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Srikanth (DUP)     05 January 2012

Pre-divorce suggestion needed. plz help

Hello

I come from a decent family with a traditional christian background wherein the wife lives with her husband and establishes a family with him.  4 years back, I fell in love with an old classmate of mine.  Things went on well.  Her parents are divorced and she grew up in her mother's family with her brother while her mother lived and still lives in UAE for earnings.  Her mother has 2 sisters who live in india and are in close contact with family. Presently, only the girl's grandmother lives at her house as her brother too left to UAE.  During engagement time, there was a discrepancy in which my parents asked for written agreement, which they denied saying it is love that matters and so on. My side of family were badly hurt but to keep the promises alive and to keep the love on for her, I spoke to her famliy who were rude and she too on one side did her part with a condition that we live seperate from my parents from day 1 and finally a year after we married after convincing both families.  Two years passed after marriage now.  During the initial days, due to the sudden expenses and changes requring me to go off work, I began to have financial troubles and that led to a major loan to be paid.  I began to discuss things with her and she too was cooperative type and I was managing it to best i can through the year.  I showed all love to her and took care of her as best as possible except for adequate finance.  All throughout her family was in constant touch with her and most times her granny and her aunts more than her mother and brother.  They used to interfere in matters related to us, which I was a bit casual initially as I felt it because of their attachment.  She became pregnant last year and during her pregnancy she was to be in her home where only her granny lives. She compelled me too to accompany her and I not willingly stayed with her. During the time, I cared for her so much that I even cleaned her vomit at night times and let her sleep. Finally, the day came, I got a son.  The families were happy.  Later she had to stay a month more in her house where again I was to accompany her.  During that time, I got into an argument with one of her 2 aunts.  Though I was right my wife did not support me.  WIth that, I left the house saying I will wait till u come after that 1 month after delivery stuff. During that time, I saw her aunts seemed to be interfering a lot in our matters and always brainwashing her and telling her they are experienced they know life and so on in a way even to control husband.  The baby's control too was all with them.  Before she came home, I had cleant the house to that extent as to breaking my back.  I welcomed my wife and my lovely baby son back home.  Somehow then on, I noticed changes in her.  I did not see the delight of being together. She did not appreciate my cleaning. She looked at it as if it was a servant's obvious job. Nevertheless, I kept quiet.  Recently again her brother from UAE came over. Now, during that time, we had a small argument about feeding the baby, which I said when going out to be prepared to feed by bottle as it might be difficult to breastfeed at all places.  She was reluctant about it and went on talking about it. Words exchanged and I blamed that because her family's inputs she is not listening to me and I lifted a thing to make her quiet when she was going on talking not keeping quiet even if I was. She shouted back at me saying are u trying to throw it on me. I had enough seen with my father and all and called her brother. He seemed to understand the situation but because of her insistence he took her with her to their home. 2 days later with no contacts and I staying alone there without food and upset, she comes back silently, more appropriately just sneaks in.  My family had invited her bro and his wife for lunch that weekend.  Till weekend that was 1 day after she sneaked in, I waited for her to say some manner of words as sorry or anything of regret of her doing, but instead it was very professional words and stiff necked.  I waited patiently through the bro's lunch program.  During return, I dropped her back at her place and said u stay here till ur hearts' desire and then went my home.  While I was leaving she was shouting back at me at high pitch and yelling.  I called the bro and said that am shifting my things to my parent's place and to make his arrangements.  Knowing that I was leaving, she then calls back with a meek voice saying listen we will talk and all, but I was all upset and yelled back at her and made my move.  Her brother then came to settle matters.  Discussion was favorable.  Next day, she and me met.  She talked very professionally and as if well tuted. I had insisted on her to consider me as a father and allow me to do things I love to do to my child too, which she did not speak about. I had talked about she leaving her family and leading a life with me and not telling family matters there, for which she agreed to only not tell family matters but said she will continue to keep contact with her aunts and I not interfere.  The family had given her gold that she gave back to keep in her mom's locker.  I asked her to bring it here to keep with us now that we have a child and that we be aware of our finances and plan well for future; and that has got misrepresented as if am asking for her to bring gold or she not come.  From then on, matters have turned only worse.  My intention is that she brings all her belongings including her gold or anything settling matters with her family and live with me and meet her family only as a guest there. She is doing the opposite by living as a guest here with me and still considering them as her family.  That way, I felt she cannot be able to be responsible enough here for my family.  During the family discussion in front of my parents, her mom and her aunt's husband, she yelled at me and all and was like I dont want to continue.  I got up with that and walked off.  I feel so bad cause all throughout I had done so much for her that I even readied to stay with her far from my parents for her comfort and she has sidelined it all.  They always expect me to come forward again and again and please them and take her back.  I feel her bro and mother only to be sad but her aunts whom I notice to be jealous type to be actually happy within.  It is always her wish and her family's wish to be carried out.  This time I had enough because my future would be under their control.  Hence, most probably we will be going for a divorce.  I always liked to have a child with me.  I am missing being a father to my son and that was the main issue that led to all this.  Now, I would like your suggestoins and guidance to handle the situation at best.  If divorce, what precautions should I take.  Is there any possibility that I can take custody of child as her family has only money but not proper tradition or family set up.  I would love to have him grow here with me.  Please guide me ways to take his custody.  The girl's family take it granted the child is theirs and feel content as if their life is successful with their successor, but in actual he belongs to my family right.  Please.  Thanks in advance.



 3 Replies

MADURAI LAWYER (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     05 January 2012

Dear Sir,

I am very sad about your unhappy married life.Kindly feel free to discuss the matter with me over phone to get proper and detailed legal advice.

S.JEEVAGAN, M.A.,LL.M.,

Advocate & Legal Consultant.

https://www.jeevaganadvocate.com/contact.php

A. A. JOSE (LAWYER; LEGAL ADVISER/CONSULTANT& TRAINER)     05 January 2012

Dear Srikanth,

 

It is really painful to hear your side of the story.  However, you must appreciate that the other side may also have an altogether different story to tell.  Each one of you will consider that  "I am totally right and only because  of the fault of the other side, the present situtation has arisen".   You must understand that unless the element of  unconditional "LOVE"  and  'GIVE & TAKE" attitude is  always present, it is difficult to carry one with any relationship.   You may better ponder over the college days during which how you both nursed and enriched your love relationship and find out as to what went wrong  after the marriage.  


Now that the Almighty God has blessed you with beautiful  baby son, you must be grateful to God for the same and  be be prepared to go to any extent to save your married life for the sake of your son and your peaceful married life, instead of thinking of breaking such pious relationship and making your innocent child a permanent victim of  the immaturity of both of you.   I feel that instead of "pre-divoice suggestion", you must seek  "post-marriage" counselling from some spiritual leaders as to how to save your marriage life and lead a strong  and happy family.

Happy New Year and Best wishes for an early family re-union.

1 Like

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     18 January 2012

It is either cohabitation or mutual consented divorce.

 

Just use an effective lawyer to draft MCD.

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com


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