Staying with someone while in the process of divorce.

1. Thalikettu is customary form of marriage mostly in sub-sects of Nairs communities of Kerala.
2. You will be committing “bigamy” i.e. can be prosecuted separately U/s 494 IPC is one and second based on just instituting criminal case your wife can speed up her divorce by allowing Amendment in her suit already running before family Court.
3. You will end up paying more towards alimony as well as if “thalikettu” ceremony proved then may even get prosecuted for bigamy.

Plain reading above to a husband it may sound rosy on first part but when prospective case goes to floor then it will become unbearable to juggle from first wife to second so called thalikettu tied live-in and may dent deeply your pockets too.

Case law from Kerala HC do exists but more on Tribunal challenge route of public servants opting for thalikettu in subsisting earlier marriage!

See where you would like to place yourself. If my opinion is sought on your enquiry then I would rather suggest to somehow speedup her divorce case to its logical end and ask the other woman in waiting to just wait till then if she can otherwise there is no dearth of eligible clean woman now a days for single men’s especially in Kerala if this brief originates from there bze of skewed s*x ration that Kerala State has demographically showcased from last 20 years in Indian States gender context.

Parting comment: It makes me laugh to read and I quote your own wordings " “The thalikettu is just for the mental satisfaction of the second girl and I know its not legalised.” 'Funny' in the sense that second woman is seeking “mental satisfaction for herself” but is least bothered if you are legally eligible even to place that “mental satisfaction on her or not”. Best would be to opt for live-in and if second woman knowing well you are not legally free can come 80% way to you then she damn shall come 50:50 way for live-in that is what many do in West and North India in similar status as yoursJ rest choice I leave to your wisdom.

[Abv. would have been as same reply to your PM to me too but I choose to reply to your PM via open forum mode instead of duplicating the efforts reason being matters are ditto]

No you cannot do what U HV in mind. But U can surely have a live-in-relationship with the other woman.

Taj, thanks for your detailed reply, much appreciated.The thalikettu was mainly considered to fool the relatives of the girl. And was thought in a small scale with just immediate family members as her family dont know divorce is not completed yet and she is not into a live in relationship. She is actually agreeing to wait until divorce is finalised, agian it is waste of our youth.  Well if thats the case guess will have to adhere to.

Also with regards to the second part of my question, while the divorce is ongoing, will I be able to go overseas for studies, how could I deal with that. Can I arrange someone to represent me in my absence.  Would that be acceptable in the eyes of court or do I have to be physically present.  Or is there any law preventing me from moving out of the country while divorce ongoing.

I also have another issue which would require your valuable advice, I am planning to sent the divorce papers in couple of weeks time and my concern is what if she commit suicide when she recive the papers, I know I'm thinking extreme case. It just keeps bothering me. She has previously threatened on so many occassions and I was virtually scared while living with her and my family too thus I was very careful with her, never got to relax and be myself.  Its only been a year  and few months since we got married. We were never meant to be from the beginning and I fell into deep depression. Dont really want to get into a nasty legal battle with her but want to live my life and be someone I would want.  I offered her money, security everything. 

I know the second girl from years back and we were in a romantic relationship a decade back and we both went our ways but really never got over her. She is a divorcee too now and I really dont want to lose my opportunities with the second girl as she is getting other proposals and am too scared to act. But I know if I dont act I will end up losing her second time. But she is willing to wait if atleast I act.  These are my problems. What is my way out.

