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s.g. (Educator)     10 November 2014

Marrying a divorced woman

I am a 29 y.o. guy from Calcutta, in relationship with a 31 y.o divorced woman for 2.5 years. We both are currently well employed in our respective field, and aren't financially dependent on any members of our respective family.

My girlfriend was in a very abusive relationship earlier, which was marked by constant physical torture. Unable to bear the burnt of it every-day post marriage, she decided to call off the relationship.I respect this decision of hers, her past and intend to go ahead and marry her.

But my mother who happens to be a Doctor and has herself suffered abuse at the hands of my father [which later culminated in a bitter divorce which my father took], is DEAD AGAINST this decision. She is 59 y.o. now and though I take care of her in every possible way both financially and emotionally, she has not been lending an ear to any sane advice as of now. She feels Divorce is a Sin and who soever woman takes a divorce from her husband lacks character and integrity . She is of the opinion that if there is a abusive relationship between husband and wife....the wife should protest but not leave her husband. She compares husband - wife to brother - sister, and says that "why brothers and sisters don't take a legal separation even if the brother beats the sister "sometimes"".  She feels that, the girl is not "FRESH" and is a "2nd hand" entity so should not marry a "1st hand" boy. I have tried to quell any fears she has of me, separating from her after marriage or in future in many ways, but nothing seems to work. She has been very abusive [verbally] in context to the girl, and when I protest she gets very agitated and abuses her even more.

Nevertheless, I have decided to go ahead with the marriage, since I believe this life choice is entirely my right. But my mom, from her contacts has come to know of the girl's parent's whereabouts and has been constantly threatening me that, she will go to their place abuse them in-front of other people, will use any physical force against them, if I don't leave that PROSTITUTE [that what she calls my girl-friend these days]. She has even threatened me that she'll burn my girl-friend's face or stab her to death, even if it takes her to jail.
I have been going through this abuse at the hands of my mother, and despite my requests no one is trying to talk her out of this. Most of the people are encouraging her to go ahead and "save her son".

I am very tensed  thinking of what would happen if she goes ahead and abuses the girl's parents, they are in their mid 60's and are very timid people & as far as I know they would not be able to defend themselves verbally or physically. I am more scared of their safety, I cant make them leave their house and go in hiding because I don't want them to suffer like nomads for any decision of mine. And I can't leave that girl because that would be ethically and morally incorrect. 

So what can I do no to mitigate this issue which has ruined my peace.
Please help !!


 12 Replies

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     10 November 2014

Everything depends that what your girl friend says - Is she ready to face another abusive relationship this time from MIL?

s.g. (Educator)     10 November 2014

She respects her, and she is fine with the fact that she might be told many things by my mom, and she is ready to LISTEN to that. But she and I, both are more concerned about her parents. I am more concerned regarding my girlfriend's safety than she is for herself. She says she is capable to fend for "herself", but now her parents have become the leverage.

K. P. Boda (Lawyer/Educationist)     10 November 2014

If you are serious about the girl, nothing should stop you from marrying her.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     10 November 2014

your mother can't do anything against her parents.  A simple temporary injunction order stops your mother in her tracks. If she violates the order and barges into their house, she will be put behind the bars.  That is not the main concern.  Even though your girl friend is o.k. with the situation, it is not so.  A vindictive, half insane old woman throws acid in the dead of night on her DIL or go further and perpetrate cool blooded murder, which is piece of cake for a medical doctor, can't your girl friend and you  anticipate such contingencies.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     10 November 2014

After marriage you both want to stay away from your mother separately, then go ahead, but also take precautions for your and your in-laws' physical safety.


Listen to your mother.  She is very much correct.  I have seen a lot of cases like yours.

DIvorced women in short will not be proper in their upstairs.

They can work, they can earn money, but deep down inside, its screwed.

You need to be screwed up at the same level to marry a divorcee woman.  ie to say, you can handle a divorcee only if you are one.   Both will be rejected material and that will be a common ground for adjusting with each other. ie they would have already burnt their fingers, now its easy for them to adjust with each other.

If you are so much blindly in love with this woman, then nobody can save you.  You are heading towards catastrophe.

Either stop being a MAMMA'S BOY or go ahead and fall into pit [marry this woman].  All the best.


If this reply does not appear to be eye or ear pleasing to you, then you may wait for some more replies on the topic.


But sincerely, I advice you not to marry such woman irrespective of the number of years you had had se x with her.

yogendra (engineer)     10 November 2014

Dear S.G. Bhai,don't marry to that girl.If you will marry.Next time you will come here with another ID to get answer of question..How to get divorce....Listen to your mom.

vicky (manager)     11 November 2014

Hello friend,

Your message reminds me my life exactly I was flown like this in my life and made a biggest mistake of marrying a divorcee against my parents wish.In return what I get, my both kids are snatched by this so called lady.I am facing fake 498a, 406,crpc 125 and domestic violence from a women to whom I got married as I thought divorcee should not deprived like this and one should give them another chance.i know my advice doesnot matter you anything as if you are not listening to your mother then who the hell I am. As love is blind and deaf so carry on what ever you want to do. I just wanted to share my experience. in case you got married please immune yourself from fake cases else you would be in this forum for remedies. One request: although all women are not same so may be your belover is good one but but but please don't make any hurry getting kids atleast live with you belover for 2 years then try any possibility of child.if things fall apart childrens are the only looser. 

JAYESH (Sr. Executive HR.)     11 November 2014

Ur beloved GF had taken divorce already that means she know all the laws & tricks for fighting case. so that can b a big problem for U if ur so called marriage not works. also after marriage she can refuse to listen to ur mother as ur mother is going to say so many things to her and then ur so called GF / wife will tell u to go against ur mother. also ur mother is alone so think about her as she had given u birth... bro just listen ur mom... few moments of love can't make ur life good... but listening for one moment to ur mom can make ur life better as this is not the only one girl for u... Jai Hind...

SuperHero (Manager)     13 November 2014

Pray to God and follow your Heart. Wish you Good Luck.

anilcochin (Proprietor)     14 November 2014

If you believe that your mother brought you up well. Knew what were u r likes & dislikes. Took good care of you. Then Listen to her.

But if it is vice versa. Then do as you wish.

SuperHero (Manager)     18 November 2014

I have a question - How do you know she has been abused in her First marriage.

Suggestion - Spend some money on a detective services and find out the root cause of her 1st Marriage failure. Sometimes 

May be have a Prenupital agreement. Good luck!!!

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