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Sushma Sharma (NA)     03 December 2009

Domestic Violence

Hi,

I am a working Hindu woman of 30 yrs, married for nearly 5 yrs . My hubby is 35 yrs old. We faced a lot of problems since our marriage day bcoz of his greedy mother. My hubby is too much influenced by his mother as she has taken care of him and his brother since childhood as his father was posted in army and was away. My hubby is a total mama's boy.
Due to his mother's interference our relationship has suffered a lot. His mother has done everything she can do to destroy our marriage.

Regarding my hubby's family, his parents are staying in the native town and both r working and earning quite good. My brother-in-law (hubby's younger brother) is married and is having 2 kids. He is working in Gujrat and has left his wife and kids at his parents' place.

As we both r working my MIL wants tht we send a lot of money to them as my BIL's family is staying with her.She wants total control on our money and also on me.She had created so much of tension between me and my hubby tht my hubby even dint want a kid.
We had a lot of fight due to this and also due to his mother's unnecesseary demands of money.

My hubby was initially caring and lovable husband. But slowly he started controlling me (he ll decide wht I shud wear, wht I shud eat, how we shud spend our money) fighting with me on unnecesaary issues.Last year I found that my hubby has started sending lot of money to his mother without my knowledge. We fought a lot becoz of this and I decided not to share my salary with him. He started demanding portion of my salary and was abusing me verbally for this often.

After all these I thought may be having a kid will fix all the issues in our relationships. This year I got pregnant but things got worse. My parents are also staying in the same city. My hubby started fighting with me when I visited my parents. He didnt take any care of me. Fearing of miscarriage due to all the fights and mental stress I moved to stay with my parents. After tht when my hubby went to his parents place, we came to know from common relatives that there he is spreading nonsense abt me and my parents and also threatening for divorce.

 After this I sent a letter to my FIL explaining how his son has mentally tortured me in these 5 yrs. My FIL is has no voice in his house. I sent tht letter so tht till my delivery these people will not disturb me. I received a reply from my FIL which is very formal, asking me to take care of myself and wishing me a safe delivery. From this letter it seems they are trying to make grounds for discussion and are scared that I may file a domestic violence case.
 
After I have moved with my parents my husband has not enquired about my health. He never called or visited me.
 
I want suggestions regarding the following:
1) Right now I am thinking of visiting any women´ s org. or legal counselor after delivery explaining the whole thing so that they can call my hubby and in-laws and discuss the course of action with them . I want everything in writing tht my hubby wont be torturing me for money and also he ll be taking care of me and my kid. If they agree for this then only I am going to return to my hubby.
Who can help me better in this regard- women´ s org. or legal counselor? Can I get all these in writing?
 
2) If things do not fall in place can I file a domestic violence against my husband for abusing me for money, stopping me from becoming a mother, theatening me of dire consequences when I was visiting my parents, mentally torturing when I was pregnant?

Thanks


 35 Replies

santhosh (member)     03 December 2009

i read ur complaint, 1st before going to the court try to settle the matter by the mediation of your relatives. as you stated that you had a kid, think about the futhur of the kid . it wants both mother and father, indian sociaty is like that, if you file a case under d.v. act you will get remady by monitory benifit, subsiquently ur hubby will fil a divrose petotion  and he may remarry another woman and after years if he goes with a child and a lady in front of you &the ur child the mental tribulation of your child  r you able to calculate?

as oppinion you are having every right to file a complanint ubser d.v.act before doing thing 2wise.

 

santhosh, advocate,gudalur


(Guest)

Shushma Sharma ji,

I suggest you better to contact a well experienced legal expert in this regard. I also suggest not to go any women organisation. Your husband requires counceling.  Making a complaint agaisnt your husband will become worse. Try to take lady police official's assistance for family councling and try to give them a severe warning through police department. To stop your MIL harrasment you must be dynamic. Good luck.

Sushma Sharma (NA)     03 December 2009

Hi,

Thnx u all for ur advice.

I also want to give a last chance to my husband for the sake of my kid. Just want a confirmation whom to contact for family counceling -> any legal expert (i.e.lawyer) or lady police official?  If lawyer then should it be a family lawyer?

 

santhosh (member)     03 December 2009

better ur relatives,near by family counsilours, (not police persons or lawyers). the trusted frinds of ur hubbby  to find a solution inside the family. i think it  is good for ypur life & child. remeber a  woard of >G; tagore> pabules may come and go i am here. It is a family, pots, and vessals   create trobles, outherwise it it is not life. dont think what happened? it is past , think future .

santhosh, advocate, gudalur

Hardik Mehta (Family Counsellor)     04 December 2009

Sushma,

Forget everything currently and concentrate on the well being of the kid. S/he needs much more care and attention since s/he is small. Your mental stress can also stress your kid, which in turn affect the growth of the child. Let another 6-8 months pass and when your child starts crawling, then you can think of the same. Till that time you can ask for the money from your husband for kids nursery and medical needs. Just be tension free and concentrate on your kid.

 

Sushma Sharma (NA)     04 December 2009

Hi,

Thanks for ur advice.

