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pashyanti (legal manager)     12 April 2012

Need advice urgently

Dear Experst,

Pls. give me a suitable advice in respect of the following matter.

One of my friend had a love marriage approx. 3 years ago. No issue till the date. Her husband ill treat her i.e. he use abusing words and also beat my friend (3 times till now)from money issues. Both are well eduacted and also well settled and self earned. Hw got very upset when he had no money and start to blame my friend. Her both the houses i.e. her mother & father & also her in laws are supported their marriage. 

She could not leave his husband as his father & father in law have passed through major by pass surgeries. She lives with her husband only beacuse of this reason, else she doesn't want to live with husband. After some time, her husband said sorry and felt guilty only for some time but after some days, the same things are happen.

Pls. give me an advice that what steps/action should be follwed by my friend to live her life.

Pls. suggest a proper advice, as she suffered through a major frustation/depression stage due to all this.

I suggest her to take the divorce, but she can't leave her husband beacuse of his & her family members.

I felt very bad that still in our country a woman can't able to live her life smoothly.






 18 Replies

Adv.R.P.Chugh (Advocate/Legal Consultant (     12 April 2012

Dear Colleague at the Bar, 


She needs to take a call herself. Depending on the way she goes - there are end number of rights that women have in the country and can exercise. If she refuses to help herself nobody can help her. 

pashyanti (legal manager)     12 April 2012

Thanks sir for your quick reply.

Could you pls. suggest some of the rights that she can use?

Waiting for your reply.



amit kumar singh (HIGH COURT)     12 April 2012

it is for the lady to decide whether the situation has arisen where she can not continue any longer..........divorce is a situation when things have gone irretrieviably wrong.........lawyers come in picture only after the lady decides that she had it enough..not before that..a lawyer is to assist her in obtaining is not ethical for a lawyer to dwell upon these personal decisions of the lady.

pashyanti (legal manager)     13 April 2012

Thanks sir for your reply. It means only she can decide waht to do.

vijay sahni (LAW PROFESSIONAL )     13 April 2012

Dear Pashyanti, you are her best friend. You have suggest her to take the divorce, but she refused becasue she can't leave her husband  & her family members. What I feel is, your friend is still attached to the family members and is very emotional towards her relationship. Under such circumstances.. please ask her ..if the father in-law passes away what she will do? Will the attachment still continue or she will then go by your advice of taking divorce.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     13 April 2012

"paani jab sar se upar chad jaye" tab hi divorce.  There is a lot of scope between them to resume their harmonious matrimonial relationship.  He does fault and later on seeks apology, but repeats the same behaviour.  This attitude can be cured by psychological treatment.  At this point, he requires the assistance of the psychologist and not advocate.

randomethic (Professional)     13 April 2012

Hello Pashyanti,

I understand and appreciate your well-meaning concern for your friend. At this time, the best thing you can do for her is offer her your unconditional love and support. With time, she might realize that her husband's behavior is affecting her negatively and choose to leave or she may not.

She cannot control his desire to get psychological help and she cannot force him to do so. But at the same time, you must understand that his apologising over and over again gives her hope that her marriage can be saved and she is clinging to it because like you say, she is attached to her husband and the extended family and no-one really gets married with the intention of being physically abused or getting a divorce.

I am also concerned for your friend's safety because living with someone who is physically violent is not a very safe situation to be in. So while I am advising you to let her take her own time in deciding when she wants to leave (if she does, she needs to take that decision herself, without influence or pressure from anyone). At the same time, if you can ask her to keep a phone with some emergency numbers with her at all times, save some money and keep it aside for herself and keep an emergency bag ready to leave should things reach a point where she is afraid of being hurt.

She doesn't have to do this with the point of view that she is deciding to leave, but as a safety measure for herself. God bless your friend and give her the courage to do the right thing.

pashyanti (legal manager)     13 April 2012

Dear experts,

Thanks for your valuable replies. It really very supporting me.With all your blessings & support she can start her life newly with a positive hope again.

Thanks & Regards


Deepak Nair (lawyer)     13 April 2012

As advised above, it is your friend who needs to take a call.

Please understand that tolerating the wrongs on one person is a more serious wrong. She needs to react to the ill treating.

It is better to involve the senior members of the family to solve the issue.

pashyanti (legal manager)     13 April 2012

But sir she can't invlove the senior memebrs of his & her both of them family members, as her husband can blame on her if his father has faced any physical problems due to her. However, she also can't take the chance for the same. Yesterday her husband felt apologies for his action and also said that he will not repeat the mistakes that made by him in the past. But after some days, he reapet all the things. My friend is told me that she can't forget the things whcih she feel in the past.

Pls. suggest me waht advise shall I give to her.



MohammedRaffiq Bijapur (Advocate)     13 April 2012

Hai Pashyanti, Ur concen towards ur friend is good. "time will cure the wound" I think both ur friend and her husband need counseling to sought out their differences.

MohammedRaffiq Bijapur (Advocate)     13 April 2012

Hai Pashyanti, Ur concen towards ur friend is good. "time will cure the wound" I think both ur friend and her husband need counseling to sought out their differences.

Kumar (Family CEO)     13 April 2012


1. Please try to read what you have stated and decide for yourself - if you should continue this fake trail.

"...Yesterday her husband felt apologies for his action and also said that he will not repeat the mistakes that made by him in the past. But after some days, he reapet all the things..."

2. If yesterday ( 13 April 2012 ), your friends husband apologized to your friend and we assume your friend gave you the same day update, then,  how could you have gone into the future for your friend. The second highlighted phrase " but after some days.....". From yesterday to today, not even a day has passed. 

You have ulterior motives. You are phishing for ammunition for yourself - some innocent man is going to fall into a legal trap, very soon. 

3. My sincere advice to you sister is to handle matters with love, mutual respect. There is no perfect family, no perfect women, no perfect man. Use womenly traits and bring love and peace in the environment. Take care of your health, beauty,stay clean, keep the house clean, involve your husband in the day to day activities, open communication with all, be social with relatives, neighbors, follow the simple religious beliefs of your own or your husbands family - show you are fair to all parties and try to win the respect and there will be no need for you to fear for your safety or make rounds of court. 

Next time, dont lie - be transparent.

Deepak Nair (lawyer)     14 April 2012

If this incident is true at all, then your friend can be seved by herlsef only. If she is not ready to react and tolerating all those, then it means she is willingly siffering and does not want to come out. In such a situation, nobody can save her.

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