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Himanshu   21 May 2017

My wife is very fighting nature, not lives with my parents

My wife is very much fighting nature. Egoistic and have govt job Teacher. I m Pvt. College teacher. She dominates me. Her family is richer than me and they treats like poor to me and my family. They dont respect me and my family. My wife become arrogant when my father, sister or brother come to live with us. My father generally lives with my brothet but I want to keep father with me, but my wife doesn't likes my father. Father is medically unfit. How can I keep father with me . I want to do service of my fatjer before his death. Otherwise I I'll have pressure on my heart that I couldn't service my father at last stage...pls give solution..... Thank-you


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 22 Replies

Ms.Usha Kapoor (CEO)     21 May 2017

You try to convince her to your level best. If you astill want your wife after her refusal compromiae on your father living with you. If not go for MCD.

r. ram babu b.com (proprietor)     21 May 2017

Agreed with " You did wrong by marrying someone who is of higgher cadre and quality.  Your marriage was to wrong family.  Females wont adjust easily in this age. "devil

 

laxmi kant joshi (instructor)     21 May 2017

Talk to your wife and find out the amicable solution still if she didn't want to understand then strictly told him you will keep your father with you if she didn't want then you are ready for divorce , if she too ready then go for mcd otherwise you can himself file contested divorce on the ground of cruelty under section 13(1)(i-a) of Hindu marriage act .

Martin Sooji (Advocate)     21 May 2017

Originally posted by : Himanshu
My wife is very much fighting nature. Egoistic and have govt job Teacher. I m Pvt. College teacher. She dominates me. Her family is richer than me and they treats like poor to me and my family. They dont respect me and my family. My wife become arrogant when my father, sister or brother come to live with us. My father generally lives with my brothet but I want to keep father with me, but my wife doesn't likes my father. Father is medically unfit. How can I keep father with me . I want to do service of my fatjer before his death. Otherwise I I'll have pressure on my heart that I couldn't service my father at last stage...pls give solution..... Thank-you

According to the Holy Koran,

 

A woman can turn the home into a lofty paradise or a burning hell. She can lead her husband to the peak of success or the dregs of misfortune. The woman with the qualities bestowed on her by Allah, who is aware of her role as a spouse, can elevate her husband to a respected man even if he had been the lowest of all men.

 

The desire for respect is an inherent one, but not everyone is willing to give it readily. Your husband is in contact with many people during the day while away from home. Some may be impolite and insulting him which eventually can upset the person. As his wife, he expects you to show respect and encouragement at home and thereby boost his trampled ego.

 

To honor and respect your husband does not belittle you, but it provides energy and inclination to struggle to make a better life. You should always greet him, and with your greeting, give him a feeling of veneration. Do not interrupt him when he is talking. Be courteous and polite when you are talking to him and do not shout at him. Let him enter first when both of you are going to a meeting.

 

Praise him in front of others. Ask your children to respect him and reprimand them if they are discourteous towards him. Be respectful of him in front of guests and be attentive to his needs, as well as the guests. When he is knocking at the door you should try to open the door with a smile and a happy expression. This small act of happiness has such an effect that it refreshes the man's tired spirits. Some women may think that such behaviour is strange. Imagine greeting your husband as if he was a guest. This is not the correct attitude because the man has been struggling all the day for the well-being of his family and he deserves some consideration and respect when he returns home. That first greeting makes a big impression and what's good for a guest is good for the family members.

 

Rights & Duties

Mutual Rights and Obligations:

Marriage is a union for life having mutually inclusive benefits and fulfillment for the contracting parties including the following:

# Preservation of chastity and security of gaze

# Companionship inside and outside home

# Emotional and s*xual gratification

# Procreation and raising of any children by mutual consultation

# Agreement to live together in a mutually agreed country and establish their matrimonial home therein

# Working collectively towards the socio-economic welfare and stability of the family

# Maintaining their individual property rights but contributing to the welfare of the family according to their capacity

# Maintaining social contacts with family and friends mutually beneficial for the family

# Managing their individual activities/roles inside and outside the home by mutual consultation

 

