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Meena (Retired)     08 October 2011

How to proceed with divorce

I married my husband in a civil ceremony in Mumbai in 1991. My husband and myself lived and worked in Dubai since then. Since October 2008, I have come across a lot of material proving that he is having an affair with a 24 year old Filipino girl who lives in the Phillipines and who he met online. I forgave him in 2008 as he begged pardon for straying and told me that he would never repeat it again. However once a cheater always a cheater as the saying goes, i stumbled on some document in June of 2010 where in he had invited this same girl to join him on his vacation in Kerala that year. When I asked him for an explanation, he was dumbfounded as he knew that this was it  between him and me as I had told him  in 2008 that I would walk out if he ever repeated the same. We had a very good marriage, no problems, no squabbles, we travelled together and our 20 year marriage was generally  very peaceful. In June of 2010 as I had promised him, I packed my bags, bid him goodbye and left the house and returned to India. He sent me emails stating that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that I am a very good soul and it is an addiction he has which he needs to get to the root of it and kill the evil after which he will return to me as he is well aware of where I will be. In October of 2010, I sent him an email requesting him to take care of himself, as I still care for him,  (20 years is a long time to be together as you will understand) and that he is always welcome at anytime if he changes. However I have not heard from him since.

I would now like to proceed with applying for a Divorce. I do not wish him to pay for me or for my upkeep as  I want him to be happy with whoever he wants to be with, as I still care for him. We do have two girls who are both working and well settled in life and they too are not interested in any of his money. I just need to file my divorce papers and send it to his office in Dubai and I know when he receives them he will endorse the same without hesitation as I have already mentioned to him  my intentions. I need to get the Divorce papers through in order to get free from all legal attachments that me or my kids might have with him. Thank God that during my working period in Dubai I bought my own house in India.

Appreciate your guidance on how can I proceed with the Divorce formalities.

Thanks



Learning

 13 Replies


(Guest)

Meena,

 

We all have seen divorces in films where one party sends divorce papers, other party receives it, signs it and  ....Wohoo divorce is done.

 

Unfortunately in India, such divorce happens in films only.

 

In reality there are broadly two types of divorce - mutual consent and  by fault ( mistake)

 

For mutual consent, you both (husband and wife) have to appear twice before the judge - these two are called two motions and are six months apart. In both of these motions you both have to say that you want mutual consent divorce. You will submit papers which will spell terms and conditions of the divorce. As you can see there is grounds work to be done before you can move to court and get divorce on this ground.

 

Second kind of divorce is by fault divorce, where you plea to the court that the other party has committed unacceptable things in marriage- unacceptable things are cruelty, adultery, desertion etc.  The other party will get  a chance to defend it. If you are able to prove it you will get divorce.

 

So from the two  ways of getting  divorce discussed above you decide which is workable and act accordingly.

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     09 October 2011

Aptly replied.

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

Pradeep Kumar (Lawyer)     13 October 2011

Please contact us at through www.pradlaw.com/9871765000.In your case the documentation of Divorce Papers shall play a pivotal role.We can prepare the divorce papers and seek his presence to complete the proceedings.If he agrees on the terms and conditions and adheres and abide by the  divorce papers then the process will take just six months.

 

Thanks

Pradeep Kumar

Advocate

9871765000

Meena (Retired)     15 October 2011

Hi Pradeep,

 

Thank you for your respnse. Would like to know if you are based in Mumbai. Also please tell me what would be my cost factor for getting through this divorce.

 

Thanks

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     15 October 2011

Why do you want a divorce Madam?  If you are not interested to remarry there is no need for you to apply for divorce.  Don't clear the lines for him to enjoy his life with some other person by applying for divorce.  Let him come to you begging seeking divorce if he wants.  May be you want to show him how much it hurt you by sending divorce papers.  But again it is dependence on him to share something with him...even if it is hurt.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     15 October 2011

My advice is leave the relationship as it is and check for his responses.  If you give divorce to him, he will claim in society, my wife has given divorce to me so I am having relationship with this woman.  If he comes himself seeking divorce from you because he wants to marry philipino girl, then he will become villain in the eyes of society.  Let him come first and prove that he is a villain. Or the other possibility is he may truly repent and come back to you.  Then also you can have something to score on him. While trying to live independently keep checking for what he does in life with you.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     15 October 2011

The best form of punishment for bad people is the rejection by a good human being....it is more powerful than the punishment given by court.  You have already given it to him.

