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Rakesh Mehata (sw engg)     12 February 2012

Abusive wife, inlaws torturing me to my limits;need help!

Hi Experts,

I am a techie from Hyderabad, hailing from a background of teacher parents, and a good academic career. I got married in late 2010, my wife is also working in a IT MNC and earning a very decent salary.

My married life has been like a over stretched nightmare right from the very first month. She is extremely short tempered, foul mouthed and incredibly rigid. The only grievance she has is the fact that she feels I donot spend enough time with her. With that, in order to humiliate me in front of my family, she always brings up the case of 2 girls I had romantic involvement with , long before marriage.

  • I have never ever cheated on my wife after marriage. She can never prove otherwise. Infact, I never had physical relationship before my marriage at all.
  • Me or my family have not demanded any dowry, or any kind of cash during marriage. However, she had brought some gold jewellery for her, and for me during marriage as tradition - again , we never demanded it.
  • I have never physically assaulted her, or forced her for anything. I have not demanded money from her salary to manage home.
  • I do most of the cooking at home, drop her at office; spent close to 1lac in first year of marriage on 2 trips to make her happy.
  • We never had any problems in our s*x life, so long as differences were managable, then it ceased to exist altogether.(for the past 2 months)

 

On the other hand she:

  • Abuses me for any little things she finds annoying.
  • She has called me a lot of things, told me "Fuck You" , "Eunuch"
  • She has physically assaulted me at numerous occasions - bitting, hitting, scratching and kicking - and I have bled some times.
  • She and her family members talk in extreme and pedestrian abusive language regarding me and my family behind my back.
  • Acts crazy when she is angry, throws household items , pretends to cut her wrist . One time after a huge fight she sat on the bed, took a big magazine, tore the pages one by one to bits and threw them all around the bedroom and then went to sleep.

 

Things I have:

  • Recording of the foul language that she and her family members were using in a conversation , I was not present.
     In this clearly audible recording, they call my father a Old Lizard (in native language), my mother a Skinny Whore, my sister an A** F*** and a lot of other derogatory things. They also talk about a ploy of gaining my trust now by hook and crook and then "step on the heads of my father and mother"
  • Photograph of the scratch marks I had from her assault.

 

I am deeply hurt and angered. I do not want to continue this relation. There are a couple of things that are crossing my mind :

  • Can I file a FIR on grounds of Verbal Abuse (IPC 504), with the recordings as evidence. Soon I will have a recording with me in the discussion, where I may expect some face to face abuse as well.
  • Can I go public with this recording and show her real face to the masses ? Whats the legal implication with that ?
  • Can these evidences be used to protect me from a 498A - if at all it happens anytime in the future ? Soon I will have a recording where my wife and her parents are going to admit that there is no kind of dowry demand or physical abuse from our side ?

 

I know , this post has been extremely long. But I hope you understand the kind of anguish me and my parents are going thru at this juncture that made me write all this. My parents are very old, I am their only son, and it breaks my heart to see them suffering like this.

Please help me.

thanks

Rakesh



Learning

 32 Replies

Adv.R.P.Chugh (Advocate/Legal Consultant (rpchughadvocatesupremecourt@hotmail.com))     12 February 2012

Dear Mr.Rakesh,

Regret that you too, like millions others, have been made to live under perpetual fear of 498a at the hands of your unscruplous wife and her parents. 

On the legal side of things - this is what you can do :-

1) Try and conserve as much evidence as you can to show her tortorous conduct. 

2) Hire a good lawyer - Intimate the authorities of your apprehensions. 

3) Attack is the best offence - on the basis if you want to live with her or not - file a divorce or an RCR as the case may be. 

 

Feel free to seek any clarifications.

 

Best of Luck !

 

Bharat

Advocate (Delhi)

Convenor : Lawyers for Social Justice

Tel : 9810553252 (only 6 to 9 PM) 

Rakesh Mehata (sw engg)     12 February 2012

Thanks a lot Mr.Bharat for your inputs.

My question:

1. Can the recordings of my wife and inlaws (where I am not present) talking abusive language and conspiring against my family be cited as a good evidence to get a divorce ?

thanks

Siva

V R SHROFF (Sr. ADVOCATE Bombay High Court Mob: 9892432152)     12 February 2012

ASK IN EXPERT SITE, AS  SSCUSSED WITH ME TO GET WIDE OPINIONS OF MANY EXPERS. T

salma Kamdar (housewife)     13 February 2012

Hi ,

First of all i would like to ask you , was it a love marriage or arrange marriage ?  Werent you aware of the fact that she was short tempered before marriage .  and what was the reason of her having grievance . didnt you give her time or she just said things out of the blue . When you say that your wife works in mnc and draws decent salary she must not be mad to speak just out of the blue that you dont give her time . And no oman in her right senses would sit n complain . she must be feeling so , that is the reason she complained .  And if you do do cooking at home , that is certainly not a big deal . in a house , the burden to do hhouse work does not go on the woman . And if you say that she messses the house , who cleans the house . when you have taken pictures of scratches , y din u take pictures of her messing the house . And what recording you talking of . where you are not there . 

did you arrange for a game plan that they are abusing you and how are you saying that you are going to get another recording . what planning you doing . Remember just one sided recording has no value . Situations before and after are taken into consideration . And yes , no husband will take a wife beating him . i dont believe you . and the way you say your wife seem to work in a respectable place . Before putting allegations please revise your knowledge . No women loves to break her house . Specially with the type of husband like you claim who cooks food and even take her beating. dont fool people aroud.