Obligations of the husband:

In addition to the mutual duties and obligations, the husband undertakes not to:

# abuse his wife/child(ren) verbally, emotionally, physically, or s*xually

# desert/be absent from the marital home for more than 60 days unless by mutual agreement

# withhold economic contribution towards his wife/family

# s*xually transmit disease or other transmissible diseases

# misuse /interfere with the wife’s property

 

Obligations of the Wife:

In addition to the mutual duties and obligations the wife undertakes not to:

# abuse her husband/child(ren) verbally, emotionally, physically, or s*xually

# desert/be absent from the marital home for more than 60 days unless by mutual agreement

# s*xually transmit disease or other transmissible diseases

# misuse/interfere with the husband’s property

 

As per Hindu Dharma,

Duties of Wife and Husband

 

Duties of wife

 

(1) Atharvaveda mantra 1/14/1 – A good wife should establish herself permanently in her husband’s house just as mountain firmly establishes itself on ground. If the wife is not learned and does not deal with the family problems etc., faithfully, gently and happily than Atharvaveda mantra 2/14/5 states that she can be divorced and vice-versa.

 

(2) Atharvaveda mantra 3/25/1- Wife should long to be in company of her husband.

 

(3) Atharvaveda mantra 3/25/5- wife should be attracted towards the loving attitude of her husband and should always remain sincere to her husband.

 

(4) Atharvaveda mantra 3/25/6 – wife should discover so much love and affection in her husband’s house that she should not remember her parent’s house at all.

 

(5) Atharvaveda mantra 3/30/2 – wife should conduct herself sweetly towards her husband.

 

(6) Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/1 – main qualities of wife:

 

(a) Should have conquered sensuality (b) hardworking (c) possessing best behaviour (d) striving to maintain home in best way.

 

(7) Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/2 -

 

(a) Preserves and increases husband’s money

 

(b) Spends portion of husband’s earnings on Yajyen.

 

(c) She is always working hard.

 

(8) Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/3-

 

(a) she does all household jobs with zeal and enthusiasm.

 

(b) Elevates the house in a very mature way.

 

(c) ensures that there is no shortage of milk and milk products in the house.

 

(d) conserves the household earnings.

 

(9) Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/4-

 

(a) she remains happy

 

(b) does not get effected by sorrows and anger

 

(c) makes every one happy with her good behaviour.

 

(10) Atharvaveda mantra 4/38/5-

 

(a) toils hard from sunrise to sunset.

 

(b) does her work in the light of sun and does not confine herself to dark rooms devoid of sunlight.

 

(11) Atharvaveda mantra 6/8/1 – wife should be dependent on husband just as a creeper completely depends on the tree.

 

(12) Atharvaveda mantra 6/8/3 -wife should never even think about separating from her husband.

 

13) Atharvaveda mantra 7/47/2- wife should remain healthy, possess expertise in household jobs, should be God fearing and remember God’s name and possessing divine qualities.

 

 

 

Duties of husband

 

(1) Atharvaveda mantra 1/34/5 - the sweet and loving behaviour of husband should make the wife to inculcate love and affection towards him.

 

(2) Atharvaveda mantra 2/30/4 - husband should not hide anything from the wife. In this way he shall win over her heart.

 

(3) Atharvaveda mantra 5/25/6- he should lead a disciplined, pious life.

 

(4) Atharvaveda mantra 6/9/2 - husband should try to win over his wife with his love.

 

(5) Atharvaveda mantra 6/81/1 - husband should lead a disciplined life and should be capable of earning money to sustain his married life.

 

(6) Atharvaveda mantra 6/89/1 - husband should respect his wife and consider his duty to protect the honour of his life.

 

 

 

Common duties

 

1). Husband and wife should share everything in common. This sharing leads to their long life- Atharvaveda mantra 2/30/2

 

2). Atharvaveda mantra 6/11/1- wife should possess serene/calm nature and husband should be hard working, possessing strong body. This leads to generation of brave children.

