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pratibha sharma (housewife)     25 November 2011

Want to save marriage

Hello

I am Pratibha,got married in 16-frb-2010,since than

my husband starting fight with me,on different issues,he insulted me several time,

initially i bear,but its too much,my in-laws always try to creat misunderstanding

between me an my husband on issues like,:-

i dont wear bindi,bangles,

saree,i dont put pallu,i talked alot with my parents,

i used to give reply to his parents,i disobeyed elders etc,

and cause of this issues my husband always fight with me,and said go to yours parents home,always,

----

now i want to know,are this issues such a great issues so that he can give me divorce,

the fact is I want to live happily with my husband and i cannt leave him,

but i dont understand is it crime to live your life on your choice and likes and dislikes....

 

plz give me suggestion

 

i am in need as i dont know anything about divorce,family court,and laws,an moreover i dont know good lawyer who help me to save my married life.



Learning

 34 Replies

HEMANT GAUR (Knowledge knows no bounderies)     25 November 2011

NO! It is not wrong to live your life and be the person you are! Never let anyone twll you otherwise. These peaople are truing to control you and yes, your husband too!

 

Advice: Start gathering as much evidence now against your husband and his family. If your suspiscions are correct, "Do NOT wait till your husband has filed for a divorce". You should start taking notes right away whenever possible. You may need this evidence to support your side of the case in a court of law.

 

If it comes to this, and i were you, you could try and prove their false accusations against you by 'recording' them, or their private conversations whenever you're not around without their knowledge. You only need to use a standard tape recorder well hidden of course, or if you can afford it, a digitol recorder would be even better, you can even borrow one from a friend. If your husband and his parents prove by these recordings that they are harrassing you to get you to leave and then use this to divorce you, then the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. Between the notes you take, any other evidence you may attain, plus the recordings, then it may very well end in your favour.

Be smart! You were not given a brain for nothing. USE IT!!!

 


(Guest)

HANDLE TACTFULLY .They are trying to cearte misunderstanding among u and husband, if you react on their behaviour then they will take its advantage.You keeep cool, always try keep your side right and dont bend before them in undue issues ans as Hemant Gaur is saying to keep proofs/evidences , try to keep them.

You never start any legal proceeding from your side.just wait and watch and do accordingly.

gud luck.


(Guest)

Its always better to adjust ...

 

There are somethings which you can adjust , there could be others which they can adjust...You need to send signal that you are trying to adjust and be patience everything will be alrite !

 

All the best !

Built Trust (aaaaaaaa)     25 November 2011

Dear Prathiba,

After going through your problem, I feel that there is big communication gap between your husband and you. First dont let any other person comes into your relation from your paternal side or in-laws side as any argument between you two will not be understood by any other person. Furhter I will adivse you to go for professional counselling to know where you are wrong or where your husband is wrong. It is just matter of time and your problems will be over. Just try to bulit trust and mutual confidence between you two without getting annoyed. Please remember that you have to be politle and expressive in your in laws relations. First give others what you want from them.

Most important: Dont appraoch poilice or lawyer. It will create big trouble in your life also. It is true that law is on your favour, but at the end of the day you will be the biggest loser in all this game. 

Thanks 


(Guest)

adjust or divorce... bindi lagana is not an ego issue... listening is not an ego issue... if there is any other issue you want to suppress handle yourself... if you want to save marriage better adjust or go for a divorce... any reason can be put for divorce... to be proved...

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     25 November 2011

 

i dont wear bindi,bangles,

bad reason to leave husband - do u have a problem with these feminine things ??

 

saree,i dont put pallu,i talked alot with my parents,

just take pallu in front of them - if it gives them pleasure at no cost to you

 

i used to give reply to his parents,i disobeyed elders etc,

try to till generation gap

 

and cause of this issues my husband always fight with me,and said go to yours parents home,always,

make it a friently fight.

fill in the communication gap

 

the fact is I want to live happily with my husband and i cannt leave him,

means he is a nice guy; hard to find now-a-days


in every relation there are some adjustments to be made.

 

negative thoughts lead to negative deeds. be +ve

 

                                                                                                             ... Baba Amit Maharaj

 

 

 

2 Like

Sameer12345 (SSE)     25 November 2011

Agree with Baba Amit Maharaj.... 

pratibha sharma (housewife)     25 November 2011

hello to all, well thanks for valuable suggestion, first I need to tell the fact that,any indian girl would not want to break her marriage,as its her;s reputation,her's parents reputation, because it dosent matter,whether a girl is right,society will always go in favor of man,society dont allow divorcee women to live her life pacefully, another fact is,is it a fault to give your veiw or stand for your self-dignity,when somebody try to make your life hell to live between them, I tried a lot to save my marriage,but my in-laws dont allow me to even talk to my husband,as my husband always listen to them blindly,i dont understand why people go for their son's marriage if they want it to break,

