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(Guest)

Consultation needed for divorce decision

 

 

Hi, I am 28 yrs old girl from Mumbai and my husband is 31 yrs old. We both work in MNC and we got arrange marriage in May 2010.

After that we spent arround 5 months together and then we lived apart because my husband was out of country for work. We met almost after 1 year when I joined my husband abroad and lived together for 2 and half months.

So in total duration of arround 7 months, my husband was not able to make even once a successful physical relation with me. Initially during first 5 months he used to tell me that it takes some time and practive for newly married couple to do successful intercourse and I belived him.

But this thing created insecured feelings and being cheated feelings in me. I used to take out my frustration by arguing on some other things with him.

2 months after my marriage I told about his disability to my parents and they asked my father in law. Then suggested my husband to consult a doctor and my husband told us that he went to doctor and doctor laughed at him that why u came to me in just two months. His mom told my mom that some ppl take time for it. Its not that smooth for every couple. So we kept some patience. From initial days all his family used to blame me a lot that I do not behave good and I fight a lot and thats why our son is not able to establish physical relations.

After that we were separated because of work and we again met each other after 11 months in Sept 2011. We lived together for 2 and half months and still he could not do intercourse. He attempted 3-4 times but he was failed. Then he started avoiding me and keepng me away from him. He was even avoiding my simple touch and he forcefully send me back to India to my parents house. My In laws called my dad and asked him to take all my belongings from their house.

Meanwhile I went to famous s*xologist from Mumbai and told him all his symptoms and doctor told me that he should undergo medical consultaion and /or tratment based on severity level. But he should come to me once.

I told my husband as well as in laws about my visit to doctor and they gave very caml reaction and just saying ok lets see..we will think etc. Not giving any firm assurance about coming to doctor.

My husband is supposed to come back to India next month but niether he or his parents have kept any contact/communication with me.

1. I am not sure what should I do in this case?

2. Is there any law to force him to go to doctor?

3. Can I file a cheating case against him if he denies to go to doctor ever?

4. If I file divorce case against him, can I ask for any compensation since I am also earning.

Please advice.


Learning

 11 Replies

raj malhotra (M.D)     01 December 2011

heloo namita...

u r standing on the verge of making/breaking ur marriage...first of all be calm...and i would like to tell u that s*x is 90%psychological process and 10%pysical process...i can understand tht u r right now frustrated and feeling cheated and in dillema...its normal...so first try to relax urself and calm down so that u can take proper decision...now wht shuld u do??

see s*x is based on ur bonding so think tht how was the start of ur marriage..if there were any quarrels or misunderstandings???may be these things have given any sort of mental block to ur husband...so he is unable to perform intercourrse....talk to ur husband abt this..keep ur and husbands family away from this matter for a time...try to solve it on ur own...talk to ur husband...may be he is having some psychological or may be some physical problem...

so to rule out psychological problem try to build trust and confidence in him abt urself...talk to him wht he feels abt u and marriage...meet some psychologist or marriage counsellor...

and if still feel that problem persists than u shuld tell ur husband to meet a s*xologis but u can do all this by taking him in to confidence....if its proved that he is impotent than u shuld think abt its medical or psychological treatment but everything depends upon both of u as a couple...


now regarding law i think u shuld use law as a last option bcs once u will step in to court ur marriage will break for sure which u will not want to do right now...u can file a divorce case on basis of impotency and seek compensation but i suggest u tht u both shuld try to find solution of ur problem urself and u will succeed in making physical relation...

 

and want to tell u tht divorce brings a lot of PAIN which u cant even imagine now...so dont try to run for it..give time and try best to solve this problem together...bcs u r in a very sensitive situation  right now...all the best.tc.

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     01 December 2011

@ raj malhotra : GOOD ADVISE

@ Namita : u should follow advise of raj malhotra

further, lastly - law is stated for u as : 

 

 

Hindu Marriage Act, 1955

 

12.       Void able marriages

(1)       Any marriage solemnized, whether before of after the commencement of this Act, shall be voidable and maybe annulled by a decree of nullity on any of the following grounds, namely.-

1[(a)     that the marriage has not been consummated owing to the impotence of the respondent ; or]

(b)       that the  marriage is in contravention of the condition specified in clause (ii) of section 5;or

(b)               that the consent of the petitioner, or where the consent of he guardian in  marriage of the petitioner 2[was required under section 5 it stood immediately before the commencement of the Child Marriage Restraint (Amendment) Act, 1978(2 of 1978)], the consent of such guardian was obtained by force 3[or by fraud as to the nature of the ceremony or as to any material fact or  circumstance concerning the respondent ] ;or

(d)       that the respondent was at the time of the marriage pregnant by  some person other than the petitioner.

 

https://punjabrevenue.nic.in/hmrgact(1).htm#Voidmarriage


(Guest)

PROPER ADVICE BY RAJ..

TRY ONCE MORE.KEEP DIVORCE AS LAST OPTION.GIVE HIM MENTAL SUPPORT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS..


(Guest)

Thanks Malhotra sir for reply.

I agree that this problem should be solved my me and my husband keeping our families away. I had tried this step, I have already talked to my husband very calmly and politely. I even gave him assurance that I am in No hurry and I will co operate you fully and I will not tell this thing to either parents, I will always be with you. That time my husband also appreciated my understanding and patience and he promised me that he will come with me to Doctor/counselor. But within 24 hrs of my return to India, he changed all his colors. He did not even contact me for 15 days, when I reminded about his promise to go to counselor, he said I am not answerable to you and talked to me very rudely.

So I am not sure if he will agree to come to counselor/doctor. I am ready to wait for 1-2 years also but wht if he keeps on saying No to go to counselor? What if he dosent call me at his home once he is back to India? right now I am forceffullty sent to my parents house. All these questions are distressing me :(

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     02 December 2011

Hi Namita,

 

Let him come back and if things don't imporve, ask for nullity of marriage.

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

raj malhotra (M.D)     02 December 2011

sister calm down...may be ur husband is also depressed and confused like u ...u both r sailing in same boat and u both have to find solution to it...rest everyone can only advice...try to show to ur husband tht whtevr he is feeling ...u will help him to get out of it...ok .tc.


(Guest)

how u have contributed in overcoming his psychological needs? is it a one way show?

 you only want s*x in your marriage?

 

you felt cheated and want divorce and his money!!!!!

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     05 December 2011

Debasis,

 

Please read the complete mail before commenting.

 

Don't level insinuations, don't look at the world from the eyes of what you have gone through.

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

rajiv_lodha (zz)     05 December 2011

Sure,

S*x is very importent (if not everything) in a married life. Just to add:

Although the lady has not elaborated, wats the exact problem in performing the act, but most of the times, biggest cause of impotency is PSYCHOLOGICAL, hence curable. Event stand alone erectile dysfunction is easily taken care of by little blue pill. There may be other medical causes too, only the qualified doc can tell.

Now, u said that u have been very very supportive to him 2 overcome his psychological barrier. He badly needs a qualified professionals help. If he is repeatedly avioding going to seek help+ his family is also not taking it seriously, U SET-UP A TIME LIMIT & THEN ACT. No point wasting ur youth beyond a certain point.

Go for MCD (if ur genuine demands are met). its shortest & least painful path

Or contest for nullity of marriage!


(Guest)

 

Debasis,

Please read the complete mail before commenting.

Don't level insinuations, don't look at the world from the eyes of what you have gone through.

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com



right sir.agreed .

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     06 December 2011

Thanks for being so agreeable.

 

 

Regards,
 
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

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