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newgen (IT Associate)     22 May 2012

After marriage issue

Hi all,

I got married by this Mar 2012,i spend the entire amount (Rs.5,50,000) to my marriage . i never expect any of dowry or any things while the time of my marriage from my wife  family  , now also i am in the same mind.
but now my wife and her family are expecting the some gold chain or ornaments  from mine for her(my wife) .
while you reading this , definitely u will laugh. & some other expectations from my wife family are as follows.

* she expecting to spend some maintenance amount to her family from mine.
* she wants to go her home for each and  every month.(nearly 370 km's from our current residential to her home town)
* each and every day we got the type of harsh conversations due this expectations.

Reason why i am not interested with her family .
-----------------------------------------------
* i am not interested with her family due to her sister is getting connection with the guy who is already married ,
   & her sister have the 4Yrs child from that already married guy.Now my wife expecting
   some maintenance amount to her sister child .
* Before marriage i clearly explained my view about her family ( (i.e) i am not willing to spend money to your's sister & all)
* After marriage now my wife expecting some maintenance amount to her family on the monthly basis.

 

My assumptions:
---------------
   * I am very frustrated with this silly expectations ( like  Gold chain , maintenance amount ) from the very first month.
   * I decided to apply for a divorce due to these expectations , bcoz after 5 or 10 years i am not able to predict
       what are they (my wife & her family) expectations.
   * I am not sure whether divorce will do the favour for me.
   * she is not willing to work .this is not a problem for me.
  

 

Any of one pls guide me what i need to do for this type of issues & complications ...

Thannks in advance,



Learning

 5 Replies

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     22 May 2012

Talk to your wife and tell her what you think and why you think so.. Tell her that you will get her gold ornaments when it will be possible for you in near future as of now  you have spent a lot of money in marriage and the money is needed for some other things which will be needed to give priority.  Both of you need to understand each other as the marriage is a new one. Talk with her properly and sort out the matter through mutual discussions. Take the help of elders in family if needed. Its too hasty to think of divorce at this early stage.  

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     22 May 2012

1. Too early to think for divorce.
OR

2. If one can spend 5.5 L on marriage then that builds “expectations” in other party which is humane nature. Hence reserve per month honorarium to wife to manage whom she want the p.m. money to spent on. This p.m. money is like olden days concept of pin money and is basically being suggested as advise to give to her for two reasons; one she may understand marital family budgetary issues newly wed faces and two in some future eventuality / necessasity arise to visit a Court you have already created evidence of not neglecting a wife and is suggested (second one) as expectation from Court on maint. in case divorce is filed after 1 year (currently law bars you to file for divorce as marriage is only 2 months old.)
OR

3. Politely arrange for a family crisis handling cell by inviting both sides elder and present before un-biased way / normal way newly married couples blues and let them come with practical solution which both parties (you and your wife) follows.


Limited advise. Others may have their opinion to your query.

1 Like

Kumar (Family CEO)     22 May 2012

@ Newgen

Empty mind is a devils workshop. Get her involved in sports, hobbyy, education, social work or some other work other than farting at home. You state that she is not willing to work. "Work" need not be going to an office 9-5 and getting a pay check. Work can also be engaging oneself with a cause in mind and no monetary benefits.

Marriage is 2 months new. You have no responsibility to support your wifes family, their dog and farm cattles. 

Read #2 of tajobsindias response above - carefully. Did you understand the crux  ? By creating a trail that you are paying her x amount each month, you are creating the basis of supporting your wife, which you are duty bound. This trail may protect you, should there be a litigation.

 

Next, stop showing off your money ( to your 2 month new wife ) .If you have the kind of money to spend, then stop complaining. If you dont have the money and for whatever reason, was compelled to conduct an extravagant wedding, then be honest and transparent about your financial situation. Your in-laws probably think you are loaded and have deep pockets. 

If I were an Indian advocate, I would seduce you into my office and let the legal drama begin ( in the name of "settling" matters). If you can spend 5.5 lakhs for wedding, I can milk a couple of lakh from you and change all the AC in my home. Its probably summer in India and good AC will benefit the lawyers wife and children.

Wake Up or Get Screwed. 

seema (advocate)     31 May 2012

some how i agree with all see its to early to think fot divorce you spend some quality time with your wife talk to her tell what you think about her or her family if nedded take help from elders from both sided or some common friend or relative

give some time to her to get adjust

pradeep (na)     31 May 2012

Have you not given for your wife for wedding. If you have spent Rs. 5.5 lakhs without gifting anything for your would be wife, then it's waste. 

Tell her that you took lot of personal loans from your friends and colligues for marriage expenditure so tha to make it memorable for both of us, and now you have to repay them. Or the best thing would be to invest  a good part of your income some where like insurance or regular bonds where it gets deducted directly from your salary, then discuss seriously with your wife how to run the monthly expenditure. Remember, you are responsible to mentain your wife with satisfactory standard BUT NOT YOUR IN-LAWS. 

How was the expenditure of your In-Laws family were met before marriage?


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