pratibha sharma (housewife)     25 November 2011

hello, plz give me suggestion,what should i do,as my husband clearly told me that if you want to live with me you have to come with yours parent than infron of everybody you have to ask for forgiveness to me and my parents, as i accepted i did a big mistake to come to my parents's home when they told me to go your home.but what did i do at that time,they all always accusing me,alwaz tried to make my life hell,they were b*tching abut me with anybody come there, more over my husband was not there,he was out of india for about 2 months,an thy started doing this with me, in that situation it was unable to even breathe,as nobody was talking to me,no body ask for anything,like food and all,so how could i stay there,for long time,as i was feeling like i am living in hell. but now i dont understand what should i do now,as my husband is coming on 26 nov 2011,an he cleared his view,that if you have to come here,come with your parents, so i dont understand in this what is a fault of my parents,why they will humiliate them,who are they to insult my parents,morevoer why i should go there with my parents,

pratibha sharma (housewife)     25 November 2011

At last I just want to know,is crime to stand for your dignity,yours family dignity,is it my biggest mistake to go for marriage, is it crime,is it a mistake of girl, that girl cannot live her life on her condition,on her likes,dislikes, i nthis man world is a biggest mistake to be a girl,specially independent girl.

rajiv_lodha (zz)     25 November 2011

Dear Pratibha!

Its painful to hear about ur plight! I can understand the condition u have been throu', it sounds like preeching, but:

Urs is a short marriage, its almost universal to have difference of openions & lfestyles b/w parental home & matrimonial home. Girl has to adjust to the maximum as she leaves her own house & goes to the new one. Difficult times are not alike always. All she needs is husband's love & support. U do not feel low, be cool. Its very easy to break relationships but very difficult to maintain them.

Ur & urs parents respect lies in the sacrifices u will make adjusting in matrimonial home, not by staying put at parents house. ALL U NEED AS A COUPLE IS PROFESSIONAL MARRIAGE COUCELLING. They will take a few sessions & co operate maximumally wid them. Remeber, there is no harm in saying sorry if u get ample of good life in return. Ur hubby or his parents are not ur enmies.

U are getting a big opportunity to start afreash.of course with open mind. Ur hubby is returning after a long gap. Love & only love shud be in the air. If he wants ur parents to be there while u return.......no harm in this.

My personal advice is taht u carry some respectables+ elderly relatives along with u in such a meeting. Bend to some extent to save marriage. Elders will make it sure that ur parents are not humiliated. See..... Human life is given once by almighty.....& its very short. Fill it with happiness rather than fighting.

Try to win over ur husband by becoming polite & adjusting. Coucelling will iron away the differences!

Gud luk :)

1 Like

pratibha sharma (housewife)     25 November 2011

thanks. but can some one tell me some names of good professional marriage counsellor, but my husband should also attend it,he will not ready to go with me. tell me plz how i would try to ready to come with me.

Aishwarya (Teacher)     25 November 2011

Pratibha dee 

Calm down..it happens that the initial years of marriage are really hard..

But follow this if at all ur keen to save ur marriage and u think u love ur hubby and even he loves u ...

First thing... to win trust and confidence of your husband, just leave ur parents for some time..dont keep calling them on every lil issue nor go home in any case..its hard but do this..make things so good that he can hardly say u to leave ..make urself his habit like he just cannot do without you dear..

For some time Be a typical "Bahu" for in laws trust ur hubby and every man in this country like it that way and even u will feel proud of wearing all that's required..and perform all obligations and duties that a bahu does ..

Its not about dignity or prestige ..Just be calm and dont attach or label anything being said to u with ur resepct and dignity..It wont lead u anyway..it happens and happens everywhere home office roads..just ignore and keep a happy face..

tell ur husband that you will do everything and never leave him as u love him a lot if u get the chance..

Pack ur bags and go to ur hubbys place all by urself and make it happen and tell everyone there now u will do as they say since u love him alot..and do respect ur inlwas

See the thing is we forget that when girls get married they remain attached to their parents but real part is now its all about the in laws and moreover ur hubby so if he loves his family then u love them ..ull see how he will change seeing u cooking along with his mum and chatting  with her all the time more than him..

Just take a chance and see if u can go there somehow through meeting of elders etc or urself to give it ur try..

there is really no big issue..u can do alot to change things..U have to take the lead and suffer lil bit but its all for good ultimately..

1 Like

V R SHROFF (Sr. ADVOCATE Bombay High Court Mob: 9892432152)     25 November 2011

Pratibha,

you are well advised by Aishwarya, Amit baba, Rajivbuilt trust & ors. 

Do not go to Advocate / Lawyer or Court for the time being say 6 months,

Try to consult Marriage Councillor. in case u r near Mumbai, I can suggest few

Remember, Pleasure always folw after Pain.  Wait for is.

Try to understanfd & try to keep him Happy, if he is happy with small changes like Bindi, or obediency  & swet talk with his parents.  Little sacrifies may lead to fortune of happiness. 

Start talking good for him/them, and in  few weeks, reciprocal starts, they will talk good for u. 

Love all of them with deep heart, no show business, and observe the change. 

 

 

Ur little efford may bring happiness in at least 15 of concerned family members, and god have to reward u for ur scrifies, and u willl reapp fruit of ur  sacrifies.   nothing is wasted at the end. Have faith. Love him & he will  God bless you with happy married Life.

love you too. 

Adv Shroff

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