality of every man and his parents. so please rehearse things and assess your own opinion how you will react if you are in her plac band the like that way please do real exercises. yea it is enervating work   after al it is your and her life along with your son. so high care is needed. se your lawyer works with your main parameters and do not be led away in short  term solutions that is very vital in matrix of your apprioaches,as this work is like management consulting of complex organisation. regards 

1 Like

Harsh (Manager)     04 June 2013

@author - hmm not to discourage, but pls do post the outcome of your honest attempts. curious to know how miracles happen.

whatever you do, you should start shielding your child from all the drama. he doesnt deserve it.

1 Like

realitylive2266 (NONE)     05 June 2013

I love my son more than I can express in words and will do anything for him. I will give my son the best of everything, whether my wife reconciles and comes back or does not come back. We still have not received any response to our reply to her legal notice, in which we asked her to come and collect her articles. So I guess, I will just have to wait and watch.

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     05 June 2013

Just wait and watch....... I have already adviced you bcoz this is the only proper line of action at least in today's situation for you, but keep yourself prepared to defend any possible attack by keeping all the papers ready with you.

Dev (xxx)     17 June 2013

Hi Dear,

I am not a lawyer. I am just another person like you. Only the thing is no legal step has been taken in my case from either side.

Even my wife abondoned my child when he was 5 yrs old and today he is 7 yrs old.

I just want to tell you that, keep child out of all this. Dont discuss with him anything about all this fuss and neither tell him anything against ur spouse. Do take best care of your child and dont bother with absence of his mother. Child will go wherever he will find love and he finds love with you.

Just enjoy with your child and wait n watch. God has kept the jewel with you so be content and be happy.

I dont know anything about what can be done in ur case as I am not the right person to tell you. I just wanted to tell you from the point of child and since both of our wives have abondoned child they will definately be punished some day.

 

Regards

Dev

1 Like

realitylive2266 (NONE)     19 June 2013

@Dev thank you very much for your kind words. My son is the love of my life. I am doing all I can to give him everything that he needs and deserves and keep him away from all that is happening.  He is a very smart, happy and healthy child. A lot of credit for this goes to my parents who take care of him all day. I just feel so blessed that my parents are there to help me during this time. For an update on my case - When a person known to me called my wife she did talk on the phone but said nothing much. When I tried to speak to her; phone call - no response, sms - no response.  It appears that she does not want to  communicate with me at all. The hearing for custody case is after three months. Just waiting for that and enjoying life with my son.


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