I am still pregnant and due in Feb next year.I am planning to stay with my parents till the kid is 5-6 months old. till now my husband has not enquired about my health. I am also not sure even if I call him at the time of delivery he will come or not. In that situation how can I ask him to give money for the kid.

Even if he comes at the time of delivery, before I go back to stay with him I need to talk to marriage/family counceler so that the issues can be discussed before that. Else once I go back he will start behaving the same way as he is behaving now. Merely discussing things with him doesnt work. This time he needs a real gud scolding from councelor/ lady police so that he gets the idea tht he is geting last chance and wont dare to repeat torturing me in future.


(Guest)

Shushma Sharma ji,

Things will change once you delivered. Your husband definetly change his style of thinking. You contact a family counellor who is expert in giving positive advices avoiding complaint, filing a suit in the court etc. Councelling will help you both to decide the future.  A positive way of thinking will help you. Good Luck.

Sushma Sharma (NA)     20 November 2010

Hi,

I am updating my status now..

During my pregnancy phase my husband dint bother to contact me even once , nor checked abt my delivery date. I delivered a baby girl this Feb and I gave him the news regarding the same. he came to visit the baby after 1 day..Two days after the birth of the baby he went to US for 4 months. he sent me a SMS regarding the same.From there he started sending mails that I will try to be a gud father and ll take care of the baby. When he came back he visited the baby once. I asked him to call his parents so that we all can have a discussion but he dint ask his parents to come here.After tht he has not called even once to check abt the baby.His parents also came here in Oct but they dint bother to come and visit the baby.
Now the baby is 9 months old.I need advice regarding the below the below queries:


1.As I dont think there is any future with my husband as he has not shown any interest in the baby, how would I go for divorce ?

2. Can I ask for one-time settlement for the maintenance of the baby?( I have started working from last 2 months)

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     20 November 2010

i dont understand why people rush into having children when their marriages are so unstable?

later,they and ther child suffer the most.

children are the gift of god,but they are not the avtaar/form of god who will magically make the marriage happy.

but this is an old indian thinking...cant help it.

file DV case...and pray that ur husband comes thru summons...because courts are not efficient enuf to call men from abroad.

1 Like

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     20 November 2010

Sushma,

See if you two can go to an experienced marriage councelor . Normally men remain reluctant to consult a councelor--but this I am talking on the general trend. If your husband is interested in saving this marriage he will show his willingness to consult a psychologist cum marriage councelor. If it does not work out, and if you wish to, you can contact Jagori--a woman's organisaiton in Delhi( if you are based in Delhi). They would advise you the best possible course to take, including mediation and legal options.

There is nothing wrong for a woman to contact a woman's organisation. The organisation  will put you through to some very woman sensitive legal adviser and you will remain assured that your money will not go down the drain. Where are you based, from your brief I do not have any idea, otherwise I can suggest names of some other organisation/s.

Do not waste your precious years and drain your energies if your husband continue to be insensitive to you and your child.

1 Like

Sushma Sharma (NA)     20 November 2010

Hi Renuka,

Thanks so much for ur valuable advice.

I am based at Bangalore. Can I contact NCW(National commission of Women cell) or women's organization like SAHAI in Bamgalore.

I need legal advice as I do not think any counceller can save the marriage.

Please let me know.

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     20 November 2010

Please Contact  Lawyers'  Collective, Banglore Branch. Let me know if you need the contact number. 

Best

Vishwa (translator)     20 November 2010

Since you have a good job and are earning well (I am sure you are entitled to maternity leave) why don't you simply walk away and file for divorce? You can even think of getting married again. Instead, you wish to file a DV case. Most men here can understand that your motive is simply to harass your husband, make his life miserable and take revenge. It is women like you cringing around for paltry maintenance amounts that bring shame to all longsuffering women. I can tell you one thing, if you drag your huband to court, he will simply dump you, fight your case and there is no going back. I am seeing all these do-gooders here sympathising with you just because you are pregnant but noone here has heard your husband's side, how YOU have failed. I think you are having it good on all counts.

Vishwa

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     20 November 2010

Sushma, to remain in this forum, a woman needs to be very very thick skinned. You should take any sort of abuse direct or indirect, subtle or gross in stride. You will come across some real good advice by and by. So choose whatever is in your best interest and leave out the rest. 

To remain mentally balanced, do not make it a point to reply to each one of the postings by various authors. Silence here is the best part of valor.  

It's always one sided story be it from a man or a woman, because both husband and wife never post together their respective stories.

So if you think you are true, be guided by that little voice of your conscience. If you feel it is a genuine domestic violence case, you must make use of the law. You are not a person to be thrown off like you are scum of the earth! From your tone of the brief, I do not think you are trying to gather sympathies here. So if some bricks are thrown at you, just do not receive them. Contact lawyers collective, and move ahead according to their advice. You are in Banglore, so you can meet them personally and they can handle your case, be it domestic violence or divorce. 

Take care, your baby needs you to be strong and calm amidst the tempests of life. 

1 Like

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