Meena (Retired)     15 October 2011

Thank you Chandresekhar for your genuine advice. Honestly if you ask me I believe in the saying "If you really love somebody let them go" and I am at peace with my decision. I  sincerely wish him well as I treasure the 20 years of my life that I shared with him. As you rightly said and as a lot of my friends who know him too have told me that someday when the lust dwindles he will return. I can wait for that day only to ask him if I would have done what he did to me would he have taken me back.

Divorce is not my way to showing him how much I hurt, it is just a form of liberating him to do what he is happy doing. I know of a number of cases in the Gulf where young Filipino girls have taken Indian men away from their wives and once the man is drained off his finances, the filipino girls just go along and find another man. Its a shame that our Indian men allow themselves to be caught in their trap. My man used to always tell me that the Filipino girls are just suckers and how he hated them, but what happened to him then and he called it an addiction.

It is my honest belief that in life we all make choices  and all choices come with consequences. I gave him an opportunity once when he begged saying that he wandered but this time again it is a choice that he has made and he has to bear the consequences. As for me I have and still  care for him unconditionally and  if I ever leave this earth one day I have asked my children to cremate me and send my ashes across to where ever he is. That then is my way to showing him how hurt I was.

When a happy marriage breaks for no fault of  the injured partner, the pain lingers and the hurt never ever goes away. But life has to go on and one has to move on. I am a mature woman, who had a very successful career and I thank God that I never in my 20 years of marriage had to depend even for one single day on his finances.

I believe that marriage is for keeps. But if it takes this kind of a turn I only need my closure therefore I  wanted advice on how to proceed with divorce. I do not wish to wash our dirty laundry in the court of law, I just want a court document stating that we have nothing to do with each other and legally we are no more man and wife. This will help me writing off all my assets to my kids and also ensure that he does not get any part of it.  Me and the kids do not want  part of his assets. He can do what he wants to do with his assets.

Finally I believe in KARMA, what goes around comes around. I have left  him hin God's hands as HE knows best.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     17 October 2011

You are a wonderful person.  God bless you in all your endeavors and give you peace of mind.

1 Like

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     17 October 2011

The legal point you touched upon is correct.  Suppose he becomes a pauper because of that woman and comes back to file for compensation because you are earning member, it will be a problem for you.  Hence divorce is needed now when he is in a position to sustain himself. 

Meena (Retired)     17 October 2011

Thank you Chandreshekar, I do not derserve the compliment you gave me but I am honoured. Life is too short and forgiving the person who harms me is best for my soul. I must tell you  though here that when I was leaving the house  with my baggage, which came as a surprise to him, he too did tell me that I am a good soul. Those words from him touched me deeply.

Meena (Retired)     17 October 2011

Hi Chandresekhar, I am no more an earning member even though I do have my business licence and visa on  till date. He has too big an EGO to lower himself and demand compensation from me. He told me that he does not know why he does what he does even though he knows that it hurts and it is not ethical. As for me I feel that he has an excellent  human brain and his thinking and imagining is spot -on when he carries out his specialized duties as an Engineer. My last words to him were that I am grateful to him for giving me 20 good years of his life which I will treasure with all my heart and that the hurt and pain would have eased if he would have physically hit me however the place where he hit me i.e. my heart, will carry this hurt and pain for a long long time to come.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     18 October 2011

Very sad the person who commented that you are good soul, did not realize the importance of a good soul.  Like our body needs a shelter, our soul too needs a good shelter both while living and after death. Otherwise it will keep wandering and find the body of an animal or a hell like person on death.  Like a good house provides social security to us, a good soul provides spiritual security to us.

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