1. OK. I understood “The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose” J and for the same never ask written forum replies. Well it is doable PERIOD J .
2. NO, you can always give PoA to family or to an seasoned advocate and may opt for video conferencing during Evidence stage, any how in India when a husband files for divorce it is better to go overseas and do some PhD and then come back just in time for evidences J Note, I am not sure of the juridisction Court nature thereto; if a family Court then "reconciliation proceedings for husband petitioner" is a must solid waste of time without attending them you should not fly abroad is a generic advise. Attend first one and say no for rest if you see "grounds" exists for divorce come what may. Now, there is a method if you want to see her reaction then pray” for “judicial separation” choosing one of the grounds as available under S. 13 (1) HMA J That will cushion initial jolt of receiving “suicide note” from her and same prayer can be amended if one sailed through Notice period phase and when no news of suicide heard of J See “threat of suicide” is highest form of “cruelty” and “domestic violence”. Sit with seasoned petition writer and give your 'facts" such twist and angle in petition accordingly.  Now donto ask third question; I want divorce and you are guiding me for judicial seperation. See when both of you were doing your things inside 4 walls I am sure you might have said about divorce and since "insecure metro women" clinch to last blood rallying on their insecurities in marriage they normally give threat of suicide so there has to be some 'test" done with to check her quantum of threat instead of procastinating about it and do PhD upon it so seekign "judicial seperation" and wording understanding which her lawyer will make her understand will cushion the threats and meanwhile you will be ideating in some offshore country enggaged in higher studies so your both initial purpose are to great extent solved for the time being and then the second woman angle is self solved as per bare reading para 1 reply above. Now if she retaliates with some criminal cases then for that before flying out you need to cushion your family too and for the same go for retainership of a criminal lawyer seperately and for the Civil marriage law case a seasoned advocate on record is best security.
3. You can always file a General Diary Entry (following are not fool proof but atleast something is better than having no such records from a public office as and when she may commit such act!) at a local Police Station with stamped / signed received as “information” stating something similar on lines of; “both spouse donot seems to enjoy cordial marital relations and one spouse is without consent living at her natal home and is on and off creating domestic violence by giving suicide threats for no reason and rhyme. The other spouse after trying his level best to pacify the spouse and after informing number of times to my In Laws of domestic violence especially suicide threats and having fed up with such extreme domestic violence as per legal advise received is filing for divorce by way of a petition in a local Court. If any untoward incidence / repercussion / steps the other spouse takes receiving divorce Notice then I should not be held responsible. This is for information purpose and also to seek help to both spouse by arranging mediation from concerned Police to ensure safety, security and well being of both spouse till a decree from Court is awarded.”

Thank you,  sorry didnt get you "and for the same never ask written forum replies"  what did u mean?

Ok thank you so much for your prompt replies.

I really would want her to accept mutually rather than go into detail about our relationship and make all these allegations against her. Well I know its unavoidable when it goes to court,as according to Indian law there are only limitted options available to file for divorce and incompatibility is a tough one to put thorugh.

where are you based? Also is the alimony decided on how long you been with the wife or your total asset. I have a land in my name which is worth quite a lot of money and can she claim for half of it. I agreed to pay her 25 lacs and pay for her welfare and kid's.

I will seriously consider your general diary entry at a local police station before she receives the divorce.thank u.

1. New Delhi.
2. He he (this is my last reply as I am choosing to conserve bandwiddth on this thread posting). Managing divorce by an Indian husband is all about money honey at the end of the day J
3. The thumb rule is never show keenness as in dying for divorce decree even after petitioning it i.e. by offering money as in your above reply. It never works in adamant metro wife’s cases and the moment her hair start turning grey she herself will open her mouth till that time enjoy competent Courts due process (though unlike American jurisprudence we donot have due process in Indian law but I am using similar words)
4. The court decides on the amount of alimony / maintenance after looking at factors like husband's income and property, the divorced woman's age, income and property and the divorced individual's (child age, needs too thrown into it) financial needs. The court could also look at external factors such as inflation while deciding on the alimony amount. However, it is the applicant / wife (S. 25 HMA) who has to prove h/er spouse's net worth, which, in turn, will decide the amount of alimony / maintenance. The 50% property division is yet not a Law and even if turns into Law, I seriously doubt it could be ever applied 'retrospectively' so reap while it sunshines.

Parting take: Spend time reading similar subject replies and bare minimum India's marrital laws studies instead of toying up on more and more spoon feeding. Reason being it is your case afterall. Some words cannot be replied in open forums as dharma of an advocate, hence, self discover the quote / unquote J

Thanks Taj for your valuable information.