Rakesh Mehata (sw engg)     14 February 2012

Hi Salma

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate your point of view. However, my purpose of posting this in the forum was not to garner sympathy , neither to prove me right or my wife to be wrong.

The problem I am facing is real and imminent. I am here to seek professional help from experts, hence I moved this discussion to the Experts area on this forum. Anyways the right and wrong will be decided on a verdict in a court some day, certainly not on a forum like this.

 

thanks


(Guest)

@salma, are you a feminazi or what ? Women have become home wreckers after 498a/DV etc, so stop ur infatuation

Lakhs of husbands are being abused untolerably but they are having a tough time to come out become of society pressures.

1 Like

(Guest)

@rakesh

-Not only recording make sure you start collecting copies of your wife's education certificates, salary slips, make a dummy address of your friend as ur address(backup plan) and create photo-id's etc. Incase ur paying anthing to ur wife, give her through checks etc.  Always try to gather as much evidence as possible with receipts etc etc. You need to start thinking really hard as Indian society is totally against men and men have to prove everything.

Women have become demons of 21st century

 

Rakesh Mehata (sw engg)     14 February 2012

Thanks a lot Kumar. Could you please explain what we can achieve by having the dummy address ? Also, what do you mean by creating photo ids ? Do you mean photo ids with fake address ?


Where can I use that ?

thanks

Rakesh


(Guest)

Assumption is that your living with your parents.

You need 2nd address or else your parents will be pulled into the criminal cases by the wife. The 2nd will serve to separate you and your parents. Photo Id means ration card, pan card/voter card at the new address as u will have to prove that ur staying at the 2nd address incase necessary.

 

salma Kamdar (housewife)     16 February 2012

If you think you so damn correct y u doing publicity and wating your time , go directly to the court . god is with the right , then no matter whatever sort of expert advise u take .

DEFENSE ADVOCATE.-firmaction@g (POWER OF DEFENSE IS IMMENSE )     16 February 2012

such recordings does not help since there must be your response also.

1 Like

salma Kamdar (housewife)     16 February 2012

What , husband being abused, I am a real victim of  domestic violence and full cruelty metted out by my husband in addition of dowry taken by him which he does not want to returrn . and cruelty has gone upto that level that i have just returned from hospital where i had admitted our 1.5 year old son as he was showing no movement . Inspite of informing since 8 days about our son being unwell , my husband did not reply back  .In these 8 days i called him nearly 500 times and messaged him more than 100 stating about our son s health that he is unwell . But no reply . i needed help from him to get prescripttion from our sons doctor in Dubai as i was in India , still no reply . Finally before admitting our son i messaged , still no response . Then my brother had to email him one photo in hospital of our son , still no reply . the reply that i received was that my mother in law telling my dad , that ask your daughter not to call or message my son , if you people have any work , speak to me , as i have been given authority by my husband to decide for my and my husbands son . But still father has no reply .Who is the one who suffered . Me or as per you poor men . And you know what , recordings , my husband is having of our fights . although day to day fights but he feels he is a bichara. tell is he a bichara after ill treating me , ignoring me , taking money from me , or am i a bichari . And , despite these being the true state of affairs he has filed for restitution of conjugnal rights 3 months back . I have told my husband that i will file DV and 498(A) . not one but many times . But i have still not filed for it . Because i love him . i know i can file for DV , and 498A , but preassumed mentality of people that women who do such things are risky to live with . Tell me what should i do  ..........   If i do this then experts like you say , women are taking advantage . But no women unless she is in some other relation would like to be a home breaker .

Aftab4u (PVT EMPLOYEE)     16 February 2012

Salma Ji, sorry to hear ur life story and ur one in a million coz u have not filed any cases against ur husband as u said u love ur husband. How many women behave like you not my words just take the statistical figures from the courts how many women are just playing with the life of mens countless. and madam pls dont judge all mens basing on ur husband mentality there are black sheeps in all the genders.

salma Kamdar (housewife)     16 February 2012

i have not filed till now . Its been 4 months . but now i think i should atleast answer to all allegations my husband has put on me in our panchayat on my character and spread rumours about my name and stand for what is right . Lets see how many people support what is right . the only thing i fear is that my extended family of inlaws that is my phuphi saas and chacha sasur and all are good people . no harm should be caused to their name because of me standing for what is right . But i am just thinking . I dont know whether i will be able to stand aginst him and see v/s between our names. 


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