 

3). Atharvaveda mantra 6/42/1- husband and wife should be completely devoid of anger and should work together to accomplish house hold tasks.

 

4). Atharvaveda mantra 6/89/2- there should be perfect compatibility between husband and wife.

 

5). Atharvaveda mantra 6/36/1- husband –wife should loving gaze at each other and their faces should reflect happiness.

 

6). Atharvaveda mantra 7/37/1- husband should never think about females other than his wives and wife should dress up decently and sensibly covering all body parts.

 

7). Atharvaveda mantra 7/38/1 - wife should firmly hold that she shall never be away from her husband’s house and this firm conviction prevent the husband from being attracted towards other females.

 

 

As per the Chrisitans Bible,

 

Role of the Wife in the Bible

Role of the Wife in the Bible - God's Plan for the Wife

The role of the wife is clearly described in the Bible. Although males and females are equal in relationship to Christ, the Bible gives specific roles to both the husband and the wife in marriage.

 

As wives, we are given these roles, among others:

 

Mentors - Titus 2:4-5 says, "Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

 

Witnesses - 1 Peter 3:1 says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives."

 

Examples - 1 Timothy 3:11 says, "In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything."

Role of the Wife in the Bible – The Design Order of the Family Unit

When studying the role of the wife in the Bible, it is important to understand how God designed the family unit. There are ranks described—Christ, the husband, the wife, and then the children. You would not expect to walk into a doctor's office and be greeted by the doctor, measured and weighed by the receptionist, and then treated by the nurse. Right? There are certain orders to things because that's what works. It's the same way with God's design in the family unit. It works smoothly, when done His way.

 

God designed the husband as the leader of the home (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23). The Bible describes this leadership as loving—not dictatorial, condescending, or patronizing of his wife or children. In fact, a husband’s leadership is compared to Jesus’ love for the church. This love is one of mercy, forgiveness, compassion, and selflessness. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:25-26).

 

Ephesians 5 also speaks of the wife’s role in the marriage. Ephesians 5:22-24 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

 

Colossians 3:18-19 reiterates this concept. It says, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” From these verses we see that love and respect characterize the roles of both husbands and wives. If these are present, then authority, headship, love, and submission will be no problem for either spouse.

 

 

 

Beth, a wife, explains it this way,

 

“The role we have as wives is that of encouraging and helping our husbands. When we try to make it any more, or any less, that's when we run into trouble. My mom used to teach a young married couples class, and I will never forget her most ‘valuable nugget’ of truth. She always told them that the husband is the head of the home, and the wife is the neck. The neck supports the head, and helps the head to fulfill its duties.”

Role of the Wife in the Bible – The Wife of Noble Character

Proverbs 31 also speaks of the role of the wife in the Bible. We learn of her worth to her husband and family, how she cares for those who need her, how she provides for her family, protects them, and shares her strength with others. She fulfills her responsibilities with grace and strength. We also learn that a wife is a blessing to her husband. She is worth more than rubies! Wives can follow her example by living in the wisdom of God.

 

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate” (Proverbs 31:10-31).

 

But sadly neither the Special Marriage Act or the Hindu Marriage Act does not define duties of wife.

 

I agree with above advice given by fellow advocate.

 

You need to see which family you are joining hands with.  One who has more earning capacity than you, how will she do duty of waiter and cleaner in hotel?  Marriage is all about adjustment.  If one adjust, all will be fine.

You should have spoke to girl and put all your conditions before marriage itself.  Only then you should have married.  You want Aayah for your dad, govt lecturer wont do all that, even if they do they will do for their parents and not for your parents.

 

Now you can adjust with your wife or simply file for divorce.

Ranbir singh   21 May 2017

Hi Your parents have a right to be staying in your /their ancestral home and can complain of misbehavior from your wife or her relatives. The main point here is , no one can help you more than you ,yourself! You will have to be strong enough to confront your wife and her relatives and let them know that you are going to serve your parents no matter what . You can then come to terms with her on whether she still wants to stay in the marriage and in the same house or stay in the marriage but in a separate house or get divorced and break all relations and bonds ! In any case , you can take legal help for your old aged parents from some NGO(I had read about some ruling being passed from the supreme Court for old parents will and taking care of them) and either make your wife understand through their councellling.

Rama chary Rachakonda (Secunderabad/Highcourt practice watsapp no.9989324294 )     21 May 2017

Please tell your wife about new enacted by parliament about parents & senior citizen welfare act. According to this act, Abandoning a senior citizen or parents in any place by a person who is having the care or protection of such senior citizen/parents is a criminal offence and such person shall be punishable with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three months or fine which may extend to five thousand rupees or both.

2 Like

Kumar Doab (FIN)     21 May 2017

1st try and if required involve elders of the family, well wishers to bring compasion,care, mutual understanding in your reltations.

This is possible.

Don't let the convictions and contentions take over and block the possibilities to repair the relations.

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     21 May 2017

Private job is NO less dignified than govt .job.

Try to rise in your career and add skill, qualifications also.

It is possible.

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     21 May 2017

The son does not need his wife’s permission to keep his parent(s) with him.

Wife can not force her husband to send his parent(s) away/out.

Son can divorce wife if she tries to separate him from aged parents………………………

and provide shelter  to them.

This has already been decided by Apex Court; Supreme Court of India.

However, you shall always need irrefutable evidence to esatablish your averments, allegations.

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     21 May 2017

It is reiterated that, first try your level best to resolve your matters by your skills, efforts and help of elders,well wishers, and save the marriage.

 

A walk alone (-)     21 May 2017

It's your home do whatever you want. You can live with your father in your home. Go and bring your father at your home. Its your duty as a son. Let your wife do whatever she want. Have some self respect. A Pvt teacher can also earn money by taking tuitions .

r. ram babu b.com (proprietor)     21 May 2017

Sir, 

your problem has to be solved from 'other than legal ' remedy i.e social remedy.

To suggest any social remedy - in general  ladies who measure their blessedness from the point of view of their wealth do not care anybody. ( female members in the forum may not agree. BUT...)  

Secondly ladies when they are in govt. jobs repect very little (unless they are in need of their service / support) 

Further her family background - wealthy and also about her parents? are they also govt. job holders 9or retired )

* In both cases they are incorrigible.  When all these are present in her, she in general not just in your case, do not try to change her. This will spoil your relationship also . As a result you will not have mental peace in your lifetime.

*  to test whether she is born and well supported egoist observe in social functions - whether she becomes part of others present in the occassion OR want to her superiority in some way or the other.

............Depending on your understand you can come to the conclusion whether her mindset  can be changed Or not...

* If at all u feel that her attitude can be changed. By now you may be knowing on whom she is dependent for any advise (apart from you). Through that person you can try to convince her by telling the importance of taking care of elders.

If this is not possible YOU change YOURself mentally and prepare for alternatives - take advise of your friends.

(I strongly feel through legal measures / attitude of a LAWyer you can't get your problem solved )..  

 

1 Like

Kumar Doab (FIN)     22 May 2017

Son can divorce wife if she tries to separate him from aged parents……………………… and provide shelter  to them.

 

REPORTABLE

IN THE SUPREME COURT OF INDIA

CIVIL APPELLATE JURISDICTION

CIVIL APPEAL NO.3253 OF 2008

NARENDRA … APPELLANT

VERSUS

K. MEENA … RESPONDENT

 

https://judis.nic.in/supremecourt/imgs1.aspx?filename=44123


Attached File : 60926 20170522150530 289708897 imgs1.pdf downloaded: 51 times

Kumar Doab (FIN)     22 May 2017

Agreeing with Mr. Rama chary Rachakonda.

The Maintenance & Welfare of Parents & Senior Citizens Act, 2007 
provides speedy (decision by say;10days) and inexpensive remedy.

The matters covered by this enactment may be preferred to be agitated under this enactment.

The applicant may also go thru the Rules framed by the respective state under this enactment e.g; Delhi…..

 


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